No longer a "Girl Mom"

Friday, November 17, 2017
Today, it hit me full force. For the last four years I have referred to myself as a "girl mom". First came Ava then her sister followed not too long after... I became so accustomed to being a "girl mom" and I absolutely loved it. We don't have a choice in the sex of our babies and with that in mind, I knew I'd embrace anything God gave us with open arms and an eager outlook. Now that I'm pregnant with our boy... I have felt so guilty. I have continued to reference myself as a "girl mom" but you know what? I get to be a mama to a little boy too. If I'm being totally honest with you guys... I've been nervous. Nervous of failing, nervous of entering new territory, and nervous because this pregnancy feels like the first one all over again. Boys are foreign to me (outside of my adult husband). I come from a family that primarily consists of women and I guess you could say that has always been a comfort zone for me. I know how to interact with girls, I know how to raise girls, and once Ava came along - I was not nervous when prepping for Olivia's arrival. This is a new start for me and rather than being nervous, I really just want to walk in just as confident as I did the first two times around.

Seeing my son at my last ultrasound made me emotional in a way I have yet to experience. For the first time, I watched that baby and I didn't think about his sisters, I didn't think about the fact that he's my first boy.. I just sat there in awe of him. I made that sweet little button nosed baby boy. This is a moment I've been waiting for, for quite some time now. Because of the contingencies in this pregnancy and all my fears, a part of me feels like I robbed myself of being able to connect and bond the way I normally would with our growing babies. Not anymore. I feel this sweet boy kick throughout the day and I talk to him, read to him, sing to him... and the girls have become so incredibly conditioned to kissing and rubbing their baby brother just as often as they can.

Next week we are going to start buying more and more baby boy geared items and I know seeing those things in our home will allow reality to sink in that much more. We haven't decided on a theme quite yet (Justin is hell bent on allll things Denver Broncos), but I really want to make it something super special for all of us. Part of me wants to go with an outdoorsy evergreen feel - just a tribute to our home state.. but another part of me wants Justin to take the reigns because just as the girls were my healing, I know our son will be his. Either way, I'll be sure to keep you guys posted.

This was literally the best profile we've gotten of our little pickle! 23 weeks 2 days.

♥- Leilani

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