I can't believe this chapter is now closed.
Tatum: Our Breastfeeding Journey - The End
Thursday, June 18, 2020
Two years and two months of breastfeeding have come to a close with my Liam Arthur.
Monday, February 10, 2020
I can't believe we are here right now. I think that's my most used phrase when writing about my babies, but seriously.. . my third little babe is officially in the process of weaning from co-sleeping and breastfeeding.
Monday, January 30, 2017
I've been dropping hints for the last month about trying to conceive a third baby... and those hints are extremely accurate. Before Olivia turned a year old I had my first consult with a reproductive endocrinologist here in Texas. The appointment went SO well; seriously I could not have asked for a better RE to assist us in trying to conceive a third child. He specializes in PCOS specifically - I have never experienced this before. It made me feel so incredibly good. Maybe I'll learn something new about living with PCOS and how best to manage it as I get older. I had blood work done, an ultrasound, and we went over my entire medical history during the consult. The ultrasound showed my ovaries are cyst free and everything looked as it should. So glad that we have the green light there!
I officially start taking medicine to jump start a menstrual on the second of February and once I start, I'll be taking the same meds I took to conceive Ava and Olivia. This brings us to weaning...the only difference this time around is that I'm not weaning a 22 month old, I am weaning a 12 month old... it is SO incredibly different. I know Olivia is ready in at least one way and I also anticipated that the first week or so would be our most challenging hurdle. To my surprise - it has only been a few days since I stopped nursing at nap time and Olivia is doing exceptionally well with the change. To be fair, she really only nurses when she's tired. She has never been the baby that wanted to nurse all the time, but more of when she wanted to soothe herself into sleep. Her big sister was not like that at all. Ava wanted to nurse as often as she could. Nursing was also the fix all for Miss Ava - it is not for Miss Olivia.
This all started about a week ago? A couple days after Olivia turned one. I probably nurse (where Olivia is actually drinking milk and not just pacifying) 3 times a day. Once in the morning after breakfast, during nap time in the afternoon, and for bedtime. I used to nurse around 4-5 times a day but Olivia sleeps in the car between Ava's schedule during the week - eliminating the need to nurse and making our transition just a little bit easier. I can honestly trying to put Olivia down for her afternoon nap without breastfeeding was brutal. Lots of babywearing, cuddles, and kisses have replaced nap time nursing so far. We have also incorporated a pacifier as well. Justin and I have never been fond of the paci, but in this case.. our baby needs something to soothe her in the same way that nursing did. After going through many pacifiers... THIS is the brand of pacifiers that Olivia prefers.
I'm crazy anxious to see how the overall transition goes. Here's to making some big steps in Olivia's toddlerhood!
♥- Leilani
I officially start taking medicine to jump start a menstrual on the second of February and once I start, I'll be taking the same meds I took to conceive Ava and Olivia. This brings us to weaning...the only difference this time around is that I'm not weaning a 22 month old, I am weaning a 12 month old... it is SO incredibly different. I know Olivia is ready in at least one way and I also anticipated that the first week or so would be our most challenging hurdle. To my surprise - it has only been a few days since I stopped nursing at nap time and Olivia is doing exceptionally well with the change. To be fair, she really only nurses when she's tired. She has never been the baby that wanted to nurse all the time, but more of when she wanted to soothe herself into sleep. Her big sister was not like that at all. Ava wanted to nurse as often as she could. Nursing was also the fix all for Miss Ava - it is not for Miss Olivia.
This all started about a week ago? A couple days after Olivia turned one. I probably nurse (where Olivia is actually drinking milk and not just pacifying) 3 times a day. Once in the morning after breakfast, during nap time in the afternoon, and for bedtime. I used to nurse around 4-5 times a day but Olivia sleeps in the car between Ava's schedule during the week - eliminating the need to nurse and making our transition just a little bit easier. I can honestly trying to put Olivia down for her afternoon nap without breastfeeding was brutal. Lots of babywearing, cuddles, and kisses have replaced nap time nursing so far. We have also incorporated a pacifier as well. Justin and I have never been fond of the paci, but in this case.. our baby needs something to soothe her in the same way that nursing did. After going through many pacifiers... THIS is the brand of pacifiers that Olivia prefers.
