My heart swells with gratitude and love as I reflect on the incredible journey that Justin and I have shared over the past thirteen years.
A Decade Plus Three: Happy Anniversary!
Wednesday, December 25, 2019
Every Christmas is special, but this year was definitely one of my favorites.
Sunday, October 16, 2016
I spent more time outside in the last week than I have in a really long time. Well, in the last four months at least. It felt so good. I let my toes wiggle in the grass - while the fall breeze grazed the top of my feet. I literally lifted my arms in the air mimicking bird like flight positions and let the cold air just wrap around me. In those moments I realized how much I really loved being in my husband's home state. Even though we grew up almost 3,000 miles apart, we were experiencing some of the same things in our adolescence and adulthood. Feeling connected to Justin even in parts of his life where I was never thought of feels like cherry on the top of a sundae for me.
One of my favorite moments from this trip was probably freezing my tush off in 30 degree weather outside with Justin. He held me right by the fire and we roasted marshmellows together to make smores. I think that was the first time that I had actually made smores the way they were intended to be made. This is without a doubt one of those memories you wish you could replay forever. The girls were both fast asleep after such a busy day, there were more than enough adults in the house to make sure that they were okay without us, and it was just us two. I can't recall the last time I was able to say that. It felt good though. It was needed.
We looked up at all the stars in the sky. I couldn't believe how many there were. In those moments, I knew I was falling in love with Upstate New York. Something about the chilly air, stars in the sky, and the man that I love holding me all the while. I am so thankful that we took this trip when we did. There is nothing like experiencing a true fall to kick off the season right.
♥- Leilani
One of my favorite moments from this trip was probably freezing my tush off in 30 degree weather outside with Justin. He held me right by the fire and we roasted marshmellows together to make smores. I think that was the first time that I had actually made smores the way they were intended to be made. This is without a doubt one of those memories you wish you could replay forever. The girls were both fast asleep after such a busy day, there were more than enough adults in the house to make sure that they were okay without us, and it was just us two. I can't recall the last time I was able to say that. It felt good though. It was needed.
We looked up at all the stars in the sky. I couldn't believe how many there were. In those moments, I knew I was falling in love with Upstate New York. Something about the chilly air, stars in the sky, and the man that I love holding me all the while. I am so thankful that we took this trip when we did. There is nothing like experiencing a true fall to kick off the season right.
♥- Leilani
Friday, February 6, 2015
I just went through my blog email for the first time in almost two weeks and I was surprisingly shocked with the amount of emails I received. It was a tad bit more than normal, but I got through them all today and there is one I'd like to share. One of my reader's named Michelle asked what advice I would give to a newly wed couple that was thinking about conceiving. Before even attempting to write this blog, I attempted to write her back with as much sensitivity and rationalization as possible. Everyone has their own opinion on this subject, but I'd really like to share mine and hopefully shed some additional light for Michelle and my other readers. If I could give a newly wed couple one piece of advice when it comes to conceiving, I would tell them to wait, and here's why. Justin and I lost a baby during our second month of marriage, and while the experience will always leave us heartbroken, I'm not sure we would be the same STRONG couple if we were parents before we really built a marital foundation.
I thank God everyday for giving me such a strong lover, provider, and friend in my husband. All of these things came to be in our first couple years of marriage prior to conceiving Ava. In fact, the reason why we tried for another baby was because I had no hesitation in my heart, mind, or soul that this man would be the person I continued to build my life with. During those two childless years, Justin and I were able to experience each other in so many different ways. We found mutual hobbies, individual ones, and we tried new things together. We had time to stay up late, sleep in late, or wake up extremely early. We planned vacations without limitation (just kidding, within the Army's limitations), we were able to go to adult get togethers, and paint the town anytime we wanted. More importantly, we got to get angry together, sad together, and find different ways to express our love. We got to relish in our alone time together, fall in love repetitively together (still do this... a lot), and make up after small little disagreements. I think the most important thing of all would be learning how to communicate with your spouse more effectively. I can't tell you how many arguments I had in my first year of marriage that could have been prevented if I had just communicated effectively. Looking back, I'm glad we learned it early on, so we didn't introduce that negative energy into Ava's life. You don't know what type of married couple you are going to be when you are a newly wed. This applies to people who might have been together for years prior to marriage, or those who were only together for months.
