Mom So Hard

Thursday, August 9, 2018

Justin has officially been at SLC for almost a full week now and I cannot believe the kids and I are still surviving this gracefully! This whole parenting "alone" business is rough stuff and I have been a hot mess express all week long! Its crazy to me because Justin is normally gone most of the day anyways but our evening routine is absolutely bananas right now (and we have a toddler who insists on touching her own poop... another story for another day i suppose). You don't realize just how much someone contributes until they aren't there to contribute. Even the small stuff. Especially the small stuff, actually. So I've altered our nighttime routine and the kids are having a little bit of an adjustment period with that. If I'm being honest, I had to switch things up anyways because Ava starts school next week. She'll be waking up at 6am every single day and adequate sleep is the highest priority for the house right now. But, early sleepers means early risers - even if mama isn't bright eyed and bushy tailed at 5am. The upside to that is we all have this mega sleepover in mommy + daddy's bed and I get to cuddle all of my babies for an extra hour. "Holding down the fort" while Justin is away has been enlightening though. 
I feel like I'm always on high alert, my "free" time is time that I use to complete a house chore, and I'm constantly keeping the kids engaged because they miss their daddy. It has been exhausting. Knowing that this is temporary helps though. I think about all the mamas + papas in the world that may be doing life and kids solely by themselves and I am full of SO much admiration. Yes, we do what we have to do - but if this last week has taught me anything, its that time for yourself is hard, especially when you don't have time for all the things you need to do. USAREC has definitely left our family feeling spoiled. Two years ago, Justin leaving was just our normal. Granted, I barely had 1.5 babies at the time, but still. It was not something that was uncommon and detrimental to the well being of our child. Things have changed.
We have babies that both depend AND are accustomed to seeing their papa every single day. Watching Olivia wait for the door to open every night has been heart wrenching. She keeps saying, "Daddy went for a haircut?" and maybe she thinks its just going to be a longggg haircut? I don't know. I had to put framed pictures of Justin in the kids' rooms because they missed seeing him. Ava said she didn't want to forget what he looks like. Talk about tear jerker, right? We do facetime daddy multiple times a day and he did leave recorded videos in his absence for me to play. I know its not the same, but I am trying so dang hard over here to keep our spirits high. I do love seeing just how much love they have for their dad though. Its easy to act as if I'm doing this rodeo by myself just because my sacrifice is staying home to raise our family... but truth is, the show just isn't the same without my sweetheart. 
So until then, I'll be mommin' my absolute hardest.

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