I'm crazy anxious to see how the overall transition goes. Here's to making some big steps in Olivia's toddlerhood!
♥- Leilani
Wednesday, March 11, 2015
It has been almost six full weeks since I last nursed Ava bug, and since we last actively co-slept with our sweet girl in our bed. The first blog I wrote discussed our "cold turkey" method and some of the other things we did in order to get Ava adjusted the best way we knew how. I'm proud to report after an entire almost six weeks, our new routine is down pat and my sweet girl has successfully been weaned. It's weird to say that sometimes and it's also really weird not to have a toddler reaching for my shirt, or patting me to let me know she needs that type of comfort. It took me a couple weeks to really be okay with the decision because I found myself getting really emotional about it after we'd already started the process. My daughter has continued to be resilient and she absolutely loves her toddler bed. We have the same routine every single night and her new bedtime is 8 p.m. which I think works really well for our family. She sleeps through the night and I have finally moved back into my own bed, rather than sleeping by the side of hers. That took me three weeks, back kinks, and my husband telling me to come to bed every night. It really was a comfort issue for me though. It's very weird to suddenly have over a year and a half of co-sleeping become nonexistent.
I have noticed some great benefits from our change and that alone has really made this switch worth it. Ava has become so independent with her sleep and it's awesome to watch. Justin and I also have a lot more time to ourselves at night. We watch our shows together, we snuggle more, and we are able to move in our bed without toddler feet or hands on our faces. Some of those added benefits have been nice, and Ava has only slept with us probably less than a handful of times since we made the switch. We are not against co-sleeping, but she definitely sleeps a lot better in her own bed these days. I got an email asking if I would stop nursing earlier if I knew that weaning would be this easy. My response to that would be no. Breastfeeding was such a huge part of the bond I created with my daughter over the last twenty months of her life. I don't know what kind of mother I'd be if i had chosen a different route. I always preach that breastfeeding is about so much more than nutrition, and it is! I learned to trust my body, I learned what my body was truly capable of, and I was able to be so much more than just comfort for my child. I will say, towards the 18th month mark, I knew that our weaning days would come shortly after. Even before we decided to try for another baby, nursing just wasn't the same for me anymore.
Taking into consideration that you have a child who drinks organic whole milk throughout the day, a toddler that is solely using you for a human pacifier, and the fact that you are having extreme discomforts from the lack of nursing and having your breasts engorged... I think that's when I knew I was ready to stop. Our infertility is sort of a blessing in disguise because If not for having to take medication that could impact my breastmilk, I'm not sure if we'd be weaned right now. The truth is, I wanted Ava to wean herself. She didn't, but I probably would have waited as long as it took for her to wean herself. It's a really tough decision and moving forward (God willing), with our next child, I may make some changes to help me out a little more with this process.
So there it is! My toddler was successfully weaned without any real drama or heartache! I still can't believe how easy it was. How many other mama's are trying to wean their toddlers right now? Have you tried any special techniques? What about mama's that have already weaned? What did you do to end your breastfeeding relationship? Shoot an email or write me in the comments below. I can't wait to hear all of the different methods you guys have!
Happy Wednesday all
♥- Leilani
I have noticed some great benefits from our change and that alone has really made this switch worth it. Ava has become so independent with her sleep and it's awesome to watch. Justin and I also have a lot more time to ourselves at night. We watch our shows together, we snuggle more, and we are able to move in our bed without toddler feet or hands on our faces. Some of those added benefits have been nice, and Ava has only slept with us probably less than a handful of times since we made the switch. We are not against co-sleeping, but she definitely sleeps a lot better in her own bed these days. I got an email asking if I would stop nursing earlier if I knew that weaning would be this easy. My response to that would be no. Breastfeeding was such a huge part of the bond I created with my daughter over the last twenty months of her life. I don't know what kind of mother I'd be if i had chosen a different route. I always preach that breastfeeding is about so much more than nutrition, and it is! I learned to trust my body, I learned what my body was truly capable of, and I was able to be so much more than just comfort for my child. I will say, towards the 18th month mark, I knew that our weaning days would come shortly after. Even before we decided to try for another baby, nursing just wasn't the same for me anymore.
