Even with the constant chaos that is our life, I get lost in my thoughts at times when I think of you. I am curious about what your little face will look like. Will you resemble your sister? Will daddy's gene's play a stronger role in your make up? Or will mine? Will you arrive on your due date? Or will you take your time coming earth side? So many wonderful questions fill my mind and it makes the anticipation so much harder when I know they are just three short months away from having answers. Our time together lately has been so precious for me. You kick so unexpectedly these days. I thought for sure you'd strictly be a night owl like your big sister, but I stand corrected. Sometimes you kick me with the morning light, other times you kick me in the wake of the afternoon. It's always a sweet surprise for me to feel you moving in there. Your kicks seems to grow stronger by the day and the reassurance of your growth brings me so much comfort. It brings me so much happiness.
You know, when we changed your name so suddenly, I didn't expect for that change to be so right so fast. You were always an Olivia, even if it took us time to realize it. Aren't you glad we did though? I feel you move and kick harder when I say, "I love you Olivia." And every movement of yours is reassurance that we made the right decision. I looked up so many different meanings of your name all around the world. My favorite would have to be derived from the Latin term. Olive: Symbol of peace. Your middle name, Rose, actually comes from your late great-grandmother, Damaris Rose.
What I didn't realize is that Rose, an obvious flower, also reminds me of my name. Leilani means heavenly flower. So there's another unknown connection to your name and your family. I never did this with your big sister, but I also compiled a list of songs that include your name in it. It was actually really fun to do, and I'm thinking of burning a cd with it, just for giggles once you are older.
Since you are able to hear the voices all around you, I hope you hear the many whispers of those who rub my belly and tell you how crazy they are about you. We are all crazy about you. Sometimes I catch myself saying, "I've never known a love like this." and you know what? It's true. With your sister, I worried about everything. I doubted my body, I felt like I didn't deserve the beautiful gift of having a child. I loved her so much, and everything I did was both out of fear of the unknown, and the unwavering love I had for Ava. With you, my love is different. My love is calm, it is knowing. I don't worry, I live life, and I am carrying you along for the journey. I loved both my girls quite differently in pregnancy, and it has been miraculous to see. They say every child is different, and I never expected that difference to show up right from the start.
You are a tender reminder that in sacrifices made, there are beautiful outcomes. You are a reminder of the amazing things my body is capable of doing. You are also a reminder of the love that I share with your daddy. You and your sister both are living proof of the love your father and I have created outside of ourselves. I look at my life at 24 years old, and all I can feel is proud. There are so many other routes life could have taken me on, but I am so glad my journey led me to you. I am 27 weeks pregnant with you today sweet baby. Only 13 more weeks until you are expected to arrive and join those that love you.
I love you,
Mom.
Olivia Rose
Tuesday, October 20, 2015
Friday, April 17, 2015
Today marks one month until my little girl turns two years old, and it all feels unreal. I'm currently sitting here, writing this, letting tears roll down my face. My sweet Ava bug, how did we get here already? I distinctly remember writing my little one a letter while I was pregnant, and now that I know who my daughter is, it's only appropriate that I write her another one.
