Sunday, March 29, 2015
Today the struggle of only having one tangible parent in our house is SO real. I think I'm experiencing allergies from the weather shifts, or I'm legitimately battling a cold cough, because I feel like (ironically) complete poo. I normally don't nap with my daughter because there are one million things to be done (including feeding my facebook addiction), but once I laid her down.. I could barely keep my eyes opened. I think over an hour had passed before I heard Ava bug talking through the baby monitor. I get up and as soon as I hit the hallway, I smell it. I quickly open her door to find her completely naked, her bed covered in poop, and she has the saddest look on her face. My initial reaction was anger. I didn't take it out on her, but I was definitely upset while I was trying to separate my kid from the poop stained sheets. One of her books and one of her dolls also got caught in the crossfire of all of this. I could feel Ava trying to hug me and I know somehow she felt bad. I didn't let her though. She was covered in poop and all I could think about was containing all of the stink. I immediately put her in the bath after getting all the poop stuff bundled up. I washed her up and all throughout her bath she gave me smiles and her sweet affection. Even still, I was focused on cleaning her, I was crying at this point, and I was upset.

I have never rejected my daughter love, and as soon as I cleaned everything up and realized my behavior, I scooped her up, I hugged her, and I gave her a ton of mama kisses. This incident wasn't even a big deal to be honest. I wasn't mad that she removed her diaper and pooped. This is what we are working on these days. I didn't put her potty in her room during nap time, because I was so exhausted, I didn't even think about it. I was upset with myself for being angry over something that very well may happen again. I was upset for being sick, because If I wasn't sick I wouldn't have forgot to put her potty in her room. I was upset because I am doing this all by myself. Justin hasn't been home in almost four weeks and I'm alone. It's so much harder when he's away. My heart literally aches for my other half today. Today, I am not a happy-go-lucky-military-wife.

 I felt so terrible letting my toddler watch me cry as I was cleaning up the mess that was made. I feel terrible because I'm her strong mom. When she falls, when she makes a mistake, when she needs me, I'm strong. I'm not crying, I'm holding my crying child. A small part of me felt like I let her down. And then not hugging her right away? I should have. Poop was already everywhere at that point. I should have hugged my child when she asked. She deserves love at all times, no matter what the circumstance. Alas, I am human, and next time I will definitely handle it differently. Because of our events from today, I cancelled plans for this afternoon. Apparently, we are just suppose to stay home and make it a laundry day. I'm okay with that though. This cough is trying to get the best of me, so I don't think it's wise to be on the go anyhow.

So, today motherhood was rough. Today was one of those days where you realize why the good days are so important to value. The good days come so frequently in this house, that when a storm does hit, It shocks me, honestly. But none the less, I feel assured that being a mother to my little girl was my calling all along. She reminds me that the bumps in the road always give us some type of lesson to be learned. Patience has always been a big issue with me. Today, I showed patience. I was calm. Maybe not internally, but on the outside, I was.

So here's to all the mom's that spent their day dealing with poop. You are so much stronger, so much braver, and so much more wonderful than you could ever imagine. You are not alone in this crazy journey with raising wonderful children, and your efforts never go unrecognized.

♥- Leilani

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