Nervous for Nothing

Sunday, December 29, 2013
Today was a big day for me. I left Ava bug alone with Justin for almost two whole hours, and while this may be common for a lot of other families, it is not at all common for me. I seriously almost had borderline anxiety from leaving her today. This past week, I splurged a little too much while at Carters. I didn't even notice that I purchased duplicate outfits (in the same size), so I had to make a trip back to return some things, and purchase some cold weather gear (we are getting closer Washingtonians). We had already ran our errands for the day, so I just wasn't going to go.. then Justin suggested he watch Ava while watching football. He's asked before, but I just haven't been ready. The last time I left Ava alone with her father was back when she was barely two months old. It was so much different then, she slept a lot longer, and I wasn't worried that she'd wake up looking for me.

I made sure to nurse her before I left. I think that's the only thing about exclusively breastfeeding that doesn't work in my favor. If mama isn't home for baby to nurse, baby can't nurse. I knew this would be a good experience for all of us though. I need to show Justin (even though I say it) that he is perfectly capable of caring for Ava like I do. I need to show him that I trust him to parent her without me being around. It also helps Ava too. She's going through a phase (thank you teething), and whenever she cries, she wants mama. I hate seeing the look on Justin's face when Ava reaches for me. I think it kind of breaks his heart a little. Although she does prefer daddy during play time, I think it'd be great for us to have a balance with her. Leaving her alone today was also good for me. As much as I love my daughter, and Lord knows I love her to the moon and them some, mama needs her time too.

It was so weird being in the car, and not looking back at Ava in her seat. It was weird not bringing a diaper bag or stroller with me to the store. Shoot it was just weird driving alone. I only called Justin once while I was out (though I wanted to phone a lot more), and I was delighted to hear that everything was well. I guess Ava had one moment where she got fussy, and he handled it. Other than that, it was a cake walk. I pulled into the driveway to a smiley, happy, little girl. I'm glad I did this today. I know It's only going to get easier as bug gets older. Speaking of older, Ava's two bottom teeth are cutting!! We can see those bad boys peaking through the top, and we can feel them. I am so glad for this. She actually act a full serving of sweet potatoes tonight. That made me feel so much better! I was able to freeze a week's worth, so let's hope her appetite is here to stay.

I'm so excited for New Years this year! I've got less than a month until my three year anniversary arrives, and we are moving shortly before that. Justin and I have already made our 2014 resolutions. Resolutions we made a week ago, so they don't face the inevitable doom of not being seen through. Looking back at this past year, I think I've grown more in 2013 than any year before. My faith continues to be restored, I continue to work toward a closer relationship with Jesus Christ, I know what my love with Justin can take (even when the odds are against us), and most importantly I know what true friendship feels like. So much growth, I can't even believe it!

Well I'm off for now! Football is on, and Justin needs like 11 points to place in his fantasy football draft! Happy Sunday all! I hope you all spent your day relaxing with your loved ones.

♥- Leilani

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