Marriage Year 7: Put Him First

Monday, June 18, 2018
I am often asked what Justin and I do to make our marriage "work" (different strokes for different folks) and I always have a hard time answering that. Our needs, our family, our love.. it is this organic thing that is unique to us - just like the needs, families, and love of others is unique to them. That being said, year seven has been well under way for the last five months and I want to share a series of information I have compiled throughout my relationship with the man i married. I'm hoping it serves a fun and insightful purpose that I can look back on ten years from now. 
One of the most important aspects of my marriage (literally we would fall apart at the seams if we didn't exercise this component) is selflessness. I cannot tell you the leaps and bounds we have made in our friendship and marriage by exercising selflessness. Justin and I both are pretty selfless people anyways, so it works out really well. I have almost always put his feelings and his input ahead of mine - he has always done the same for me. We've achieved such a healthy balance with that. Depending on the circumstance, sometimes its hard.. especially with kids. Since having kids, we have to compromise quite a bit. We want to care for our children, love our children, teach our children, etc. That takes so much time/energy, as it should. It is easy to get into a routine with the kiddos that doesn't allow for putting myself first, let along putting my spouse first. And we've done it. More than once. The important part for us is getting back on track. We always end up evaluating what what we can do to better serve one another and asking what the other needs in that moment. 
Knowing that I am in a relationship with someone that puts my needs as high priority is huge. I know Justin feels the same. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not talking about "me time" or taking time to heal, care for, or love on yourself. That is all apart of putting the other person first. When I've had a rough day, week, month, etc... Justin is the first person to tell me to do something for me. Go get your nails done, go have dinner with a friend, go get some extra sleep - you name it, I am reminded that I need to care for *just me* all the time. I try to extend the same courtesies to Justin too. His job is grueling and I want to support him by encouraging him to take time for him. That usually ends up being fishing, kayaking, video games, or even grilling. Just something that is totally his.
It isn't perfect and we will likely spend the rest of our lives trying to perfect the act of putting each other first (ahead of the kid, work, school, etc.) but that is also the beauty of our marriage. Such a simple concept, but so incredibly difficult to execute day in and day out.

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