My heart swells with gratitude and love as I reflect on the incredible journey that Justin and I have shared over the past thirteen years.
A Decade Plus Three: Happy Anniversary!
Friday, October 18, 2019
Tuesday, February 5, 2019
Justin,
Today, I bundled all three of our babies in their winter wear and we walked into Ava's school for pastries with parents. This setting, all too familiar to me, was filled with bright-eyed elementary aged kiddos and their moms/dads. As I sat down to listen to the head of the booster club talk about some of the volunteer opportunities, the thought that entered my mind was, "I'm so excited that I can volunteer this Spring." The second thought was, "I'm so glad I get to be a part of all this." The very next moment I thought about how blessed I feel to have been given this opportunity to raise my children in this all-knowing way. To be available to them without feeling guilty about missing any other obligation... and then, of course, you come to mind. We made the decision before we even had children, but I want you to know, how grateful I truly am that you have afforded our family a life where our children have access to their mom 24/7. That is something I never had as a child and it means absolutely everything to watch my children experience every single bit of childhood that I was unable to.
Being able to get them ready in the morning and pick them up from school in the afternoon. Being able to take the middle of the day frozen yogurt trips or finding ourselves in some magical book from our local library. Making the decision to let them play at the park a little longer before dinner and having the patience to let their little hands help while I'm cooking dinner. Taking pictures of all of their moments and being able to explain to them why I wanted to. Dressing up Barbie dolls and braiding their hair and then turning to my side to bang the drums to their hearts' content. Watching the kids say their prayers and snuggling together to watch one of their favorite Disney programs. Hearing every random thought that enters their mind and helping our oldest write down all her hopes/dreams.
I want you to know that the mother I am is in large part because of you. You always hear me talk about living in this world where motherhood is celebrated, yet fatherhood isn't discussed nearly as much as it should be... and it should be. Your fatherhood has been incredibly supportive and equally as necessary for our growing family. It is because of your encouragement, that I felt confident enough to try every avenue of parenting that we deemed imperative for our little ones. It is because of your support that I don't put myself down any longer about being just a "stay at home mom" because let's face it, I'm basically a rock star living on a prayer and the occasional coffee. It is because of your love that I am elated to be in this season that we are in for the sake of our family. I love you so, so much honey (I'm getting choked up as I write this because you are by far one of the most incredible people I have ever known and I just admire you, babe).
People often tell me that I am this incredible mama and while I always say thank you, I wish they knew all the many details that go into making my motherhood possible.
Friday, July 6, 2018
Ahh, acceptance. I think this has been the hardest for me because I teeter between trying to be his biggest cheerleader - cheerin' him on to be the best Justin he can be and realizing hey, maybe this is the best Justin he can be? Accepting that my husband has different views of whats okay has been the most challenging obstacle of my life. I mean, don't get me wrong - this happens vice versa as well, but for the life of me... I will never understand why dirty clothes (literally two steps away from a dirty clothes basket) never find their way into the hamper. This is something that I have tried to CHANGE but have failed at consistently over the last seven years. And while that situation is extremely minor, all situations of acceptance aren't always. Sometimes the stakes are much higher and I've have to decide if I am going to continue to accept and support my spouse, or attempt to "change" him - though I know that another person cannot force a process that should be organic and done by that individual themselves. Changing myself is hard, almost impossible at times... how can I ask that of someone else? How can I expect someone else to conform to what I like, simply because I like it? I can't. That's the short answer. I wouldn't, if I love Justin, selflessly.
The core of who Justin is, that's who I fell in love with. That's the man I married. I accepted him the day I gave him my heart to forever hold. I think we are truly blessed in that aspect because we didn't go into marriage with a "spouse project list" of all the things we wanted to change. I mean, i'd venture to say that most couples don't, but I won't speak for others. Sometimes its hard to accept a quirk or a habit, especially one that includes toenail clippings on your bedsheets (sorry, babe I had to call you out), but in the grand scheme of things I step back and watch my husband be himself, unapologetically. I know I appreciate the same courtesies from him.
During our earlier years (which wasn't too long ago), we definitely tried to change things about one another and we failed, horribly. I would try to control the amount of ESPN in the house, Justin would try to control how emotional I was to prevent me from always getting my feelings hurt. While we might have had our hearts in the right place (well, he did), that could never work. I have had to accept that my husband is a sports fanatic and that he will indulge in sports just as often as he can. Justin has had to accept that his wife is a blubbering mess and experiences most of life (emotionally) on a deeper level than most. The outcome? Two people that are able to be who they are. We are two different people, we share the same marriage, but that doesn't mean we have to be exactly what the other person wants us to be. That just isn't how life works.
Celebrating our diversity and what we bring to the table is much more fun and to be honest, where I fall short, my husband does not. That's the best part.
Monday, June 18, 2018
I am often asked what Justin and I do to make our marriage "work" (different strokes for different folks) and I always have a hard time answering that. Our needs, our family, our love.. it is this organic thing that is unique to us - just like the needs, families, and love of others is unique to them. That being said, year seven has been well under way for the last five months and I want to share a series of information I have compiled throughout my relationship with the man i married. I'm hoping it serves a fun and insightful purpose that I can look back on ten years from now.
One of the most important aspects of my marriage (literally we would fall apart at the seams if we didn't exercise this component) is selflessness. I cannot tell you the leaps and bounds we have made in our friendship and marriage by exercising selflessness. Justin and I both are pretty selfless people anyways, so it works out really well. I have almost always put his feelings and his input ahead of mine - he has always done the same for me. We've achieved such a healthy balance with that. Depending on the circumstance, sometimes its hard.. especially with kids. Since having kids, we have to compromise quite a bit. We want to care for our children, love our children, teach our children, etc. That takes so much time/energy, as it should. It is easy to get into a routine with the kiddos that doesn't allow for putting myself first, let along putting my spouse first. And we've done it. More than once. The important part for us is getting back on track. We always end up evaluating what what we can do to better serve one another and asking what the other needs in that moment.
Knowing that I am in a relationship with someone that puts my needs as high priority is huge. I know Justin feels the same. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not talking about "me time" or taking time to heal, care for, or love on yourself. That is all apart of putting the other person first. When I've had a rough day, week, month, etc... Justin is the first person to tell me to do something for me. Go get your nails done, go have dinner with a friend, go get some extra sleep - you name it, I am reminded that I need to care for *just me* all the time. I try to extend the same courtesies to Justin too. His job is grueling and I want to support him by encouraging him to take time for him. That usually ends up being fishing, kayaking, video games, or even grilling. Just something that is totally his.
It isn't perfect and we will likely spend the rest of our lives trying to perfect the act of putting each other first (ahead of the kid, work, school, etc.) but that is also the beauty of our marriage. Such a simple concept, but so incredibly difficult to execute day in and day out.
Sunday, October 16, 2016
I spent more time outside in the last week than I have in a really long time. Well, in the last four months at least. It felt so good. I let my toes wiggle in the grass - while the fall breeze grazed the top of my feet. I literally lifted my arms in the air mimicking bird like flight positions and let the cold air just wrap around me. In those moments I realized how much I really loved being in my husband's home state. Even though we grew up almost 3,000 miles apart, we were experiencing some of the same things in our adolescence and adulthood. Feeling connected to Justin even in parts of his life where I was never thought of feels like cherry on the top of a sundae for me.
One of my favorite moments from this trip was probably freezing my tush off in 30 degree weather outside with Justin. He held me right by the fire and we roasted marshmellows together to make smores. I think that was the first time that I had actually made smores the way they were intended to be made. This is without a doubt one of those memories you wish you could replay forever. The girls were both fast asleep after such a busy day, there were more than enough adults in the house to make sure that they were okay without us, and it was just us two. I can't recall the last time I was able to say that. It felt good though. It was needed.
We looked up at all the stars in the sky. I couldn't believe how many there were. In those moments, I knew I was falling in love with Upstate New York. Something about the chilly air, stars in the sky, and the man that I love holding me all the while. I am so thankful that we took this trip when we did. There is nothing like experiencing a true fall to kick off the season right.
♥- Leilani
One of my favorite moments from this trip was probably freezing my tush off in 30 degree weather outside with Justin. He held me right by the fire and we roasted marshmellows together to make smores. I think that was the first time that I had actually made smores the way they were intended to be made. This is without a doubt one of those memories you wish you could replay forever. The girls were both fast asleep after such a busy day, there were more than enough adults in the house to make sure that they were okay without us, and it was just us two. I can't recall the last time I was able to say that. It felt good though. It was needed.
