Let the hotel living commence.

Compassion Reassignment

This feels all too familiar but all very foreign at the same time.

Its been a week

I’m going to try and cram the last week of my life into this single blog, brace yourself! This last week has been complete madness. Three days of having our household goods packed/loaded, two nights of a family of FIVE sleeping on ONE air mattress, and a rushed, but emotional farewell to the city that has treated us like gold since we first arrived. The movers arrived on Monday to start packing up the house and they didn’t really disappoint. We were pleased with the crew we had and they were quick with their packing skills. They did forget a certain size box they needed to pack up wardrobes, I think? So they knew they’d be back out on Tuesday to finish the job. It only bothered me a little because we’ve never had movers take the two full days to pack our things. Normally it takes a full day of packing and a full day of loading, but I digress.

Tuesday two of the three movers that came the day before came out again to finish the job. I wasn’t as pleased this time around. One of them wanted to leave without tagging everything and another just randomly didn’t pack certain things in the garage/backyard/office space. I don’t know if he just assumed they were furniture items (that is the driver’s job to tag/load), but regardless, I was annoyed. I kept my cool while they were there and requested tagged/put together boxes so I could finish packing myself. And thats exactly what I did. I really shouldn’t complain to be honest. I actually like handling my own stuff and the Army is paying for this move entirely.. yet still, I just appreciate when people do their job correctly.

Wednesday the loaders came along with the driver and the driver works for the same company as the movers. That was a bonus. We knew that everything would be in house. One of the movers from earlier in the week was there as well. So we saw him all three day and Olivia grew so dang close to him. He was great with kids and that is always appreciated. Anyways, the driver pulled up a little after 830am with a dang U-haul truck. I was expecting a tractor trailer, this was definitely a first. Apparently, his tractor trailer broke down and another driver was bringing him a new one all the way from Missouri. So basically he was going to pack our things to be transferred to the working tractor trailer later. Except the U-haul didn’t fit all of our things… so they had to call the moving company, who then had to send another driver with a truck to finish the job. YIKES! All I felt was absolute panic.

I didn’t like the idea of our things being separated. Wouldn’t that just increase the chances of part of our shipment getting lost? The driver gave us other options, but you know, after Justin and I talked.. we just decided to be positive and go with the flow. Let’s hope that decision doesn’t come back to bite us. They finished loading all of our things Wednesday and we spent that night and Thursday night in our empty home with just each other. Prior to leaving, we said our goodbyes to our Texas friends, Ava’s school (SUPER EMOTIONAL), and the house we’ve called our home for the last two and a half years.

Moving is never easy, but this move got me right in the feels. And you know whats bittersweet? I’m moving back home. My dad flew in this afternoon and the kids couldn’t be more excited. They love their Opa and have made sure to keep him busy. My dad helped us clean the rest of the house, load up the cars, and get the kids ready for dinner. All three babies have been asleep since about 730 or so and when they wake up they will be in Arizona. More specifically, The grand canyon.

Mom So Hard

Justin has officially been at SLC for almost a full week now and I cannot believe the kids and I are still surviving this gracefully! This whole parenting "alone" business is rough stuff and I have been a hot mess express all week long! Its crazy to me because Justin is normally gone most of the day anyways but our evening routine is absolutely bananas right now (and we have a toddler who insists on touching her own poop... another story for another day i suppose). You don't realize just how much someone contributes until they aren't there to contribute. Even the small stuff. Especially the small stuff, actually. So I've altered our nighttime routine and the kids are having a little bit of an adjustment period with that. If I'm being honest, I had to switch things up anyways because Ava starts school next week. She'll be waking up at 6am every single day and adequate sleep is the highest priority for the house right now. But, early sleepers means early risers - even if mama isn't bright eyed and bushy tailed at 5am. The upside to that is we all have this mega sleepover in mommy + daddy's bed and I get to cuddle all of my babies for an extra hour. "Holding down the fort" while Justin is away has been enlightening though. 

I feel like I'm always on high alert, my "free" time is time that I use to complete a house chore, and I'm constantly keeping the kids engaged because they miss their daddy. It has been exhausting. Knowing that this is temporary helps though. I think about all the mamas + papas in the world that may be doing life and kids solely by themselves and I am full of SO much admiration. Yes, we do what we have to do - but if this last week has taught me anything, its that time for yourself is hard, especially when you don't have time for all the things you need to do. USAREC has definitely left our family feeling spoiled. Two years ago, Justin leaving was just our normal. Granted, I barely had 1.5 babies at the time, but still. It was not something that was uncommon and detrimental to the well being of our child. Things have changed.

We have babies that both depend AND are accustomed to seeing their papa every single day. Watching Olivia wait for the door to open every night has been heart wrenching. She keeps saying, "Daddy went for a haircut?" and maybe she thinks its just going to be a longggg haircut? I don't know. I had to put framed pictures of Justin in the kids' rooms because they missed seeing him. Ava said she didn't want to forget what he looks like. Talk about tear jerker, right? We do facetime daddy multiple times a day and he did leave recorded videos in his absence for me to play. I know its not the same, but I am trying so dang hard over here to keep our spirits high. I do love seeing just how much love they have for their dad though. Its easy to act as if I'm doing this rodeo by myself just because my sacrifice is staying home to raise our family... but truth is, the show just isn't the same without my sweetheart. 

So until then, I'll be mommin' my absolute hardest.