Marriage is a LIFE changer. Just like having children. They are without a doubt one of the biggest if not the biggest LIFE changer. Giving yourself time to adjust to one person can already be challenging, but adding a baby to the mix before building a strong marital foundation can really shake some things up. I know life throws us curveballs and you may very well be the pregnant newlywed.. I know, because that was me. But, if you are completely in control on whether or not to try for a baby, my opinion is truly to wait. Love your husband with all your might. Love your wife with all your might. Live together. Work out all the "first year kinks" together. Let things be easy before they get hard. Babies are amazing, but our lives are completely shifted with their arrivals. That newly wed phase is one we can never get back. Own it. Rock it. Embrace it!
Happy Friday all!
♥- Leilani
I thank God everyday for giving me such a strong lover, provider, and friend in my husband. All of these things came to be in our first couple years of marriage prior to conceiving Ava. In fact, the reason why we tried for another baby was because I had no hesitation in my heart, mind, or soul that this man would be the person I continued to build my life with. During those two childless years, Justin and I were able to experience each other in so many different ways. We found mutual hobbies, individual ones, and we tried new things together. We had time to stay up late, sleep in late, or wake up extremely early. We planned vacations without limitation (just kidding, within the Army's limitations), we were able to go to adult get togethers, and paint the town anytime we wanted. More importantly, we got to get angry together, sad together, and find different ways to express our love. We got to relish in our alone time together, fall in love repetitively together (still do this... a lot), and make up after small little disagreements. I think the most important thing of all would be learning how to communicate with your spouse more effectively. I can't tell you how many arguments I had in my first year of marriage that could have been prevented if I had just communicated effectively. Looking back, I'm glad we learned it early on, so we didn't introduce that negative energy into Ava's life. You don't know what type of married couple you are going to be when you are a newly wed. This applies to people who might have been together for years prior to marriage, or those who were only together for months.
Marriage is a LIFE changer. Just like having children. They are without a doubt one of the biggest if not the biggest LIFE changer. Giving yourself time to adjust to one person can already be challenging, but adding a baby to the mix before building a strong marital foundation can really shake some things up. I know life throws us curveballs and you may very well be the pregnant newlywed.. I know, because that was me. But, if you are completely in control on whether or not to try for a baby, my opinion is truly to wait. Love your husband with all your might. Love your wife with all your might. Live together. Work out all the "first year kinks" together. Let things be easy before they get hard. Babies are amazing, but our lives are completely shifted with their arrivals. That newly wed phase is one we can never get back. Own it. Rock it. Embrace it!
2011 - Flashback of our childless days
Happy Friday all!
♥- Leilani
Wednesday, January 21, 2015
Today marks four whole years of marriage with the love of my life and I still can't believe he picked me to be his forever person. This feeling is surreal you guys, and I'm blessed to know a love like this. I knew this man for less than six whole months prior to accepting his engagement. Saying yes was one of the craziest, scariest, most emotional things I have ever done in my life, but I never looked back. Not once. Here I am today, and I have so much to show from that "yes" I gave 4.5 years ago. I have a man that is accepting, gentle, and gives me an infinite amount of love. I've seen parts of this nation I wouldn't have dare gone alone and I made some long lasting friends and memories. I opened up my heart to the first fur animal I have ever truly loved, and I became a fur mama. I lost, I grieved, and gained with this man I call husband. He really has seen me through some of the lowest times, and the highs. He is the father of my child and my very best friend in the entire world. My existence, my life as I know it wouldn't be as bright or beautiful without him. With that being said, Happy Anniversary Woobie. You have and always will be the love of my life, and I can't wait to see what the next four years bring us...