Taking into consideration that you have a child who drinks organic whole milk throughout the day, a toddler that is solely using you for a human pacifier, and the fact that you are having extreme discomforts from the lack of nursing and having your breasts engorged... I think that's when I knew I was ready to stop. Our infertility is sort of a blessing in disguise because If not for having to take medication that could impact my breastmilk, I'm not sure if we'd be weaned right now. The truth is, I wanted Ava to wean herself. She didn't, but I probably would have waited as long as it took for her to wean herself. It's a really tough decision and moving forward (God willing), with our next child, I may make some changes to help me out a little more with this process.
So there it is! My toddler was successfully weaned without any real drama or heartache! I still can't believe how easy it was. How many other mama's are trying to wean their toddlers right now? Have you tried any special techniques? What about mama's that have already weaned? What did you do to end your breastfeeding relationship? Shoot an email or write me in the comments below. I can't wait to hear all of the different methods you guys have!
Happy Wednesday all
♥- Leilani
Saturday, January 31, 2015
Rather than easing into such a tough transition, I decided to wean my toddler AND get her setup in her own room without any type of long term transitioning. I have technically been "weaning" for over six months, and I now know that nothing is going to stop my child from nursing, other than taking it away completely. The same applies for co-sleeping. Ava will take naps in her toddler bed (if she's already asleep when she gets put in there), but she would never really lay in her own bed at night. Not even when she fell asleep prior to being put in. It wasn't until tonight that I felt 100% ready to take the leap that was desperately needed. Here is a list of the things Justin and I did to achieve our first successful night.
- Getting Bug ready for bed a little earlier in case we were in for a long night.
- No co-showering with mom, baths in her bathroom, solo.
- Getting ready for bed in her nice (big) toddler room.
- Giving her lots of love and letting her see we were right beside her (on the floor) with our own sleep stuff.
- Putting her favorite music on for added comfort. Super low and nothing with a fast beat.
- laying her down in her bed (several times) telling her she was going to sleep in the big girl bed.
- Whenever she got up, we put her right back in her bed.
- Rubbing her back (for all of five minutes)
After all of the above, Ava went down to sleep with zero issues. A couple days ago we tried purchasing pacifiers in an attempt to give her another form of comfort, but she only played around with them when she was awake. She didn't even use them the way they are intended, so I wasn't feeling very confident about them. Ava would put them to the side of her mouth and chew.. kind of like a teether. When we tried to give her one this evening during bedtime, she threw the pacifier off the side of her bed. On the upside to that, I'm excited that we won't have to wean her from something else later down the road! This is the routine that we are going to try each night until Ava no longer needs us in her room. I'm so very proud of Ava bug and definitely proud of my husband and I. Prolonging this change made it so much harder than it needed to be. Toddlers need good sleep and it was up to us to implement good sleep behavior. I still can't believe how easy it was to actually do this. Minimal drama, sleeping beauty baby, and mama is not feeling emotional about the change in the slightest! I'll keep you posted over the next week, but it looks like we've got more than enough room for another baby in the Howland house now!
How many of my readers have weaned their toddlers from either co-sleeping or breastfeeding? What did you do to transition your kiddos? Any special techniques you found that worked? Leave me some feedback in the comments below or by email.
Happy Saturday all!
♥- Leilani
Wednesday, January 28, 2015
As of this evening, I will have officially started my first provera pill to jump start a menstrual cycle. My fertility appointment was exactly a week ago, and it's taken me this long to really start the process. A lot of changes have happened over the last week, more specifically with Ava, and to be completely honest with you guys... I'm scared. I had to wean my toddler and it has been going completely awful. I didn't want to blog about it, talk about it, I just wanted it to be a transition that we go through privately. Weaning is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. This is coming from a mama that had a 17 hour labor. I would rather labor ten more children than have to wean Ava. I hate this so much. I hate that nursing has become something different then it was in the first year and a half. I hate that I don't get the same emotions about nursing that I once did. I hate that my fertility issues have decided that I have to wean my child.
