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Saturday, October 24, 2015
This will be the last blog post I write in the month of October while being apart from my husband. You guys have no idea how completely happy I am to be putting these last four weeks behind me. Justin and I both agreed that this distance felt worse than the eight months we spent apart during his last deployment. I'm pretty stoked that his "coming home date" got bumped up a bit. It's a rarity, but I absolutely have no complaints about this at all. I'm actually feeling rather nervous right now. The last time he saw me, Olivia was barely kicking hard enough to produce external kicks. While I was ecstatic that he felt her first movement before he left, they have gotten increasingly stronger over the past month. Whenever I send a belly photo, he notes on how much more round and defined my baby bump looks. Memories of my pregnancy with Ava bug came flooding in at that point. It's bittersweet to have him experience a part of pregnancy through technology, yet again. I do appreciate that he will most definitely be here for the month of January, and that thought makes everything else seem pretty trivial.

A large part of me is also pretty giddy about what the rest of October will look like. We will make our annual trip to the pumpkin patch farm when daddy comes home, carve pumpkins, bake the seeds, and purchase our huge haul of halloween candy for the trick-or-treaters. We have never done anything like this so late in the month of October, but I'm surprisingly okay with it. We still have the squadron trunk-or-treat to attend, and I feel like we are going to go into the month of November with a serious bang. That's when the really festive holidays start for me anyhow. I can't wait to craft with Justin and Ava! I have so many projects i've put off so we can do them together as a family. That was one thing Justin mentioned while he was training. I would share all of the projects I had lined up, and if it was something he really wanted to do as a family, he asked if I wouldn't mind waiting for him to come home.

This past week has proven to be the best week I've had since the last week of September. I've had a lot of time to reflect on the person I've become throughout the years, and the kind of mother and wife that I strive to be on a daily basis. You know what my conclusion was? I am proud of who I am. While I am flawed in so many ways, I have allowed my heart to become pure and true in everything that I do. I have made such a strong and steady circle of friends and loved ones with this mindset. It is truly one of the best feelings on earth to know that you have people all over the globe that have no obligation to love and respect who you are, but they do, wholeheartedly. That notion alone makes my heart so extremely full. Alas, I am just so incredibly grateful to continue becoming a better version of myself as often as my growth will allow. Justin always reminds me that I have such a great attitude, but trust me when I say it's taken time to get here. The message I really got through to myself was that my character has taken time to become this seasoned and understanding. No matter what this life throws at me, I will never allow myself to feel badly for being who I am. I will never allow the comments of the world or others to make me feel like I am less than what I feel I am. That is why I love refresher weeks like this one, so many revelations!

On that note, an added life mantra for me?

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." - Eleanor Roosevelt

♥- Leilani

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