Olivia Rose: 10 years old
Tuesday, January 21, 2025
Nine years ago, my sweet girl, you came into this world—a tiny force wrapped in determination and so much light. From the moment I held you, I knew you were going to make your own way in this life. And every single day since, you have proved me right.
Tuesday, January 17, 2023
I wanted them to have a choice. When they asked, I knew we'd be okay with it.
Thursday, May 27, 2021
Olivia Rose discovered her first loose tooth and she lost it that same day.
Friday, February 28, 2020
My middle little starts preschool this fall and we are kicking our home activities and learning routine up a notch.
Tuesday, January 21, 2020
I cannot believe my second born is four years old. It's kind of surreal.
Friday, November 15, 2019
The boundaries of our children are equally if not more important than ours.
Sunday, May 19, 2019
I've been pretty emotional the last 12 hours or so and I don't know how to cope with it. Naturally, I found myself writing because this outlet has always allowed me to bear my truth and work through so many difficult things. Today is no different. This situation is no different. Yesterday we attended a pool party for my little cousin out in Enumclaw. It was a blast! Justin and all three kids pretty much spent a full hour and a half in the water doing all things aquatic. Pool noodles, basketball shooting, diving, etc. you name it, they were doing it. I sat on the sidelines and watched - it was the best view in the house. After the party came to a close we decided to head back to my cousin's house to spend extra time together, hang out with my grandma, and enjoy dinner together. Less than five minutes after we arrived, chaos ensued. Ava ran in first. She kicked off her flip flops and headed to the backyard for the trampoline. I don't even remember Olivia walking into the house but honestly we weren't worried about it. As we waved see you in a minute to my cousin's husband and eldest daughter, Justin and I walked over to the trunk to get Liam's carrier. I grabbed the carrier, Justin had Liam in his arms and as I started to put the carrier on, I heard commotion and yelling. My heart dropped. Justin ran ahead of me, I arrived after. One of my cousin's was holding his dog by the collar. Olivia was on the floor, I don't even remember the look on her face, I just rushed to hold her. I saw blood on her ear and I immediately panicked and I began to cry alongside her. I carried her out of the house and back to my van.
I tried to put her down, but she held onto me for dear life. She was crying, I was crying, and the look of concern on Justin's face is one I seldom see. She had two little marks on the side of her ear and I wasn't sure if it was a bite mark or what. The inside of her ear was so red and even now it looks like her vein was nicked. Her forehead had a decent sized knot and two other little marks. She had scratches on her back, her legs, and arms. My heart just broke so badly for her. When I calmed down, I put Olivia on my passenger seat and immediately asked her if I could clean and tend to her "owwies' but she wasn't having it. Eventually, I was able to but she cried almost the entire time. This was tough, guys. It was so, so tough. Naturally, Olivia didn't want anything to do with Oreo (the dog) and each time she saw Oreo in the yard she immediately freaked out.
I appreciated that my cousin actually put her on the leash in the backyard and I think the whole "out of mind out of sight" mentality kicked in a little for Olivia. I let her watch a show for a few minutes while we were still in the car and I further discussed what happened with my cousin. To be clear, I'm not angry with Oreo. I know how excited and jumpy dogs can be. We had one just like that, Cooper. I know how easy it is to get scratched by an excited pup that just wants to say hello. We don't know what happened, as none of the adults or older kiddos actually witnessed what happened, but I'd like to believe that it was not malice. Oreo has never bitten someone before and I hope with that kind of demeanor a dog wouldn't just randomly bite my three year old. I take comfort in knowing that Oreo
has all her shots, so the injuries Olivia did sustain won't be plagued with the bacteria or germs from a non vacc'd dog.
When we left last night, Justin and I talked a little bit about where we go from here. We are going to take this week and tend to our girl even more attentively than normal. Sleeping in mama and daddy's bed will be her normal this week, whenever Olivia wants to discuss what happened and/or animals, we will openly talk about it, and basically just making sure this experience doesn't hinder her more than it needs to. I spent a good amount of my night reading articles about what happens after a physical experience like this and I'm a firm believer that tending to Olivia's mental health is just as important as tending to the physical one.