We looked up at all the stars in the sky. I couldn't believe how many there were. In those moments, I knew I was falling in love with Upstate New York. Something about the chilly air, stars in the sky, and the man that I love holding me all the while. I am so thankful that we took this trip when we did. There is nothing like experiencing a true fall to kick off the season right.
♥- Leilani
Wednesday, October 28, 2015
Normally, these types of things don't bother me, but I seriously felt inclined to say something about the "glam" that people associate with marriage. I have seen a handful of couples emphasis on how beautiful their engagement rings are, how beautiful their wedding bands are, just how "perfect" the rings are that they picked out. And while that may be so, a perfect and beautiful ring does not make for a perfect and beautiful marriage. We need to stop equating materialistic aspects as happiness and love. That being said, I don't judge anyone that has a beautiful and perfect ring, the message I want to send is that it's not what makes the marriage. I do have my own personal experience to share for this exact post, so let's get to it.
When Justin proposed to me, he did it in such an unexpected, traditional fashion. I didn't know he'd actually had the ring in hand, I didn't know the moment that it was going to occur, and it was ultimately perfect. He got on one knee, asked if I would be his wife, and the ring that he had was a very beautiful diamond ring complete with a wedding band equally covered in little diamonds. I was so overcome with happiness, excitement, and I was totally taken with the whirlwind way he decided to ask me. We got married on historic land in South Carolina, and that was the ring he put on my finger as we said our vows. Everything about those memories are precious and I cherish them dearly.
Now, here comes married life. After making a series of seriously awful financial decisions... like, moving into a home we could not afford (even with a roommate), moving into a condo we could not afford (with that same roommate), and wasting Justin's final portion of his sign on bonus for deposits and move out fees... we found ourselves in a pickle. His housing allowance hadn't kicked in yet (you receive a housing allowance as a private or lower enlisted when you are married), and I was also unemployed. Moving to Georgia meant I had to start over, and it also meant that Justin had to start over too. We were building a life together, and that definitely took some adjustments. We finally made the decision to live without a roommate, and live in a one bedroom apartment.
That apartment still had to be furnished, entirely. I believe we had a room filled with Army gear, and two lawn chairs when we first started out. Knowing that we'd need additional help to furnish our home, and "be okay" I made the decision to give my ring back to the store where Justin purchased it. I can't tell you how much of a blow to the ego this was for him. He refused, he was embarrassed, and he absolutely did not want to hear anything else about it. After talking about it a bit more, he realized I was right. So I gave up my beautiful and perfect ring, so that I could create the start of a strong financial ground in my marriage. Even till this day, I don't think my husband is okay with the decision we made, but he understands.
Giving up that beautiful and perfect ring, gave me a beautiful and perfect start to my first year of marriage. I learned more about the man I married, his likes/dislikes, and what ways we worked best together. We paid off small debts, we furnished our home, and we enjoyed night outs with one another. The best feeling of all was actually making progress on our own. We didn't ask for help, we didn't have a roommate, it was literally just us two. Let's move forward to a few months later, Justin and I decided we were going to purchase matching wedding bands for ourselves. We did want a symbol of our union on our hands, but we also wanted something that we could afford that wouldn't cause guilt looking down on it.
So, that's what we did. We both have a set of matching white gold wedding bands that we could afford that symbolized exactly what we wanted. I have had this ring on my finger for four years, and I can't tell you how beautiful and perfect it is to me. This ring has been with me through some of the not so fun times in my marriage, my happiest days, but most importantly, through this journey Justin and I have embarked on with one another. It isn't about the size of the ring, the diamonds in the ring (or lackethereof), and it most certainly didn't give us the ability to have such a strong union. This ring has been a symbol that we pledged our love for one another, nothing more. It did not force us to communicate, to talk to one another, or to expand our family. The most beautiful and perfect moments in this marriage have been because I really did marry my forever beau, my soulmate.
That is truly the point I wanted to make with writing this post. We had a plan all those years ago, that we would renew our vows on our 7th year of marriage, and only then would I accept Justin's gift of adding another ring to my wedding band. I know this means a lot to him, due to what happened the first time around, and I am okay with that, because I know where our true values lie. So if you are reading this as married person, engaged, or potentially thinking engagement, please remember this: Celebrating your love for one another is never a bad thing, but proposals, rings, and weddings are all just that. They are celebrations, and all celebrations come to an end. The beautiful and perfect aspects of those things come with the the territory, but they do not set you up for a successful relationship by any means.
Here's a photo from the first wedding ring Justin bought me:
Happy Wednesday all!
♥- Leilani
When Justin proposed to me, he did it in such an unexpected, traditional fashion. I didn't know he'd actually had the ring in hand, I didn't know the moment that it was going to occur, and it was ultimately perfect. He got on one knee, asked if I would be his wife, and the ring that he had was a very beautiful diamond ring complete with a wedding band equally covered in little diamonds. I was so overcome with happiness, excitement, and I was totally taken with the whirlwind way he decided to ask me. We got married on historic land in South Carolina, and that was the ring he put on my finger as we said our vows. Everything about those memories are precious and I cherish them dearly.
Now, here comes married life. After making a series of seriously awful financial decisions... like, moving into a home we could not afford (even with a roommate), moving into a condo we could not afford (with that same roommate), and wasting Justin's final portion of his sign on bonus for deposits and move out fees... we found ourselves in a pickle. His housing allowance hadn't kicked in yet (you receive a housing allowance as a private or lower enlisted when you are married), and I was also unemployed. Moving to Georgia meant I had to start over, and it also meant that Justin had to start over too. We were building a life together, and that definitely took some adjustments. We finally made the decision to live without a roommate, and live in a one bedroom apartment.
That apartment still had to be furnished, entirely. I believe we had a room filled with Army gear, and two lawn chairs when we first started out. Knowing that we'd need additional help to furnish our home, and "be okay" I made the decision to give my ring back to the store where Justin purchased it. I can't tell you how much of a blow to the ego this was for him. He refused, he was embarrassed, and he absolutely did not want to hear anything else about it. After talking about it a bit more, he realized I was right. So I gave up my beautiful and perfect ring, so that I could create the start of a strong financial ground in my marriage. Even till this day, I don't think my husband is okay with the decision we made, but he understands.
Giving up that beautiful and perfect ring, gave me a beautiful and perfect start to my first year of marriage. I learned more about the man I married, his likes/dislikes, and what ways we worked best together. We paid off small debts, we furnished our home, and we enjoyed night outs with one another. The best feeling of all was actually making progress on our own. We didn't ask for help, we didn't have a roommate, it was literally just us two. Let's move forward to a few months later, Justin and I decided we were going to purchase matching wedding bands for ourselves. We did want a symbol of our union on our hands, but we also wanted something that we could afford that wouldn't cause guilt looking down on it.
So, that's what we did. We both have a set of matching white gold wedding bands that we could afford that symbolized exactly what we wanted. I have had this ring on my finger for four years, and I can't tell you how beautiful and perfect it is to me. This ring has been with me through some of the not so fun times in my marriage, my happiest days, but most importantly, through this journey Justin and I have embarked on with one another. It isn't about the size of the ring, the diamonds in the ring (or lackethereof), and it most certainly didn't give us the ability to have such a strong union. This ring has been a symbol that we pledged our love for one another, nothing more. It did not force us to communicate, to talk to one another, or to expand our family. The most beautiful and perfect moments in this marriage have been because I really did marry my forever beau, my soulmate.
That is truly the point I wanted to make with writing this post. We had a plan all those years ago, that we would renew our vows on our 7th year of marriage, and only then would I accept Justin's gift of adding another ring to my wedding band. I know this means a lot to him, due to what happened the first time around, and I am okay with that, because I know where our true values lie. So if you are reading this as married person, engaged, or potentially thinking engagement, please remember this: Celebrating your love for one another is never a bad thing, but proposals, rings, and weddings are all just that. They are celebrations, and all celebrations come to an end. The beautiful and perfect aspects of those things come with the the territory, but they do not set you up for a successful relationship by any means.
Here's a photo from the first wedding ring Justin bought me:
Happy Wednesday all!