So many emotions are all over the place and I just felt the need to write some of them out. Yesterday, Ava had a play date and I got some mama friend time in. I was talking to my mama friend about why I was hesitant with taking the pills I needed right away. I talked to her about being scared and things changing. It wasn't until later that night that I realized the things I'm scared about are the things that are going to bring me the most joy. Yes, I'm more than likely going to have a high energy toddler and a newborn baby at one time (God willing). I'm going to have to deal with two sets of meltdowns probably when Justin is off for training somewhere. I'm going to have two little humans that rely on me for survival. I'm going to have two beautiful babies that want mama to hold them before they go to bed at night. I'm probably going to deal with a little jealously with Ava bug. She's probably going to wonder why she's not the only spotlight in our world anymore. And I will have started a new nursing journey and relationship with our new bean.
I realized that these things aren't necessarily scary, just life. It's the small sacrifices we make to achieve "whole families" and happiness. These feelings are so new to me and I still can't believe it. When we were trying for Ava, there was never any doubt. There was never any super scary moments when we were trying to conceive (ironically). I knew I wanted her more than anything in the world, and when I got her, my entire existence made sense. I feel guilty for not feeling that way this time around. Should I? Is this is a sign that we should wait some more? No. It's not. The truth is, when we are in the car looking back at our sweet girl, we are ready to look to the right, and see another sweet girl, or a handsome little boy. I can't shake that feeling. I can't shake not dreaming up what this next child will look like. I can't not think about how I'm ready to hear more baby giggles and to have two more sweet hands to hold. I can't help but smile every time Justin talks about Ava's siblings and how excited he is for this journey. So, here we go guys. Leaping in, imperfectly, with everything we have. I may never stop being scared of the unknown, but I have faith that this is the right decision. This is the right move. I am ready to be a mother to more babies. I am ready.
♥- Leilani
So many emotions are all over the place and I just felt the need to write some of them out. Yesterday, Ava had a play date and I got some mama friend time in. I was talking to my mama friend about why I was hesitant with taking the pills I needed right away. I talked to her about being scared and things changing. It wasn't until later that night that I realized the things I'm scared about are the things that are going to bring me the most joy. Yes, I'm more than likely going to have a high energy toddler and a newborn baby at one time (God willing). I'm going to have to deal with two sets of meltdowns probably when Justin is off for training somewhere. I'm going to have two little humans that rely on me for survival. I'm going to have two beautiful babies that want mama to hold them before they go to bed at night. I'm probably going to deal with a little jealously with Ava bug. She's probably going to wonder why she's not the only spotlight in our world anymore. And I will have started a new nursing journey and relationship with our new bean.
I realized that these things aren't necessarily scary, just life. It's the small sacrifices we make to achieve "whole families" and happiness. These feelings are so new to me and I still can't believe it. When we were trying for Ava, there was never any doubt. There was never any super scary moments when we were trying to conceive (ironically). I knew I wanted her more than anything in the world, and when I got her, my entire existence made sense. I feel guilty for not feeling that way this time around. Should I? Is this is a sign that we should wait some more? No. It's not. The truth is, when we are in the car looking back at our sweet girl, we are ready to look to the right, and see another sweet girl, or a handsome little boy. I can't shake that feeling. I can't shake not dreaming up what this next child will look like. I can't not think about how I'm ready to hear more baby giggles and to have two more sweet hands to hold. I can't help but smile every time Justin talks about Ava's siblings and how excited he is for this journey. So, here we go guys. Leaping in, imperfectly, with everything we have. I may never stop being scared of the unknown, but I have faith that this is the right decision. This is the right move. I am ready to be a mother to more babies. I am ready.
♥- Leilani
Wednesday, November 12, 2014
I really can't believe I'm writing this you guys. Last night was the first time in almost a year and a half that I haven't thoroughly enjoyed nursing my daughter down for bedtime. I was ready to lay her down and she apparently wasn't ready to stop nursing so she sort of bit me in the process. It was in those moments that I finally just thought, this is enough. I do not want to do this anymore. I immediately started crying (of course) because I know what this means. This means that instead of telling myself I have to quit, or using nursing as a crutch to hold off trying to conceive another child, I really have to wean Ava bug. I have to wean her consistently and leave our journey through nursing behind. For those of you who know me personally, or even long time readers of this blog, you know how much breastfeeding has meant to me. I am an advocate for breastfeeding and I always will be. Even if my journey with my future children don't come as easily, I will never not breastfeed if I can control it.
