One Year Ago

Tuesday, May 10, 2016
I found out I was pregnant with Olivia last year on Mother's day. It was without a doubt one of the best days of my life. Olivia took a second round of fertility assistance to conceive and if i knew then what I know now, I would still have endured a failed first cycle if it meant that this little girl would always end up being apart of our family. She truly is a gem and I know our family wouldn't be complete without her. Being my second child, I didn't think I had a "whole lot" to learn about parenting. I had successfully gone through two years with her older sister, I mean what could be different? Silly naive thinking, right? Yes. Everything about Olivia, her conception, and her personality are different from Ava. Conceiving her took more time, but my pregnancy with her was incredibly easy. She was so healthy, never had any concerns about her in utero. She was perfect and it gave me room to breath and relax. 

Once Olivia arrived, we experienced things we never experienced (crying... twenty whole minutes of it) before. Even though those days have been gone for a long while now (thank you Jesus), I learned so much about myself from those first few weeks with Baby O. I learned that though they may be our children, they will NEVER fit in the same box as the other. While I know I knew this, I don't think I really thought about it. Infants are included in this. I beat myself up for almost eight weeks because I felt like a failure. I felt like I had failed our daughter because I couldn't console her. I even questioned whether we should expand our family (those thoughts are long gone too). There were nights where both of us were crying. Justin was flustered, Ava was confused. Our whole world was shifted and trying to find balance with our new baby. 

I wouldn't change ANY of that for the world. Aside from patience, understanding, and humility... I learned so much more about Olivia in the process. She is a very in due time type of baby. Everything that has occurred in her short three months of life have been on her time. I stopped looking at the timeline of milestones about three weeks ago. I'm following my daughter and her growth pattern. Something I never did with Ava. I was so meticulous and had to make sure she was on track in every way possible and it drove me completely mad. I was far more stressed, I worried more, and turns out, Ava is perfect and thriving. This time around, I want to be less stressed and more relaxed. Olivia gave that to me. She was a huge wake up call for our family. 

A year ago today, I found out I was going to be a mother of two. Boy, was that a good day. 

♥- Leilani

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