♥- Leilani
Thursday, April 9, 2015
Because I tell you guys pretty much everything, I decided to talk about something that happened to me yesterday. I'm not going to go too much into detail, but I do want to talk about the reason this blog is even happening. Basically, that fight Justin and I had back in July ( this is the link for that) was brought to my attention as a way of explaining that my marriage was indeed "not perfect" and while that disagreement we had was a perfect example of the bumps that relationships go through, it still felt like nothing short of a punch in the gut when brought up by someone other than my husband. I've never been someone to exclaim that I have a "perfect marriage" or perfect anything. I mean, if you've been a long time reader I think it's pretty evident that I am flawed. My initial reaction to hearing this was just kind of like i said, "a punch in the gut" and then my next reaction was a little irritated. It's not anyone's fault but ours that someone outside of our marriage knows about this...I mean I did blog about it for crying out loud. But still, hearing it.. it just reminded me that the sanctity of my marriage is between two people... Justin and I. Even though I was pretty upset about the situation (rehashing old wounds), I still didn't speak badly about my husband. I didn't allow it to impact us today, because it's been almost a year since the infamous "motorcycle fight" actually occurred. I spent the better part of my afternoon talking with Justin about this, and the feelings he shared with me were everything I needed to hear.
The first thing he did was remind me of the growth we've had since that blow up. More than ever now, we know that we are CHOOSING to continue building a life with one another because we know that this is it. He also made it a point to remind me to not dwell on this recent situation. If people fall witness to our trials, that is only a reminder that we are flawed, we are human, and we have our disagreements. Once he said that, my entire idea about this ordeal changed. Our goal is to never seek perfection in our marriage, our goal is to seek what makes us truly "work" with one another. Every single day. That's why I don't bad mouth my husband. Some of you may follow me on other social media sites and you may see the cheesy, lovey dovey posts I share, but that is simply because I love the man I married. I don't have anything negative to say about the man I married to anyone, OTHER than the man I married. I made it a point at the beginning of my marriage to only exude love, happiness, and positivity when it comes to the relationship I have with Justin. That doesn't make us perfect, that makes us respectful.
So, this is kind of jumbled and I left a lot of the situation out of this blog post, but if you read this and you take anything away from this, I hope this is the thing you take: We are all humans that want to be loved, and we want to love in return. If you find someone that loves you, respects you, and makes you feel good about yourself, don't be afraid to pursue them. If you pursue them and you find yourself in a union with that person, treat them GREAT for always. Don't let outsiders influence your decisions or the opinions you have. Never feel cheesy, never feel judged, and never feel bad for sharing the love you have with the outside world. Trust me, it is nothing short of inspiring and beautiful, and let's face it, we all need a bit of that in our lives. Don't strive for perfection, strive for what works for the both of you. Most importantly, when you start expanding that beautiful union.. don't forget about each other. Remembering the reasons why this entire life started is the key.
P.S. Justin if you are reading this, please know without a doubt you are the very best friend I have in the world. You are my safe place, you have my heart. It sounds kind of cheesy to say it now, but from the moment you wrapped that jacket around me, I knew that you'd make a big impact in my life. I never imagined we'd be where we are today, loving each other just as hard as the first day we said it. Thank you for being true, faithful, loving, funny, caring, and a swift kick in the butt when I need it. I love you forever, best friends for always.
Happy Thursday all
♥- Leilani
The first thing he did was remind me of the growth we've had since that blow up. More than ever now, we know that we are CHOOSING to continue building a life with one another because we know that this is it. He also made it a point to remind me to not dwell on this recent situation. If people fall witness to our trials, that is only a reminder that we are flawed, we are human, and we have our disagreements. Once he said that, my entire idea about this ordeal changed. Our goal is to never seek perfection in our marriage, our goal is to seek what makes us truly "work" with one another. Every single day. That's why I don't bad mouth my husband. Some of you may follow me on other social media sites and you may see the cheesy, lovey dovey posts I share, but that is simply because I love the man I married. I don't have anything negative to say about the man I married to anyone, OTHER than the man I married. I made it a point at the beginning of my marriage to only exude love, happiness, and positivity when it comes to the relationship I have with Justin. That doesn't make us perfect, that makes us respectful.
So, this is kind of jumbled and I left a lot of the situation out of this blog post, but if you read this and you take anything away from this, I hope this is the thing you take: We are all humans that want to be loved, and we want to love in return. If you find someone that loves you, respects you, and makes you feel good about yourself, don't be afraid to pursue them. If you pursue them and you find yourself in a union with that person, treat them GREAT for always. Don't let outsiders influence your decisions or the opinions you have. Never feel cheesy, never feel judged, and never feel bad for sharing the love you have with the outside world. Trust me, it is nothing short of inspiring and beautiful, and let's face it, we all need a bit of that in our lives. Don't strive for perfection, strive for what works for the both of you. Most importantly, when you start expanding that beautiful union.. don't forget about each other. Remembering the reasons why this entire life started is the key.
P.S. Justin if you are reading this, please know without a doubt you are the very best friend I have in the world. You are my safe place, you have my heart. It sounds kind of cheesy to say it now, but from the moment you wrapped that jacket around me, I knew that you'd make a big impact in my life. I never imagined we'd be where we are today, loving each other just as hard as the first day we said it. Thank you for being true, faithful, loving, funny, caring, and a swift kick in the butt when I need it. I love you forever, best friends for always.
Happy Thursday all
♥- Leilani
Monday, March 23, 2015
It's no secret that while my husband is away (and in a different time zone) that his time is extremely limited. People have asked what Justin does to make us feel included in his "everyday life" while he is away at school, so I thought I'd make a part two to my part one from the perspective of the person that is actually away. All of his days have been like normal work days, so while Ava and I are still fast asleep, Justin has already started his day. I've noticed that the first time I actually hear from him in a day, (which is always via text message) is usually about noon. I'm assuming this is when he has his break from class and he's able to get some lunch in. It's 9 a.m. when that first text hits, so Ava is eating breakfast and I'm able to have a short conversation with my mister.
The next time I hear from him (most days) isn't until about 3 p.m. (our time) which is a long stretch. Luckily, he'll send a "selfie" of himself before then, or I'll open up my gmail when Ava is napping to discover that he sent me an email. Those are my absolute favorite. I truly love his "email letters" to me because I know they are random and at his own will. Once he's out of school for the day, and he's had his dinner, this is when he gives us a call. No matter what is going on in his busy school life, he always calls us each evening. I love this most. Ava talks to daddy during this time and it makes my heart so happy to hear them actually going on, having a toddler conversation. Justin asks her all types of questions and just listens to her toddler babble most of the time.
We usually wrap up our conversation with a quick face time conversation or a snapchat conversation. Yes, we've embraced the beauty of apps, but the videos and images only allow you to see it once, which I'm not really fond of. Justin literally resents technology, so the fact that he is going the extra mile while he is away really makes me feel so incredibly good! I know he finds selfies to be a bit narcissistic, and I know his idea of of a fun time isn't having his daughter stick the phone in her potty when we are trying to face time before he has to hit the hay. Even still, he is totally rocking at keeping his family in the loop and we are more than grateful. This schedule only applies to weekdays because Justin actually has the weekends off from school.
During the weekends, we talk... ALL. DAY. LONG. By the time Ava bug and I are awake, I already have my first text of the day. That happens at around 7 a.m. our time. I get selfies on selfies, text messages, phone calls, and face time sessions with the mister throughout the entire 48 hour span that he doesn't have to be at school. It's an amazing time for us all. Ava gets so used to seeing him on the weekends that she doesn't try to take my phone and run with it. The weekends give us some sense of normality and it sometimes feels like he's here with us.
So there you have it. This is how my husband keeps in contact with us while he is away. Although I know he is studying like crazy, and working hard on his college courses, I am so proud of him for balancing work and family so well. I've tried to prep myself for the decrease that may happen as the tests and his school work gets harder.. so far that hasn't happened and I can't even begin to tell you how grateful I am for that.
The time is blazing right on by and we will see our main man in no time at all! How many of my readers are currently dealing with long distance love due to a military relationship? What are some of the ways your significant other keeps you in the loop? Leave some love below, or send me an email.
Happy Tuesday all!
♥- Leilani
The next time I hear from him (most days) isn't until about 3 p.m. (our time) which is a long stretch. Luckily, he'll send a "selfie" of himself before then, or I'll open up my gmail when Ava is napping to discover that he sent me an email. Those are my absolute favorite. I truly love his "email letters" to me because I know they are random and at his own will. Once he's out of school for the day, and he's had his dinner, this is when he gives us a call. No matter what is going on in his busy school life, he always calls us each evening. I love this most. Ava talks to daddy during this time and it makes my heart so happy to hear them actually going on, having a toddler conversation. Justin asks her all types of questions and just listens to her toddler babble most of the time.
We usually wrap up our conversation with a quick face time conversation or a snapchat conversation. Yes, we've embraced the beauty of apps, but the videos and images only allow you to see it once, which I'm not really fond of. Justin literally resents technology, so the fact that he is going the extra mile while he is away really makes me feel so incredibly good! I know he finds selfies to be a bit narcissistic, and I know his idea of of a fun time isn't having his daughter stick the phone in her potty when we are trying to face time before he has to hit the hay. Even still, he is totally rocking at keeping his family in the loop and we are more than grateful. This schedule only applies to weekdays because Justin actually has the weekends off from school.