Ava bug,
My sweet, brown eyed, curly haired, wild child. I couldn't write this without first telling you how much I love you. I mean, mommy really loves you baby. From the first time I held those sweet hands in mine, to the moments where I watch you jump, run, and play... I have enjoyed each and every moment with you. Yes, even those middle of the night E.R. trips we've made. You snuggle into my chest every time you are sick and all I can think is how I wish I could keep you safe like that for always. Watching you grow has been not only a privilege for me, but an instant wake up call. You came into my life, and you made me new. I hope you know that. Before you, I knew what love from daddy felt like, but I never knew what an untainted, knowingly unbreakable, and completely everlasting love felt like. I'm glad I do now. I'm grateful for you baby girl. We've definitely had our growing pains in these last two years. You became more defiant, and I had to work on my patience with that ... overall, I don't think we are doing too shabby. You look both ways before crossing the street now, and I try not to grip your had too tight when we are out exploring. Letting go of that little hand is much more than letting you explore. It's an indication that you are growing, and I'm literally letting you out of my grasp. I know, I know... we aren't fully there yet. Mama is just dramatic (another lovely trait you got from me). You got daddy's courage and his fearless demeanor. You are not afraid of anything. Heights, worms, (newly) wet grass.. You name it, you do it! I love that about you most. You, my dear are most definitely my free spirit. I sometimes watch you sway in the breeze or the mist from the ocean, and I just fall apart. You are everything baby. You are every good day I have, and I know that seems like a HUGE deal, but you do so by just waking up in the morning. When you smile.. don't get me started. That smile of yours could end wars. I've said this before, but only because it's entirely true. Here lately your favorite book has been "I love you more" By Laura Duksta. When I say, I love you more than the highest bird ever flew, you giggle in delight. When I say, I love you more, so much more than you've ever known, you hug and kiss me. Those moments are my favorite. I hope you stay this sweet forever. I keep thinking about how "perfect" I'm trying to be for you, and even though I'll always come up short on that, it makes me smile knowing that one day you will see how hard daddy and I worked to be the best for YOU. You are already so appreciative, and It warms my heart to see that at such an early age Ava bug. Please baby girl, always be grateful. Always be compassionate. Never feel entitled, and always give more than you take. I already see all of those things in the making with you. I couldn't be more proud to call you my child. My little game changer.
Xo, Mama Bear
♥- Leilani
Ava bug,
My sweet, brown eyed, curly haired, wild child. I couldn't write this without first telling you how much I love you. I mean, mommy really loves you baby. From the first time I held those sweet hands in mine, to the moments where I watch you jump, run, and play... I have enjoyed each and every moment with you. Yes, even those middle of the night E.R. trips we've made. You snuggle into my chest every time you are sick and all I can think is how I wish I could keep you safe like that for always. Watching you grow has been not only a privilege for me, but an instant wake up call. You came into my life, and you made me new. I hope you know that. Before you, I knew what love from daddy felt like, but I never knew what an untainted, knowingly unbreakable, and completely everlasting love felt like. I'm glad I do now. I'm grateful for you baby girl. We've definitely had our growing pains in these last two years. You became more defiant, and I had to work on my patience with that ... overall, I don't think we are doing too shabby. You look both ways before crossing the street now, and I try not to grip your had too tight when we are out exploring. Letting go of that little hand is much more than letting you explore. It's an indication that you are growing, and I'm literally letting you out of my grasp. I know, I know... we aren't fully there yet. Mama is just dramatic (another lovely trait you got from me). You got daddy's courage and his fearless demeanor. You are not afraid of anything. Heights, worms, (newly) wet grass.. You name it, you do it! I love that about you most. You, my dear are most definitely my free spirit. I sometimes watch you sway in the breeze or the mist from the ocean, and I just fall apart. You are everything baby. You are every good day I have, and I know that seems like a HUGE deal, but you do so by just waking up in the morning. When you smile.. don't get me started. That smile of yours could end wars. I've said this before, but only because it's entirely true. Here lately your favorite book has been "I love you more" By Laura Duksta. When I say, I love you more than the highest bird ever flew, you giggle in delight. When I say, I love you more, so much more than you've ever known, you hug and kiss me. Those moments are my favorite. I hope you stay this sweet forever. I keep thinking about how "perfect" I'm trying to be for you, and even though I'll always come up short on that, it makes me smile knowing that one day you will see how hard daddy and I worked to be the best for YOU. You are already so appreciative, and It warms my heart to see that at such an early age Ava bug. Please baby girl, always be grateful. Always be compassionate. Never feel entitled, and always give more than you take. I already see all of those things in the making with you. I couldn't be more proud to call you my child. My little game changer.
Xo, Mama Bear
Ava bug at just four days old.