Woes

It's been over two weeks since we found out that Justin got reassignment orders for a station in Washington. Most of the past couple weeks have been filled with rejoice + preparing.... but I do have these moment where I feel sad, like I'm not ready to move yet. I know that sounds weird, right? I talk about home so much, everyone knows I miss it, and I can't wait to move back.. it's just I wasn't quite ready to close this chapter we are currently in. This season. It took me a little time to realize it, but I do love so much about our current right now.  Being right down the street from Ava's elementary school, Justin's office being less than a 10 minute drive from our home, and this home we've built being the only normal our second born has ever known. All the feelings are hitting me lately. I didn't spend enough time appreciating all the things we've built here in Texas and I wish I would have. 

So, for the next four months, that is exactly what I plan to do. Soak it all in. We are going to take the time to enjoy things while we still can. Like, embracing every single day of Ava's kindergarten experience here because- that matters to me. Taking Liam out in the carrier for those PERFECT fall mornings that Texas affords us because- that matters to me too. Making sure to swing my sweet Olivia Rose as high as I can on her favorite swings at the park down the street because-  those memories, all of them... they matter. Nana is flying in the day before Halloween to kind of send us off with one last visit in this house (our kids miss her SO much) and I know that'll be the sweetest visit ever. We haven't gone to New York since Liam was born, so I know being able to meet her first great-grandson will also be a treat! 

I really want to make this move special for the kids because 2/3 are able to understand whats going on for the most part. Ava never ceases to amaze me. I heard her telling her sister, "Olivia. Its okay. We are going to make so many new friends, see our family, and see Mama Lee. Washington is so great." Her ability to adapt blows me away and I'm so thankful for my big girl. The transition should be a good one and I'm hoping that once we settle into our new home, we are able to get our schedules and activities going as if we didn't miss a beat. A few things I've been doing to make this move special include:

* Letting Ava look at rental homes with me. She loves being able to give me all her thoughts

* Making Christmas plans of all the things we'll do once we've settled into our Washington home

* Possibly taking a stop or two on the way up to Washington (I really don't want to, but if the kids want an adventure, I could be game!)

For those of you who are road trippers AND/OR military, how do you make your moves "fun" for the kids? Any road games? Pit stops? Let me know! I'm always up for introducing something that might help me or my family get through a lengthy road trip

Hello, Washington

I have not come off of cloud nine quite yet. I am seriously beaming SO BIG inside. Yes, you read those words correctly. Our family is relocating (at the end of the year) to the great Pacific Northwest. I cannot believe it. I'm just in complete shock and so dang thankful that Justin decided to fill out that "wish list" location sheet. I mean, I don't think either of us thought that we'd end up moving back to Washington this quickly, but boy are we extremely happy about it. We told the girls yesterday morning and I wish I could copy/paste Ava's face into this blog. She was SO dang happy! "We are going home!" - thats what my baby kept saying. I love that the kids consider Washington their home. I am often told that your home is where you make it...which yes, that's technically true. For us, its more than just a preference of region though.

Washington is the place that I first met Justin. It's the place where I fell in love with my husband. Washington is the home that blessed us with more time with my mom, SO many wonderful memories from Ava's toddlerhood, and the birth of our second born. We have so many stories and adventures that all tie us back to the place that made the last eight years of my life possible. I think thats why other places pale in comparison. Don't get me wrong, we make an adventure out of every move and we always leave a state with way more than we arrived with. I will never not appreciate the life lessons and memories I have made from moving with the Army. It is with the moves that I have learned to be flexible when need be. I have learned to adapt. I have learned to make lemonade when life affords lemons.

Those are some of the attributes I hope the kids take away from being apart of a military family as well. Adaptability is so key! Anyways, I'm rambling.. some of the things I'm nervous about? Moving Ava in the middle of her kindergarten year. I know, I know, its just "kindergarten" but for me its moving my child before she's barely tapped into the stepping stone of her education. Not knowing how different the structure of schools will be is something I'm worried about too. This whole move is going to be centered around getting Ava into a good school district in a good area. 

Justin and I talked about this last night and we will basically be living 35 minutes from his potential center just for our sweet girl. Education matters! I hope the choices we are trying to make result in the best outcome for my our kiddos. I'm also nervous about driving over 1600 miles by myself. We had planned on having the kids' god mama come down next summer (when Justin was originally projected to leave Texas) and drive with me and the kids to our next destination.... but with our move date being pushed up and right smack in the middle of the holiday season, I'm not so sure. 

We are likely going to have the Army move our home goods, so towing Justin's care behind a U-HAUL is not an option and it would still mean I'd have to drive the mom wagon alone anyways. Ahh! I'm trying not to let these worries eat at me because in the grand scheme of things, the outcome is going to be sweet. I need to just breath and buckle up. These next four months are going to be one heck of a ride! 

Bye Bye "Regular" Army

I've shared some photos, written some words, and sort of (in a round about way) explained what Justin's job entails in the Army as of late. Most of you know that my husband was a combat arms guy. Gunnery, field training, tanks, mgs' - you name the dirty work, my husband likely did it for the better part of a decade. Detailed recruiting came into the mix almost two years ago and introduced a whole new side of the Army that Justin had never been apart of.  As always, I supported him 100% with whatever endeavors he wanted to tackle next. We have always been extremely communicative and supportive when it comes to major changes in our dreams, goals, aspirations, etc - and because of that, change never really shakes us. Last year Justin mentioned that he may want to re-class (change his job) to a permanent recruiter and leave the combat world behind, for good.

