Babies don't keep

Thursday, November 3, 2016
Olivia fell off  the bed this morning. Writing that is like a punch in the gut. While laying next to the person that is suppose to keep her most safe in the world, somehow, she fell of of the bed. I woke to soft cries and as I took .5 seconds to wipe the sleep from my eyes, I realized Olivia was not in the bed. Panic mode was in full effect and I immediately found her on the floor. I hate these moments in parenthood. They are not for the weak. I ran to her, I scooped her up, and immediately started to comfort her. I have no idea what happened.. none. Justin and Ava ran into the room shortly after. I could feel the concern in Justin's voice and the panicked look on the face of our oldest. And the tears came falling. I nursed my sweet girl to see if the comfort would ease her cries - it did. When she calmed, I inspected her from head to toe. 

I checked for bumps, I checked all of her limbs, and then immediately decided we were going to take our youngest babe into the ER for further evaluation. There are many things I am adamant about in this life - at the top of my list is the well being of my babies. It could be something as simple as a bump. Something as simple as a sratch. If I feel like medical attention is neccessary, I will always make sure my kiddos receive it. There has never been harm in double or triple checking a situation that involves the health of your child. Justin called his boss almost immediately after and we were in the car minutes later. 

Olivia is completely fine. Thank god. Our ER trip took about an hour and she was evaluated by two different doctors and an RN. She was responsive, she hadn't vomitted, and her normal behavior didn't seem to chage after her fall. They deemed it unneccessary to perfom a CT or anything of that nature because she checked out OK. I was relieved. After filling out the usual paperwork, we were on our way. 

All day I have been watching my babe like a hawk. I have been internally beating myself up for this incident. I have been internally telling myself that I didn't deserve to have these beautiful babies if I couldn't even keep them safe from falling off the bed. I hate when I beat myself up like this. The truth is, it is a risk when you co-sleep. I know this. We had been laying on the bottom half of the bed because Ava came in during the middle of the night and she's not exactly the best bed sharer. Parents aren't perfect people. Having kids doesn't mean you all of a sudden know it all. 

I have to remind myself of this when I'm completely tearing myself apart. I've cried more today than I have in a good while. I was co-showering with Olivia tonight and after I finished washing her, I just held her. I kissed her sweet cheeks and I took in her smell. It was in those moments that I realized I don't have many more of these moments left with her. She's going to be 10 months old this month and here we are having gone through her first (and hopefulyl last) bed fall, her first ER trip, and my first scary moment with her. All in one day. Babies don't keep. Savor and relish in all that they are every moment that you can. 

Photo Cred: Thee Bonnie Hussey 

♥- Leilani

1 comment :

  1. <3 Oh, sweet momma. You are doing a fantastic job loving your babies. You got this!
    Hugs & kisses for little Olivia.