Reflection: 2017

Saturday, December 30, 2017
I've smiled watching things pop up on social media with 2018 quickly approaching. People making their resolutions, making profound statements about change, growth, and prospering in the "fresh start" year... and I can't help but feel none of those things. Don't get me wrong, I was a chronic new years resolution gal.. until I started making changes about my life exactly when the thought came to me. I can't tell you how much growth I've experienced this past year from asserting myself and not relying on some special stroke of midnight that magically allowed me to fight for a better me. The mantra I've deemed most fitting for my 2017 has been - Live NOW. That's likely the reason why our family took two separate vacations to two very different coasts this year, just because. The reason why we tried conceiving a third child without any type of "plan" like we had done in the past. The reason I tried my damnedest to fight for a healthy me - mind, body & soul. I am so proud of all the progress I've made in the light, and trust me when I say that 2017 brought on SO much light for me.
As life would have it, I still found myself in some pretty dark places this year. Loss. I have always been open about how debilitating loss has been for me, and it still is today. Grieving the loss of my mom hasn't come to this healing place that I thought it would. Some days, I feel mended. Other days, the surface is raw, and it hurts, and my chest caves in, and all I want is to hear her voice again. To see her again. When we found out we lost one of our babies, I felt measures of broken that I hadn't felt in years. I think I went numb and into this place of saying I was okay about 1,000 times a day and trying to allow myself to believe that. My saving grace? My husband. He has saved me from myself more times than I can count and he has always served as a constant reminder that I am strong and it's going to be okay.
Through every high and every low, I'm grateful for my experiences this year. Grateful because I am reminded of how resilient I have become. Life has dished out some crazy curveballs and I'm still standing. So much of my healing comes from my family thriving, and 2017 left us with buckets of it. Miss Ava started Pre-K and she is totally rocking it! I was beyond nervous to let her go, but it was the best decision we've ever made. It has been just five months since the first day of school and I'm wondering why Pre-k isn't a state requirement nationwide? The benefits have blown us away. Ava has learned so much more extensively than I have been able to teach her (interpersonal relationships, resolving conflict on her own *to an extent*, and crazy new levels of independence) at home.
Justin got selected for promotion on his first look and even though it has been months since we first found out, I'm still beaming with pride and I'm so dang proud of this man. Olivia took off with her growth and she's never looked back. It is absolutely incredible to watch her learn from her sister, from her environment, from Justin and I... we are blessed to have such amazing little girls. Liam. Ahh, my baby boy. My growing, healthy, miracle of a babe. He has been the most healing piece of my puzzle this year and there isn't a minute that goes by that I'm not continuously thankful for that. One thing that's for sure - my family is everything and I most definitely will be taking that with me no matter what year we are ringing in! Here's a small collage of some of my favorite moments from this year.
Tulip picking, announcing our pregnancy, Destin, Florida, celebrating both of my girls and their birthdays, spending a piece of fall in Seattle, and of course so many more.
Wherever you are and however 2017 is ending for you: Stay safe, all the best wishes, and ring in the new year with as much love as humanly possible. 

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