Thank you, infertility

Wednesday, August 15, 2018
Words I never thought i'd say in a million years. But, today I am thankful for the journey that my PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) has afforded me. If I never knew what it felt like to wonder if i'd ever be a parent, I wouldn't be the mom I am today. If I never had to experience loss, I wouldn't be the mom I am today. If I never had to experience weeks of hormone injections, just to face a negative pregnancy test, I wouldn't be the mom I am today. Don't get me wrong, if I could have stayed in a blissfully naive place with fertility, never really knowing the "ugly" sides of conception - I likely would have. What person wants to struggle if they don't have to? But our struggles are humbling. Our struggles remind us of our perseverance. Our struggles remind us to be grateful.

What kind of mom am I? A mom that is consistent at making mistakes, but also a mom that fights hard every single day to learn from them. A mom that loves on her babies every single moment she can because those moments were the stuff of dreams at one point in my life. A mom that is considered "EXTRA" because I strive to make all of my kids' moments (big and small) as special as they deserve. And they deserve to have ALL of their moments sparkle and shine. A mom that doesn't care what she's having! Boy, girl, girl, boy... that never mattered to me. A healthy baby is all I ever prayed for. A mom that understands that raising babies is a BLESSING no doubt, and a mom that could never, WOULD never feel disappointment about a life I made with my husband. A mom that is proud of every single life I carried, sustained, and brought into the world. A mom that will always put the needs of her children in front of her own because moms are the most sacrificial beings on the planet and it is not a choice, it is in my nature. A mom that really is just so dang glad that she got to be a mom.

The unknowns of infertility were terrifying, but I am glad they happened. Its almost like when people get a second chance at something. They go in with all they've got, they take it more seriously, and they don't for one second take that second chance for granted. That is the very definition of my motherhood.

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