Photo Cred: VSP
♥- Leilani
Sunday, February 17, 2013
As I sit here this evening, I am overwhelmed with admiration and joy. Each day my daughter grows and develops brings us one day closer to her arrival. It brings tears of happiness to my eyes knowing that this little being was created with thought, good intentions, and by two people that will having nothing less than an unconditional admiration and concern for her. If I could write a "pre-letter" to my daughter I think it would look something like this:
My sweet baby,
I can't wait to see your smile. I can't wait to hold your little hands, and kiss your little cheeks. I want to tell you how grateful I am for the change you sparked in me. My love for life has multiplied and I owe that to you. My heart, my ambitions, and my attitude are amplified for the better. There are a few things I want you to know right off the bat; You have the best daddy this world has to offer. No matter what happens in your life, you will always have a # 1 fan, a protector, and someone you can call your hero. Your daddy and I will never be perfect, and there aren't many things that we can guarantee. ONE thing I can guarantee, one promise I will never break is that we can supply you with a lifetime of love. We will always do our best to make sure the foundation of your morals are always in good standing. I don't want you to ever worry about falling, because I will always be there to catch you. So don't be fearful of mistakes baby, life is full of them and they are never ending. Be assured in yourself, be strong. Keep your faith, because a lot of times we lose our way. Beauty is a state of mind, not a state of body. Cook, decorate, clean, and organize because you love to, not because someone tells you you’re meant to. Music makes everything better. LAUGH ! always, laugh. Laugh at yourself, laugh when something is REALLY funny. Laughter is good for the soul, never forget that. Show the world your beautiful smile, and never allow anything to taint that. Remember that making a change in this world, always starts with yourself, so always do the right thing, even when no one is looking. Integrity is the only credibility you should never want to lose. Your gut instinct will never steer you in the wrong direction. If it doesn't feel right in the pit of your stomach, chances are it isn't ! Be patient with your father & I, as we will be patient with you. You aren't the only one that is new to this ;) We are on your side; especially on the days when it doesn't feel like it. EXPRESS yourself, have opinions, share those opinions. Daddy and I will never discipline you for speaking your beautiful mind, with appropriate words and appropriate gestures.I could go on and write a million more words, but I think i'll save the rest for this journey, your life.
Love,
Your Mommy
My sweet baby,
I can't wait to see your smile. I can't wait to hold your little hands, and kiss your little cheeks. I want to tell you how grateful I am for the change you sparked in me. My love for life has multiplied and I owe that to you. My heart, my ambitions, and my attitude are amplified for the better. There are a few things I want you to know right off the bat; You have the best daddy this world has to offer. No matter what happens in your life, you will always have a # 1 fan, a protector, and someone you can call your hero. Your daddy and I will never be perfect, and there aren't many things that we can guarantee. ONE thing I can guarantee, one promise I will never break is that we can supply you with a lifetime of love. We will always do our best to make sure the foundation of your morals are always in good standing. I don't want you to ever worry about falling, because I will always be there to catch you. So don't be fearful of mistakes baby, life is full of them and they are never ending. Be assured in yourself, be strong. Keep your faith, because a lot of times we lose our way. Beauty is a state of mind, not a state of body. Cook, decorate, clean, and organize because you love to, not because someone tells you you’re meant to. Music makes everything better. LAUGH ! always, laugh. Laugh at yourself, laugh when something is REALLY funny. Laughter is good for the soul, never forget that. Show the world your beautiful smile, and never allow anything to taint that. Remember that making a change in this world, always starts with yourself, so always do the right thing, even when no one is looking. Integrity is the only credibility you should never want to lose. Your gut instinct will never steer you in the wrong direction. If it doesn't feel right in the pit of your stomach, chances are it isn't ! Be patient with your father & I, as we will be patient with you. You aren't the only one that is new to this ;) We are on your side; especially on the days when it doesn't feel like it. EXPRESS yourself, have opinions, share those opinions. Daddy and I will never discipline you for speaking your beautiful mind, with appropriate words and appropriate gestures.I could go on and write a million more words, but I think i'll save the rest for this journey, your life.
Love,
Your Mommy
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