Well, I guess it's Texas

Friday, November 15, 2013
I had to take some time to let this sink in. Due to the Brigade taking it's sweet time, my husband pulled the compassion reassignment packet. DITY move funds have already hit our account (Texas funds), his leave has already been approved... It looks like we'll have to submit the packet again once we get to Fort Hood. Hopefully it'll actually makes it's way to HRC. I cried about this when he told me. Just when I thought I was feeling better, just when I thought things were looking up, I get knocked back down.

I'm more upset that this means living near my mama is prolonged. I'm already looking at plane tickets for Ava and I to be with her after our move in a few weeks. I can't believe I didn't just go sooner. I feel horrible, and I feel like I got everyone's hopes up for no reason at all. I'm really trying not to go back to that depressed, emotional state I was in just a couple week ago. Knowing my family needs me to be strong, forces me to put on a tough face. Sometimes, it's tiring.

I feel so crappy! I kind of lashed out on Justin a bit when he told me he pulled the packet. I reacted irrationally.. but he is right. It's just sitting at brigade not going anywhere. Apparently if they did send it to HRC and it got approved (we'd already be gone), and he would have to go through the in-processing and out-processing steps all over again, in Georgia. As much of a hassle as it would have been, I still wish he wouldn't have pulled the packet. I apologized to my husband, and I don't plan on taking my anger out on him. He doesn't deserve it, and he's been such a trooper through all of this with me.

I never thought I'd be writing this post. I honestly thought we'd be packing our bags, heading to Washington. In an effort to keep my spirits high, we are having a Christmas shopping day tomorrow. I so desperately wanted to spend the holidays with my family... Now that we know that's not going to happen, it's time to focus on Ava, and how we are going to give her the best first Christmas ever! No matter what I'm going through, I won't allow my mood or emotions ruin Ava's "firsts"

Getting through Thanksgiving is going to be super rough. I don't feel all cheery, I don't feel all "warm and fuzzy" I just feel sad.. Man, I'm a wet blanket! Thank god for Ava. Seriously, If it wasn't for this little girl, I would have had a major break down today. She keeps me so sane, and I am so incredibly blessed to have a constant reminder that even when I feel like it is, life isn't all bad. As much as I want to stay away from those "thankful" feelings, I know I won't be able to for too much longer. I spaced on doing my "days of thankfulness" so here they are...

Day 12 I am thankful for skype. Being able to see my family makes me happy
Day 13 I am thankful for our home. It may not be Washington, but we have learned how to make a home, where ever we are
Day 14 I am thankful for music. Words that aren't my own that describe my every feeling
Day 15 I am thankful for Chinese food. (It's just too bad I haven't had any edible Chinese food since we've lived in Georgia)
Day 16 I am thankful for yoga pants. I pretty much live in them on comfy days.

Well, It's time for me to get some sleep. We've got an early day tomorrow, but I can't sleep. So much stuff on my mind, I hate when this happens.

Mama, if you are reading this, I love you very much! I can't wait to see you, and I'm very sorry it's taken me so long to get on a plane and come home!

  ♥- Leilani

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