Olivia Rose

Tuesday, October 20, 2015
Even with the constant chaos that is our life, I get lost in my thoughts at times when I think of you. I am curious about what your little face will look like. Will you resemble your sister? Will daddy's gene's play a stronger role in your make up? Or will mine? Will you arrive on your due date? Or will you take your time coming earth side? So many wonderful questions fill my mind and it makes the anticipation so much harder when I know they are just three short months away from having answers. Our time together lately has been so precious for me. You kick so unexpectedly these days. I thought for sure you'd strictly be a night owl like your big sister, but I stand corrected. Sometimes you kick me with the morning light, other times you kick me in the wake of the afternoon. It's always a sweet surprise for me to feel you moving in there. Your kicks seems to grow stronger by the day and the reassurance of your growth brings me so much comfort. It brings me so much happiness.

You know, when we changed your name so suddenly, I didn't expect for that change to be so right so fast. You were always an Olivia, even if it took us time to realize it. Aren't you glad we did though? I feel you move and kick harder when I say, "I love you Olivia." And every movement of yours is reassurance that we made the right decision. I looked up so many different meanings of your name all around the world. My favorite would have to be derived from the Latin term. Olive: Symbol of peace. Your middle name, Rose, actually comes from your late great-grandmother, Damaris Rose.
What I didn't realize is that Rose, an obvious flower, also reminds me of my name. Leilani means heavenly flower. So there's another unknown connection to your name and your family. I never did this with your big sister, but I also compiled a list of songs that include your name in it. It was actually really fun to do, and I'm thinking of burning a cd with it, just for giggles once you are older.

Since you are able to hear the voices all around you, I hope you hear the many whispers of those who rub my belly and tell you how crazy they are about you. We are all crazy about you. Sometimes I catch myself saying, "I've never known a love like this." and you know what? It's true. With your sister, I worried about everything. I doubted my body, I felt like I didn't deserve the beautiful gift of having a child. I loved her so much, and everything I did was both out of fear of the unknown, and the unwavering love I had for Ava. With you, my love is different. My love is calm, it is knowing. I don't worry, I live life, and I am carrying you along for the journey. I loved both my girls quite differently in pregnancy, and it has been miraculous to see. They say every child is different, and I never expected that difference to show up right from the start.

You are a tender reminder that in sacrifices made, there are beautiful outcomes. You are a reminder of the amazing things my body is capable of doing. You are also a reminder of the love that I share with your daddy. You and your sister both are living proof of the love your father and I have created outside of ourselves. I look at my life at 24 years old, and all I can feel is proud. There are so many other routes life could have taken me on, but I am so glad my journey led me to you. I am 27 weeks pregnant with you today sweet baby. Only 13 more weeks until you are expected to arrive and join those that love you.

I love you,


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