Speaking of, as many of my Facebook friends saw, we are officially trying for baby # 2. I started to make a YouTube video to sum this up for you guys, but I kept getting really choked up about it. It was our intention to wait just a little bit longer before getting this ball rolling. We wanted to head to Vegas this March, we wanted to spend a little more time with each other and a little more time with one special little girl. This was something we've gone back and forth on for months, and I'm at a place where I know that Justin and I are ready for our second child. I'm finally ready to take on the emotions that come with fertility treatments and infertility. I no longer have this "what if" feeling in my gut when I dream of our next child. Everything feels right and my marriage and friendship with Justin is in the best place possible for this next bundle of joy.
This all happened so suddenly, so I don' want you guys to feel out of the loop. After Justin's grandfather passed, a lot of things in our household changed. We really embraced the notion of how quickly life can change in just moments. One day we were calling his grandparents home with Papoo answering and discussing the weather with me, the next he was gone. That's when the talk of Howland baby #2 started again. I started to realize that there was nothing seriously holding us back from trying. I also realized that if you have the opportunity to go after the things you want in life, why wait? My husband has been such a rock star through this entire process and I couldn't be more thankful for his patience. He's wanted another baby for quite some time and he's never really pressured me about it. He's never made me feel guilty or pushed the baby subject too heavily. I will always love him most for being such a considerate partner.
I had my first appointment yesterday with my new endocrinologist and I absolutely love her. Right from the start she let me tell her what path Justin and I were looking to take and she never made me feel uneasy about anything. We have opted to do injections again, so she prescribed provera to jump start a menstrual cycle so we can get this ball rolling. After the crimson tide shows up, I'll be taking shots to stimulate my ovaries. My doctor discussed the idea of multiples quite heavily, but I'm trying not to get overly nervous about that (yet). I am going to make a video all about my first appointment, go into more depth on the discussion, and the path we are taking. That pretty much sums up the last twenty four hours and I'm so excited to FINALLY be taking you guys on this journey with me.
How many of my readers are currently trying to conceive? How many of you are utilizing fertility treatments? Share with me in the comments below or by email.
Happy Wednesday all
♥- Leilani
Speaking of, as many of my Facebook friends saw, we are officially trying for baby # 2. I started to make a YouTube video to sum this up for you guys, but I kept getting really choked up about it. It was our intention to wait just a little bit longer before getting this ball rolling. We wanted to head to Vegas this March, we wanted to spend a little more time with each other and a little more time with one special little girl. This was something we've gone back and forth on for months, and I'm at a place where I know that Justin and I are ready for our second child. I'm finally ready to take on the emotions that come with fertility treatments and infertility. I no longer have this "what if" feeling in my gut when I dream of our next child. Everything feels right and my marriage and friendship with Justin is in the best place possible for this next bundle of joy.
This all happened so suddenly, so I don' want you guys to feel out of the loop. After Justin's grandfather passed, a lot of things in our household changed. We really embraced the notion of how quickly life can change in just moments. One day we were calling his grandparents home with Papoo answering and discussing the weather with me, the next he was gone. That's when the talk of Howland baby #2 started again. I started to realize that there was nothing seriously holding us back from trying. I also realized that if you have the opportunity to go after the things you want in life, why wait? My husband has been such a rock star through this entire process and I couldn't be more thankful for his patience. He's wanted another baby for quite some time and he's never really pressured me about it. He's never made me feel guilty or pushed the baby subject too heavily. I will always love him most for being such a considerate partner.
I had my first appointment yesterday with my new endocrinologist and I absolutely love her. Right from the start she let me tell her what path Justin and I were looking to take and she never made me feel uneasy about anything. We have opted to do injections again, so she prescribed provera to jump start a menstrual cycle so we can get this ball rolling. After the crimson tide shows up, I'll be taking shots to stimulate my ovaries. My doctor discussed the idea of multiples quite heavily, but I'm trying not to get overly nervous about that (yet). I am going to make a video all about my first appointment, go into more depth on the discussion, and the path we are taking. That pretty much sums up the last twenty four hours and I'm so excited to FINALLY be taking you guys on this journey with me.
