Kicking deployment's butt !

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

We are currently sitting at the tail end of deployment and my emotions are ALL over the place. I'm nervous, I'm excited, I'm sensitive, the list could go on. This post is pregnancy aside, strictly my feelings and my thoughts about reintegrating with Justin and deployment in general. This entire deployment has been such a learning experience for me and for my marriage. We had to learn how to communicate efficiently with 7,000 miles sitting between us. We had to learn how to communicate without Justin being able to disclose his everyday duties or situations where he could have potentially been in harms way. And we had to find a way to communicate on Justin's bad days. It's not easy talking to a grumpy soldier! Justin is my best friend and we serve as each other's outlets. Having this road block between us really made me feel frustrated and helpless. I've never had an issue with Justin not being able to open up to me about what's going on.

It was a hard thing to work through the first few weeks of deployment, but we did it ! I had to give myself an attitude adjustment and instead of pushing the issues that deployment didn't allow for me to be included in, I decided to change the trend of conversation. I still ask how he's doing, if he slept well, things like that. I'm a Bubbly Barbara ! Optimism included. So I talk about things I know Justin will beam over ! Our little Ava, our marriage and how much we've grown, what we miss most about each other, what we have learned to appreciate most about each other, what we've learned from the time apart, etc. 

The answers I have received from him over the last few months have been remarkable. It's bittersweet what deployment can do for a relationship. I am even more grateful for the person I married, more appreciative of communication, and I realize how valuable time really is. I think the thought of him coming home isn't going to feel real until the day I'm on that field waiting to run out to him. I know we are going to be facing some new changes when he comes home. Our daughter being the most dramatic! Justin coming home to a house he has yet to live in, and readjusting to the fact that I've been keeping track of everything on my own and I've gotten good at it. Other than that, I'm curious to see what other challenges this process is going to present. I know we both can't wait to just cuddle our newborn and one another. I also can't wait for these bricks of deployment worry to be off my chest.

**I have a new appreciation for all the military spouses throughout our nation and the sacrifices a lot of us make**

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