I have been asked three times in the last week or so to write a post like this. A post talking about how Justin and I discipline our children. I've tried to kind of stay away from this subject because its different for everyone and it usually stirs up far more controversy than I'm willing to take on... but I am going to try and keep it simple and focused on what WE do with our kids.

I think we started discipling when Ava was around three years old? She didn't really need any discipline before then just redirection, so Olivia was our first introduction to discipline in the early toddler years. I'd say from about 18 months or so? We'd have to start saying, "No, don't do that." but other than that, we really didn't dive into disciplinary methods in toddlerhood until Olivia was over two years old. The bulk of our discipline is time-outs, taking objects away from the kids, and just talking to them. Each discipline fits our children individually - we do not have a one size fits all when it comes to discipline. Ava has been a fairly easy kid for the last five years. All it really takes is a talking to and she is squared away. Rarely is Ava a repeat offender - she takes to direction and what her dad and I say SO well. Olivia requires more than just a talking to. Most times discipline through action is the way we go to see changed behavior. Normally this results in a two minute time out. We never put the kids on time out longer than their current age and it gives us as parents time to cool down as well as our middle babe. Liam is obviously a baby and requires zero discipline but we do maintain a structured environment for our boy.

Before we had kids I never thought Justin and I would be the kind of parents that spanked... but it has happened and it does when we see fit. Spanking is by no means a desired go to simply because it doesn't really benefit the kids or us for that matter. We would much rather talk to the kids then actually physically discipline, but there have been moments. Especially when it comes to their well-being and their choices endangering their well-being after they've been prompted to make better decisions. Before it gets to a spank, I try to use a stern voice, we give a three step warning system, and then if all else fails - the spank will come in. We don't spank our children in front of anyone else. It happens in private so they are able to have that privacy. I remember being spanked as a child and it not only hurt, but it was embarrassing. I really don't want the kids to feel that on top of a spank.

We are very consistent with our children no matter the disciplinary actions we choose and its because of our consistency that we feel they are overall really well-behaved children. The kids know whats right and whats wrong. They know lying is a no/no and they are very vocal about making the right choices. We ALWAYS make sure to love on them after things have simmered down to let them know that no matter what, mommy + daddy love them without question. We also remind the kids that they are GOOD people. Always. Sometimes we make bad choices and we need to remember to make better choices moving forward. We never refer to our actions as punishment and we try really hard not to used raised voices. A stern voice is far more effective than a voice that is yelling (in my experience).

So, that's pretty much the gist of what discipline looks like in our house, currently. I know things will change as they grow and we will change right along with them.

She hit

It does no justice for me or for you to write a blog solely about all the amazing things that my toddler does. So, keeping that in mind, I want to talk to you guys about something that happened on our most recent play date yesterday. For the most part, my child is a sweet kid. She's not obnoxious, she isn't rude, and she's very caring. She's not suffering from the "spoiled brat syndrome'  but she is very much so a toddler. When I say that, I mean all of those "terrific two" characteristics have started to submerge. When I tell her no, she tests the limits. When I take something away, she has a full blown meltdown. As of yesterday, when her play pal didn't give her a hug when she wanted one, she hit. I was seriously shocked you guys. Ava doesn't hit us, nor has she really hit anyone else, so imagine my surprise when she hauls off and hits another sweet child.  My immediate reaction was to let her know it wasn't okay. She got a little emotional when I was shelling out discipline, but then she immediately tried to give "lovins" and hugs to sweet Kenadee. It was still really odd for me to see. I wasn't embarrassed about it, just really surprised, and the mama friend I was with was more than understanding, but it's just insane to be in this phase already.

To make matters worse, Ava's little "tude" kind of continued and in the mists of discipling her (again), I swatted her butt. This is a completely foreign concept for her (i'm sure), because I can count on one hand how many times I've done that. She immediately started crying and snuggled into me for comfort. I felt like a horrible person, if I'm being honest. I tell my child not to hit, and then I haul off and swat her butt? None the less I made a decision that I won't be doing that again. while I know a swat isn't detrimental, I don't feel as if I'm teaching her anything constructive from it. In happier news, We totally rocked our quick little playdate and let the girls continue to chase bubbles, birds, and enjoy their free range freedom.

Once in the car and on the way home, I started to reflect on my child and her behavior a little bit. Why is it that unknowingly in the back of my mind I expected her to be "obedient" for always? Like I expected my toddler not to grow up and test all waters with me? She is a flawed human being, even if I see perfection when I look at her. She is growing and changing and developing more rapidly than I'm willing to admit sometimes. We have to embrace the "suckage" that comes along with raising children. Sometimes that means they hit, push, throw themselves down, and ride rocking horses on your furniture after you've said no. This is the not so fun part of parenting for me. I hate having to discipline Ava, but I know that it's necessary. She needs boundaries, limitations, and she needs to know when something is not okay. This is also a growing and learning process for Justin and I.

Even if yesterday, my child wasn't as sweet as candy the entire day, one thing is for sure... Ava knows her right from wrong. It was so funny because my mama friend was saying how quick Ava was to try and make things right after she hit Kenadee. I thought about it more, and she really was. She knew what she had done was wrong. That notion right there is one of my proudest moments with my kid. For her to grasp that so early on made me feel like I had done something completely right by her in more ways than one. So you see, this phase clearly is going to be trying, emotional, and full of growing pains... but if you are noticing that your toddler "gets it" at the end of the day, I still count that as a success! How many mama's are going through "the phases" with their toddlers? Share all your stories with me in the comments or by email! Sharing motherhood is such a comfort.

Here's a picture of my pretty girl and her beautiful curls from yesterday.

Happy last day of March all!

♥- Leilani