Initially, I was hesitant. I mean, recruiting was never meant to be permanent and the stresses we'd experienced as a family were some of the most taxing we'd ever gone through. Even still, I encouraged him to make a decision for himself. We may be a family, but Justin is the only one that has to do the job he chooses. After many, many talks, pros/cons lists, he decided he was going to pursue the job change. ROAD BLOCK. He was shut down by his command on the job change. Apparently the "HR" of the Army decided they were not allowing promotables at Justin's rank/job to re-class to any other job. That was most definitely a kick in the stomach.

The next several months were spent discussing our options (location wise) and planning for the end date of USAREC (United States Army Recruiting Command). Little did we know, those days would not be coming anytime soon. The day after I delivered our son, Justin was asked to step up at his center in a really big way. He took the responsibility and totally wow'd his leadership (I mean, as much as you can in this organization). So much in fact that they brought up trying to re-class again. Justin went to the board (NAILED IT), got a recommendation, and received his official stamp of approval from HRC just a couple of weeks ago.

What does this mean for our family? 

1) NO MORE DEPLOYMENTS. I mean maybe if we ended up in a World War III, but outside of that - very unlikely.

2) Justin will continue to come home every night to our family (unless he has a military school to go to).

3) We can literally end up ANYWHERE. Recruiting centers are in every state, in so many different cities. There are even non-continental choices as well. 

4) Justin will be the station commander at his own recruiting center (he's doing this now, pretty much). 

5) No more block leave dates! He can request leave quarterly, and in this battalion, he can take up to 10 days at a time every three months. That's 40 days of paid vacation time a year. 

That being said, our first "wish list" choice was obviously Washington.

I AM SO READY TO COME HOME. We could very well remain in Texas for at least another year but I love knowing that home is a possibility. The girls talk about Washington a lot, so many people we love are there, and I know there are SO many things Justin would love to explore if we are able to move back. 

For now, nothing major is changing and I'm okay with that. Ava starts Kindergarten in a few months and I am so glad we are familiar with the area we live in, that she's made her friends, and that we have roots here in Northern Texas.

If you would have told me two years ago that this is the future we'd be facing... I would not have believed it. I'm so excited for our new adventures and I'm so stinkin' proud of my husband for finding something he's excited to be apart of everyday. 

Veteran's Day

Veterans day ended on the sweetest note. It's a little early for the holiday spirit to come over my husband, but long behold this year has been very different. I can't count how many times i've watched Justin randomly put on a Christmas station or how many times I've heard him talk about how much he loves this time of year. I knew these things, but this year there has been so much more vocal delight and I absolutely love it. 

Tonight we lit the fire in our home and we watched the polar express with our girls. It was such a sweet memory for me. I'm trying to keep my spirits as high as i possibly can, but I would be lying if I said my mom wasn't in the back of my mind pretty much all the time. This is my first year without her. It's more emotional when I think about the memories I had with my mom growing up. I have been a firm believer in passing on traditions and of course I can't pass them on without thinking about who I got them from. Even still, I try to put my best thoughts forward and I try to keep a smile on my face. Last night was no exception, I was in such awe of my beautiful family. 

Watching Ava light up and actually understand the movie was the best. She knows who Santa is, she understands that Christmas is important, and she understood the naughty/nice list. The list goes on, but it was nice to have her point on select details that her minds was curious about. At the end of the movie, the main character picked a silver bell for his gift from Santa... I am going to get Ava a silver bell of her own. I know it'll add more of a connection to the film and it's something she can keep forever. 

To add to this excitement, we purchased tickets to a polar express ride this year and I know that it is going to be an ABSOLUTE blast for my sweet girl. Olivia is still a babe, but I hope when she looks back on the videos/pictures that she appreciates the fact that we tried to make their holiday so, so special. To add to the happiness that is this time of year - Texas weather has finally started to get it's act together. We have had 70/65 degree weather, so it's starting to feel like it should.. F-A-L-L. Justin had a few days off from work this week so I'm hoping the rest of his time off proves to be equally as special. 

I'm still a big fan of USAREC, recruiting, and seeing my husband every single day. I can't tell you how great this feels. Although we have to get accustomed to not taking two weeks of vacation in the winter, I think somehow we will manage. We have so many things planned for our holiday season. I can't wait to share them all with you! 

Happy Veterans day to all of the men and women in our armed forces! We are forever indebted to you for your sacrifices. 

♥- Leilani

9-6

I may talk about this a lot over the course of the next three years, but I can't help it. The girls and I are on this permanent cloud nine and it feels incredible. Because we are a military family, there are a lot of things that are out of our control. Sometimes - it's the big stuff. Like, giving birth to your first born child while your husband is over 7,000 miles away. Most times it's just the little stuff... like just being home as a family and spending time together. We have learned to make all of our moments together count, even if daddy isn't home for them. This month marks four months that I have gone to sleep beside my husband every single night. This month marks four months that our children have seen their father every single day. If you are military, you know how HUGE something like this is. 

I have had to learn not to over schedule our time in an effort to make sure Justin is included - because he always is. Saturday morning breakfast, swim classes, and lazy Sundays... he is home for all the moments. I think it just really hit me this weekend. Justin had the last few days off and they were amazing. Not just amazing because he was off, amazing because there was nothing we had to catch up on. Usually when he's in the field for a month, has staff duty overnight, or he's doing some type of week long training on post - there is always something he has to be caught up on. A picture Ava drew, a new word Ava said, something pregnancy related... that just isn't the case right now.

