- I WILL BE MOVING BACK TO MY HOME TOWN FOR THE ENTIRE DURATION OF DEPLOYMENT
- I WILL BE BETTER ABOUT LETTING MY FAMILY BE THERE FOR ME EMOTIONALLY
- I WILL NOT ALLOW MYSELF TO CLOSE IN. I WILL GET OUT AT LEAST ONCE A DAY (especially with Ava, I can't be some Debbie Downer)
- I WILL FIND A MORE FREQUENT HOBBY. STAYING BUSY. STAYING HEALTHY. MIND BODY AND SOUL.
Next Time!
Monday, August 19, 2013
I've been thinking about this past year and all that has changed in my life. Now that deployment has been over for almost three whole months, everything is different. Not just with my family, or Justin, or marriage. Friends as well. You realize how much you have to depend on complete strangers when you choose to stay at your spouse's duty station. Those strangers become your friends (most times) and your life lines throughout the duration of deployment. Then, things change. It really is the inevitable. Once your spouse comes home from deployment, you no longer need those friends, those life lines, the same way you did before. I had a lengthy conversation with a wife who is still going through a deployment. She mentioned to me how she felt like these "friends" that she has made, have become fillers for her. It's kind of sad to think of human beings that way. This got me thinking a lot about what I'm going to do the next time Justin deploys. I have already started up a list (I really hope this isn't going to be anytime soon)
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
I can't believe It's been a month since my husband returned from Afghanistan. It's gone by so incredibly fast. As promised, to all that have asked, I'm finally ready to write about the reintegration process we've had.
WEEK ONE: Was indeed a honeymoon phase. Not only were we in awe with one another, but we could not take our eyes off of our little girl. After picking Justin up from his homecoming, we came straight home. A home he had never been in before. Surprisingly, this wasn't weird for him. After reuniting with our dog, Cooper, he examined every room in the house. Asking questions, just getting familiar. Immediately after, he showered, and a few hours later, he went to sleep with no trouble at all. That first day paved the rest of the week. Since I had just given birth to our daughter eight days prior, I found my husband being extremely helpful. Cooking, cleaning, sprucing up, etc. Before deployment I don't think I'd ever seen Justin do any of those things, other than the dishes a handful of times. We didn't have any disagreements, no one was on edge, nothing. This first week reminded me of our dating days. No arguements, no irritation or tension. It just felt good to be able to hold his hand or just hold him for that matter. He wasn't my "online" "overseas" husband anymore. He was tangible.
WEEK TWO: We allowed our feet to touch the ground, reality set in, I had my husband home and Justin was no longer in a war zone. I started to become irritated with Justin over things that were really minor. He reorganized the cupboards, like how they were at our old house. That frustrated me, because I'd developed my own "system" while he was away. I'm shorter than my husband, not by much, but he can definitely reach a lot higher than me. So all of the things I'd had in reach, were now out of reach. He displayed some "pre deployment" behaviors too. Throwing ALL of his laundry on my laundry room floor. Doing layouts in the room designated as his man cave room. It looked like the Army threw up camo everywhere! Throwing my washcloths in the shower, on the shower floor! GAH! Since I'm with Ava 24/7 I didn't have time to walk behind him and clean up all of the things he was doing that annoyed me. Justin had to attend his reintegration classes just like the week before, so I used that short time to kind of organize, and find some zen while he was at work.
WEEK THREE: This was our hardest week by far. Aside from the previous annoyances. I noticed that parenting Ava had become a HUGE issue in our home. A big issue for Justin was exclusively breastfeeding. Even though we were both fully on board with breastfeeding our children, we have noticed the challenges it presents. During the middle of the night, during the first three weeks, Justin would wake up and comfort Ava. He would soon notice, that after changing her, she was hungry. The only person in this house that can feed Miss Ava is her mama. I know he felt helpless when it came to feedings. Also, nursing in public. Even when I used my cover, Justin was extremely uncomfortable with me nursing in public places if it wasn't in the car or lactation room. I found myself being overly maternal as well. I wouldn't let Justin dress, bath, or cuddle Ava without me being right there. He soon caught on and he told me I needed to take a step back and relax. He said, "I'm her father and I'm not doing anything wrong." He was right, he wasn't. Somehow It was just really hard for me not to watch his every move with her. I think it was because of how delicate Ava is. She was still recovering from jaundice, I just didn't want Justin to make a mistake. Even though we are both new parents, somehow I felt like I knew it all. When we were out in public with the baby, I'd snap if things weren't just right with changing her, organizing her diaper bag, whatever it was, I was nit picking. One thing my husband and I have going for us, always, is our communication. Whenever I'd freak out, or he got defensive, we discussed it. Being able to talk things out effectively was our saving grace during week three.
