Dear Liam: A letter to my unborn son

Tuesday, December 5, 2017
As I write this, I can feel your strong and continuous kicks. They told me that with an anterior placenta I may never feel your movement quite to this degree - I guess this is just a testament to how strong you already are. With your movement, I've been able to connect with you in a way that I've so desperately been waiting for... I know your daddy feels the same way too. We've had a lot of fear and uncertainty throughout our journey before now, but with each passing week, you never cease to amaze us with your continued growth and good health. I have allowed myself to imagine what your handsome little face will look like. Will you have my eyelashes? Your daddy's perfect eyebrows? Will your hair be that of your oldest sister, Ava? Or will you come out with bits of red like your big sister, Olivia? I lose sleep thinking about the first time we can affirm all of our questions. I can't wait to soak in every single detail of you. 

Something I want to share with you my little prince is just how nervous I am for your grand arrival. To be given the opportunity to raise your sisters' is the stuff of dreams. To be given the opportunity to raise and mold both of my daughters and a son... this is without a doubt the greatest blessing I have ever received. I want more than anything to be everything you need in this world and then some, but because I'll never mirror perfection, I know I'll fall short sometimes. That's a hard concept to swallow because you deserve the very best and I will spend the rest of my days trying to come as close as I possibly can to provide that. 

What I can always uphold no matter the circumstance is my unconditional love for you. You were created in love, happiness, and so much joy - it is my hope that your days are filled with the same substance. I may not have all the answers, but I will teach you everything I know and everything I've learned to be true in this lifetime. Just as your daddy was your sisters' first love, I pray to god that I am yours. You haven't even made your way earth side yet and I'm crazy about you, kiddo.

Raising a son is a brand new experience for me, but I'm hoping you can bear with me as we grew together. Superheroes and monster trucks are uncharted territories, but for you - I'm willing to learn and engage in any way that you want. I promise (just as I have with your sisters') to let you find yourself, be yourself, and to encourage you to be proud of what you believe in. I hope to instill in you a driving force to be compassionate, strong, humble, and kind. I am your mother because I gave you life, but I can only hope to also become your confidant through the bond we create with one another. 
These next few words I share with you will be the saving grace for us both and the sole reason why we may already be a little ahead on the learning curve with your path to becoming not only an amazing human being but also, eventually, a man.

Your daddy, (and I mean this with every single thing I have), is the absolute best man I have ever known. He loves with such pure and untainted conviction- you will never have to question whether you are loved, wanted, or accepted. He will make it his life's mission to ensure that you learn what it means to hold yourself accountable and take responsibility for your actions. He will teach you the importance behind opening the doors for young ladies, and no doubt you'll know how to throw a football (just like your sisters' did) before you learn to run. He will tell you how proud he is, even if you feel like you've failed... he'll be there to remind you that losing is always apart of the process. He will teach you that pride is never a bad thing, as long as you never allow it to compromise your self-respect. He will remind you (as will I) that it is 100% okay to cry and always acceptable to express how you feel.

One more thing, every single day you open your eyes - we will never fail to remind you how much you mean to us and how much we love you. 
Your conception has been one of the most healing experiences of my entire life and I thank you for bringing so much light into some of my darkest days. 
Each night I sing your sisters' "You are my sunshine" and each night you kick alongside my words. I can't wait to hold you in my arms, look into your eyes, and sing those familiar words to you. 


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