I get to watch my husband be the father he wants to be, even while having a full career in the military. I am so incredibly proud and gushing over how much of a family man Justin is. Whether it's flying around the house in PJ MASKS costumes with the girls, sneaking in chocolate treats with Ava before dinner, or reading them new books we picked out from Barnes and Noble earlier in the day.... he's here for all of our moments. I am so blessed to have this man for my husband. Adjusting to seeing one another every day wasn't nearly as weird as i thought it would be. Instead, I'm giddy at the end of his work day. I can't wait to see him. Even though we text throughout the day, I still get excited to hear about what happened at work. This is bliss. 

♥- Leilani

Recruiting Life: 30 days in

I'm actually writing this just a little bit early, but while the subject is fresh on my brain, why not share? This week (on Thursday to be exact) Justin will have been in USAREC for 30 days. It has been such a whirlwind for our family... definitely different from Justin being on the line, but we are finding a normal in the mists of all the change. I think the best part of this entire situation is the fact that we do see Justin every single morning and every single night. Because I'm such a big fan of all things organization and lists.. you guessed it right? Yep. Below is a PRO + CON list for our current situation.

PRO:

1. NO deployments. (This is definitely a major plus)
2. NO field time (definitely won't be missing those 30+ days of the husband being away)
3. NO 24 hour duties
4. Justin is home every morning for breakfast 
5. Justin is home every night
6. Sundays are guaranteed days off (as far as I know)
7. If he converts to 79R, we can literally live anywhere in the USA
8. He will be able to put in for quarterly leave, if he wants to
9. He gets to wear civilian clothes on Fridays + Saturdays

CONS:

1. Justin works until after 7pm ALMOST every single night (except Saturdays so far)
2. The FRG is pretty non-existent here.. ZERO family support for military families
3. We don't get to talk to each other during the day, like at all. He tries to shoot an I love you text when he can or call while he's out prospecting (those are appreciated)
4. We will never see Justin for lunch or dinner the next 3 years (meal times are family time for us)
5. He misses Ava's activity classes due to working on Saturday
6. His stress level is so much higher than it was while he was on the line
7. Only one person from the station can be on leave at a time (won't be traveling during the holidays to see family, that's for sure)
8. The girls only get to spend time with their dad 1 day a week
9. Justin feels like he's missing out on a lot because he works so much.. sometimes he comes home and the girls are already asleep
10.  I feel like I never see my husband. I saw him more when he was on the line - that's with him leaving for training and such too

The negatives of recruiting are so incredibly overwhelming. From the outside looking in, it's just awful. They are essentially making these soldiers sell a dream that isn't for everyone.. if they fail to sell that dream X number of times in a month.. longer days, loss of weekends, who knows what else I've heard some people explain how much they love this type of lifestyle, I've heard many who've shared how much they hate it. Granted we are only 30 days in and things could very well change over the next month.. but I'm not hopeful. 

I am focusing on making the time we have together count. For the girls sake and my own. I try to remind myself that things could be worse... and there are plenty of people in the civilian spectrum that work jobs with even more hours.. or 2 jobs.. or opposite work schedules from their SO. There is a lot of good to relish in for our situation, and with the good comes the not so good stuff... just trying to take deep breaths and take it in stride.

From his first week of recruiting!

♥- Leilani

North Texas, so far

I have to admit, I'm surprised that Texas has grown on me so quickly. I fully expected to be full fledged homesick for a good while. There's just something about people dishing out friendly greetings everywhere you go, waking up to the sunshine every single day, and living in a house that already feels like home... all of those things have made the transition just a little bit easier. I often think of all the future "first" memories we will have while we are here as well. Olivia will start eating actual food here, walking, talking... we'll be trying for a third little baby.. Ava will start kindergarten while we are here. So many great memories that will belong to our time here in Texas. But, I'm getting ahead of myself. The now is pretty great too. We live in such a beautiful area. Quite, friendly, and in a cul de sac. Reminds me of my childhood days. Ava has consumed her weight in water melon, we've been bbqing every week, and I think we have met all of our surrounding neighbors as of now. I wanted to make a list of things that are so great about this area, and things that I'm not particularly fond of so far. I think it'll be interesting to compare this list to the list I write when we leave. Here goes nothing!

PROS

- The house we chose. Hands down the biggest pro of all. Under 10 min away from Justin's job, 5 minutes away from major shopping centers, but also far enough out that you don't hear the sound of any city at night. Best of both worlds.

- The cost of living is SO much cheaper than we are used to. Justin paid $1.89 a gallon when he went to get gas the other day. How glorious that was! We are going to be able to save a good bit while we are here and that feels fantastic!

- There are still a ton of things to do here that are geared towards families (just like Washington). Aquariums, museums, botanical gardens.. I'm excited that we aren't sacrificing "fun" stuff due to location.

CONS

- It is stifling hot by 10am every single day. Granted, I know it's summer time.. but this PNW gal is just not ready for this type of weather (a plus to this con is that we have/are enrolling Ava into allll the preschool classes we can. The heat isn't an excuse not to help our girl flourish in the best way we can).

- BUGS. Good Lord are there bugs here. Geckos, random bunnies in our backyard, and nasty flies that swarm in by the dozen (a plus to this con is that we hired a pest control company that comes out quarterly). One night I thought I heard rainfall on our bathroom window.. turns out it was ALL the bugs smacking into it because of the attraction to the bathroom light.

