My heart swells with gratitude and love as I reflect on the incredible journey that Justin and I have shared over the past thirteen years. 

Locked Out

Today couldn't have gone any better if I had planned every minute of our Christmas.. well aside from being locked out of our house, but more on this later. I was the first of the bunch to wake up, so I took that time to turn on Christmas jams, get dressed for the day, and prep Ava bug's breakfast. Shortly after, Ava bug woke up. Justin immediately opened his eyes after this. We spent a few minutes getting everyone prepped for the day, and then we headed downstairs. YOU GUYS, the look on my child's face when she saw all of the commotion downstairs was bar-nunn, incredible! It was like watching her birth all over again. Pure joy. Just absolute joy when she saw the pretty bows, big toys, and all that was waiting for her.

Truth be told, that's what Justin and I waited for. We spent over 4 hours on Christmas Eve night prepping for Christmas morning. I watched my husband deal with little pieces, directions without English, and kitchen sets that seemed almost impossible to set up.. he managed to work through it all and finish everything! In this moments, I realized just how much of a hero this man is. I mean it guys. Justin is that dad that you'd want your kids to have. That attentive daddy that wakes up with the kids, cleans them up, plays tea party with them, and manages to put them above ALL ELSE. This family wouldn't functionally effectively without his presence (sorry for that brag moment, but it is more than deserved).

The first thing that Ava decided to play with was her custom kitchen from her grandparents, then she migrated over to the cozy coupe, and then she played with her easel. She fell in love with her tea set and table. In fact, she immediately grabbed her daddy's hand to sit and have a tea party with her. My heart was so full in those moments. I gush at the sight of the loves of my life enjoying one another. This is kind of how our morning went, until family came over. Because of last week's events, we sort of lost a tad bit of holiday spirit. I normally go overboard with Christmas, but this year, I wasn't over the top with it all, and that was okay.

I spaced on getting a few things from the store, but thankfully, Walgreens is opened on Christmas. As much as I hate that people were working on Christmas day, I was so thankful for a store that had foil, adult beverages, and egg nog. The rest of our day went rather smoothly... until I decided to take Ava bug outside in her new cozy coupe. Normally, I lock our dog up prior to us going outside. He acts completely irrational and barks so loudly, but the mister decided that it wasn't necessary this time. Well, after our random outside trip, we go back home to find out that our door is locked shut. The dog was jumping on the lock and somehow managed to lock the door on us. We had no windows opened ANYWHERE. Our back door was locked and we had NO cell phones outside with us. Thank god for our sweet neighbors and their kind father. We ended up busting out one of our garage door window panels, and now we have the luxury of heading to Lowe's first thing tomorrow to replace it, Yay(total sarcasm)!

All in all, our day was perfect. I loved spending time with family. I loved watching Ava climb on her big girl slide, baking pretend cupcakes, sitting on her Sofia the first vanity, and pushing her shopping cart. Our families outdid themselves with the gifts and we couldn't be more grateful for the love they show through the act of gifting. Here are a few photos from our morning with Ava. I tried my best to be absolutely present while my family was here. More than anything, I realize more each day how important it is to relish family and all that goes with having a family. Moments like today only happen every so often!

Merry Christmas all!

♥- Leilani

100 Happy Days

This topic has been buzzing all over my facebook news feed for quite some time, and I finally feel like I can take this challenge. I tried a few weeks ago, and I realized with updating all of my other social media networks, I completely neglected to email my daily picture to 100happydays.com. Well, I think it's about time that I back off of facebook,twitter, and instagram to really focus on this challenge. I know what makes me happy in my everyday life, but I like the idea of realizing even more of the little things in my life, that bring me joy. Life is so busy at times, and it's easy to overlook the small stuff. I really want to channel more laid back qualities in myself, and I think doing this simple task can help me with that. Some of the people I know that have taken on 100 happy days mentioned that it's definitely revealing. That definitely pertains to my interest. I'm going to encourage my husband to do this as well. This will be a fun task we can do together. My main goal is to actually stick to the challenge, and submit my daily photos.

So far, every picture I take is of my daughter. Every time she sucks on her toes, stands, or smiles, my heart leaps with happiness. Sometimes, I'll get pictures of Justin. He's usually doing something goofy that causes me to smile all cheesy like. Rarely, I snatch pictures of Coop. I love him, I do... but he is definitely a challenge (especially with Washington rain, and wet doggy paws). Aside from my family, I'm hoping to tap into nature. The little things like cherry blossoms, busy streets, and Mt. Rainier. I live in the most beautiful state in this nation. I take all the beautiful features that Washington has for granted.. I think it's about time I put a stop to that. We are hoping to explore at least one new thing this weekend.

