Step Aside Mama

Monday, July 14, 2014
This mama had a serious reality check this weekend, and I'm just going to jump right in and tell you why. I need "Leilani" time. I need time to myself that doesn't include Ava bug or Justin. I feel so guilty even writing this, but I have come to the realization that wanting time to yourself is not a bad thing. Everyone needs a few hours every once in a while to do something they enjoy. That doesn't make me a bad mother, and it doesn't make me a bad wife. I can't believe it took fourteen months for me to come to this conclusion. Justin has been telling me for months that I need to just get up and go do something for myself. Go pamper myself, hang out with friends, or go to a concert, he'd say. Justin has always been so supportive of me just spending a little time away from Ava when I need to, I just haven't taken him up on the offer.

Because of everything it took to conceive her, I've always told myself not to take Ava for granted. That's why I try so hard to be "super mom" and I try so hard to be everything she needs, and more. I want her to know that she's loved, and I want to nurture her as much as possible. I now know that in order for her to grow, sometimes mommy doesn't need to be involved. This weekend Ava bug decided she was going to be the ultimate daddy's girl. It actually hurt my feelings just a little, and I cried about it. She loves Justin and I both, but truth is, when she's upset, she runs to mama. When she want's to "num" she runs to mama, and for the first time in her life, she didn't do that.

She was perfectly content with holding daddy's hands, having daddy hold her, and having daddy feed her. I felt unneeded for a brief moment, and as I sat and watched my two babies interact, it dawned on me. This would be a good time to go read a book. This would be a good time to go catch up with friends. This would be a good time to shop, take a long bath, or just basically do whatever I wanted. There hasn't been a single day in Ava's life that I have been away from her for more than an hour, and I think I am finally at the point where I'm okay with rectifying that.

This weekend Ava's grandparents (all three of them) are watching her so Justin and I can have our first date since before the baby. If you tack on deployment, Justin and I haven't had a date night with just each other in over 21 months. That's crazy to even think about. We've adjusted to parenthood and although we love having our night outs with Ava, it's going to be interesting to see how things go with going on a date with just us two. I won't lie, I've got the butterflies guys. It's a very big deal for us, and I feel really good about our decision. Now that i've got that off my chest, how many mama's have gone through this very thing? When did you first let your little one's be watched by family? I'd love to hear from you in the comments below or by email!

Here's a photo from our session with Jessica Oda Photography. Jessica is building her skill set and portfolio, and we were more than happy to assist. Check back on the blog this week for a full review on Jessica, and some of the other photos she took. 

Happy Monday all!

♥- Leilani

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