Santa Isn't Real

Wednesday, June 19, 2019

My heart sank this evening as Justin walked toward me and whispered, "Ava said Santa isn't real."

To give a little background - yes, we celebrate Christmas in our home and Santa is included in that celebration. We don't do the elf on the shelf kind of celebrating but the big guy with the white beard has been a tradition in my life since as long as I can remember. Christmas in our home is magical. Largely in part because its the time of year most often filled with chilly nights, cocoa by the fireplace, festive movies, Christmas trees, sing-a-longs, and most importantly, spending more time than usual alongside those I love. Watching my kids light up in the winter time is everything to me. They make their lists for Santa, they reference him often throughout the year (taking note that Santa is watching for good choices and bad) and it's just the cutest thing. Ava even drew a picture in MAY for Santa this December. She wanted to make it early so he definitely got it in the mail before Christmas day. How sweet is that? How innocent and pure is that? So you can imagine my shock when I thought my daughter no longer believed in Santa Claus.

Turns out another little girl in Ava's class told her that Santa isn't real. She told Ava that her parents specifically bought her toys and that there was no Santa. I went to Ava's room to talk about this and in those moments I found my daughter searching my face for some type of explanation, and Justin and I both decided to support our six year old maintaining her innocence for a little longer. Holding onto her Christmas spirit a little longer. Don't get me wrong I knew this day would eventually come, I just never expected it to happen this soon. Exposure is seriously everything, you guys. This is not the first time Ava picked something up at school and it made her question what we've told her... and I know it wont be the last. This was definitely a wake up call though. She's growing up and sometimes the stakes will be Santa and other times the stakes will be higher.

A part of me feels badly for lying to her, you know? I mean, technically "Santa" isn't real. But once we confirmed that he was... do you want to know what her response was? "Well, we leave out milk and cookies or sometimes water for Santa. Maybe Victoria's family forgot to do that and that's why Santa didn't stop at her house last year." She said it so matter of fact as if this was the logical answer and surely Victoria's "no santa" idea was just a misunderstanding. We hugged our daughter, we kissed her, and said our goodnights. Still, some part of me felt a little sad. Sad because no matter how big or small, I don't like lying to Ava. I keep wondering if one day she'd remember this moment and remember that we chose to lie rather than tell the truth. I wonder if she'll appreciate what we were trying to do and be okay with it. I also thought about the fact that I'm likely overthinking this and she might never bring it up again.

Parenting, you guys. Parenting. At the end of the day Santa is "still a thing" for all my babies and I'm 100% not overthinking that.

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