- Immunizations. Ugh. I got so annoyed because a lot of the practices here won't accept new patients unless they are vaccinating their child with EVERY single vaccine on the scheduled preference.This wouldn't be a con for some, but it is for us. We do delayed vaccinations + we skip rotavirus all together ( a plus here, I did find a practice that doesn't have a policy about vaccs, so lets hope we love it).

All in all I'd say that pretty much wraps up how we feel about Texas so far. Justin started his new job today.. only to find out that he will have the next 10 days off! I definitely am not complaining about spending more time with my lovey, but it is nice to be settled in ready to start up our new normal!

♥- Leilani

Happy Birthday, Woobie

The love of my life turned 26 today... while he's away at school. I hate spending our days apart, but more so special days. I can't believe how fast 26 came up on him. I still think back on the summer I met a 20 year old soldier that just came home from his first deployment. His boyish smile, super blue eyes, and all his care free ways. My, how the times have changed indeed. Now I have this super handsome blue eyed hunk of a man that doubles as an amazing father and husband. Isn't life great like that? Thankful to have found my mate so early in life and be apart of his growth. 

I can't wait to have him home though. Only a few more days. The last time for a long time that he'll be away.

Happy 26th birthday baby. I love you so much.

♥- Leilani

Glam

Normally, these types of things don't bother me, but I seriously felt inclined to say something about the "glam" that people associate with marriage. I have seen a handful of couples emphasis on how beautiful their engagement rings are, how beautiful their wedding bands are, just how "perfect" the rings are that they picked out. And while that may be so, a perfect and beautiful ring does not make for a perfect and beautiful marriage. We need to stop equating materialistic aspects as happiness and love. That being said, I don't judge anyone that has a beautiful and perfect ring, the message I want to send is that it's not what makes the marriage. I do have my own personal experience to share for this exact post, so let's get to it.

When Justin proposed to me, he did it in such an unexpected, traditional fashion. I didn't know he'd actually had the ring in hand, I didn't know the moment that it was going to occur, and it was ultimately perfect. He got on one knee, asked if I would be his wife, and the ring that he had was a very beautiful diamond ring complete with a wedding band equally covered in little diamonds. I was so overcome with happiness, excitement, and I was totally taken with the whirlwind way he decided to ask me. We got married on historic land in South Carolina, and that was the ring he put on my finger as we said our vows. Everything about those memories are precious and I cherish them dearly.

Now, here comes married life. After making a series of seriously awful financial decisions... like, moving into a home we could not afford (even with a roommate), moving into a condo we could not afford (with that same roommate), and wasting Justin's final portion of his sign on bonus for deposits and move out fees... we found ourselves in a pickle. His housing allowance hadn't kicked in yet (you receive a housing allowance as a private or lower enlisted when you are married), and I was also unemployed. Moving to Georgia meant I had to start over, and it also meant that Justin had to start over too. We were building a life together, and that definitely took some adjustments. We finally made the decision to live without a roommate, and live in a one bedroom apartment.

That apartment still had to be furnished, entirely. I believe we had a room filled with Army gear, and two lawn chairs when we first started out. Knowing that we'd need additional help to furnish our home, and "be okay" I made the decision to give my ring back to the store where Justin purchased it. I can't tell you how much of a blow to the ego this was for him. He refused, he was embarrassed, and he absolutely did not want to hear anything else about it. After talking about it a bit more, he realized I was right. So I gave up my beautiful and perfect ring, so that I could create the start of a strong financial ground in my marriage. Even till this day, I don't think my husband is okay with the decision we made, but he understands.

Giving up that beautiful and perfect ring, gave me a beautiful and perfect start to my first year of marriage. I learned more about the man I married, his likes/dislikes, and what ways we worked best together. We paid off small debts, we furnished our home, and we enjoyed night outs with one another. The best feeling of all was actually making progress on our own. We didn't ask for help, we didn't have a roommate, it was literally just us two. Let's move forward to a few months later, Justin and I decided we were going to purchase matching wedding bands for ourselves. We did want a symbol of our union on our hands, but we also wanted something that we could afford that wouldn't cause guilt looking down on it.

So, that's what we did. We both have a set of matching white gold wedding bands that we could afford that symbolized exactly what we wanted. I have had this ring on my finger for four years, and I can't tell you how beautiful and perfect it is to me. This ring has been with me through some of the not so fun times in my marriage, my happiest days, but most importantly, through this journey Justin and I have embarked on with one another. It isn't about the size of the ring, the diamonds in the ring (or lackethereof), and it most certainly didn't give us the ability to have such a strong union. This ring has been a symbol that we pledged our love for one another, nothing more. It did not force us to communicate, to talk to one another, or to expand our family. The most beautiful and perfect moments in this marriage have been because I really did marry my forever beau, my soulmate.

That is truly the point I wanted to make with writing this post. We had a plan all those years ago, that we would renew our vows on our 7th year of marriage, and only then would I accept Justin's gift of adding another ring to my wedding band. I know this means a lot to him, due to what happened the first time around, and I am okay with that, because I know where our true values lie. So if you are reading this as married person, engaged, or potentially thinking engagement, please remember this: Celebrating your love for one another is never a bad thing, but proposals, rings, and weddings are all just that. They are celebrations, and all celebrations come to an end. The beautiful and perfect aspects of those things come with the the territory, but they do not set you up for a successful relationship by any means.

Here's a photo from the first wedding ring Justin bought me:

Happy Wednesday all!

