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Mama's Baby

Tuesday, April 22, 2014
I seriously spent most of my Monday, toting Ava bug around in my ring sling. I think it's finally hit me that very soon, I'm going to have a full on walking baby. Here soon, my daughter is going to display some new independence, and I'm all emotional about it. I'm sitting here in tears as I write this. Whenever I have Ava in a wrap or sling, she lays her head on my chest, just listening to her mama's heartbeat. I love having her that close to me. She's so content, and safe. I know our baby-wearing days aren't going to be over for a little while longer, but I'm still enjoying every single second that I can, while I can. There really is an art to attachment parenting. The bond that I have forged with my child is felt so deeply, sometimes words cannot do it justice. Thus why tears appear instead. I never thought that love for my child could feel like this. It's innocent, pure, and untainted.

It's amazing how fast this first year has flown by. I'm making preparations for her first birthday, and I just can't believe how far we've come together. I still remember the day we got home from the hospital. I was so scared, and nervous that I would make a mistake. I was nervous that I wouldn't be able to handle parenthood on my own (Justin was heading home from Afghanistan). Ava was (if you can believe it) so patient with me. Every step of the way; I always felt like my newborn baby was the most considerate person I had ever met. It felt like she was saying, "It's okay mommy, you're doing great." That's crazy to say, but she's still like that to this day. Ava is so kind, and has the most forgiving brown eyes I have ever seen. Sometimes I question why someone like me was blessed with a perfect tiny human being. My "hopes" for what my child would be like doesn't even come close to the child I received. Ava pretty much surpasses any hopes or expectations I could have ever come up with. I know the challenging years are yet to come, but in this moment right now, everything in my world is bliss.

I'm so glad I've documented my parenting journey through blogging. I've been flipping through the last eleven months, and it's been like a movie. I get to experience all the happy times and even the sad times all over again. I'm thinking about making a journal for Ava bug with all the entries I've written about her. I'm really big on memories, and being able to "time capsule" them. I want to get this project ready for her first birthday. I know she won't be able to read them now, and I wouldn't want her to. I just want to leave as many pieces of me as I can in her life as she grows.

On that note, I am off. Ava thinks it's funny to pull on her brother's whiskers.. he doesn't share the same opinion. Happy Tuesday all! Pick your kiddos up, and give them big hugs!

♥- Leilani

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