Soak it up

Monday, June 9, 2014
This weekend was probably one of the best weekends of my life. I separated myself from technology, stress, and all of the trivial "duties" that need tending in my world. I spent time with my family and I just allowed myself to breath. I had fun. I laughed, I smiled, and I lived in our moments together. I found ways to be romantic and giddy with Justin. Yes, even while spending time with our daughter. I allowed myself to really, really grasp just how strong the relationship is between Ava bug and her daddy. I found over a dozen new things about Ava that just had me gushing and thankful to be her mama. I paid attention to the small details. I can't remember the last time I spent sixty seconds looking at a caterpillar on the ground. Granted, caterpillars are rather boring, but the fact that I spent the time to look at all.. just wow.

I have never felt more in sync with my family like I did this weekend. Mommy was there. I mean mommy was really there. I didn't have anything else on my mind other than what I was doing at the time. That is a rare occasion. Throughout a normal day I am always making mental to-do lists, even when I'm trying to relax. It's kind of annoying how routine this has become for me. I plan on rectifying this. Maybe not all the time, but at least during the time I spend with my family. I can't tell you how great it felt to go out and explore the beautiful state I grew up in. I'm pretty sure my love for the Pacific Northwest has been amplified (if that's possible), and being in the sunshine all weekend was definitely a bonus.

Sometimes, exploring makes me a bit sad. I think about how happy I am to be home, but I am constantly reminded of why we are home. There are a lot of things my mom can't do with us, and it makes my heart hurt. Her condition is gradually getting worse, and it truly is heartbreaking to watch. Some of you may have noticed I try to keep my mom out of my blog posts. Her illness is actually pretty painful for me to discuss, and I still have all kinds of mixed emotions about it. I don't know if I'll ever be able to publicly express what our family is going through, but I do keep a journal to document my experience with my mama and her pulmonary hypertension.

Time may not be on our side these days, but I'm taking life's lemons and I'm making a conscious effort to extend the quality of my life. I'm making sure that I spend my time with those I love most. I'm allowing myself to find happiness in quality people and experiences. Happiness really isn't found in "things" and it never will be. Real happiness, I mean sunshine on your face while your toes are in the sand happiness; watching the way your little girl laughs while daddy tickles her happiness; that kind of happy can never be bought or replicated. It's genuine. I thank god daily for allowing me to experience this type of emotion in my lifetime.

This post got a lot heavier than I anticipated, but that's okay. I did want to share a couple of pictures and a little video with you guys! They made me really happy, and continue to make me giggle or reminisce each time I look at them!


Ava's first carousel ride. She rocked it! 

Flamingos make me so happy. It's odd, but they do! 

My Howl babies at the beach Sunday afternoon.

Cooper enjoying the lake! 
Happy Monday all!

 ♥- Leilani

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