♥- Leilani

Whole

This will be the last blog post I write in the month of October while being apart from my husband. You guys have no idea how completely happy I am to be putting these last four weeks behind me. Justin and I both agreed that this distance felt worse than the eight months we spent apart during his last deployment. I'm pretty stoked that his "coming home date" got bumped up a bit. It's a rarity, but I absolutely have no complaints about this at all. I'm actually feeling rather nervous right now. The last time he saw me, Olivia was barely kicking hard enough to produce external kicks. While I was ecstatic that he felt her first movement before he left, they have gotten increasingly stronger over the past month. Whenever I send a belly photo, he notes on how much more round and defined my baby bump looks. Memories of my pregnancy with Ava bug came flooding in at that point. It's bittersweet to have him experience a part of pregnancy through technology, yet again. I do appreciate that he will most definitely be here for the month of January, and that thought makes everything else seem pretty trivial.

A large part of me is also pretty giddy about what the rest of October will look like. We will make our annual trip to the pumpkin patch farm when daddy comes home, carve pumpkins, bake the seeds, and purchase our huge haul of halloween candy for the trick-or-treaters. We have never done anything like this so late in the month of October, but I'm surprisingly okay with it. We still have the squadron trunk-or-treat to attend, and I feel like we are going to go into the month of November with a serious bang. That's when the really festive holidays start for me anyhow. I can't wait to craft with Justin and Ava! I have so many projects i've put off so we can do them together as a family. That was one thing Justin mentioned while he was training. I would share all of the projects I had lined up, and if it was something he really wanted to do as a family, he asked if I wouldn't mind waiting for him to come home.

This past week has proven to be the best week I've had since the last week of September. I've had a lot of time to reflect on the person I've become throughout the years, and the kind of mother and wife that I strive to be on a daily basis. You know what my conclusion was? I am proud of who I am. While I am flawed in so many ways, I have allowed my heart to become pure and true in everything that I do. I have made such a strong and steady circle of friends and loved ones with this mindset. It is truly one of the best feelings on earth to know that you have people all over the globe that have no obligation to love and respect who you are, but they do, wholeheartedly. That notion alone makes my heart so extremely full. Alas, I am just so incredibly grateful to continue becoming a better version of myself as often as my growth will allow. Justin always reminds me that I have such a great attitude, but trust me when I say it's taken time to get here. The message I really got through to myself was that my character has taken time to become this seasoned and understanding. No matter what this life throws at me, I will never allow myself to feel badly for being who I am. I will never allow the comments of the world or others to make me feel like I am less than what I feel I am. That is why I love refresher weeks like this one, so many revelations!

On that note, an added life mantra for me?

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." - Eleanor Roosevelt

♥- Leilani

He's leaving

The inevitable has occurred, and Justin is leaving again... This time he'll be grading the training of soldiers down at NTC, but I'm still pretty emotional about it. I've always been pretty supportive and accepting of the fact that I married a soldier, and I know he has a job to do. This means he isn't always going to be home, his time with family is precious (because it can be so limited), and this is what the job entails. I guess going through seven weeks of ALC really messed me up with distance. The ironic thing is that we've gone much longer. 8 months much longer. I'm not sure if it's just because we have Ava bug or what. I just know that ever since I found out about him leaving, I've been really emotional about it. The positive side is, he won't be gone a month or longer, he won't be missing any holidays/birthdays/celebrations, and he'll be back in the month of July!

While he's gone the only thing(s) he will really be missing out on are my NT ultrasound (they don't disclose photos or gender predictions anyways), Ava's check up next week, and a trip down to Oregon to visit with good friends of ours. I know he's pretty bummed about all three. Any chance to see our budding bean is exciting for him, and he always loves tagging along to Ava's check up appointments if he can. He always has his own set of questions for her Pediatrician. It's pretty sweet. Visiting friends in Oregon will be an option when he comes back as well, so I know he's not overly bummed about what will be occurring in his absence.

This time around we decided to make a good amount of videos for Ava bug when Justin leaves. Last time we did a bunch of recordings, but I think seeing daddy's face will make it even better. Ava doesn't do well with the distance when Justin leaves. Back in April, she got super upset every time they had to get off the phone or facetime, and it pretty much broke my heart to watch my baby get so distraught. I really plan on keeping us busy, busy, busy while our favorite guy is away. I'm hoping this morning sickness tapers off so I can be full of more energy than I am now. I know keeping up with her, the house, and school are going to be some major challenges in the weeks to come. I haven't had to do this all by myself for a while since we found out we were expecting. I'm a little nervous, but I have a good support system and helping hands in Justin's absence.

Hopefully with a little more free time on my hands, you'll see more blogs from me. I've been doing a lot of DIY stuff around the house (when I can), and I'd love to share some of those projects with you. I've used some new recipes, added to Ava's large book collection, AND found some cute stuff to do for our little miracle bean as well. I have even taken a leap and decided to try sewing for the first time in my life.. well the second time. The first time was in home ec, and I failed miserably.

Happy Sunday all!

♥- Leilani

Hello May!

This serves as my first blog for the month of May, and a closer look at Justin's ALC graduation. Since Justin came home from his advanced leader course, we have pretty much stayed on cloud nine. We've also spent quite a bit of time traveling and exploring with Ava bug. This past weekend we celebrated Justin's 25th birthday with good food, good people, and an overall good time, Among exploring, we have been running around trying to get the final touches for Ava bug's birthday decor, and we are trying to fit in a trip to the coast sometime in the next week. I can't believe that my little girl will be two years old in just a matter of days. It honestly feels unreal, so we have definitely enjoyed soaking up all this family time. I remember mentioning that although our family wouldn't be present for Justin's ALC graduation, we would still have a photographer present to capture this career milestone for him; The photographer took pictures of the brief ceremony from start to finish, so I thought I'd share some of those images with you at the close of this post.