I've blogged about weaning Ava for a couple months now. I've even considered taking less effective ovary stimulants so I didn't have to take nursing away from her. I literally have done everything and said everything other than just really starting the weaning process. This is all ironic for me, seeing as I was that mom that was in complete fear that her breastmilk wouldn't be adequate enough for an infant. I was that mom that set mini goals in fear that I wouldn't achieve the ultimate *one year mark* that most moms look to for breastfeeding goals. This is all I ever wanted when it came to providing nutrition for Ava, and now here I am telling you guys that nursing isn't the same for me.
I don't feel horrible for saying those words, in fact I kind of feel relieved. I'd been feeling guilty about making this decision without Ava fully being able to comprehend why it has to happen. I felt guilty that my fertility hinders my ability to allow Ava to nurse until she is content with stopping. I'd badgered myself about not being a "good" mom because of the fact that I'm ready to have another baby and not allow my child to set the timeline for these sorts of things. This is a big deal to me. I mean it's a huge deal. I have literally nursed my kid just minutes after she was born and now she's a full blown toddler that runs, and plays, and has her own independence. The benefits that breastmilk has provided is without a doubt unmeasurable. I don't take my ability to make milk for my kid lightly, and I would have the same experiences If I had to do this all over again.
That being said, I plan on having one final photo session to symbolize the end of this journey Ava and I have had. That's the best way I know how to get closure. Everything changes after this. Comforting her will be different. I think that's the biggest shell shock. All of the things I do now, will be the same things that Justin tries. Even though he won't openly share just how excited he is for this, I know he is. Nursing really made my husband feel inadequate at times, and for that I truly feel bad. Justin is an involved parent and adores doing all that I do for our child. I'm excited for the doors that will open because of my decision to stop nursing.
I plan on starting fresh and ready next week. I know, I know.. today probably would be the better start mark, but I just can't. I'm prepping myself emotionally for the changes that are about to come, and keeping my chin up that I have provided liquid gold for the past year and a half (come the 17th). Have any of my readers decided to nurse past the one year mark? When did you decide to wean? Did you have a toddler that weaned themselves? I'd love to hear from you in the comments below or by
email.
This photo was the last picture that was taken of Ava bug nursing. Beach nursing provides complete tranquility.
Happy Wednesday all!
♥- Leilani
I've blogged about weaning Ava for a couple months now. I've even considered taking less effective ovary stimulants so I didn't have to take nursing away from her. I literally have done everything and said everything other than just really starting the weaning process. This is all ironic for me, seeing as I was that mom that was in complete fear that her breastmilk wouldn't be adequate enough for an infant. I was that mom that set mini goals in fear that I wouldn't achieve the ultimate *one year mark* that most moms look to for breastfeeding goals. This is all I ever wanted when it came to providing nutrition for Ava, and now here I am telling you guys that nursing isn't the same for me.
I don't feel horrible for saying those words, in fact I kind of feel relieved. I'd been feeling guilty about making this decision without Ava fully being able to comprehend why it has to happen. I felt guilty that my fertility hinders my ability to allow Ava to nurse until she is content with stopping. I'd badgered myself about not being a "good" mom because of the fact that I'm ready to have another baby and not allow my child to set the timeline for these sorts of things. This is a big deal to me. I mean it's a huge deal. I have literally nursed my kid just minutes after she was born and now she's a full blown toddler that runs, and plays, and has her own independence. The benefits that breastmilk has provided is without a doubt unmeasurable. I don't take my ability to make milk for my kid lightly, and I would have the same experiences If I had to do this all over again.
That being said, I plan on having one final photo session to symbolize the end of this journey Ava and I have had. That's the best way I know how to get closure. Everything changes after this. Comforting her will be different. I think that's the biggest shell shock. All of the things I do now, will be the same things that Justin tries. Even though he won't openly share just how excited he is for this, I know he is. Nursing really made my husband feel inadequate at times, and for that I truly feel bad. Justin is an involved parent and adores doing all that I do for our child. I'm excited for the doors that will open because of my decision to stop nursing.
