The Little Things: Mom's Coffee Shop Hour

 

Sometimes all you need is a chai and an hour to yourself.

This summer I felt called to explore space outside of our home that was just for me. A space where I could spend time gathering my thoughts, typing my thoughts, -- basically just having time for myself to let my brain unwind and not have to worry about the one million things going on around me. I'll be honest, I once felt guilty thinking that way. These kids and really this family... once upon a time I would lay awake at night, sobbing and praying that one day Justin and I would be blessed with the beautiful and completely fulfilled life we have now. The extent we've gone to build our family, the losses we have endured, and the unknowns...  I think anyone that has ever utilized the fertility treatment route can attest to that statement. But, like a very wise Aunt of mine once said, "guilt is a wasted emotion" -- deeming it pointless and consuming too much of my perfectly good time. Acknowledging that I am a  HUMAN BEING even outside of the many hats I wear doesn't make me less of a mother, wife, sister, aunt (I still LOVE being able to say this), or friend. Human beings all deserve time alone, space alone, time away from the space that requires so much of who they are to be questioned, etc. 

Realizing that I needed more than just me on one floor and my entire family on the other was a game changer. I once remember thinking that grocery shopping, Target hauls, and just being outside was a "break" from things whether the kids were with me or not. Boy! I was wrong. Daily chores, household maintenance, and any errand that is for the benefit of your household are NOT. TIME. TO. YOURSELF.  All the while my husband throughout the last decade would often remind me to go out, get out, and have fun. I could just never bring myself to do it. The coffee shop seems small in comparison to all the other things I could be doing but this is a very big step for me and one I feel really good about. I'm not too far from home, I get a drink treat I normally don't get anymore, and it's just really productive and peaceful... even if I don't crack open my Macbook once.

If I have any regrets, the only regret I have is not doing this sooner. I would have saved myself ever feeling burnout, so much more guilt, and really just not taking care of myself in all the ways I know I should have. I'm excited to see all the adventures I make (solo) moving forward with this newfound comfortability. I love the message we are also sending to our kids. I may be the default parent at home, I may often make the primary decisions while their daddy is at work, but when daddy is the primary, he is more than capable of caring for them, making decisions, and getting things done. For an hour, for two hours, for however long I'm not there... I know he's got this -- if I'm being really honest, that's the best feeling. The support from my partner, knowing everything is going to be okay, and understanding just how much I benefit from time to myself when I need it.

Here's to more default parents -- mom or dad, taking the time they need to feel normal and do normal things. 

I see you. You got this!