During the weekends, we talk... ALL. DAY. LONG. By the time Ava bug and I are awake, I already have my first text of the day. That happens at around 7 a.m. our time. I get selfies on selfies, text messages, phone calls, and face time sessions with the mister throughout the entire 48 hour span that he doesn't have to be at school. It's an amazing time for us all. Ava gets so used to seeing him on the weekends that she doesn't try to take my phone and run with it. The weekends give us some sense of normality and it sometimes feels like he's here with us.
So there you have it. This is how my husband keeps in contact with us while he is away. Although I know he is studying like crazy, and working hard on his college courses, I am so proud of him for balancing work and family so well. I've tried to prep myself for the decrease that may happen as the tests and his school work gets harder.. so far that hasn't happened and I can't even begin to tell you how grateful I am for that.
Here's a little collage of the King of selfies!
The time is blazing right on by and we will see our main man in no time at all! How many of my readers are currently dealing with long distance love due to a military relationship? What are some of the ways your significant other keeps you in the loop? Leave some love below, or send me an email.
Happy Tuesday all!
♥- Leilani
Friday, February 6, 2015
I just went through my blog email for the first time in almost two weeks and I was surprisingly shocked with the amount of emails I received. It was a tad bit more than normal, but I got through them all today and there is one I'd like to share. One of my reader's named Michelle asked what advice I would give to a newly wed couple that was thinking about conceiving. Before even attempting to write this blog, I attempted to write her back with as much sensitivity and rationalization as possible. Everyone has their own opinion on this subject, but I'd really like to share mine and hopefully shed some additional light for Michelle and my other readers. If I could give a newly wed couple one piece of advice when it comes to conceiving, I would tell them to wait, and here's why. Justin and I lost a baby during our second month of marriage, and while the experience will always leave us heartbroken, I'm not sure we would be the same STRONG couple if we were parents before we really built a marital foundation.
I thank God everyday for giving me such a strong lover, provider, and friend in my husband. All of these things came to be in our first couple years of marriage prior to conceiving Ava. In fact, the reason why we tried for another baby was because I had no hesitation in my heart, mind, or soul that this man would be the person I continued to build my life with. During those two childless years, Justin and I were able to experience each other in so many different ways. We found mutual hobbies, individual ones, and we tried new things together. We had time to stay up late, sleep in late, or wake up extremely early. We planned vacations without limitation (just kidding, within the Army's limitations), we were able to go to adult get togethers, and paint the town anytime we wanted. More importantly, we got to get angry together, sad together, and find different ways to express our love. We got to relish in our alone time together, fall in love repetitively together (still do this... a lot), and make up after small little disagreements. I think the most important thing of all would be learning how to communicate with your spouse more effectively. I can't tell you how many arguments I had in my first year of marriage that could have been prevented if I had just communicated effectively. Looking back, I'm glad we learned it early on, so we didn't introduce that negative energy into Ava's life. You don't know what type of married couple you are going to be when you are a newly wed. This applies to people who might have been together for years prior to marriage, or those who were only together for months.
Marriage is a LIFE changer. Just like having children. They are without a doubt one of the biggest if not the biggest LIFE changer. Giving yourself time to adjust to one person can already be challenging, but adding a baby to the mix before building a strong marital foundation can really shake some things up. I know life throws us curveballs and you may very well be the pregnant newlywed.. I know, because that was me. But, if you are completely in control on whether or not to try for a baby, my opinion is truly to wait. Love your husband with all your might. Love your wife with all your might. Live together. Work out all the "first year kinks" together. Let things be easy before they get hard. Babies are amazing, but our lives are completely shifted with their arrivals. That newly wed phase is one we can never get back. Own it. Rock it. Embrace it!
Happy Friday all!
♥- Leilani
I thank God everyday for giving me such a strong lover, provider, and friend in my husband. All of these things came to be in our first couple years of marriage prior to conceiving Ava. In fact, the reason why we tried for another baby was because I had no hesitation in my heart, mind, or soul that this man would be the person I continued to build my life with. During those two childless years, Justin and I were able to experience each other in so many different ways. We found mutual hobbies, individual ones, and we tried new things together. We had time to stay up late, sleep in late, or wake up extremely early. We planned vacations without limitation (just kidding, within the Army's limitations), we were able to go to adult get togethers, and paint the town anytime we wanted. More importantly, we got to get angry together, sad together, and find different ways to express our love. We got to relish in our alone time together, fall in love repetitively together (still do this... a lot), and make up after small little disagreements. I think the most important thing of all would be learning how to communicate with your spouse more effectively. I can't tell you how many arguments I had in my first year of marriage that could have been prevented if I had just communicated effectively. Looking back, I'm glad we learned it early on, so we didn't introduce that negative energy into Ava's life. You don't know what type of married couple you are going to be when you are a newly wed. This applies to people who might have been together for years prior to marriage, or those who were only together for months.
Marriage is a LIFE changer. Just like having children. They are without a doubt one of the biggest if not the biggest LIFE changer. Giving yourself time to adjust to one person can already be challenging, but adding a baby to the mix before building a strong marital foundation can really shake some things up. I know life throws us curveballs and you may very well be the pregnant newlywed.. I know, because that was me. But, if you are completely in control on whether or not to try for a baby, my opinion is truly to wait. Love your husband with all your might. Love your wife with all your might. Live together. Work out all the "first year kinks" together. Let things be easy before they get hard. Babies are amazing, but our lives are completely shifted with their arrivals. That newly wed phase is one we can never get back. Own it. Rock it. Embrace it!
2011 - Flashback of our childless days
Happy Friday all!
♥- Leilani
Wednesday, January 21, 2015
Today marks four whole years of marriage with the love of my life and I still can't believe he picked me to be his forever person. This feeling is surreal you guys, and I'm blessed to know a love like this. I knew this man for less than six whole months prior to accepting his engagement. Saying yes was one of the craziest, scariest, most emotional things I have ever done in my life, but I never looked back. Not once. Here I am today, and I have so much to show from that "yes" I gave 4.5 years ago. I have a man that is accepting, gentle, and gives me an infinite amount of love. I've seen parts of this nation I wouldn't have dare gone alone and I made some long lasting friends and memories. I opened up my heart to the first fur animal I have ever truly loved, and I became a fur mama. I lost, I grieved, and gained with this man I call husband. He really has seen me through some of the lowest times, and the highs. He is the father of my child and my very best friend in the entire world. My existence, my life as I know it wouldn't be as bright or beautiful without him. With that being said, Happy Anniversary Woobie. You have and always will be the love of my life, and I can't wait to see what the next four years bring us...
Speaking of, as many of my Facebook friends saw, we are officially trying for baby # 2. I started to make a YouTube video to sum this up for you guys, but I kept getting really choked up about it. It was our intention to wait just a little bit longer before getting this ball rolling. We wanted to head to Vegas this March, we wanted to spend a little more time with each other and a little more time with one special little girl. This was something we've gone back and forth on for months, and I'm at a place where I know that Justin and I are ready for our second child. I'm finally ready to take on the emotions that come with fertility treatments and infertility. I no longer have this "what if" feeling in my gut when I dream of our next child. Everything feels right and my marriage and friendship with Justin is in the best place possible for this next bundle of joy.
This all happened so suddenly, so I don' want you guys to feel out of the loop. After Justin's grandfather passed, a lot of things in our household changed. We really embraced the notion of how quickly life can change in just moments. One day we were calling his grandparents home with Papoo answering and discussing the weather with me, the next he was gone. That's when the talk of Howland baby #2 started again. I started to realize that there was nothing seriously holding us back from trying. I also realized that if you have the opportunity to go after the things you want in life, why wait? My husband has been such a rock star through this entire process and I couldn't be more thankful for his patience. He's wanted another baby for quite some time and he's never really pressured me about it. He's never made me feel guilty or pushed the baby subject too heavily. I will always love him most for being such a considerate partner.
I had my first appointment yesterday with my new endocrinologist and I absolutely love her. Right from the start she let me tell her what path Justin and I were looking to take and she never made me feel uneasy about anything. We have opted to do injections again, so she prescribed provera to jump start a menstrual cycle so we can get this ball rolling. After the crimson tide shows up, I'll be taking shots to stimulate my ovaries. My doctor discussed the idea of multiples quite heavily, but I'm trying not to get overly nervous about that (yet). I am going to make a video all about my first appointment, go into more depth on the discussion, and the path we are taking. That pretty much sums up the last twenty four hours and I'm so excited to FINALLY be taking you guys on this journey with me.
