It's not clickbait. We are trying for another baby.
TTC Baby # 4
Tuesday, June 27, 2017
It is now 10 days after ovulation and I experienced implantation bleeding (I'm 95% positive). When I used the restroom in the last afternoon I wiped and noticed a swipe of light pink blood. I started to panic just a little bit because my menstrual has been starting out with light pink blood the last few cycles, but when I wiped again - nothing was on the toilet paper. This isn't heavy bleeding and there isn't any blood on my pad. Seeing the light pink swipe of blood made me feel like this could quite possibly be the real deal for us. This could be implantation bleeding.
June 27th, 2017.
♥- Leilani
June 27th, 2017.
♥- Leilani
Thursday, March 9, 2017
Okay.. I don't even know where to start. Let me start by saying that I am literally exhausted with infertility, Tricare, and reproductive endocrinologists. Let me also say that I have had more headaches, tears, and uncertainty in the last week than I have ever experienced in our trying to conceive journeys in the past... It is scary to feel like your body is failing you and I wish I didn't feel that way. My body isn't failing me - it just requires more work than some. Those are the words I repeat to myself on a daily basis it seems. For those of you who are just catching up, let me start from the beginning and fill you in on what's happening. At the end of January, I met with a REI (reproductive endocrinologist - infertility) and had my first consult since we tried to conceive Olivia. It went perfectly - aside from having a thickened uterine lining (no big deal though, I hadn't had a period in almost two years at this point). I immediately started taking progesterone shortly after and things were great.... until my uterine lining wasn't shedding. NO worries they put me on a more aggressive, synthetic form of progesterone to shed my lining - I BLED FOREVER... but still, the lining stayed in tact. It even grew a bit. My options now became taking a SHOT of progesterone to shed the lining (which could still result in having a D & C) OR having a D & C performed where they mechanically remove the lining (sometimes cancerous, most times just a build up of polyps, etc). I opted to have the D & C ...
I then found out my provider wouldn't be able to see me until the end of March (he was going on spring break). I panicked at the thought of potential cancer sitting in my uterus all this time. I asked if I could have the surgery done by another physician in the practice.. I even found gynecologists in my area that could perform a D & C. Being overly eager to find a solution myself - MY "great" REI decided to drop me as a patient (i didn't find this out until the end of last week) and I was stuck with either seeing another physician at the practice or finding a new REI. As luck would have it, the physician i saw last Friday was knowledgable.. but he was also not the right fit for me. He made me nervous, I starting regretting making the switch, and I left feeling not so great about how I went about things.
That's when I decided that if I couldn't go back to the initial REI, I'd find a different practice. It hadn't been more clear to me than in those moments that there were SO many signs that maybe this wasn't our season.. Maybe this wasn't our REI facility... maybe I needed to just take care of me before we revisit actively trying. I have never had a problem with my uterine lining shedding in the past. Never. Because of the thickened lining, I haven't been able to take follicle stimulating shots to try for baby # 3 - so the surgery and the thickened lining is a very big step in our journey.
Dealing with insurance and providers that accept my insurance has been a nightmare. I've even tried to go into a gyno and have them tell me that REI's are the best and they take a more gentle approach with their D & C method.So that is what I am going to do. I'm currently waiting to schedule an appointment with a new fertility office to hopefully establish a great relationship with the next REI. I am going to take a deep breath and learn to be patient. Infertility isn't easy, it isn't quick, and I wish I would have respected the process the first time around. I guess the old saying proves true, "You live and you learn" because that's exactly how I feel.
It feels good being able to share this with all of you guys. I feel like it isn't as heavy. If I lost you in all my jumble I'm going to clear that up right now..
YES we are still making our way to baby # 3, even if it takes more time than we initially though it would
YES I need to have a D & C performed to remove my thickened endometrium lining before I can take fertility medication
YES I got fired (though Justin reminded me that I fired him first) from my initial REI and YES I am scheduling an appointment for a new facility.
Think good thoughts, vibes, and send some prayers up for us! Journey to baby # 3 has already taken some turns we definitely didn't expect, but I'm so, so glad that Justin is here to hold my hand. We are enjoying the beautiful babies we have, respecting the process, and loving each other so much more through our bumps in the road.
♥- Leilani
I then found out my provider wouldn't be able to see me until the end of March (he was going on spring break). I panicked at the thought of potential cancer sitting in my uterus all this time. I asked if I could have the surgery done by another physician in the practice.. I even found gynecologists in my area that could perform a D & C. Being overly eager to find a solution myself - MY "great" REI decided to drop me as a patient (i didn't find this out until the end of last week) and I was stuck with either seeing another physician at the practice or finding a new REI. As luck would have it, the physician i saw last Friday was knowledgable.. but he was also not the right fit for me. He made me nervous, I starting regretting making the switch, and I left feeling not so great about how I went about things.