WEEK FOUR: Still a difficult week compared to the first two. The upside of this week was that the heated climax of irritation and disagreements with parenting Ava has already happened. I have finally learned to loosen up with her. Being a parent is a learning process and each of us has to be supportive to the other. I can't complain on how well Justin is doing with her. Due to us being able to talk things out, we haven't had a "discussion" or "argument" since week three. It feels good not having to have those types of conversations. The other silver lining would be, we found our normal, just recently. Things in our house don't feel like a museum. Justin's here to STAY. There's no worrying about a deployment anytime soon. I can relax. I don't have to turn the lights on in the middle of the night because I'm scared to walk through my house all alone. I don't have to double check to make sure the doors are locked at night. I no longer have to haul the trash out to the side of the street. I sleep sound, knowing my soldier is laying beside me.
I know this process is not over. It just feels good knowing it didn't take us forever to find our normal. That was my biggest concern with this entire reintegration process. Everything about my family feels so right. Looking at our pictures, people think we have it all. I'm glad to say we do. Not only do we look good, but we FEEL good on the inside as well. There is no better feeling.
WEEK ONE: Was indeed a honeymoon phase. Not only were we in awe with one another, but we could not take our eyes off of our little girl. After picking Justin up from his homecoming, we came straight home. A home he had never been in before. Surprisingly, this wasn't weird for him. After reuniting with our dog, Cooper, he examined every room in the house. Asking questions, just getting familiar. Immediately after, he showered, and a few hours later, he went to sleep with no trouble at all. That first day paved the rest of the week. Since I had just given birth to our daughter eight days prior, I found my husband being extremely helpful. Cooking, cleaning, sprucing up, etc. Before deployment I don't think I'd ever seen Justin do any of those things, other than the dishes a handful of times. We didn't have any disagreements, no one was on edge, nothing. This first week reminded me of our dating days. No arguements, no irritation or tension. It just felt good to be able to hold his hand or just hold him for that matter. He wasn't my "online" "overseas" husband anymore. He was tangible.
WEEK TWO: We allowed our feet to touch the ground, reality set in, I had my husband home and Justin was no longer in a war zone. I started to become irritated with Justin over things that were really minor. He reorganized the cupboards, like how they were at our old house. That frustrated me, because I'd developed my own "system" while he was away. I'm shorter than my husband, not by much, but he can definitely reach a lot higher than me. So all of the things I'd had in reach, were now out of reach. He displayed some "pre deployment" behaviors too. Throwing ALL of his laundry on my laundry room floor. Doing layouts in the room designated as his man cave room. It looked like the Army threw up camo everywhere! Throwing my washcloths in the shower, on the shower floor! GAH! Since I'm with Ava 24/7 I didn't have time to walk behind him and clean up all of the things he was doing that annoyed me. Justin had to attend his reintegration classes just like the week before, so I used that short time to kind of organize, and find some zen while he was at work.
WEEK THREE: This was our hardest week by far. Aside from the previous annoyances. I noticed that parenting Ava had become a HUGE issue in our home. A big issue for Justin was exclusively breastfeeding. Even though we were both fully on board with breastfeeding our children, we have noticed the challenges it presents. During the middle of the night, during the first three weeks, Justin would wake up and comfort Ava. He would soon notice, that after changing her, she was hungry. The only person in this house that can feed Miss Ava is her mama. I know he felt helpless when it came to feedings. Also, nursing in public. Even when I used my cover, Justin was extremely uncomfortable with me nursing in public places if it wasn't in the car or lactation room. I found myself being overly maternal as well. I wouldn't let Justin dress, bath, or cuddle Ava without me being right there. He soon caught on and he told me I needed to take a step back and relax. He said, "I'm her father and I'm not doing anything wrong." He was right, he wasn't. Somehow It was just really hard for me not to watch his every move with her. I think it was because of how delicate Ava is. She was still recovering from jaundice, I just didn't want Justin to make a mistake. Even though we are both new parents, somehow I felt like I knew it all. When we were out in public with the baby, I'd snap if things weren't just right with changing her, organizing her diaper bag, whatever it was, I was nit picking. One thing my husband and I have going for us, always, is our communication. Whenever I'd freak out, or he got defensive, we discussed it. Being able to talk things out effectively was our saving grace during week three.
WEEK FOUR: Still a difficult week compared to the first two. The upside of this week was that the heated climax of irritation and disagreements with parenting Ava has already happened. I have finally learned to loosen up with her. Being a parent is a learning process and each of us has to be supportive to the other. I can't complain on how well Justin is doing with her. Due to us being able to talk things out, we haven't had a "discussion" or "argument" since week three. It feels good not having to have those types of conversations. The other silver lining would be, we found our normal, just recently. Things in our house don't feel like a museum. Justin's here to STAY. There's no worrying about a deployment anytime soon. I can relax. I don't have to turn the lights on in the middle of the night because I'm scared to walk through my house all alone. I don't have to double check to make sure the doors are locked at night. I no longer have to haul the trash out to the side of the street. I sleep sound, knowing my soldier is laying beside me.