How many of my readers are currently trying to conceive? How many of you are utilizing fertility treatments? Share with me in the comments below or by email.
Happy Wednesday all
♥- Leilani
Speaking of, as many of my Facebook friends saw, we are officially trying for baby # 2. I started to make a YouTube video to sum this up for you guys, but I kept getting really choked up about it. It was our intention to wait just a little bit longer before getting this ball rolling. We wanted to head to Vegas this March, we wanted to spend a little more time with each other and a little more time with one special little girl. This was something we've gone back and forth on for months, and I'm at a place where I know that Justin and I are ready for our second child. I'm finally ready to take on the emotions that come with fertility treatments and infertility. I no longer have this "what if" feeling in my gut when I dream of our next child. Everything feels right and my marriage and friendship with Justin is in the best place possible for this next bundle of joy.
This all happened so suddenly, so I don' want you guys to feel out of the loop. After Justin's grandfather passed, a lot of things in our household changed. We really embraced the notion of how quickly life can change in just moments. One day we were calling his grandparents home with Papoo answering and discussing the weather with me, the next he was gone. That's when the talk of Howland baby #2 started again. I started to realize that there was nothing seriously holding us back from trying. I also realized that if you have the opportunity to go after the things you want in life, why wait? My husband has been such a rock star through this entire process and I couldn't be more thankful for his patience. He's wanted another baby for quite some time and he's never really pressured me about it. He's never made me feel guilty or pushed the baby subject too heavily. I will always love him most for being such a considerate partner.
I had my first appointment yesterday with my new endocrinologist and I absolutely love her. Right from the start she let me tell her what path Justin and I were looking to take and she never made me feel uneasy about anything. We have opted to do injections again, so she prescribed provera to jump start a menstrual cycle so we can get this ball rolling. After the crimson tide shows up, I'll be taking shots to stimulate my ovaries. My doctor discussed the idea of multiples quite heavily, but I'm trying not to get overly nervous about that (yet). I am going to make a video all about my first appointment, go into more depth on the discussion, and the path we are taking. That pretty much sums up the last twenty four hours and I'm so excited to FINALLY be taking you guys on this journey with me.
How many of my readers are currently trying to conceive? How many of you are utilizing fertility treatments? Share with me in the comments below or by email.
Happy Wednesday all
♥- Leilani
Wednesday, December 31, 2014
I'm already emotional about writing this, but 2014 had some really great memories. I know that we are going to start 2015 fresh with a bang! Here's a timeline of what this past year looked like for my family and I:
The Howland's moved to the upper left of the United States and we were reunited with my family. This was made possible because of the compassion reassignment request (for my mom) being approved. Ava bug and I took our first plane ride together (without daddy), and our sweet girl started crawling within days after our PCS. Ava turned eight months old and her first set of teeth came in. Last, but certainly not least, Justin and I celebrated three years of marriage!
We had our first family valentine pictures taken a few days before Ava turned nine months old, my sweet girl experienced snow for the first time, and we went to the Seattle Aquarium for the first time together. We started actively baby proofing this month because our girl could get into almost everything on her level. Ava started feeding herself more and more, and this mama went on a total hippy kick. We also watched our BRONCOS get beat pretty badly during the Superbowl.
Ava's two top teeth cut, we started using big girl cups, and Bug took her first steps. We celebrated Easter with my family and we officially switched our girl to a convertible seat. We also started using our ring slings A LOT more this month. We spent some time down at the waterfront in Tacoma and Ava got to meet Miss Jennifer!
May might have been the best month of my life. My sweetheart turned 24 and my child turned one year old! Ava was full blown walking by her first birthday, and she experienced her first cake smash! Daddy started WLC (military school) and Ava decided to ditch baby foods completely. Washington weather warmed up tremendously, so Ava got to use her first baby pool. I had my first mother's day and Justin made it one for the books, as did my parents! Ava also got her first pedicure. She's such a girly girl and I love it! I also became FRG leader for Justin's previous company.
Daddy spent a long month away at NTC, I introduced the potty with Ava, and I officially started putting Ava bug in her crib. I purchased Ava bug her first pair of big girl sneakers and SHE finally got over her fear of grass. We experimented with paint for the first time and made daddy some awesome gifts for Father's day. Washington weather got so much hotter this month, so Ava had a few different trips to the river.
Justin and I had our first date night since deployment! We had family photos taken at the beach in Seattle, and we considered prepping for baby # 2. I told myself I was going to wean Ava this month... (didn't happen) and I fell in love with the fourth trimester bodies project. Justin decided to actively ride his motorcycle.
Justin and I celebrated four years together! We took Ava to the drive-ins a couple times, Ava experienced her first county fair, and we had my mother in-law out for a visit. We went to Mt. Rainier, Seattle, and a bunch of other random places to show Arleen the beauty of Washington. I had my first appointment with Madigan's endocrinologist, and I had a mature follicle! We tried naturally to conceive, but ultimately the tests were BFNs. Ava had her first late night out, and I got a massive spider bite that gave me some serious reactions.
I forced myself to commit to photography. I got my first DSLR camera and I tried to own it from the start! Our family took a trip to the coast, and Ava got to watch her first sunset. Our Mazda decided to break down on us, resulting in us getting a family SUV. We started the process of purchasing our first home and Justin got LASIK eye surgery. Ava started all of her toddler classes, and we went to our first state fair as a family!
Ava and daddy started "daddy daughter dates" and this mama started taking more time for herself. Ava turned 18 months old, and we officially made the decision to wait a little longer for trying to conceive another baby. I experienced a shift in emotion towards breastfeeding and we celebrated Thanksgiving with my family. Ava picked out her first tree ornament, and we put up the tree BEFORE the first of December! We celebrated my nana's birthday (rest in peace nana) and we also got a bit of snow! I made my first DIY backdrop and officially became obsessed with DIY projects. Justin sold his motorcycle!
We had our family Christmas photos taken, Ava got a god mama, and we made a DIY growth chart for Ava bug. We made our first gingerbread house,saw the zoo lights, and played in the snow on Mount Rainier. Justin's grandfather passed away this month, and while it's still hard for him, we keep our hearts full of all the good memories we had with him. We also made the decision to move closer to Justin's job!
I am positive there are a lot of things I left off of this recap, but this year was definitely all about growth. Growing as parents, lovers, and a family. Next month marks ONE year of us being in Washington state, and I can hardly wait to see what adventures we get into! Thank you ALL so much for tagging along for our journey. I hope my readers bring in 2015 with love, friends, and family!
HAPPY NEW YEAR ALL!
♥- Leilani
January
February
March
I turned 23 years old, and the mister was away for training. Luckily I got to spend my special day with m family. We took our first family trip to Pike Place Market and ate at the infamous crab pot. Ava started dancing around like crazy and she stood up by herself UNASSISTED! I made the decision to become more of a spoken advocate for breastfeeding and attachment parenting. Best. Decision. Ever. Ava bug also had her first park playdate.
April
May
June
July
August
September
October
Ava bug met one of her best pals, Zoe! I met an awesome new mama friend, Tausha. We noticed a spike in Ava's development this month. She became more aware of her body, our actions, and her emotions. Ava and I started crafting hardcore. We made turkeys in October... I embarked on a 365 day photo challenge that has already changed my views and my life immensely. Ava got her first halloween costume (my little lady bug) and Ava and Justin had their first trip to the pumpkin farm! This was also the first month that we attended a halloween function for Justin's Battalion. I also got a new lens for my camera.
November
December
I am positive there are a lot of things I left off of this recap, but this year was definitely all about growth. Growing as parents, lovers, and a family. Next month marks ONE year of us being in Washington state, and I can hardly wait to see what adventures we get into! Thank you ALL so much for tagging along for our journey. I hope my readers bring in 2015 with love, friends, and family!
HAPPY NEW YEAR ALL!
♥- Leilani
Thursday, December 11, 2014
If you've ever read the "sparks fly" tab of my blog, you know that Justin and I had very little time to develop a friendship in the whopping six months of courting,marriage proposals, and moving 3,000 miles. Over the years we have developed a beautiful friendship with one another (aside from marriage), and as the friendship grows, I realize just how important it is to maintain that relationship. This past summer I experienced some very strong growing pains between my husband and I. I don't think I shared too much with my readers, but it was the first time that I actually questioned wether or not I was seeing eye to eye with the man I married. It was scary, it was real, and it was my life this past July. Justin developed a brief hobby with a motorcycle, and I did not support it in any way. Here I had a man that was over the moon and excited about something new, and his wife didn't reciprocate the emotions.