I may be MIA off of social media for a bit, but I promise to continue to update my blog readers. I want this happy challenge to have a fighting chance, and I'm hoping to see some great results. I encourage everyone to give this challenge a look see. It's a challenge about figuring out what makes you happy. What is better than that?  Take a look at this link and explore what I'll be spending the next 100 days invested in.

Alright guys, I'm off. The rain has let up, and I'm ready to take in some fresh air. Happy Tuesday!

 ♥- Leilani

Being Happily Married

Normally, I tend to shy away from writing posts like this. I have found the center for this blog and I'm quite happy with it. However, I stumbled upon some information that really caught my attention. Since having a baby, going through the distance of a deployment last year, and the constant moving we have done these past few months, my relationship with Justin has changed. We were once that "head over heels, happy go lucky" married couple that never spent a moment apart. Then (what felt like overnight), we became that married couple that had to be intimate without physical presence. The couple expecting a baby, the couple who had sexy conversations that included your wife vomiting in the background. That married couple who had to somehow reestablish order at home with a baby present. Our marriage kind of went through a makeover this past year.

Through it all we have managed to maintain a healthy relationship, and we are still happy in our marriage. Yes, there is a difference between being married, and being happily married. That's kind of what I wanted to focus on right now. Justin and I have met a lot of people since we became an item, and I've spent a lot of time observing the relationships of others. I think I was trying to get a feel for the dynamic of the relationships we were surrounded by. Often times I was able to see love and warmth. Other times it was irritability and distance. Sometimes it was just flat out annoyance and the energy in the room felt awkward.

After reading an article and a few other marital books, I began to wonder how many people actually take the time to make their marriage a priority. Often times we get so caught up with life, the kids we make, our goals, and household duties, that we don't really put our relationships on the pedestal that they deserve. Personally, this is something I do everyday. I praise my husband, where praise is due. I go out of my way each day to do something that lets him know he's still my number one man. I know it makes a world of difference for Justin, and It makes me feel good seeing a smile on his face.

Another habit to think about was titled searching for the good. We all have little pet peeves about our spouses. Rather than treating it like a curse, find something positive in that pet peeve of yours. For example, I hate video games. Justin finds video games to be a lot of fun. Instead of looking at video games with disgust, I acknowledge the fact that after a long day/week, gaming it up is Justin's relaxation. That's why we have a "man cave" in our home, it's just for Justin and his gaming.

A couple of the other categories I read were:

• making love a verb
• talking to each other, seriously

Love is not something we have, it's something we do. Justin and I are always referencing our love languages (thank you Mr. Chapman). I never want to be that couple that falls into complacency, thus why we make our marriage a daily priority that we work on. It's so important to know the things you can do to ensure your spouse feels loved. Even if it's something as small as making their favorite breakfast. The smallest things make the biggest differences. 

Talking without distraction is actually something I need to work on. I'm constantly getting emails from other moms, my school, social media, and I know at times Justin gets pretty irritated about it. I have cut down the amount of time I spend on the internet each day, and each night, after Ava goes down, we have our talk time. This usually lasts anywhere from an hour to two hours. Like this evening, we spent two hours talking about our childhood, and some of the memories we want to share with Ava. No television, no computer, no cell phones, just great conversation. We didn't discuss any agenda's or plans. That type of conversation is always my favorite. 

I guess the point of all this was to be a reminder that there are so many things we can do to have these beautiful, happy, marriages. I am only three years in, but I know that the foundation of my marriage has to be strong, it has to be tended to on a daily basis. I'm not saying my marriage is a cake walk, but it's definitely doing great on the upkeep. I know this was long, but on a final note, I wanted to leave my readers with this beautiful quote: Happy marriages don't happen by accident. You have to be intentional and work on your relationship to maintain a strong marriage.

Happy Friday all!

♥- Leilani

BIG changes

For the past couple of months Justin and I have been trying our hardest to cut out some of the horrid habits we have acquired over the years. I will say, becoming a natural family is a lot harder than we initially thought. Altering your lifestyle is much more than just saying you need to change (although that is a great start), it requires restraint, and definitely hard work. So what type of growth are we hoping to make in the new year?

Well, for starters, we are actually embracing the word "natural" and not so much organic. Gluten free snacks are stacked in the Howland home as of late. We are shying away from a lot of processed foods and ingredients like white sugar, white flour, and any type of soda. Those ingredients strip our bodies of minerals, and they definitely don't put us on a "natural" track. In order to truly feel good, we plan on nourishing our family with healthy, and natural substitutions. The bonus? Implementing good eating habits will pave a healthy lifestyle for our little (and future Howl babies).