Another part of my heart broke because I wish it didn't happen to Olivia. In just three years of her life she's gone through the most trauma out of all three kids (last year she fractured her pinky finger, went under anesthesia, and had a cast) and I had just hoped that she wouldn't have to deal with something so heavy again in her younger years. I keep holding her, kissing her, and just being here.. I know this could have been a much worse situation and I'm thankful that's not our situation. Lots of healing will be taking place in our home this week and I ask that all my readers think the best of thoughts for our sweet girl. I don't know when I'll let my little out of my sight again. It seems like when I feel like I'm ready to give a little more, something like this happens. For that I blame myself.
Sunday, February 17, 2019
This weekend we pulled the trigger on a lengthy trip to IKEA in search of finding a new “big girl” dresser for Miss Olivia.
Monday, January 21, 2019
Happy birthday to my beautiful, sassy, intelligent, hilarious little girl!
Wednesday, June 27, 2018
You know the funny thing about parenting? When you think you have something down pat and you start to feel confident about what you know... you have another baby that reminds you that you know nothing and its back to the drawing board you go. I can't even begin to tell you how many times this has happened with Ava and Olivia (and soon to be Liam, I'm sure). Olivia constantly rocks our entire world and continually shows us how different siblings can be. For example, at almost 2.5, Ava was still taking naps. No, it wasn't always as easy as laying her down and walking out of her room to the sounds of a toddler slumber - BUT she would eventually find her sleep and nap in the end.
Olivia is going on almost a solid week of refusing to nap. I cannot believe it. She is fighting me tooth and nail over her nap time and I'm almost ready to throw in the towel. I am hesitant because the thing is, she needs sleep. If she doesn't get her nap, she's a hot mess express in the evening (usually right before dinner). She gets a lot more whiney, she gets upset about things she normally wouldn't, and its pretty hard for the house to function normally when tired Olivia is at large.
I've talked to her primary doctor about it, I've done my own personal research, and I'm still stumped here. We put the kids down at 8pm during school nights and during the summer it has been closer to 9pm. The girls both average at least 11 hours of sleep each night so I know that we are solid there. But still, everything I've heard and read says that my girl should still be napping for at least an hour a day. I feel like I've tried everything short of actually staying in her room until she falls asleep (and I try not to because Liam would be a distraction for her) and shutting her door. I really do not like the idea of closing my kiddo in her room.
Should I just suck it up and try to stay in her room until she falls asleep? Should I just let her off the hook and throw away nap time completely? What would you do. mamas + papas? What have you done? I'm open to any and all advice. Nap time was such a sacred time for this house and now I feel like its something of the past. More than losing two hours of solid mama and Liam time, I am concerned about the lack of sleep impacting our girl moving forward.
Tuesday, April 17, 2018
My first baby to need surgery. Man, this was a hard pill to swallow. If you read about Livy bean's fractured finger, then you might have an idea as to why our girl had to have surgery yesterday. After a follow-up appointment with her pediatric orthopedic doctor, x-rays showed that Olivia's alignment in her fractured pinky finger was way off. It was actually worse than the initial visit for the fractured pinky. The biggest concern with the alignment being off (the bone was pushed down as well) is the loss of motion range in her pinky and that is what started us on the discussion of surgery with her doctor. I'll admit, I bawled so bad when surgery was brought up. I mean, I was already emotional about the entire ordeal, to begin with... but Justin and I both thought that she'd be in a splint for a few weeks and that would be the end. Of course, we didn't have to opt into the surgery but I couldn't live with myself knowing that we didn't do all we could for the sake of our own feelings.
So, surgery. I collected all the information, Justin and I weighed the pros/cons, and then I researched the snot out of the pediatric surgery facility. Let. Me. Tell. You. The reviews were mostly bad. There was even a review in there specifically warning service members to stay away. SO MANY TEARS. Not only was my baby getting surgery, but the facility the physician uses was completely terrible. I remember calling Justin at work to talk about it and he was so dang calm. He said, "Babe. Then we will find another facility. We will find another doctor if we have to." Justin always manages to ease my mind and defuse a stressful situation.