I know it hurt him. It hurt me that I couldn't be happy about something that clearly gave my husband joy. Looking back at that time made me realize that what my husband really needed (aside from the list of why motorcycles were a "no no" and the constant nagging), was a friend. He needed me to gush about how exciting it was for him to be doing something for JUSTIN. He needed me to realize that although motorcycles are dangerous, so is going to a third world country for WAR. He wanted me to ask to be apart of his new hobby, so we could share parts of it together. He needed the friend in his wife to emerge, and she didn't.
Once we hashed out the growing pains, expressed how we felt, and got back to our love.. I realized that more than ever, our friendship needed to be made just as important of a priority in our lives, for always! These days, I make it a point to be a good friend to the man I love so dearly. Even with his busy schedule, we talk ALL day long. This isn't something new, but it's a lot more than just "I love you baby" or Ava bug talk. We talk about everything. Sport scores, news articles, farting (I'm not kidding).. you name it, anything under the moon.. we discuss it. We comfort each other in different ways now. Instead of the immediate overprotective husband or wife mode.. we actually evaluate the support we give. I get excited to share gossip with him, church news with him, blog posts with him. We are genuinely excited about the trivial things we do. These are all things you do in a marriage, I guess we've just sort of incorporated all that would occur in a friendship.
I also noticed the added bonus of honesty that comes with having a friendship. When you marry someone, you don't purposely put your foot in your mouth with your spouse... with your friend, you do.. and that's perfectly okay. I can't tell you how completely honest (and embarrassing) this can be at times, but it can be necessary! I guess the best part is knowing that in my heart, he's the first person I want to share everything about my life with. I get up, and I'm giddy knowing that I'll find a missed call or text from him. I'm excited that I get to see him in "X" amount of hours.. Yes, as my husband.. but also because he's my best friend. That's the point of this blog. To remind myself that a man entrusted his heart in his wife, and his friend. It's okay to respond differently, according to what his needs are.
How many of my readers have found it important to develop a friendship with their spouses? What are some of the things you do to allow your friendships within your relationships to grow? I'd love to hear from you below in the comments or by email.
** You can easily access my email icon on the right side of my blog**
Happy Thursday all!
♥- Leilani
I know it hurt him. It hurt me that I couldn't be happy about something that clearly gave my husband joy. Looking back at that time made me realize that what my husband really needed (aside from the list of why motorcycles were a "no no" and the constant nagging), was a friend. He needed me to gush about how exciting it was for him to be doing something for JUSTIN. He needed me to realize that although motorcycles are dangerous, so is going to a third world country for WAR. He wanted me to ask to be apart of his new hobby, so we could share parts of it together. He needed the friend in his wife to emerge, and she didn't.
Once we hashed out the growing pains, expressed how we felt, and got back to our love.. I realized that more than ever, our friendship needed to be made just as important of a priority in our lives, for always! These days, I make it a point to be a good friend to the man I love so dearly. Even with his busy schedule, we talk ALL day long. This isn't something new, but it's a lot more than just "I love you baby" or Ava bug talk. We talk about everything. Sport scores, news articles, farting (I'm not kidding).. you name it, anything under the moon.. we discuss it. We comfort each other in different ways now. Instead of the immediate overprotective husband or wife mode.. we actually evaluate the support we give. I get excited to share gossip with him, church news with him, blog posts with him. We are genuinely excited about the trivial things we do. These are all things you do in a marriage, I guess we've just sort of incorporated all that would occur in a friendship.
I also noticed the added bonus of honesty that comes with having a friendship. When you marry someone, you don't purposely put your foot in your mouth with your spouse... with your friend, you do.. and that's perfectly okay. I can't tell you how completely honest (and embarrassing) this can be at times, but it can be necessary! I guess the best part is knowing that in my heart, he's the first person I want to share everything about my life with. I get up, and I'm giddy knowing that I'll find a missed call or text from him. I'm excited that I get to see him in "X" amount of hours.. Yes, as my husband.. but also because he's my best friend. That's the point of this blog. To remind myself that a man entrusted his heart in his wife, and his friend. It's okay to respond differently, according to what his needs are.
Photo Cred: Ashley Currin Photography
How many of my readers have found it important to develop a friendship with their spouses? What are some of the things you do to allow your friendships within your relationships to grow? I'd love to hear from you below in the comments or by email.
** You can easily access my email icon on the right side of my blog**
Happy Thursday all!
♥- Leilani
Wednesday, December 3, 2014
I think the title of this blog post is pretty much a given for all of us. There are so many things to be thankful for in our everyday lives, but sometimes we are so blinded by the things we want, that we forget to step back and really appreciate all that we have. I know I am definitely guilty of this. Especially as of late. *** More trying to conceive talk ahead*** aside from finding a new provider and discussing our route, Justin and I have yet to dive in and start the fertility process... why, you ask? Nerves, the feeling of not being ready, the comfortability we have in our family right now, etc? Pick one, and I'm sure I will concur. The fear of not being able to have another child has somehow consumed a lot of my thoughts, and rather than allowing ourselves to thoroughly enjoy the way our family is now, we are rolling this ball that truthfully ----> we aren't quite ready to roll yet.
We have our days (I must sound crazy on this blog), where we are more than excited to finally "start" trying for another baby.. and then, Ava does something new and spectacular, and there it is.. our hearts are filled. If I'm content and happy with all that I have now, why on earth am I trying to force another child before we are ready? Because I'm a mad woman! No seriously, I had to step back and regroup. I see a lot of my friends and family that are pregnant with baby # 2 and for a split second, that's when I think, "Ahh, I'm ready. I want that." Truth is, YES, I do want that.. just not with them or right now. It's taken me weeks to finally realize this you guys. A huge part of undergoing fertility is to have the right mind set. Being in a good place with your spouse and yourself before you think about adding addition lives to your life.
There are a lot of things we want to do with Ava before we add a sibling to her life. There is so much Justin and I want to do with each other before we add another baby into our lives. We have been discussing having a "baby moon" for my 24th birthday in VEGAS! Ava is at an age where I can leave her in the care of my family without worry, and I'm sure come March, I'll be even more at ease. The whole point of sharing my new revelations is to remember that I have so much to be happy about. I have a loving, supportive, and incredible man by my side, I have a super charismatic kid, and an adorable dog to boot! I have Washington state, good friends, family, and Starbucks around the corner. Not totally serious about Starbucks (I think), but I truly appreciate all that I have right now. I don't want for anything, and there is nothing better than being in this place I am right now. I haven't felt this good about decisions like this in weeks.
Whoo! That was a lot to take in. I still plan on vlogging for all of you! I'll share other things aside from fertility. How many of my readers went back and forth when making life decisions like this? Did you wait, did you rush? I'd love to hear from you in the comments below or by email.
Happy Wednesday all!
♥- Leilani
We have our days (I must sound crazy on this blog), where we are more than excited to finally "start" trying for another baby.. and then, Ava does something new and spectacular, and there it is.. our hearts are filled. If I'm content and happy with all that I have now, why on earth am I trying to force another child before we are ready? Because I'm a mad woman! No seriously, I had to step back and regroup. I see a lot of my friends and family that are pregnant with baby # 2 and for a split second, that's when I think, "Ahh, I'm ready. I want that." Truth is, YES, I do want that.. just not with them or right now. It's taken me weeks to finally realize this you guys. A huge part of undergoing fertility is to have the right mind set. Being in a good place with your spouse and yourself before you think about adding addition lives to your life.
There are a lot of things we want to do with Ava before we add a sibling to her life. There is so much Justin and I want to do with each other before we add another baby into our lives. We have been discussing having a "baby moon" for my 24th birthday in VEGAS! Ava is at an age where I can leave her in the care of my family without worry, and I'm sure come March, I'll be even more at ease. The whole point of sharing my new revelations is to remember that I have so much to be happy about. I have a loving, supportive, and incredible man by my side, I have a super charismatic kid, and an adorable dog to boot! I have Washington state, good friends, family, and Starbucks around the corner. Not totally serious about Starbucks (I think), but I truly appreciate all that I have right now. I don't want for anything, and there is nothing better than being in this place I am right now. I haven't felt this good about decisions like this in weeks.
Whoo! That was a lot to take in. I still plan on vlogging for all of you! I'll share other things aside from fertility. How many of my readers went back and forth when making life decisions like this? Did you wait, did you rush? I'd love to hear from you in the comments below or by email.
Happy Wednesday all!
