Newly Wed Couples

Friday, February 6, 2015
I just went through my blog email for the first time in almost two weeks and I was surprisingly shocked with the amount of emails I received. It was a tad bit more than normal, but I got through them all today and there is one I'd like to share. One of my reader's named Michelle asked what advice I would give to a newly wed couple that was thinking about conceiving. Before even attempting to write this blog, I attempted to write her back with as much sensitivity and rationalization as possible. Everyone has their own opinion on this subject, but I'd really like to share mine and hopefully shed some additional light for Michelle and my other readers. If I could give a newly wed couple one piece of advice when it comes to conceiving, I would tell them to wait, and here's why. Justin and I lost a baby during our second month of marriage, and while the experience will always leave us heartbroken, I'm not sure we would be the same STRONG couple if we were parents before we really built a marital foundation.

I thank God everyday for giving me such a strong lover, provider, and friend in my husband. All of these things came to be in our first couple years of marriage prior to conceiving Ava. In fact, the reason why we tried for another baby was because I had no hesitation in my heart, mind, or soul that this man would be the person I continued to build my life with. During those two childless years, Justin and I were able to experience each other in so many different ways. We found mutual hobbies, individual ones, and we tried new things together. We had time to stay up late, sleep in late, or wake up extremely early. We planned vacations without limitation (just kidding, within the Army's limitations), we were able to go to adult get togethers, and paint the town anytime we wanted. More importantly, we got to get angry together, sad together, and find different ways to express our love. We got to relish in our alone time together, fall in love repetitively together (still do this... a lot), and make up after small little disagreements. I think the most important thing of all would be learning how to communicate with your spouse more effectively. I can't tell you how many arguments I had in my first year of marriage that could have been prevented if I had just communicated effectively. Looking back, I'm glad we learned it early on, so we didn't introduce that negative energy into Ava's life. You don't know what type of married couple you are going to be when you are a newly wed. This applies to people who might have been together for years prior to marriage, or those who were only together for months.

Marriage is a LIFE changer. Just like having children. They are without a doubt one of the biggest if not the biggest LIFE changer. Giving yourself time to adjust to one person can already be challenging, but adding a baby to the mix before building a strong marital foundation can really shake some things up. I know life throws us curveballs and you may very well be the pregnant newlywed.. I know, because that was me. But, if you are completely in control on whether or not to try for a baby, my opinion is truly to wait. Love your husband with all your might. Love your wife with all your might. Live together. Work out all the "first year kinks" together. Let things be easy before they get hard. Babies are amazing, but our lives are completely shifted with their arrivals. That newly wed phase is one we can never get back. Own it. Rock it. Embrace it!

2011 - Flashback of our childless days

Happy Friday all!

♥- Leilani

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