Support Them Through Anything

Tuesday, March 17, 2020

I will always support you. No matter what.

This past winter my husband felt called to make a heavy decision that would change the entire dynamic of our lives as it was. His reasoning was valid, his heart (as always) was in the right place, and he's not one to make B-I-G decisions on a whim or something small. That let me know that he had done his thinking extensively about it. And yet when he had this conversation with me about this uprooting decision, I was panicked, initially. As a military wife, I have found a lot of ironies in this lifestyle. The Army has asked us to move our family multiple times and yet I'm still not someone that is all "hooray" about change. I do not like leaving my home state (especially since Justin and the kids absolutely love it here). I do not like leaving my family. I do not like moving into places that don't feel familiar. And even with all the dislikes, I have blindly and full heartedly followed my husband around the country with all the support in the world I could offer.

This situation was no different. And that's the real differences in healthy relationships and marriages alike (in my experience). When you are panicked, when you don't like change, when it's going to inconvenience you in some way, you still show up and you still give your spouse your support, 100% of the time. And no. I'm not talking about unhealthy or unsafe situations. The difference it makes for someone to know you support them is absolutely everything. Well, I know it is for Justin. Sometimes that's all we need to know. We need to know that the person we love most supports us even in our most off the wall ideas. There have been MANY times where I've wanted to venture into something new and foreign just for myself. And in those instances, my husband has always supported those aspirations wholeheartedly. I will always appreciate that.

Sometimes I've not followed through with some of the ventures I thought I wanted to embark on. And that's okay... but I've still had Justin's support through it all. Could you imagine if your spouse presented you with something that they were looking for your support with and you decided not to give it... then they go on to change their minds about it anyways? That lingering feeling of your lack of support when they needed you will remain and it can potentially cause tifts or resentment moving forward. I hope you are still following me through this because I just lost myself in that jumble of words there!

What I'm trying to say is, this aspect of partnership is equally as important as anything else we give in our relationships. To be specific, Justin wanted to put in a compassion reassignment last November to be closer to his mom. My mother in-law lives in New York.... which is nearly 3500 miles away from where we live currently. Justin's mom has breast cancer and she's had a double mastectomy in the last six months. I know his heart was in the right place and I know he didn't decide this lightly. With all my fears and with my lack of comfortability,  I knew I had to support him if this was a move he wanted to make. Not only had he supported me through every opportunity or endeavor I wanted to pursue in our marriage, but he'd also made a career changing move for me when my mom was terminally sick nearly six years ago. How could I not support him?

There were tears, there were brief phone calls to a couple friends just to verify my approach, and then there was this big conversation with Justin that resulted in the same way these conversations always go. "Love, I support you and I understand. If you want to submit the compassion reassignment, I'm with you." He sat on that for weeks and weeks. It was a great while later that my husband decided that this was not a move he wanted to make at this time. He left me with the idea that if things were to get even worse or her health were to take another critical hit, we would make back to this potential moving conversation. But, for now, we are staying put. And that was a decision Justin came up with by himself.

I'm just glad I was able to be the support he needed and not the negative, "hold you back", change your mind kind of communication that none of us really needs.

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