♥- Leilani
Thursday, November 13, 2014
I don't know what it is lately, but my marriage and my relationship with Justin is completely rocking my socks! Seriously. I think this third year of marriage has been so very good to us, I can't help but share the love with all of you. Today wasn't a super great day, and that's fine because those days happen. The first person I call, the first person I turn to (always), is Justin. It's taken him a while to master this trait, but somehow, no matter what he says to me, I end up feeling much better after we talk. I leave our conversations with my head held high and a weird calm sense of confidence. I absolutely love that he is able to do that for me. I know there are similar instances where I do that for him, and I love it. Nothing makes me happier than being in sync with the man that I chose to spend the rest of my days with.
With all the "thankful" posts stirring around Facebook, I myself sat down and thought of all the things I'm grateful for. Tons of ideas immediately flooded my mind, but of course Justin and Ava bug topped the list. I'm thankful for not only a marriage and life partner, but a forever friend. I have a man in my life that reminds me we are always in this together. I have a man that always talks to me about his fears and his joys. A man that remains on the same page as me when it comes to expanding our family, or making life altering decisions. A man that I know won't give up when things get tough in our relationship. I have a man that will always be here to experience life with me, so long as he is breathing. That's pretty intense right? Imagine how my heart feels.
With Ava bug, I think we all know that I'm grateful for my little girl. What you don't know is that on the days where she tests my absolute patience, those are the days that I love her the absolute most. She has created a patient, EVEN more so tendered-hearted woman. It's the days where she doesn't want to cooperate that I am grateful for. The days where she wants to boycott eating. You see, on those days, I still handle my daughter with grace. Those are the days that remind me I am cut out for this. I never yell, scream, or hit my child when she acts those ways. That's how I reassure myself that I made the right parenting choices. It's in the hard moments that I realize I am a good mother, and that I "wear" parenthood well.
If I had to share just one more thing with you guys that read my blog, I would tell you that I am thankful for all of you. I get so many kind, encouraging, and inspirational words from my readers. The emails you send, the comments you make, you guys lift me up in a way that no one else does. Why you ask? A lot of you don't know me personally. You know things about me that I choose to share. Some of those things I share don't often put me in the best light, yet you read on! You encourage on! Thank you for sharing, reading, and learning something from this blog of mine. I'm thankful I've been given the ability to express myself through words. It has truly been a pleasure.
In the spirit of throwback Thursday's... here's a picture of Justin and I during our first year of marriage. What's better than smiles and the BRONOCS?!? Enjoy!
Happy Thursday all!
♥- Leilani
With all the "thankful" posts stirring around Facebook, I myself sat down and thought of all the things I'm grateful for. Tons of ideas immediately flooded my mind, but of course Justin and Ava bug topped the list. I'm thankful for not only a marriage and life partner, but a forever friend. I have a man in my life that reminds me we are always in this together. I have a man that always talks to me about his fears and his joys. A man that remains on the same page as me when it comes to expanding our family, or making life altering decisions. A man that I know won't give up when things get tough in our relationship. I have a man that will always be here to experience life with me, so long as he is breathing. That's pretty intense right? Imagine how my heart feels.
With Ava bug, I think we all know that I'm grateful for my little girl. What you don't know is that on the days where she tests my absolute patience, those are the days that I love her the absolute most. She has created a patient, EVEN more so tendered-hearted woman. It's the days where she doesn't want to cooperate that I am grateful for. The days where she wants to boycott eating. You see, on those days, I still handle my daughter with grace. Those are the days that remind me I am cut out for this. I never yell, scream, or hit my child when she acts those ways. That's how I reassure myself that I made the right parenting choices. It's in the hard moments that I realize I am a good mother, and that I "wear" parenthood well.
If I had to share just one more thing with you guys that read my blog, I would tell you that I am thankful for all of you. I get so many kind, encouraging, and inspirational words from my readers. The emails you send, the comments you make, you guys lift me up in a way that no one else does. Why you ask? A lot of you don't know me personally. You know things about me that I choose to share. Some of those things I share don't often put me in the best light, yet you read on! You encourage on! Thank you for sharing, reading, and learning something from this blog of mine. I'm thankful I've been given the ability to express myself through words. It has truly been a pleasure.
In the spirit of throwback Thursday's... here's a picture of Justin and I during our first year of marriage. What's better than smiles and the BRONOCS?!? Enjoy!
Photo Cred: Ashley Curirn
Happy Thursday all!
♥- Leilani
Monday, November 10, 2014
Last night was really rough for me for a number of reasons. We are finally approaching the original date for trying to conceive our second child and my emotions are all over the place. The same type of feelings that surfaced prior to having Ava bug have somehow managed to emerge again. The circumstances aren't the same, in fact nothing really is the same. We know that we are 100% capable of conceiving a healthy child... so I'm really not sure what caused this to happen. I think it's pretty normal to be nervous and a little scared when dealing with fertility. None the less, I spent the better half of my night crying to my heart's content. I wasn't going to let my husband see me in this little emotional ball of a mess.. but like always, I had to have the support of my best friend.
He was in the middle of playing some video game when he saw me. Tears down my face, he threw his headset down and just came up and held me. He asked me what was wrong and I told him through my sobs. Like always, he made me feel better. Justin is really, really good at that. He has complete faith and hope in the fact that we will go on to conceive a second baby with no trouble at all. He told me to keep my chin up and stay positive. He told me that we'd have lots more babies if I wanted to. Still standing, he wiped the tears from my face, and said something silly that made me smile.
We sat for a bit and continued to discuss our excitement, our fears, and our impending journey. It was in those moments where I felt even more validated in wanting to have a marriage, a life with this man. Justin is without a doubt one of the greatest men I have ever known. He is so encouraging, strong, and tender-hearted when it comes to the women he loves (Ava bug and myself). We then went on to go and kiss our sleeping beauty toddler for the simple fact that we could. I remember Ava waking up shortly after, and holding her so tight. No matter what happens on this next journey, I will always have my Ava bug. I will always have one perfect little being that is a creation of Justin and I.
That really allowed a wave of peace to come over me. I know I wouldn't be this strong without the support of my husband and I am so grateful for this man on a daily basis. Free from judgment when jealousy rears it's ugly head when I see all those who conceive with ease, Justin is there to remind me that our journey makes our reward that much more enjoyable. It is in his words of optimism that I find peace and acceptance. More so than ever, I feel rock solid. I feel rock solid with my marriage, I feel rock solid with my life goals, and I feel rock solid with the type of parent I continue to become. I'm in a really good place right now and all signs point to baby # 2 for us. I can't even explain this to you guys in words, because I fall short, but it is most definitely time for us to look back and see two carseats behind us in the car. That was how we knew it was time to try for children, and I am trusting this instinct that Justin and I have once more.
How many of my readers are considering adding little additions to their family? Did you have similar emotions as mine? Are there any readers with fertility struggles? I'd love to hear from you all in the comments below or by email.
Happy Monday all!
♥- Leilani
He was in the middle of playing some video game when he saw me. Tears down my face, he threw his headset down and just came up and held me. He asked me what was wrong and I told him through my sobs. Like always, he made me feel better. Justin is really, really good at that. He has complete faith and hope in the fact that we will go on to conceive a second baby with no trouble at all. He told me to keep my chin up and stay positive. He told me that we'd have lots more babies if I wanted to. Still standing, he wiped the tears from my face, and said something silly that made me smile.
We sat for a bit and continued to discuss our excitement, our fears, and our impending journey. It was in those moments where I felt even more validated in wanting to have a marriage, a life with this man. Justin is without a doubt one of the greatest men I have ever known. He is so encouraging, strong, and tender-hearted when it comes to the women he loves (Ava bug and myself). We then went on to go and kiss our sleeping beauty toddler for the simple fact that we could. I remember Ava waking up shortly after, and holding her so tight. No matter what happens on this next journey, I will always have my Ava bug. I will always have one perfect little being that is a creation of Justin and I.
That really allowed a wave of peace to come over me. I know I wouldn't be this strong without the support of my husband and I am so grateful for this man on a daily basis. Free from judgment when jealousy rears it's ugly head when I see all those who conceive with ease, Justin is there to remind me that our journey makes our reward that much more enjoyable. It is in his words of optimism that I find peace and acceptance. More so than ever, I feel rock solid. I feel rock solid with my marriage, I feel rock solid with my life goals, and I feel rock solid with the type of parent I continue to become. I'm in a really good place right now and all signs point to baby # 2 for us. I can't even explain this to you guys in words, because I fall short, but it is most definitely time for us to look back and see two carseats behind us in the car. That was how we knew it was time to try for children, and I am trusting this instinct that Justin and I have once more.
