My husband

Monday, November 10, 2014
Last night was really rough for me for a number of reasons. We are finally approaching the original date for trying to conceive our second child and my emotions are all over the place. The same type of feelings that surfaced prior to having Ava bug have somehow managed to emerge again. The circumstances aren't the same, in fact nothing really is the same. We know that we are 100% capable of conceiving a healthy child... so I'm really not sure what caused this to happen. I think it's pretty normal to be nervous and a little scared when dealing with fertility. None the less, I spent the better half of my night crying to my heart's content. I wasn't going to let my husband see me in this little emotional ball of a mess.. but like always, I had to have the support of my best friend.

He was in the middle of playing some video game when he saw me. Tears down my face, he threw his headset down and just came up and held me. He asked me what was wrong and I told him through my sobs. Like always, he made me feel better. Justin is really, really good at that. He has complete faith and hope in the fact that we will go on to conceive a second baby with no trouble at all. He told me to keep my chin up and stay positive. He told me that we'd have lots more babies if I wanted to. Still standing, he wiped the tears from my face, and said something silly that made me smile.

We sat for a bit and continued to discuss our excitement, our fears, and our impending journey. It was in those moments where I felt even more validated in wanting to have a marriage, a life with this man. Justin is without a doubt one of the greatest men I have ever known. He is so encouraging, strong, and tender-hearted when it comes to the women he loves (Ava bug and myself). We then went on to go and kiss our sleeping beauty toddler for the simple fact that we could. I remember Ava waking up shortly after, and holding her so tight. No matter what happens on this next journey, I will always have my Ava bug. I will always have one perfect little being that is a creation of Justin and I.

That really allowed a wave of peace to come over me. I know I wouldn't be this strong without the support of my husband and I am so grateful for this man on a daily basis. Free from judgment when jealousy rears it's ugly head when I see all those who conceive with ease, Justin is there to remind me that our journey makes our reward that much more enjoyable. It is in his words of optimism that I find peace and acceptance. More so than ever, I feel rock solid. I feel rock solid with my marriage, I feel rock solid with my life goals, and I feel rock solid with the type of parent I continue to become. I'm in a really good place right now and all signs point to baby # 2 for us. I can't even explain this to you guys in words, because I fall short, but it is most definitely time for us to look back and see two carseats behind us in the car. That was how we knew it was time to try for children, and I am trusting this instinct that Justin and I have once more.

How many of my readers are considering adding little additions to their family? Did you have similar emotions as mine? Are there any readers with fertility struggles? I'd love to hear from you all in the comments below or by email.

Happy Monday all!

♥- Leilani

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