How many of my readers are currently trying to conceive? How many of you are utilizing fertility treatments? Share with me in the comments below or by email.
Happy Wednesday all
♥- Leilani
Friday, June 13, 2014
Ava bug is in a morning slumber, so I thought I'd use this time to give credit where credit is due. Parenting is tough. I mean it's really tough. Not necessarily tough because of your child, but tough because you are invested in all aspects of your entire universe. That's actually putting it lightly. I wouldn't be the parent I am without Justin. I really mean that. He really is the icing on top of the Howland cake, and I'm so grateful and extremely blessed to have his help and guidance while parenting our daughter. Since day one, I've seen Justin dive into being a father, like this is a journey he was meant to embark on.
He's helped me with every part of being a parent, (dirty diapers & late night wake ups included). He loved doing tummy time with Ava, now he loves holding her hand while she walks. He was thrilled when she started solid foods, now he loves being able to give her "table foods" while we eat. He stayed up with her when she got her first cold, and he still snuggles her when she doesn't feel well. He watched her grab her first handful of dirt, and he was there the first time she stuck sand in her mouth. He was bummed when her first word was mama, but he loves that her favorite word is dada.
I don't have many memories of Ava, that don't include Justin. He always makes it a point to be there, even when the Army decides to take him away for weeks at a time. He makes sure he's never left out, and he makes sure that Ava knows who he is. I admire that about him. I couldn't imagine leaving Ava's side for as long as Justin has to at times. I know it kills him, but he overcompensates for it. When he's home, he's really home. He wants to do everything with Ava from wake up to bedtime. I of course never complain about having his help. I love watching him with Ava. I knew I loved my husband before we had a baby; I now know that the love I have for this man is irrevocably stained on my heart. I hope all of our children mirror their father in some way (with the exception of sarcasm, sorry babe).
So there's the credit! Thank you Justin. Our family wouldn't be quite as unique, or full without you. Whether you are near or far, we are grateful for all you do. Ava and I love you so much honey!
Happy Friday all!
♥- Leilani
He's helped me with every part of being a parent, (dirty diapers & late night wake ups included). He loved doing tummy time with Ava, now he loves holding her hand while she walks. He was thrilled when she started solid foods, now he loves being able to give her "table foods" while we eat. He stayed up with her when she got her first cold, and he still snuggles her when she doesn't feel well. He watched her grab her first handful of dirt, and he was there the first time she stuck sand in her mouth. He was bummed when her first word was mama, but he loves that her favorite word is dada.
I don't have many memories of Ava, that don't include Justin. He always makes it a point to be there, even when the Army decides to take him away for weeks at a time. He makes sure he's never left out, and he makes sure that Ava knows who he is. I admire that about him. I couldn't imagine leaving Ava's side for as long as Justin has to at times. I know it kills him, but he overcompensates for it. When he's home, he's really home. He wants to do everything with Ava from wake up to bedtime. I of course never complain about having his help. I love watching him with Ava. I knew I loved my husband before we had a baby; I now know that the love I have for this man is irrevocably stained on my heart. I hope all of our children mirror their father in some way (with the exception of sarcasm, sorry babe).
June 2013
June 2014
Happy Friday all!
