Being Happily Married

Friday, February 21, 2014
Normally, I tend to shy away from writing posts like this. I have found the center for this blog and I'm quite happy with it. However, I stumbled upon some information that really caught my attention. Since having a baby, going through the distance of a deployment last year, and the constant moving we have done these past few months, my relationship with Justin has changed. We were once that "head over heels, happy go lucky" married couple that never spent a moment apart. Then (what felt like overnight), we became that married couple that had to be intimate without physical presence. The couple expecting a baby, the couple who had sexy conversations that included your wife vomiting in the background. That married couple who had to somehow reestablish order at home with a baby present. Our marriage kind of went through a makeover this past year.

Through it all we have managed to maintain a healthy relationship, and we are still happy in our marriage. Yes, there is a difference between being married, and being happily married. That's kind of what I wanted to focus on right now. Justin and I have met a lot of people since we became an item, and I've spent a lot of time observing the relationships of others. I think I was trying to get a feel for the dynamic of the relationships we were surrounded by. Often times I was able to see love and warmth. Other times it was irritability and distance. Sometimes it was just flat out annoyance and the energy in the room felt awkward.

After reading an article and a few other marital books, I began to wonder how many people actually take the time to make their marriage a priority. Often times we get so caught up with life, the kids we make, our goals, and household duties, that we don't really put our relationships on the pedestal that they deserve. Personally, this is something I do everyday. I praise my husband, where praise is due. I go out of my way each day to do something that lets him know he's still my number one man. I know it makes a world of difference for Justin, and It makes me feel good seeing a smile on his face.

Another habit to think about was titled searching for the good. We all have little pet peeves about our spouses. Rather than treating it like a curse, find something positive in that pet peeve of yours. For example, I hate video games. Justin finds video games to be a lot of fun. Instead of looking at video games with disgust, I acknowledge the fact that after a long day/week, gaming it up is Justin's relaxation. That's why we have a "man cave" in our home, it's just for Justin and his gaming.

A couple of the other categories I read were:
  • making love a verb
  • talking to each other, seriously
Love is not something we have, it's something we do. Justin and I are always referencing our love languages (thank you Mr. Chapman). I never want to be that couple that falls into complacency, thus why we make our marriage a daily priority that we work on. It's so important to know the things you can do to ensure your spouse feels loved. Even if it's something as small as making their favorite breakfast. The smallest things make the biggest differences. 

Talking without distraction is actually something I need to work on. I'm constantly getting emails from other moms, my school, social media, and I know at times Justin gets pretty irritated about it. I have cut down the amount of time I spend on the internet each day, and each night, after Ava goes down, we have our talk time. This usually lasts anywhere from an hour to two hours. Like this evening, we spent two hours talking about our childhood, and some of the memories we want to share with Ava. No television, no computer, no cell phones, just great conversation. We didn't discuss any agenda's or plans. That type of conversation is always my favorite. 

I guess the point of all this was to be a reminder that there are so many things we can do to have these beautiful, happy, marriages. I am only three years in, but I know that the foundation of my marriage has to be strong, it has to be tended to on a daily basis. I'm not saying my marriage is a cake walk, but it's definitely doing great on the upkeep. I know this was long, but on a final note, I wanted to leave my readers with this beautiful quote: Happy marriages don't happen by accident. You have to be intentional and work on your relationship to maintain a strong marriage.

Happy Friday all!

♥- Leilani

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