How many of my readers are considering adding little additions to their family? Did you have similar emotions as mine? Are there any readers with fertility struggles? I'd love to hear from you all in the comments below or by email.
Happy Monday all!
♥- Leilani
Monday, September 8, 2014
The process of purchasing our first home has been emotional, confusing, and seven kinds of exciting. When we first started looking for homes, I didn't find anything that "popped" out for me. A lot of the homes we saw had *wow factors* but we always seemed to pass on them. This is actually one of the scariest decisions we've ever been faced with, and we were not going to settle until we found our dream home, or a home that had the potential to be our dream home. We looked for a couple of months, and we ended up being unsuccessful. We'd start the search back up after a couple of months, but the results were always the same.
Let's fast forward three months. I took Ava for a morning stroll in our subdivision. I went down a little farther than I normally do, and I stumbled across brand new, beautiful homes. A lot of them were under construction, so I hadn't really intended on taking a look. Let's fast forward about six weeks. I finally decided that Justin and I needed to go check these homes out. The model home was staged and ready for every possible buyer to view. As soon as we walked through the model home, I lit up completely.
Every room I saw was perfect. Open concept, marble slabs, and huge bedrooms. There was literally nothing wrong with this house. The model home fit our needs in every way possible, and the home was accommodating for a Howland family expansion (more little ones). The backyard was very decent and it had a covered patio with light beams (Justin was in love with this feature). As we made our way upstairs, I immediately turned to my husband and I said, "Let's do this!". As soon as we told the listing agent we wanted to take the next step, she handed us a preferred lender card for the man that would be helping us on our journey.
So far things with our lender have been great. I emailed him that night, and I got a phone call the next day. He gave us a pre-approval, and apparently listing agents love that. It lets them know they aren't wasting their time. After submitting a lot of other documents, our lender went over mortgage numbers, property tax numbers, and informed us of the MCC tax credit. The next day we went over and viewed the home that would soon be ours.. only to find out hours later that the home had been purchased. I was honestly crushed, but delighted to find out that there was one more home on that street with the layout we desired. It's funny how things work out because this home was even better than the last home (location wise). It put us into a cute cul-de-sac, and it gave Ava bug two neighbors her age on both sides.
After what happened before, we wasted no time getting the mutual agreement completed with the builder. They accepted our offer on the house, and now we have to wait for the VA loan process to commence. We submitted $1000 for escrow to hold because it let's the builder know we are committed buyers. The only way that the money in escrow can be kept is if our financing falls through and we had a bunch of upgrades (not the case), or if it is needed for closing costs (not the case). So far, this is where we are at. The house has to appraised in the next week, but we are hopeful everything will check out okay.
In the meantime Justin and I are researching LIKE CRAZY. We want this home to be our "forever home" so we've looked at elementary schools, we've been in contact with the company that dishes out the HOA fees, and we have been reading new home owner books. All in all this process hasn't been too bad, and we are so giddy about where we are at.
Per the request of everyone that wants to see a little more on the house.. here's a sneak peak at my future kitchen if everything falls into place! For all my blog readers, I have one request! Prayers or good vibes for us Howlands as we embark on this journey.
♥- Leilani
Let's fast forward three months. I took Ava for a morning stroll in our subdivision. I went down a little farther than I normally do, and I stumbled across brand new, beautiful homes. A lot of them were under construction, so I hadn't really intended on taking a look. Let's fast forward about six weeks. I finally decided that Justin and I needed to go check these homes out. The model home was staged and ready for every possible buyer to view. As soon as we walked through the model home, I lit up completely.
Every room I saw was perfect. Open concept, marble slabs, and huge bedrooms. There was literally nothing wrong with this house. The model home fit our needs in every way possible, and the home was accommodating for a Howland family expansion (more little ones). The backyard was very decent and it had a covered patio with light beams (Justin was in love with this feature). As we made our way upstairs, I immediately turned to my husband and I said, "Let's do this!". As soon as we told the listing agent we wanted to take the next step, she handed us a preferred lender card for the man that would be helping us on our journey.
So far things with our lender have been great. I emailed him that night, and I got a phone call the next day. He gave us a pre-approval, and apparently listing agents love that. It lets them know they aren't wasting their time. After submitting a lot of other documents, our lender went over mortgage numbers, property tax numbers, and informed us of the MCC tax credit. The next day we went over and viewed the home that would soon be ours.. only to find out hours later that the home had been purchased. I was honestly crushed, but delighted to find out that there was one more home on that street with the layout we desired. It's funny how things work out because this home was even better than the last home (location wise). It put us into a cute cul-de-sac, and it gave Ava bug two neighbors her age on both sides.
After what happened before, we wasted no time getting the mutual agreement completed with the builder. They accepted our offer on the house, and now we have to wait for the VA loan process to commence. We submitted $1000 for escrow to hold because it let's the builder know we are committed buyers. The only way that the money in escrow can be kept is if our financing falls through and we had a bunch of upgrades (not the case), or if it is needed for closing costs (not the case). So far, this is where we are at. The house has to appraised in the next week, but we are hopeful everything will check out okay.
In the meantime Justin and I are researching LIKE CRAZY. We want this home to be our "forever home" so we've looked at elementary schools, we've been in contact with the company that dishes out the HOA fees, and we have been reading new home owner books. All in all this process hasn't been too bad, and we are so giddy about where we are at.
Per the request of everyone that wants to see a little more on the house.. here's a sneak peak at my future kitchen if everything falls into place! For all my blog readers, I have one request! Prayers or good vibes for us Howlands as we embark on this journey.
Happy Monday All!
♥- Leilani
Thursday, September 4, 2014
This marks my first blog post for the month of September, and I've got to say things are off to a great start. With diving into purchasing our first home (look out for a blog post on this), Justin getting LASIK eye surgery, and this mama spending her first night away from Ava bug, I'd say that we have a lot on our plates. For those of my blog readers that are reading my last sentence, I bet you are wondering how on earth you didn't know that we were in the process of buying our first home, am I right? Everything has happened so quickly, and we found our dream home on our first open house (as crazy as that sounds). We actually just put in our offer last night, and it's safe to say that both Justin and I are freaking out. We have never purchased property before and it's a really big deal for us. Some part of me has this notion that we've got this "American dream" going on. The house, the family, the job, etc. Being home owners is just another huge milestone for our family.
All of our stars seemed to be aligned and we have never felt this in sync in our marriage. Life has been really good for us these last few weeks. More importantly we keep discussing trying to conceive and where we stand with that. I remember mentioning to you guys that we were going to take a break, then we were back on, and now it seems as if we both unintentionally are in a comfortable place right now. Ava takes up a lot of our time, we are now just getting back into the swing of incorporating "us" time, and with all of the new impending changes...trying for a baby doesn't really seem like a good idea right now. Now, ask me again when this house deal closes, and you may get a different response from me. Above all, I just love where we are at. I know Justin has the "baby fever" and I'm guilty as well, but it feels good to be a team in this decision.
I literally just got a call confirming that our offer was accepted on the new house! Oh my goodness! I can't even explain to you guys how happy I am right now. A lot of the details that go into purchasing a home are a tad confusing, so I am off to do my research even more so about the stages we are in. I can't wait to share this new journey with all of you. I'm excited to have something that is entirely ours in my home state! How many of my blog readers are home owners? How long did it take you to find your dream home? I'd love to hear from you in the comments below or by email!
Here's a preview of the new (soon to be) Howland Residence:
Happy Thursday all!
♥- Leilani
All of our stars seemed to be aligned and we have never felt this in sync in our marriage. Life has been really good for us these last few weeks. More importantly we keep discussing trying to conceive and where we stand with that. I remember mentioning to you guys that we were going to take a break, then we were back on, and now it seems as if we both unintentionally are in a comfortable place right now. Ava takes up a lot of our time, we are now just getting back into the swing of incorporating "us" time, and with all of the new impending changes...trying for a baby doesn't really seem like a good idea right now. Now, ask me again when this house deal closes, and you may get a different response from me. Above all, I just love where we are at. I know Justin has the "baby fever" and I'm guilty as well, but it feels good to be a team in this decision.
I literally just got a call confirming that our offer was accepted on the new house! Oh my goodness! I can't even explain to you guys how happy I am right now. A lot of the details that go into purchasing a home are a tad confusing, so I am off to do my research even more so about the stages we are in. I can't wait to share this new journey with all of you. I'm excited to have something that is entirely ours in my home state! How many of my blog readers are home owners? How long did it take you to find your dream home? I'd love to hear from you in the comments below or by email!
Here's a preview of the new (soon to be) Howland Residence:
Isn't it gorgeous?
Happy Thursday all!
♥- Leilani
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