I love you, Ava.

Wednesday, March 12, 2014
I'm sitting here in astonishment this morning. I can't believe I was given such a perfect little girl. I'm watching Ava wave to my mom, and a surge of emotions takes over. This happens to me often, but today it was different. I've got a lot going on right now, nothing too major, but just a lot on my plate. It's moments like this where all that stuff just doesn't seem to matter. I could get lost in my daughter pretty much everyday. Her growth has hit an all time high as of late, and with all the rapid changes, I'm trying to soak in every single moment that I can. The most innocent part of it all, is that she doesn't understand all that she does for our family already. I get why some parents say that their lives didn't begin until their children entered their worlds. I get it because it has happened to Justin and I. I have never been this complete and whole in my entire life.

Last night when Justin called me, he said something that really warmed my heart. He says, "Since I've been in the field, I have a hard time sleeping. I toss and turn, I just don't sleep well. I know it's because whenever I'm not with you and Ava, nothing seems right. Even sleeping, I don't sleep right without you guys." Talk about water works. Since we co-sleep, I can totally understand what he means. It's weird not having him here as well. Granted, he gets cheated out of most of the bed, but he doesn't seem to mind. He also asked me if I thought Ava missed him, he asks me this all the time, but I now know he's definitely itching to come back home. I think being in the military, that's Justin's biggest fear. The fear of his daughter not being familiar with him anymore. I reassure him, because I am 99.9% positive that would never happen, but I sympathize, because if I was in his shoes, I'd think about things like that too.

I read a blog post yesterday about how being a mother is enough. why-being-mom-is-enough. Definitely give it a read. It made me cry (not hard to do). I have always thought that my career goals were just as important as being a mother. Like if I didn't pursue my career I'd be a failure, or like my life wouldn't be fulfilled. Truth is, my life is already fulfilled. Ava is more than enough for me. I know she'll be proud of me whether I manage a medical company, or if I just stay at home with her. Yes, I'd like to do more for my family, but if it's not in the cards, I'm not going to be distraught. Justin even suggested he be a stay at home father so I can start a career. We both would be fine either way. I like that about us. No matter what it is, we always make sure that it's the right move for Ava bug. Sometimes it's easy to get selfish about decisions like this, but I'm glad that's not us. Ava will always, and since day one has always been the center of our universe. Once she's older, I don't plan on being so vocal about that last part haha!

Well I'm off guys. I've got a few errands to run today, and a trip to party city is in my future. Happy Wednesday all! If you are a Washingtonian, soak up all this sun! It finally feels like winter is behind us.

♥- Leilani

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