♥- Leilani
Monday, July 1, 2013
I know, I know. I write about him a lot. What can I say, he's kind of a big deal. Tonight he reminded me of all the reasons why I said yes two and a half years ago. If you were to meet my husband, the first thought that would come to mind would either be, he's cool... or he's down to earth. Both true. You would never guess he was a mushy gushy, romantic cuddle bug. Those types of behaviors he leaves reserved for me. Sometimes I wish people could see all that I do, but how special would that be? Tonight Justin is tied up at work (LOVE THE ARMY) the entire afternoon and evening, I keep getting random text messages from him. They all say: I love you so much it's crazy. I'm proud to be your husband. I wish I was home with you. You are the best mother to our daughter. You are my lovely wife. He's said all of those things to me before. I love it. But what I love more is the "just because" factor. I never have to FORCE him to do anything or say anything to me. He just does it, because it's Monday or whatever day. I don't remind him of my birthday, our anniversary, etc. He remembers. A lot of guys only feel it necessary to be extraordinary on the designated days throughout the year. Justin is extraordinary all the time. Nothing means more to me than a random act of sweetness from him. I honestly thought things weren't going to feel THIS GOOD for a little longer. Even though reintegration is a word I use less and less in this house, it's still happening. After seeing how I struggled the first month, I wasn't expecting to have our fiery love back on track so soon. I guess I underestimate our love at times. It's not generic. It's not replicated. It's our love. It's silly. It's romantic. It's honest. We are still considered "newly weds" and we haven't endured that 4,5,7,10,or 14 year storm that marriage allegedly presents, but I can say this... As long as we both wake up to one another each day, I can't see myself wanting to spend my life working or perfecting anything else on this earth (other than my faith in the lord of course) This man I have, man oh man. Thank you for always being exactly what I need honey.
Saturday, June 22, 2013
This day of the week will always be my favorite day of the week. We sleep in (I think Miss A has caught on to this ritual) LOL. She continues to sleep in four hour increments. I wake up almost always to the smell of fresh coffee brewing, compliments of my husband. Ava hardly ever wakes up crying, so I gently scoop her up and go about our morning routine; a diaper change and a half of an hour nursing session. Justin threw a pile of laundry in for me this morning, fed the dog, and did a load of dishes. Everything in our house is so calm. We pace the day, well Ava paces the day, but she's got a good flow. Daddy kisses both of his girls good morning and then he sits down with his coffee and watches the NFL network.. On a side note, I don't understand how on earth the man can watch so much football. I mean there's isn't even a season of football going on right now and he still can't get enough. That's my husband though. Everyone in this house has showered for the day except for yours truly. Ava even pee'd on her daddy this morning haha. Ahh man, I just couldn't help but smile. He volunteered to cook brunch this morning. So as I sit here and blog and coo at Ava, he's in the kitchen prepping our food. One thought flashes through my mind as I stare at my family this morning. That word is BLESSED. Even with all the medical difficulties my mother is going through right now, I am still able to smile each day. I know more than anything my mom wants me to be strong my for little girl. That's exactly what I've been doing. I find things throughout my entire day that make my heart smile. Since Ava was born each thing I find pertains to something that involves her. Like here lately, Justin and I read up on ways to help Ava's brain development. One of those ways is talking to her. I encourage my husband to talk to his daughter often. This week, they were holding a full blown conversation. He was literally telling his daughter about his work day. About the tanks he was working on and how frustrated he was with them. I literally laughed out loud. It was the cutest thing. She's picked up a couple more nicknames from mom and dad in her short five weeks of life. Justin calls Ava his "pretty girl" Ava is my "sprout" my "jelly bean" my "gummy bear" Things are going smoothly in our household lately. Reintegration is still underway, and I can't wait to post my one month reintegration experience here in just three days. I will say, we have indeed found our normal. Each day with Justin offers something new and it's exciting to see his fatherly instincts increase with Ava more and more. As expected, I had my good friend and photographer take pictures of my family on father's day this past weekend. (victoriasimmonsphotography) I wanted to share some of those raw, precious, images with my readers!
Friday, April 5, 2013
I think the most attractive quality a person can have is self worth. Loving yourself, respecting yourself, and not allowing superficial things in life to define you. Having a little girl that is due to arrive in a few weeks makes me think about self worth a lot more. Typically, It's women who have these underlying issues with themselves or they are just more vocal about them. They allow themselves to be defined by people they are in relationships with, people they are married to, and people they are related to (sometimes even people that don't play a vital role in their lives) I don't want my daughter to ever feel like she's not good enough. I don't want her to feel like she doesn't deserve the best life has to offer. I NEVER want her to criticize herself for her physical image.
