I love you, but I don't need your advice.

Thursday, March 19, 2015
Last night, something happened to me that hasn't really happened before. I was talking to a friend that isn't a parent, about parenting decisions. I ended up getting slightly offended, she ended up defending her opinion, it was just not the best conversation. While mild and not so serious, It really struck a cord with me. I got to thinking about just how many people who don't have children often have a lot to say about how children should be raised, or how they plan on raising their (nonexistent) children. I began to wonder WHY that has to occur at all? Before I had Ava bug, actually before I even knew I was pregnant, I never made comments about kids. Sure, I'd talk to Justin about how I'd love our children to be raised and treated... ironically, some of those notions have changed drastically, but I have never reached out to a parent (prior to becoming one) and offered unsolicited advice, or just advice that really wouldn't be validated coming from me. I think that's overstepping a boundary.

So, this blog post is for those of you who aren't parents just yet. Listen, we love you. We loved you before we had kids, we will love you with our children, and you are not being ostracized. Everyone thinks they know how they are going to be when they become a parent for the first time, but the truth is, you don't. You really don't know how one small little human can change and turn your world completely upside down. You were once a confident, budding, self assured person... Then you have a baby. You become insecure, you worry, you doubt yourself as a mother/daddy at times. You really do go through a whirlwind of emotions. Keep this in mind when you talk to your parent friends. You have no idea what they are going through on a daily basis, just to get through the day. I only have one child and I can't tell you how drastic my life has changed. Ava came into our world and altered it (for the better) in every way possible. There are nights when I cry happy tears.. sad tears.. stressed tears.. fear tears... I could keep going on.

The truth is, we are trying to raise good people. You may not understand our parenting choices, you may not like them, but the silver lining in this? You don't have to raise your kids the way we are. You may not get why breastfeeding in public is a movement, or why playdates are so essential in the toddler life. You may not understand why the "schedule" is almost always put before most things or why I haven't read the latest copy from the 50 shades of Grey trilogy (or seen the movie). So for now, just keep your advice to yourself. Seriously. You will have a happy, loving, friend if you do. There is no better way to upset or offend your friend by giving her advice about parenting, when you don't have kids. It's a major pet peeve for me, and I know it's a pet peeve for other moms and dads out there.

**DISCLAIMER** I will say, for those of my friends that find themselves going into pediatric care or anything really child related.. feel free to correct me (if you have a child OR NOT) if you see me making a mistake. It is your job to spread awareness and to keep parents informed about child safety laws, medicines, etc. I will never, ever give you my angry face for trying to inform me about something I should be doing, or should not be doing. There it is. the gray area for this situation when it's actually okay to give unsolicited advice, at least in my book!

How many of my readers have been in a situation like this? How did you handle it? Feel free to email me or leave a comment below.

Happy Thursday all!

♥- Leilani

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