Marriage Year 7: Acceptance

Friday, July 6, 2018
Ahh, acceptance. I think this has been the hardest for me because I teeter between trying to be his biggest cheerleader - cheerin' him on to be the best Justin he can be and realizing hey, maybe this is the best Justin he can be? Accepting that my husband has different views of whats okay has been the most challenging obstacle of my life. I mean, don't get me wrong - this happens vice versa as well, but for the life of me... I will never understand why dirty clothes (literally two steps away from a dirty clothes basket) never find their way into the hamper. This is something that I have tried to CHANGE but have failed at consistently over the last seven years. And while that situation is extremely minor, all situations of acceptance aren't always. Sometimes the stakes are much higher and I've have to decide if I am going to continue to accept and support my spouse, or attempt to "change" him - though I know that another person cannot force a process that should be organic and done by that individual themselves. Changing myself is hard, almost impossible at times... how can I ask that of someone else? How can I expect someone else to conform to what I like, simply because I like it? I can't. That's the short answer. I wouldn't, if I love Justin, selflessly.
The core of who Justin is, that's who I fell in love with. That's the man I married. I accepted him the day I gave him my heart to forever hold. I think we are truly blessed in that aspect because we didn't go into marriage with a "spouse project list" of all the things we wanted to change. I mean, i'd venture to say that most couples don't, but I won't speak for others. Sometimes its hard to accept a quirk or a habit, especially one that includes toenail clippings on your bedsheets (sorry, babe I had to call you out), but in the grand scheme of things I step back and watch my husband be himself, unapologetically. I know I appreciate the same courtesies from him.
During our earlier years (which wasn't too long ago), we definitely tried to change things about one another and we failed, horribly. I would try to control the amount of ESPN in the house, Justin would try to control how emotional I was to prevent me from always getting my feelings hurt. While we might have had our hearts in the right place (well, he did), that could never work. I have had to accept that my husband is a sports fanatic and that he will indulge in sports just as often as he can. Justin has had to accept that his wife is a blubbering mess and experiences most of life (emotionally) on a deeper level than most. The outcome? Two people that are able to be who they are. We are two different people, we share the same marriage, but that doesn't mean we have to be exactly what the other person wants us to be. That just isn't how life works. 
Celebrating our diversity and what we bring to the table is much more fun and to be honest, where I fall short, my husband does not. That's the best part.

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