Getting back to our normal was extremely easy, but it did present a few challenges. The challenges were more so with Ava, and I know they kind of got Justin in an emotional place. The first couple of days he was back, she couldn't get enough of daddy. She wanted to hold his hand, give him kisses, pretty much she didn't want him to leave her side. Justin and I started cuddling and being affectionate (like normal), and it was then that Ava started giving him the cold shoulder. Getting her to give "lovins" to daddy was more challenging, she didn't want him to bathe her, or lay her down for sleep, without me. It was frustrating because we'd never really dealt with this before. I was pleased with how patient Justin was, and we worked through it in a matter of just a few days. I'm pleased to report that pretty much everything (including our schedule), has gone back to the way it was before he left us back in March.

I try to remind myself that Justin leaving is going to be apart of our lives for a long time, so it's best to get a system down pat now. Moving forward, I'm really glad we won't be separated like this again for a long while. Block leave is coming up in just over a month, and two weeks of full on daddy time is definitely what this family needs. I'm excited to spend time with our extended family in California that i literally haven't seen in years. These next few months should be one for the books (largely because it may be our last summer in the state of Washington), and I can't wait to share our experiences with all of you. Aside from blogging, I've been telling/capturing stories with my camera, I absolutely love it! I'm started to get back in the groove of taking my camera with me everywhere, so stay posted for some of those pictures!

Photo cred: VSP

♥- Leilani

4th Trimester Bodies

Happy Tuesday all! The technology hiatus is only partially over, but I couldn't go a full week without updating you guys on how everything is going. Justin is finally home, and Ava bug and I have enjoyed every minute with him. From the moment Ava saw her daddy, she has been beaming (I love it)! She has been super affectionate, full of giggles, and she is allowing daddy to do everything mommy does. This has made me incredibly happy. I wasn't sure how things between Ava bug and Justin were going to go because of his absence these last few weeks. I think I can officially say that anytime daddy has to leave, I can expect Ava to be just fine when he returns.

This week is going to be a busy one, but all for very good reasons! I have a friend visiting from Texas, and I am beyond excited to see her and meet her little one. The Howland's also have a photo session at the end of this week, and I get even more ancy by the day. I just received my new beach hat in the mail, and I cannot wait for Jessica to capture it in our photos. Jessica just started a new Facebook page for her business, and I'd love it if we could show some support by "liking" her page!

Also, as promised, here is my daily photo of "Ava was here" for the blog. Day one of three hundred and sixty-five. She loves "helping" mom and dad with the toilet paper.

The real reason behind this post is actually in the title. Through the last few months I've had the opportunity of following some of the strongest women in the world. Women who aren't afraid to bare their skin, and show the world that our bodies are beautiful. Our bodies are beautiful before having babies; they are beautiful after having babies; they are beautiful all the time. We have beautiful temples throughout motherhood, throughout our breastfeeding journey, and throughout the days that motherhood challenges us.

Here lately this organization of women have been having social media difficulties. Their photos are being taken down, their accounts are being removed, and it's just become such a mess. It infuriates me to no end that this is happening. We should not have to censor motherhood, we should not have to remove the photos that portray the very definition. I have included the link  for those who would like to sign the petition that the 4th trimester bodies project founder started. At the very least showing your support can make a world of difference.

I really hope that fighting for what I believe is right inspires some of my readers. Even more, I hope that standing up for what I believe is right is the best example I can set for my daughter.

♥- Leilani

Most of the time

It's been a morning guys. I mean it's really been a morning. I'd like to think that I'm a person that's usually pretty rational. I'd like to think that I'm a person who (for the most part), has control of her emotions. Today just isn't one of those days. I try to keep my most intimate conversations between Justin and I. Even with having a very public blog, there are a lot of things I prefer to keep off the net. Fear may not be intimate, but it is a very naked topic for me. Fear is your kryptonite. Admitting it; not being able to overcome it; it's really scary. I wanted to share something with you guys. Something I'm sure you already expected, but none the less, I'm going to share anyway.

For the past four years, I have had a fear of losing Justin. His career aside, I knew that when I fell in love with him, he was someone I never wanted to be without. I can't even begin to try and form the words to explain all that his mere presence has given me. Just writing this, I have the goosebumps and I'm crying. He is a disarmingly beautiful human being, and I am truly blessed to have him as my husband. That being said, you can imagine why this would be a fear for me. I don't dwell on these types of thoughts, in fact, I can't remember the last time I thought about it.. until last night.

I know people die. All the time. Everywhere. It doesn't make it any less painful when it hits home. Someone passing in general is typically sad for me. I don't have to know them, I still mourn the loss of a life. When a soldier passes, I cannot even begin to tell you what kind of emotions get stirred up. My mind instantly goes to Justin. Especially if he's in the same location as the soldier who passed. I remember going through this during his last deployment. A soldier would pass, and I would just fall apart. Justin would always tell me he'd be fine. He'd say, "Baby, I'm always going to come home to you. You don't have to worry." I used to get so angry when he'd say that. You can't make promises like that. You can't promise your life, because you don't know when it's going to be taken.