After collecting myself I called the ortho office and left a message for the doctor's PA. Instead, I received a call back from the doctor. He talked to me about the procedure, the need, and the facility in amazing detail. Just getting all the information from a physician that we had deemed credible.. I don't know, it definitely changed my attitude. I ended up calling the pediatric surgery facility to go over each of my concerns and I was met with honest answers and acknowledgment about their reviews. After thinking about it over the weekend, we filled out the pre-registration information on Monday and got a pre-op call shortly after.
I appreciated how thorough and prompt the staff was. So far so good. Tuesday morning came and our family was out the door by 5AM. We were required to be present at 6am for her surgery to happen at 7am. When we arrived, there were three other families there too. I couldn't believe how small these babies were. It shocked me. I initially had this idea that we were the worst parents on the planet and surely it wasn’t normal for your child to need surgery.. or general anesthesia this early in life... WRONG. I can still be extremely naive. Once we got into the office, we filled out the necessary forms, had a short wait, and then we headed back to get Olivia prepped.
The nurses were so sweet and kind with our girl. Putting in her favorite movie - Moana. And dishing out the sweetest compliments on how adorable she was. Olivia did great with all of the vitals they needed, not giving a single fuss about anything. I appreciated how much feedback the nurses gave on the staff that would be present during Olivia's procedure in the OR. It seemed like we got the best, most knowledgeable bunch possible. I instantly got a wave of calm. The anesthesiologist, nurse that would be in the OR, and her physician all talked to us a great deal. Everything was explained - numbers, times, options, etc. They left me without a single question. Justin had to take Ava to school (forty minutes away), so he left just right before Olivia was taken back to the OR.
They did give our babe some "giggle juice" beforehand to calm her before she had to leave us. Because we had explained to Olivia that we were there to fix her finger, I don't think she felt as nervous when the nurse carried her away. I told her I loved her, she said she loved me, we hugged/kissed/she hugged brother, and then I went back to the waiting room. I really loved that we were able to bring Olivia's personal items from home during this process too. I mean, I felt like she had a sense of familiarity with her even though I couldn't be there. I brought one of her favorite blankets and a Moana doll that was gifted to her after her fracture happened. I'm so glad we did that.
Over an hour passed before a nurse came to grab both Justin and I for an update with the pediatric ortho. Everything had gone successfully and he had taken a little more time to ensure that he did his best work. He didn't have to cut into her finger (THANK YOU JESUS) and was able to get that bone back on alignment. The doctor also put Olivia in a hard cast for the next four weeks (it is going to make life interesting), but we are 100% okay with this. The splint situation was not going to work for our adventurous, active girl. About 20 minutes later we were reunited with our sleeping beauty and again, the nurses on the "other side" of her surgery were just as amazing. So attentive and completely sweet.
Olivia was still pretty out of it when we walked back into the room, but her first word was "Daddy" and she looked at him right in the face before dozing off again. They gave her more time to sleep off some of the gases from the anesthesia, and we stood by her bedside while she slept. She was so peaceful, snuggled up in her blanket. A little while later our girl was becoming more aware and instantly started talking about the IV in her foot and that she wanted it out. The nurse took out the IV, brought Olivia some water and a popsicle, and we helped her sit up so she could indulge.
I still can't believe how calm Olivia was. Her resiliency just amazes me. She didn't have any lingering effects from the anesthesia and immediately started eating food when we got in the car. I packed her applesauce, a granola bar, and a banana - all of which was gone by the time we got home.
As much as I gripe about the state of Texas, I am so dang grateful for all of the skilled and knowledgeable people that took care of my girl. Who knows if we'd have been afforded the same situation anywhere else. The next few weeks are going to be challenging, as far as getting Olivia to slow down a bit, but I'd take that challenge over any other option.
Our baby is healthy, healing, and safe. I could not ask for more.
Tuesday, April 3, 2018
I don't even know where to start. All I can say is how terrible I feel. How guilty I feel. I feel like the worst mom on the planet.
We went to the park on Saturday. Justin planned to play basketball with a couple of the recruiters from his center and I had planned to take the kids to see the Easter bunny that afternoon. We didn't end up going to see the Easter bunny (definitely a post I'll be sharing at a different time), so instead, I took the girls to the park to play and watch their daddy shoot hoops.
