She's Almost Three

Monday, May 9, 2016
I am going to try my hardest to hold back these big ole tears that want to fall down my face. The little girl that made me a mama is just days away from being three years old. I am constantly asking myself how we got here... already. Seriously. The time surely does fly by and before you know it.... your child is this incredibly smart, empathetic, sassy, meltdown perfectionist all balled into one. When I allow myself to try and articulate all the love I have for Ava.. I can't even begin to write what I feel. The end result is almost always tears. Picture this? You don't know if you can carry a successful pregnancy... until you do. You spend your entire pregnancy scared, doing everything "RIGHT", and the end result is that there is some concern about your baby. You pray over your baby, yourself, her life.. You do everything humanly possible to keep yourself and your unborn baby girl healthy.

Delivery day comes. You spend over 17+ hours in a hospital bed eagerly awaiting her arrival. You just want her here safely. Daddy watches over the computer screen. He's nervous too. You just want to meet that sweet, perfect baby that has made you a mother. And then, in the mists of all the chaos, worries, and fears.. there she is. Completely perfect at 5 pounds and 11 ounces. She is a full term, HEALTHY, baby girl. You hold her for the first time and your eyes lock. ALL THE TEARS in the world right there. Her first cry, the first time she wrapped her finger around mine. The first time I nourished her newborn body. In those moments, even if we didn't know it, we made one another. 

From that day, every decision I made, It was for you. To go back to school, to be a better human being, to be the best role model... it was all for... and unknowingly, for myself too. In watching Ava grow I was able to grow into a better human on earth. There isn't a single day of my life that goes by that I am not grateful for my first born. 

♥- Leilani

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