The waiting game

Monday, April 7, 2014
I told myself I wasn't going to blog about this. I told myself to wait out the next two weeks to see if there really could be another Howl baby growing inside of me... but, if you know me, you know I just couldn't wait. This afternoon I needed to use the bathroom (nothing out of the norm there) and when I wiped there was pinkish blood. It wasn't heavy, in fact it was light. My mind instantly went to, oh great, Aunt Flo is here. My period has been so irregular since I had Ava, you just never know when she's going to show up. Usually, the bleeding gets heavier throughout the day, but not today. Each time I've used the bathroom after that, there has been zero blood on the toilet paper. I didn't have implantation bleeding with Ava (that i can recall), and because the world of conceiving and pregnancy is so GINORMOUS, I refuse to Google about any of this. I guess what I'm saying is that there is a chance I could be pregnant, but there is also a REALLY good chance I'm not.

I could wake up tomorrow, and find myself bleeding like I've been stabbed (yes, my menstrual is that intense). I'm more nervous that I'll wake up and there will be nothing there. I'm cramping right now as we speak, but they don't feel like ovulation cramps, and they don't feel as intense as menstrual cramps. I, of course told Justin about all of this, but I haven't told anyone else. He was elated about the possibility of us being pregnant. I wasn't surprised by his reaction, and he actually rubbed my belly this evening. I'm actually conflicted on whether or not I'm gong to post this link on my Facebook page. A large part of me would be excited to be pregnant right now. We were going to start TTC in August anyways, which is really only four months away. I guess I just have some mixed emotions about all of this. It's no secret that I've had baby fever for a little while, but I really didn't expect this to happen.

I guess now we just play the waiting game. Ironically, I was seriously just having this conversation with a friend of mine this weekend. I didn't think I'd be the one in this situation right now. I really do want to wait until this summer, if the test comes back negative. This will be my second pregnancy scare in the last (almost) 11 months.There are so many things we want to do with Ava in these next four months, and I don't want to stop nursing right now either. I guess I'll let you guys know in a couple of weeks what journey I'll soon be taking!

Happy Monday all!

♥- Leilani

1 comment :

  1. That would be so exciting if you find out there's a new little one in the making.. :)