I plan on starting fresh and ready next week. I know, I know.. today probably would be the better start mark, but I just can't. I'm prepping myself emotionally for the changes that are about to come, and keeping my chin up that I have provided liquid gold for the past year and a half (come the 17th). Have any of my readers decided to nurse past the one year mark? When did you decide to wean? Did you have a toddler that weaned themselves? I'd love to hear from you in the comments below or by
email.
This photo was the last picture that was taken of Ava bug nursing. Beach nursing provides complete tranquility.
Happy Wednesday all!
♥- Leilani
Thursday, July 24, 2014
These last couple days Washington has showed it's *true* colors and we've had constant rain and wind. I honestly don't mind it at all because it reminds me of why I love the Pacific Northwest. The rain has also given us a nice little break from the heat. During this time Ava bug and I have had plenty of time for indoor cuddles and games. We've been snuggling together, learning new games together, and even taking trips down to the library to explore new books. As much as i've enjoyed these last couple days, I've also been extremely emotional as well.
A lot of my readers have read some of my posts that talked about weaning, and my feelings about it. I wanted to be that mama that allowed their child to nurse until they were ready to let go...but with being on certain medications for trying to conceive baby # 2, it doesn't look like that's going to happen. It literally breaks my heart in two knowing that I'm going to alter my child's comfort. Breastfeeding has become so much more than nutrition; so much more than bonding; I can't even sit here and write this post tear free, because that's how emotional I am by my decision.
The silver lining in all of this, is that Ava really is weaning herself (I've mentioned this before). Not as quickly as we need her to, but she is. She drinks milk from her big girl cup three times a day, and the only time she really nurses is before any type of sleep, and when she's upset. That gives me hope that this "weaning process" won't be as traumatic as I'm imagining it to be. The biggest challenge for me will be not offering her the breast. I have a really bad habit of that, and I know it isn't helping our situation.
On a lighter note, my first appointment with the endocrinologist is tomorrow, which means you guys will get to see my first fertility vlog with TTC #2! I'm so excited to share this journey with all of my readers, and hopefully the next blog will allow for more information on what our route looks like. I'm trying not to go into this too optimistic, but it's hard. It took one assisted cycle for us to conceive Ava bug, and it'd be amazing if that was the case with our next baby as well. Regardless of how long it takes, we are definitely on board (and ready). We'd definitely appreciate you guys thinking good thoughts for us Howlands though!
Because so much is changing, I decided to give you guys a little throwback Thursday! Well, a then and now. I think it's safe to say that every mama likes a good nursing photo, and I've got tons to share! Here's a comparison with over a year in between.
Happy Thursday all!
♥- Leilani
A lot of my readers have read some of my posts that talked about weaning, and my feelings about it. I wanted to be that mama that allowed their child to nurse until they were ready to let go...but with being on certain medications for trying to conceive baby # 2, it doesn't look like that's going to happen. It literally breaks my heart in two knowing that I'm going to alter my child's comfort. Breastfeeding has become so much more than nutrition; so much more than bonding; I can't even sit here and write this post tear free, because that's how emotional I am by my decision.
The silver lining in all of this, is that Ava really is weaning herself (I've mentioned this before). Not as quickly as we need her to, but she is. She drinks milk from her big girl cup three times a day, and the only time she really nurses is before any type of sleep, and when she's upset. That gives me hope that this "weaning process" won't be as traumatic as I'm imagining it to be. The biggest challenge for me will be not offering her the breast. I have a really bad habit of that, and I know it isn't helping our situation.
On a lighter note, my first appointment with the endocrinologist is tomorrow, which means you guys will get to see my first fertility vlog with TTC #2! I'm so excited to share this journey with all of my readers, and hopefully the next blog will allow for more information on what our route looks like. I'm trying not to go into this too optimistic, but it's hard. It took one assisted cycle for us to conceive Ava bug, and it'd be amazing if that was the case with our next baby as well. Regardless of how long it takes, we are definitely on board (and ready). We'd definitely appreciate you guys thinking good thoughts for us Howlands though!
Because so much is changing, I decided to give you guys a little throwback Thursday! Well, a then and now. I think it's safe to say that every mama likes a good nursing photo, and I've got tons to share! Here's a comparison with over a year in between.
Then (Photo Cred: VSP)
Now (Photo Cred: JOP)
Happy Thursday all!
♥- Leilani
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