All was well. The girls met a new gal pal, they played with a familiar face, and then we got impatient waiting for daddy since our water supply was non-existent after an hour or so. Since the weather was fitting, I had the idea of getting ice cream after the park. The girls always love a good impromptu ice cream trip. So that's what we did. All five of us piled into the mom wagon and we went to our favorite ice cream shop.
Everything was great. The sun was shining, this mama got her fresh pressed lemonade, and my girls were sticky + content. Justin was chatting with an applicant and a recruiter from the center when I asked if he could take Ava to the bathroom. When he did, Olivia followed. That is never a big deal. When I am alone with the kids, I have to take all of them to the bathroom with me... I didn't think to tell Olivia to stay with me while daddy took sissy to potty. Just this time, I really wish I would have.
A couple of minutes pass by and I see Olivia sort of pout "crying" down the hall where the bathrooms were - Justin and Ava trailing behind. When Olivia got closer to me, she came up to me and she showed me her finger. My initial reaction - I screamed in panic. I was confused, I had Liam on my chest in the ring sling... I just panicked. Justin approached me so relaxed and unknowing. Because her crying wasn't anything alarming, he had no idea that she was actually hurt.
When I started crying, Olivia started to panic and she started CRYING, too. Cardinal mom rule: Don't freak them out - they will freak out... yet somehow that rule flew right out the window when I saw my child's pinky finger off of alignment. It was already purple, swollen, and she was only gone for a few minutes. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN? I literally had zero time to ask questions.
Justin was trying to tell me that she kept pushing the door open. Finger caught in the door. Washing Ava's hands.. it was just a blur.
One of the staff members grabbed a bag of ice for Olivia's finger and then moments later we were out the door, trying to figure out where we should take her. ER? Urgent care? We had a mama friend there who worked in the health realm during her time in the Army. I asked her where to go and she replied, "She needs x-rays. Somewhere where they can take x-rays."
The ER would be quicker. I was more panicked in the car because I had no idea whether or not our child's finger was broken.. if she needed surgery.. if this was going to impact the range of motion in her hand.. I don't know. All the thoughts just floored me.
Justin parked right in front of the ER doors and took Olivia in by himself. I had to nurse the baby, calm my nerves, and park before I could go in with our other kiddos.
When we did head into the ER, Olivia wasn't crying. She was laying on her daddy's chest and she looked tired. We had skipped nap time and it was 2:30pm. I knew she was tired. Someone came in to take x-rays of Olivia's finger and Ava and I were asked to step right outside of the room with Liam (radiation exposure, I think?). Olivia didn't cry through the x-rays, she didn't cry when her finger was buddy taped (after they confirmed her pinky had a fracture), and she didn't cry when they asked if they could give her a dose of Tylenol. She was a perfect patient. Less than 45 minutes later, they gave us to follow up instructions for a pediatric orthopedic and a prescription for medication to help manage her pain.
The rest of Saturday was spent at home, relaxing, and getting rest. Sunday we watched our girl rock Easter egg hunting with her buddy taped fingers and she smiled and laughed like she normally would. We were beginning to think maybe her finger wasn't broken? It was insane that she wasn't complaining of pain or showing any signs of discomfort.
That was a short-lived thought. We did a follow up with a pediatric orthopedic yesterday and they did confirm the break. They put a splint on Olivia's finger and advised us to keep it dry and to follow up next week. This whole experience has made me feel like such a crap mom and I know Justin is beating himself up pretty badly too.
I know accidents happen, but this is something I feel like I could have 100% prevented if I had been there. If I had just kept Olivia with me while Justin took Ava to use the bathroom. It's heartbreaking to watch your children hurt in a way that you cannot heal. Tough as she may be, Olivia is still my baby. All of the kids are.
I've gone into lockdown mode. Like a hair short of just bubble wrapping all three of my Howland babes. I know these next few weeks we will be taking it easy...this experience was most certainly eye-opening for me.
If you guys could send good vibes, big prayers, and all your thoughts our way - we would appreciate it. The one thing that has been so comforting through this process is knowing that our girl has such a huge rally of warriors behind her, sending her all the best wishes for a swift recovery.
Sunday, January 21, 2018
Writing this out is unbelievable to me. The word I have used most often since you were born is, fleeting.
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