Another change that we are making as of NOW is delayed vaccinations (I know some people don't agree). But as of today, this is the decision we have made. I literally just spent over two hours researching, reading, and watching all kinds of videos with Justin (I love how involved of a parent he is), AGAIN and watching his reaction to the ingredients and possible outcomes of vaccinations, hurt my heart a bit. I think there are a lot of things parents don't choose to education themselves on, and I think it's unfortunate. We have vaccinated, and will continue to (delayed, as stated), but that's after long, extensive research. Please be "in the know" when it comes to what's going into your child's body (If I could stress anything, it would be that). Take all factors into account when vaccinating. Sorry for that little vent, but I do think it's imperative that parents step up and get in "the know." Any who, we have taken a lot of factors into consideration. The two most important being that Ava is exclusively breastfed, and the second being she is not and will not be in any type of daycare facility. *** For those of you who are interested in doing a little more research, I strongly encourage you to watch mama natural's vaccination videos. She gives you a thorough description of each vaccination, the doses, and what kinds of ingredients are put in vaccines. Childhood vaccines*** Each video is less than five minutes, but can definitely be life changing for you and your family. Don't stop your research there, her videos are meant to give you a general ideas and descriptions.

Justin and I will both be full time college students come next month, and education is definitely a huge change in 2014 for us. I have managed to maintain A's in all of my courses these last five months, and that is an educational goal for myself moving into this new year. I take my education seriously, and I am more than sure Justin will too. I think being a full time student, and working full time will present challenges for my husband, but he is a trooper and I seem him fulfilling his goals to obtain his degree. We are both overly confident we can continue to motivate and encourage each other.

 Speaking of next month, we'll have definitely settled in our new Washington home by this time. During our "what to implement" discussion this past week, my husband actually had one awesome request. At least once a month, we'll have a date night. This is perfect for us, considering we will be near family members, and I know leaving Ava bug with people we trust isn't going to be any type of issue. Having a child has definitely changed our marriage, but I'd have to say becoming parents changed our marriage in such beautiful ways. That being said, our main center of focus may be Ava, but we haven't forgotten how she came to be (us two). So, whether it be dinner at a restaurant, a nice beach side picnic, or just "some day" shopping for appliances at Home Depot, we will continue to nourish and allow our marriage to flourish.

Aside from physical goals for Justin, and more mental health goals for myself, this is the jist of the growth we would like to have happen for our family this year. Notice how I said growth? Growth is never ending. Achieving growth is the biggest motivation anyone can have.  If you take nothing else away from this post, leave with that. A motivated being can move mountains. Always have a goal in mind, always work toward growth.

Happy New Year all!

♥- Leilani

Justin

I know, I know. I write about him a lot. What can I say, he's kind of a big deal. Tonight he reminded me of all the reasons why I said yes two and a half years ago. If you were to meet my husband, the first thought that would come to mind would either be, he's cool... or he's down to earth. Both true. You would never guess he was a mushy gushy, romantic cuddle bug. Those types of behaviors he leaves reserved for me. Sometimes I wish people could see all that I do, but how special would that be? Tonight Justin is tied up at work (LOVE THE ARMY) the entire afternoon and evening, I keep getting random text messages from him. They all say: I love you so much it's crazy. I'm proud to be your husband. I wish I was home with you. You are the best mother to our daughter. You are my lovely wife. He's said all of those things to me before. I love it. But what I love more is the "just because" factor. I never have to FORCE him to do anything or say anything to me. He just does it, because it's Monday or whatever day. I don't remind him of my birthday, our anniversary, etc. He remembers. A lot of guys only feel it necessary to be extraordinary on the designated days throughout the year. Justin is extraordinary all the time. Nothing means more to me than a random act of sweetness from him. I honestly thought things weren't going to feel THIS GOOD for a little longer. Even though reintegration is a word I use less and less in this house, it's still happening. After seeing how I struggled the first month, I wasn't expecting to have our fiery love back on track so soon. I guess I underestimate our love at times. It's not generic. It's not replicated. It's our love. It's silly. It's romantic. It's honest. We are still considered "newly weds" and we haven't endured that 4,5,7,10,or 14 year storm that marriage allegedly presents, but I can say this... As long as we both wake up to one another each day, I can't see myself wanting to spend my life working or perfecting anything else on this earth (other than my faith in the lord of course) This man I have, man oh man. Thank you for always being exactly what I need honey.