I saw this on pinterest this morning and it broke my heart. It all starts in the home. I remember in my younger years when I was chunky in all the wrong places my mom would look at me and say "baby, if you can still see your feet when you look down, you have no worries" Somehow that cheesy phrase made a world of difference. I would look down in the shower, in the car, walking the halls at school, and I'd smile! I could indeed see my feet ! I felt great about myself. If it wasn't for my parents always commending me and reminding me of my beauty in my younger years, I wouldn't have the strength I have now. Thank god my parents were strong reminders that I am a beautiful person. I think we all go through gray areas in our lives where we are impressionable, we doubt ourselves, and we wish we looked and acted like someone better. That's a part of growing up. you realize you are enough. You realize you deserve respect, love, and happiness. Not because you're better than the next person, but because you are a human being. This is a standard we should all hold ourselves too. One thing I hope to pass on to Ava is my strong sense of self worth. I don't have a size two body, I'm definitely not the smartest woman alive, and I still have my own daily battles that I deal with. But flaws, they are beautiful, because they set you apart. It makes you unique. One thing I never have to question is how much I mean to me. I love myself, and that love shines bright wherever I go. I think this is probably the most attractive quality I have. & because of that quality, I married a man that respects me. He doesn't talk down to me, he doesn't control me, we are equals. A lot of how we feel about ourselves reflect the people we allow in our lives. Thus, why you see so many people in crummy relationships or relationships that are forced. They don't think they deserve better and they cling to whatever or whoever it is that gives them attention, even if that attention is negative. I made a decision today. We will never allow for a scale to be in our home. The only size there will be for little miss Ava is perfect and healthy. I know that's just one aspect of self worth (image) but I'm not too worried about the rest. We will instill strong qualities into our little girl. I have no doubt in my mind that she will grow up strong, beautiful, and able. It all starts with the foundation we apply.
Sunday, February 17, 2013
As I sit here this evening, I am overwhelmed with admiration and joy. Each day my daughter grows and develops brings us one day closer to her arrival. It brings tears of happiness to my eyes knowing that this little being was created with thought, good intentions, and by two people that will having nothing less than an unconditional admiration and concern for her. If I could write a "pre-letter" to my daughter I think it would look something like this:
My sweet baby,
I can't wait to see your smile. I can't wait to hold your little hands, and kiss your little cheeks. I want to tell you how grateful I am for the change you sparked in me. My love for life has multiplied and I owe that to you. My heart, my ambitions, and my attitude are amplified for the better. There are a few things I want you to know right off the bat; You have the best daddy this world has to offer. No matter what happens in your life, you will always have a # 1 fan, a protector, and someone you can call your hero. Your daddy and I will never be perfect, and there aren't many things that we can guarantee. ONE thing I can guarantee, one promise I will never break is that we can supply you with a lifetime of love. We will always do our best to make sure the foundation of your morals are always in good standing. I don't want you to ever worry about falling, because I will always be there to catch you. So don't be fearful of mistakes baby, life is full of them and they are never ending. Be assured in yourself, be strong. Keep your faith, because a lot of times we lose our way. Beauty is a state of mind, not a state of body. Cook, decorate, clean, and organize because you love to, not because someone tells you you’re meant to. Music makes everything better. LAUGH ! always, laugh. Laugh at yourself, laugh when something is REALLY funny. Laughter is good for the soul, never forget that. Show the world your beautiful smile, and never allow anything to taint that. Remember that making a change in this world, always starts with yourself, so always do the right thing, even when no one is looking. Integrity is the only credibility you should never want to lose. Your gut instinct will never steer you in the wrong direction. If it doesn't feel right in the pit of your stomach, chances are it isn't ! Be patient with your father & I, as we will be patient with you. You aren't the only one that is new to this ;) We are on your side; especially on the days when it doesn't feel like it. EXPRESS yourself, have opinions, share those opinions. Daddy and I will never discipline you for speaking your beautiful mind, with appropriate words and appropriate gestures.I could go on and write a million more words, but I think i'll save the rest for this journey, your life.