That's when I decided that if I couldn't go back to the initial REI, I'd find a different practice. It hadn't been more clear to me than in those moments that there were SO many signs that maybe this wasn't our season.. Maybe this wasn't our REI facility... maybe I needed to just take care of me before we revisit actively trying. I have never had a problem with my uterine lining shedding in the past. Never. Because of the thickened lining, I haven't been able to take follicle stimulating shots to try for baby # 3 - so the surgery and the thickened lining is a very big step in our journey.
Dealing with insurance and providers that accept my insurance has been a nightmare. I've even tried to go into a gyno and have them tell me that REI's are the best and they take a more gentle approach with their D & C method.So that is what I am going to do. I'm currently waiting to schedule an appointment with a new fertility office to hopefully establish a great relationship with the next REI. I am going to take a deep breath and learn to be patient. Infertility isn't easy, it isn't quick, and I wish I would have respected the process the first time around. I guess the old saying proves true, "You live and you learn" because that's exactly how I feel.
It feels good being able to share this with all of you guys. I feel like it isn't as heavy. If I lost you in all my jumble I'm going to clear that up right now..
YES we are still making our way to baby # 3, even if it takes more time than we initially though it would
YES I need to have a D & C performed to remove my thickened endometrium lining before I can take fertility medication
YES I got fired (though Justin reminded me that I fired him first) from my initial REI and YES I am scheduling an appointment for a new facility.
Think good thoughts, vibes, and send some prayers up for us! Journey to baby # 3 has already taken some turns we definitely didn't expect, but I'm so, so glad that Justin is here to hold my hand. We are enjoying the beautiful babies we have, respecting the process, and loving each other so much more through our bumps in the road.
♥- Leilani
Thursday, March 2, 2017
Dilation and curettage. Yes, you read that correctly. I will be having this procedure done to mechanically remove the thickened endometrial lining in my uterus. I have tried two methods of progesterone before I came to this decision and my body will just not allow my uterine lining to shed effectively. I took the 10 day pill with prometrium and 5 day pill with provera - and while both pills did create a menstrual... apparently it was breakthrough bleeding rather than a true period. If I told you guys I wasn't nervous I would be lying... Our first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage and even then I didn't have this procedure performed. I have had a million thoughts running through my head and it has been an emotional week to say the least. I have never had an issue with my lining. EVER. I think that's why I'm so confused... but taking the time to think - this makes sense. I have PCOS AND I have also experienced a pregnancy and breastfeeding for almost the last two years combined.
Breastfeeding suppresses the progesterone production in our bodies, so while estrogen continues to be made - there is no progesterone to shed the uterine lining. Mix that with PCOS (which already creates wonky hormone outage) and you are bound to feel the backlash eventually. To be honest with you guys, I am relieved that this is happening. If we weren't trying to conceive another baby, I'd have no idea that my lining was so thick... and I wouldn't be proactively trying to shed it. Abnormal cells can be made in a thickened lining which can in turn become cancerous... then I'd be facing a much more invasive procedure (hysterectomy) and our family planning dreams would come to an abrupt end. I am trying to keep all the positives in mind as I prep for my Pre-Op at the end of the week. Surgery is scheduled for early next week and I'm ready to start going through the motions.
Once the surgery is performed we can immediately start taking follistim to make a healthy, strong, follicle - and that has always been the end goal for us. Creating a healthy womb, healthy babe, and hopefully conceiving is the reason we sought out a fertility specialist in the first place. I'm so incredibly thankful that Justin will be on vacation for the next couple of weeks. Another perk of USAREC - being able to take vacation every three months instead of the normal twice a year block leave Justin was confined to on the line. If there is any recoop time for me, Justin will be home with the girls. Other than this surgery, this is where we are at with fertility progression. This was definitely unexpected and has set us back with timelines we were expecting... but it is okay. Everything will work out on its on! I'm just excited that we are getting one step closer.
♥- Leilani
Breastfeeding suppresses the progesterone production in our bodies, so while estrogen continues to be made - there is no progesterone to shed the uterine lining. Mix that with PCOS (which already creates wonky hormone outage) and you are bound to feel the backlash eventually. To be honest with you guys, I am relieved that this is happening. If we weren't trying to conceive another baby, I'd have no idea that my lining was so thick... and I wouldn't be proactively trying to shed it. Abnormal cells can be made in a thickened lining which can in turn become cancerous... then I'd be facing a much more invasive procedure (hysterectomy) and our family planning dreams would come to an abrupt end. I am trying to keep all the positives in mind as I prep for my Pre-Op at the end of the week. Surgery is scheduled for early next week and I'm ready to start going through the motions.
Once the surgery is performed we can immediately start taking follistim to make a healthy, strong, follicle - and that has always been the end goal for us. Creating a healthy womb, healthy babe, and hopefully conceiving is the reason we sought out a fertility specialist in the first place. I'm so incredibly thankful that Justin will be on vacation for the next couple of weeks. Another perk of USAREC - being able to take vacation every three months instead of the normal twice a year block leave Justin was confined to on the line. If there is any recoop time for me, Justin will be home with the girls. Other than this surgery, this is where we are at with fertility progression. This was definitely unexpected and has set us back with timelines we were expecting... but it is okay. Everything will work out on its on! I'm just excited that we are getting one step closer.