Self Worth

I think the most attractive quality a person can have is self worth. Loving yourself, respecting yourself, and not allowing superficial things in life to define you. Having a little girl that is due to arrive in a few weeks makes me think about self worth a lot more. Typically, It's women who have these underlying issues with themselves or they are just more vocal about them. They allow themselves to be defined by people they are in relationships with, people they are married to, and people they are related to (sometimes even people that don't play a vital role in their lives) I don't want my daughter to ever feel like she's not good enough. I don't want her to feel like she doesn't deserve the best life has to offer. I NEVER want her to criticize herself for her physical image.

I saw this on pinterest this morning and it broke my heart. It all starts in the home. I remember in my younger years when I was chunky in all the wrong places my mom would look at me and say "baby, if you can still see your feet when you look down, you have no worries" Somehow that cheesy phrase made a world of difference. I would look down in the shower, in the car, walking the halls at school, and I'd smile! I could indeed see my feet ! I felt great about myself. If it wasn't for my parents always commending me and reminding me of my beauty in my younger years, I wouldn't have the strength I have now. Thank god my parents were strong reminders that I am a beautiful person. I think we all go through gray areas in our lives where we are impressionable, we doubt ourselves, and we wish we looked and acted like someone better. That's a part of growing up. you realize you are enough. You realize you deserve respect, love, and happiness. Not because you're better than the next person, but because you are a human being. This is a standard we should all hold ourselves too. One thing I hope to pass on to Ava is my strong sense of self worth. I don't have a size two body, I'm definitely not the smartest woman alive, and I still have my own daily battles that I deal with. But flaws, they are beautiful, because they set you apart. It makes you unique. One thing I never have to question is how much I mean to me. I love myself, and that love shines bright wherever I go. I think this is probably the most attractive quality I have. & because of that quality, I married a man that respects me. He doesn't talk down to me, he doesn't control me, we are equals. A lot of how we feel about ourselves reflect the people we allow in our lives. Thus, why you see so many people in crummy relationships or relationships that are forced. They don't think they deserve better and they cling to whatever or whoever it is that gives them attention, even if that attention is negative. I made a decision today. We will never allow for a scale to be in our home. The only size there will be for little miss Ava is perfect and healthy. I know that's just one aspect of self worth (image) but I'm not too worried about the rest. We will instill strong qualities into our little girl. I have no doubt in my mind that she will grow up strong, beautiful, and able. It all starts with the foundation we apply. 

Two Years

It's been two years since the day I said, I do. (The 21st is actually our anniversary but with Justin on Afghanistan time, I wanted to get this post out early. In 4 hours it will be the 21st of January his time) It's crazy to me because I am still that giddy, over the moon, first crush in LOVE with Justin. And I am not ashamed of it one bit. The way I see it, I've been given the most special gift that life offers (aside from being pregnant with our daughter) I get to love my soul mate every single day of my life, for the rest of my life. 

WHAT IS BETTER THAN THAT? So I shout it to the world! I'd shout it on top of mountain tops if I were courageous enough to climb one. On a side note, our anniversaries crack me up. I am not a typical woman. I am not so fond of jewelry. Some people expect it, they have an appreciation for it, but I don't. I'm not super big on flowers, chocolates, or any other common gift. This frustrates Justin haha.  He actually has to put THOUGHT into the gift he gives me. it doesn't have to be something materialistic, just something meaningful. Those gifts are priceless and mean the most to me. Back on the subject, One thing I have definitely learned this past year in marriage, is that like wine, everything gets better with age. Our first year of marriage was a tough one. Mainly because we were given a lot of trials and tribulations that were unexpected, and took time and healing to overcome. This past year of marriage was a cakewalk! We'd worked out the kinks, and we continued to stay on the same page, essentially with the same goals. And we created our daughter. 

I remember flip-flopping with Justin back and forth for an entire year about having kids. We knew he was going to deploy, and still, we waited. we had ONE MONTH to make it happen, or he was going overseas without a pregnant wife, and wouldn't you know, we made it happen. Since my pregnancy started, I have seen a change in my husband that wasn't present before. He is even more assured in the goals he has (long term) it's odd because Justin is a very day-to-day person. He always has been. So seeing him make these changes to better our daughter's future, just touches me. I'm falling even more in love with the man he is becoming. Even with Justin deployed right now, I can't help but be grateful. We don't have a cookie-cutter love. 

We disagree, we have our bad days and our moments. But, at the end of each day, we love each other. and we love hard. It's cliche to sit here and say he's my best friend, he's my soul mate, he's my support system. But all of those things are cliche BECAUSE they should be that way. How else could you spend the rest of your life with someone if they weren't all of those qualities? To sum this up, Happy Anniversary Justin. I love you. always have, always will.