I know this process is not over. It just feels good knowing it didn't take us forever to find our normal. That was my biggest concern with this entire reintegration process. Everything about my family feels so right. Looking at our pictures, people think we have it all. I'm glad to say we do. Not only do we look good, but we FEEL good on the inside as well. There is no better feeling.
Saturday, June 22, 2013
This day of the week will always be my favorite day of the week. We sleep in (I think Miss A has caught on to this ritual) LOL. She continues to sleep in four hour increments. I wake up almost always to the smell of fresh coffee brewing, compliments of my husband. Ava hardly ever wakes up crying, so I gently scoop her up and go about our morning routine; a diaper change and a half of an hour nursing session. Justin threw a pile of laundry in for me this morning, fed the dog, and did a load of dishes. Everything in our house is so calm. We pace the day, well Ava paces the day, but she's got a good flow. Daddy kisses both of his girls good morning and then he sits down with his coffee and watches the NFL network.. On a side note, I don't understand how on earth the man can watch so much football. I mean there's isn't even a season of football going on right now and he still can't get enough. That's my husband though. Everyone in this house has showered for the day except for yours truly. Ava even pee'd on her daddy this morning haha. Ahh man, I just couldn't help but smile. He volunteered to cook brunch this morning. So as I sit here and blog and coo at Ava, he's in the kitchen prepping our food. One thought flashes through my mind as I stare at my family this morning. That word is BLESSED. Even with all the medical difficulties my mother is going through right now, I am still able to smile each day. I know more than anything my mom wants me to be strong my for little girl. That's exactly what I've been doing. I find things throughout my entire day that make my heart smile. Since Ava was born each thing I find pertains to something that involves her. Like here lately, Justin and I read up on ways to help Ava's brain development. One of those ways is talking to her. I encourage my husband to talk to his daughter often. This week, they were holding a full blown conversation. He was literally telling his daughter about his work day. About the tanks he was working on and how frustrated he was with them. I literally laughed out loud. It was the cutest thing. She's picked up a couple more nicknames from mom and dad in her short five weeks of life. Justin calls Ava his "pretty girl" Ava is my "sprout" my "jelly bean" my "gummy bear" Things are going smoothly in our household lately. Reintegration is still underway, and I can't wait to post my one month reintegration experience here in just three days. I will say, we have indeed found our normal. Each day with Justin offers something new and it's exciting to see his fatherly instincts increase with Ava more and more. As expected, I had my good friend and photographer take pictures of my family on father's day this past weekend. (victoriasimmonsphotography) I wanted to share some of those raw, precious, images with my readers!
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
We are currently sitting at the tail end of deployment and my emotions are ALL over the place. I'm nervous, I'm excited, I'm sensitive, the list could go on. This post is pregnancy aside, strictly my feelings and my thoughts about reintegrating with Justin and deployment in general. This entire deployment has been such a learning experience for me and for my marriage. We had to learn how to communicate efficiently with 7,000 miles sitting between us. We had to learn how to communicate without Justin being able to disclose his everyday duties or situations where he could have potentially been in harms way. And we had to find a way to communicate on Justin's bad days. It's not easy talking to a grumpy soldier! Justin is my best friend and we serve as each other's outlets. Having this road block between us really made me feel frustrated and helpless. I've never had an issue with Justin not being able to open up to me about what's going on.
It was a hard thing to work through the first few weeks of deployment, but we did it ! I had to give myself an attitude adjustment and instead of pushing the issues that deployment didn't allow for me to be included in, I decided to change the trend of conversation. I still ask how he's doing, if he slept well, things like that. I'm a Bubbly Barbara ! Optimism included. So I talk about things I know Justin will beam over ! Our little Ava, our marriage and how much we've grown, what we miss most about each other, what we have learned to appreciate most about each other, what we've learned from the time apart, etc. 
The answers I have received from him over the last few months have been remarkable. It's bittersweet what deployment can do for a relationship. I am even more grateful for the person I married, more appreciative of communication, and I realize how valuable time really is. I think the thought of him coming home isn't going to feel real until the day I'm on that field waiting to run out to him. I know we are going to be facing some new changes when he comes home. Our daughter being the most dramatic! Justin coming home to a house he has yet to live in, and readjusting to the fact that I've been keeping track of everything on my own and I've gotten good at it. Other than that, I'm curious to see what other challenges this process is going to present. I know we both can't wait to just cuddle our newborn and one another. I also can't wait for these bricks of deployment worry to be off my chest.
**I have a new appreciation for all the military spouses throughout our nation and the sacrifices a lot of us make**
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