These last couple days Washington has showed it's *true* colors and we've had constant rain and wind. I honestly don't mind it at all because it reminds me of why I love the Pacific Northwest. The rain has also given us a nice little break from the heat. During this time Ava bug and I have had plenty of time for indoor cuddles and games. We've been snuggling together, learning new games together, and even taking trips down to the library to explore new books. As much as i've enjoyed these last couple days, I've also been extremely emotional as well.

A lot of my readers have read some of my posts that talked about weaning, and my feelings about it. I wanted to be that mama that allowed their child to nurse until they were ready to let go...but with being on certain medications for trying to conceive baby # 2, it doesn't look like that's going to happen. It literally breaks my heart in two knowing that I'm going to alter my child's comfort. Breastfeeding has become so much more than nutrition; so much more than bonding; I can't even sit here and write this post tear free, because that's how emotional I am by my decision.

The silver lining in all of this, is that Ava really is weaning herself (I've mentioned this before). Not as quickly as we need her to, but she is. She drinks milk from her big girl cup three times a day, and the only time she really nurses is before any type of sleep, and when she's upset. That gives me hope that this "weaning process" won't be as traumatic as I'm imagining it to be. The biggest challenge for me will be not offering her the breast. I have a really bad habit of that, and I know it isn't helping our situation.

On a lighter note, my first appointment with the endocrinologist is tomorrow, which means you guys will get to see my first fertility vlog with TTC #2! I'm so excited to share this journey with all of my readers, and hopefully the next blog will allow for more information on what our route looks like. I'm trying not to go into this too optimistic, but it's hard. It took one assisted cycle for us to conceive Ava bug, and it'd be amazing if that was the case with our next baby as well. Regardless of how long it takes, we are definitely on board (and ready). We'd definitely appreciate you guys thinking good thoughts for us Howlands though!

Because so much is changing, I decided to give you guys a little throwback Thursday! Well, a then and now. I think it's safe to say that every mama likes a good nursing photo, and I've got tons to share! Here's a comparison with over a year in between.

Then (Photo Cred: VSP)

Now (Photo Cred: JOP) 

Happy Thursday all!

♥- Leilani

It's getting HOT

Georgia weather is becoming unbearable. If it's not burning sun rays then it's rainy days with like 100% humidity. I can't catch a break ! I'm sticky, icky, and I feel more uncomfortable because of the climate than I do my pregnancy. This week has flown by. I feel like I have to slow down and catch my breath because I am all over the place. I had my first monitoring appointment for Ava today. They just looked at her practice breathing, blood flow in the umbilical cord, placenta, etc. Just making sure she's active and tip top. She passed those tests just fine as well as my non stress test. I got Ava's baby book today, along with some newborn outfits for her first couple weeks. I even found my maternity dress by accident today ! It's super cute and I can't wait until I am able to post some previews of my maternity photos !

A friend of mine also assembled Ava's glider today ! I love it. It came smaller than I expected, but since Justin and I are small people. I see this chair working out just fine. I feel like the next few weeks will consist of me nesting hardcore and spending more time in Ava's room, in her chair just organizing and prepping for her arrival. 

Pregnancy week 35 is going to seriously consist of me doing things I won't be able to do once I go into labor. The tags on our car and Justin's motorcycle expire on his birthday, which is like a few weeks away and it's imperative that I get that done ! I seriously need to pack and wash all of Ava's things. The rest of my final "Ava" shipment arrives next Tuesday so that's my deadline. I also have to run back and forth to my doctor's appointments twice a week for Ava monitoring. So between that, getting the house ready for baby, and getting the house ready for a  soldier that's coming home, I'd say I have my work cut out for me. 

It kind of sounds like I'm not giving myself any relaxation and down time, I promise that I am. Each night I come home I take a cold shower, talk to baby girl, and just relax afterwards. I have a couple hours of hardcore "zen time" I practice relaxation breathing, do my kegals, and just listen to pachelbel on pandora. 

I also wanted to say thank you to everyone that's keeping Ava, Justin and I in their prayers. The power of faith can move mountains. We are fortunate to have so many people in our lives care for us and love us so deeply. 

On that note,

I hope everyone has a fun and safe weekend !