Love,
Your Mommy
My sweet baby,
I can't wait to see your smile. I can't wait to hold your little hands, and kiss your little cheeks. I want to tell you how grateful I am for the change you sparked in me. My love for life has multiplied and I owe that to you. My heart, my ambitions, and my attitude are amplified for the better. There are a few things I want you to know right off the bat; You have the best daddy this world has to offer. No matter what happens in your life, you will always have a # 1 fan, a protector, and someone you can call your hero. Your daddy and I will never be perfect, and there aren't many things that we can guarantee. ONE thing I can guarantee, one promise I will never break is that we can supply you with a lifetime of love. We will always do our best to make sure the foundation of your morals are always in good standing. I don't want you to ever worry about falling, because I will always be there to catch you. So don't be fearful of mistakes baby, life is full of them and they are never ending. Be assured in yourself, be strong. Keep your faith, because a lot of times we lose our way. Beauty is a state of mind, not a state of body. Cook, decorate, clean, and organize because you love to, not because someone tells you you’re meant to. Music makes everything better. LAUGH ! always, laugh. Laugh at yourself, laugh when something is REALLY funny. Laughter is good for the soul, never forget that. Show the world your beautiful smile, and never allow anything to taint that. Remember that making a change in this world, always starts with yourself, so always do the right thing, even when no one is looking. Integrity is the only credibility you should never want to lose. Your gut instinct will never steer you in the wrong direction. If it doesn't feel right in the pit of your stomach, chances are it isn't ! Be patient with your father & I, as we will be patient with you. You aren't the only one that is new to this ;) We are on your side; especially on the days when it doesn't feel like it. EXPRESS yourself, have opinions, share those opinions. Daddy and I will never discipline you for speaking your beautiful mind, with appropriate words and appropriate gestures.I could go on and write a million more words, but I think i'll save the rest for this journey, your life.
Love,
Your Mommy
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
I have an immense love for Justin. A consuming love. A projected love. Marriage, has been such a spectacular journey for us. I see why a lot of people refer to marriage as an adventure. you get to see this couple emerge. A strong couple, a bound couple, as the adventure progresses. For our anniversary Justin sent me a video, basically him revealing his emotions openly. I have never been more proud of the man he is today. Watching my husband, smile at his cam, and talk to me about our lives, our daughter, how in depth his appreciation for me goes. I could not have asked for a better gift. It just blows me away sometimes. I am a strong woman. I have always been high strung, and very independent. My husband knows this. but i don't think he realizes that a lot of my "independence" is fueled by him. He is the type of person that reminds you that you can do anything, be anything, want anything and set out to achieve it. He motivates, he encourages, and he loves you even if you fail to succeed. Today was the worst day i have had probably in a year. Mainly because the woman drama continues to drain me, and things got a lot more serious today. It worried me a bit, just the extent of things. I hadn't had a chance to talk to Justin, he gets super busy sometimes. So all day i'm thinking, please let him call today. I NEED HIM. As soon as he calls, everything instantly just goes away. all the problems, all the drama, he said she said bull crap is out the window. You see as women i think we are all more prone to making things escalate, digging deeper holes, whatever you want to call it. When it comes to men, at least my man ;) He is so much more simplistic. His concerns in a day, are me and the baby and his safety. Simple right? he doesn't have time to worry about what people are saying, or doing. Not only does he not have the time on his hands, i believe even if he did, he would find something more constructive to do with his time. I feel so foolish, and childish when he calls, and he knows something's wrong, and i just let everything out, he says "baby you'll feel better" Not a lot of men could handle the home front issues while they're overseas. I know people say NOT to involve your spouse with petty problems back home. But with Justin and I, it's his connection to home. It enables him to be involved, even from miles away. Man i really did steer off topic. Point of the post was, my husband leaves me at a loss for words. I don't know what i'd do without him, who i'd be without him. And i'm glad i won't have to. I can't wait to grow old with you. I'll be dreaming of you tonight, handsome ! Stay Safe !
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