That is the reason why I tell Ava bug and Justin I love them more times in a day then most people say in a month. That is the reason why I don't allow myself to be consumed by the artificial world we live in. That is the reason why I continue to search for the passions I have in life. That is the reason why I no longer beat myself up over mistakes I make. It's unfortunate how much a tragedy can clarify. Don't put off living your life. Don't put off making amends. I'd like to say one day this fear of mine will go away, but that would be lying. You want to know the second thing that came to my mind after I found out about the soldier that just passed? What was the last thing Justin and I said to one another? It was I love you. I was so grateful for that.

If you believe in prayer, I ask that you pray for the soldier who lost his life. I know I will be.

♥- Leilani

Stay At Home Moms

Okay, time to rant. I really try my hardest to be free of judgement because I know I don't like when other's judge me. However, I absolutely, positively, borderline loathe the negative stigma that is associated with stay-at-home-moms. Ironically, I used to be one of those people. I used to think that life had an order that we needed to follow in order to be successful. You know... school, work, marriage, and then babies? WRONG. As embarrassing and naive as that statement is, I'm glad I can look back and see the growth I've achieved. there is nothing shameful about staying home with your babies. In fact, it's commendable. I have never had a job that challenged me, enriched me, and left me completely exhausted... that is until I became Ava bug's mother. Staying at home means more than cleaning, cooking, and changing dirty diapers. Especially when you have a million other things going on in your life. For example, I still like to be socially involved, and I want to obtain my degree. This is why I'm enrolled in college courses. I also like being a strong advocate in my community for attachment parenting. The kicker to all of this? I do it all without a break (with the exception of Ava's brief naps). Staying home is what works for my family and I don't feel an ounce of regret for choosing motherhood over career first.

If I weren't staying home, I'd be working to pay for daycare, and I'd be missing out on watching my bug grow up. Those milestones with her, mean the world to me. It would literally eat at my heart to not be there. Don't get me wrong, I know we also live in a world where two incomes are a must for a lot of families. Some people don't have a choice, and I totally respect that. Justin and I made a very big decision that he would be our bread winner now, and I'd join him as soon as my schooling was done, and as soon as our children were in grade school.  I don't expect everyone to understand why we are making these types of sacrifices, but I wish that people were less judgy about it and more accepting.

I'm still a bright woman. I still have big dreams, and I plan on accomplishing those dreams. Staying at home doesn't make me lazy or bored. How on earth could I be bored with Ava in my life? I'm not involved in "mom" groups to fill my day, and I'm not having serious baby fever just because I want to stay at home forever. We all have different reasons for the choices we make. Those reasons don't have to be justified or explained to anyone.

If this was a bit jumbled, I apologize. My toddler is currently throwing blueberries at the dog, which means duty calls. I know this post doesn't apply to everyone, but the next time you talk to a mom about her reasons to stay home, don't assume. Just ask.

Happy Thursday all!

♥- Leilani

Welcome Home Soldier

Wow. Can you believe it's been one full year since Justin returned home from Afghanistan? I sit here this morning, and I'm completely moved by all of the blessings we have received since Justin's deployment ended. Of all the blessing we have received, I am so grateful that Justin was able to experience parenthood with me, and not over Skype calls or videos. I am so grateful that every hard moment we experienced this past year, I was comforted with hugs/kisses and not an email. More than anything, we were just beyond blessed to have our family whole and together. I don't know what it feels like to not have Justin around Ava and I for really long periods of time, and I am so thankful for it.

I can still recall the moments leading up to his homecoming ceremony. I remember being ancy ALL day long. His ceremony wasn't until later in the evening, and I had the worst jitter bugs ever. I had Ava's outfit picked out weeks prior to the day, but I didn't know what I was going to wear. I'm pretty sure I ended up wearing my favorite maternity dress that I wore as often as possible. I was still so exhausted and hot (thank you Georgia weather) from adjusting to a newborn, and the summer heat.

The time passed by so slowly that day, I could not believe that our deployment chapter was finally coming to an end. The moment I had been waiting for since that past October was finally here. I didn't cry as much as I expected myself to, in fact I didn't burst out in tears until I was actually in his arms. I imagine giving birth just eight days prior had a lot to do with my emotions. Since a picture is worth 1,000 words, here is a little scroll from our homecoming experience that I have never shared (photo cred: Victoria Simmons).

We didn't see him right away, in fact I'm pretty sure he responded to his name being called out. That first moment you see your soldier is something completely indescribable. Your fears cease within that  moment. Your worries, your pessimism, all of those things cease to exist. All I felt was an overflow of relief and happiness. I felt so many things at one time, I'm sure that's why I started crying. I just held him so tightly. I didn't let go for a couple of minutes. He let me sob on his shoulder, and that moment was really just perfect. Following that, was the first time Ava was in Justin's arms. I could tell he was nervous, especially since Ava bug started crying for a feeding shortly after. One of the first things he said when he saw her was, "I can't believe how small she is."

Reuniting with Justin after an (almost) nine month deployment will always be a defining moment in our marriage. It was truly a test of love and faith for us, and we came out on top. 

This past year of my life has been the most incredible year I have ever experienced. You guys have no idea how thankful I am that I get to write a post like this. The downside of deployments are when the soldier's and their families don't get happy endings like this. I am grateful to live in a country where our men and women who serve in the armed forces risk their lives for our freedom. They fight for this country, and I am forever indebted to not only those serving, but the fallen as well. My prayers are always with those who are deployed, and their families that are left on the home front. We are the land of the free because of the brave, and I will never take that for granted. Happy Memorial day to our fallen Veterans, and our current Veterans. You truly are gems placed on this earth and my family is so grateful for you! 

Happy Sunday all! 

♥- Leilani