Here's a little diagram of how the procedure works.
♥- Leilani
Monday, January 30, 2017
I've been dropping hints for the last month about trying to conceive a third baby... and those hints are extremely accurate. Before Olivia turned a year old I had my first consult with a reproductive endocrinologist here in Texas. The appointment went SO well; seriously I could not have asked for a better RE to assist us in trying to conceive a third child. He specializes in PCOS specifically - I have never experienced this before. It made me feel so incredibly good. Maybe I'll learn something new about living with PCOS and how best to manage it as I get older. I had blood work done, an ultrasound, and we went over my entire medical history during the consult. The ultrasound showed my ovaries are cyst free and everything looked as it should. So glad that we have the green light there!
I officially start taking medicine to jump start a menstrual on the second of February and once I start, I'll be taking the same meds I took to conceive Ava and Olivia. This brings us to weaning...the only difference this time around is that I'm not weaning a 22 month old, I am weaning a 12 month old... it is SO incredibly different. I know Olivia is ready in at least one way and I also anticipated that the first week or so would be our most challenging hurdle. To my surprise - it has only been a few days since I stopped nursing at nap time and Olivia is doing exceptionally well with the change. To be fair, she really only nurses when she's tired. She has never been the baby that wanted to nurse all the time, but more of when she wanted to soothe herself into sleep. Her big sister was not like that at all. Ava wanted to nurse as often as she could. Nursing was also the fix all for Miss Ava - it is not for Miss Olivia.
This all started about a week ago? A couple days after Olivia turned one. I probably nurse (where Olivia is actually drinking milk and not just pacifying) 3 times a day. Once in the morning after breakfast, during nap time in the afternoon, and for bedtime. I used to nurse around 4-5 times a day but Olivia sleeps in the car between Ava's schedule during the week - eliminating the need to nurse and making our transition just a little bit easier. I can honestly trying to put Olivia down for her afternoon nap without breastfeeding was brutal. Lots of babywearing, cuddles, and kisses have replaced nap time nursing so far. We have also incorporated a pacifier as well. Justin and I have never been fond of the paci, but in this case.. our baby needs something to soothe her in the same way that nursing did. After going through many pacifiers... THIS is the brand of pacifiers that Olivia prefers.
I'm crazy anxious to see how the overall transition goes. Here's to making some big steps in Olivia's toddlerhood!
♥- Leilani
I officially start taking medicine to jump start a menstrual on the second of February and once I start, I'll be taking the same meds I took to conceive Ava and Olivia. This brings us to weaning...the only difference this time around is that I'm not weaning a 22 month old, I am weaning a 12 month old... it is SO incredibly different. I know Olivia is ready in at least one way and I also anticipated that the first week or so would be our most challenging hurdle. To my surprise - it has only been a few days since I stopped nursing at nap time and Olivia is doing exceptionally well with the change. To be fair, she really only nurses when she's tired. She has never been the baby that wanted to nurse all the time, but more of when she wanted to soothe herself into sleep. Her big sister was not like that at all. Ava wanted to nurse as often as she could. Nursing was also the fix all for Miss Ava - it is not for Miss Olivia.
This all started about a week ago? A couple days after Olivia turned one. I probably nurse (where Olivia is actually drinking milk and not just pacifying) 3 times a day. Once in the morning after breakfast, during nap time in the afternoon, and for bedtime. I used to nurse around 4-5 times a day but Olivia sleeps in the car between Ava's schedule during the week - eliminating the need to nurse and making our transition just a little bit easier. I can honestly trying to put Olivia down for her afternoon nap without breastfeeding was brutal. Lots of babywearing, cuddles, and kisses have replaced nap time nursing so far. We have also incorporated a pacifier as well. Justin and I have never been fond of the paci, but in this case.. our baby needs something to soothe her in the same way that nursing did. After going through many pacifiers... THIS is the brand of pacifiers that Olivia prefers.
I'm crazy anxious to see how the overall transition goes. Here's to making some big steps in Olivia's toddlerhood!
♥- Leilani
Tuesday, February 10, 2015
So, I vlogged last week about taking Provera, weaning, and waiting for my menstrual to arrive... the menstrual arrived Sunday! I was pretty shocked at how fast it happened, considering the nurse told me that it could take up to 14 days for a menstrual to arrive. I hadn't made it a complete four days before mine did. I'm excited about starting my baseline appointment sooner, and I'm excited about starting my FSH injections sooner. Ironically, we are in the exact same position that we were in when we were trying to conceive Ava bug. We had only one shot to try and conceive the month we did because Justin was due to deploy to Afghanistan shortly after. While he's not deploying this time around, he will be gone for seven whole weeks, which leaves us with one shot at trying to conceive before he has to leave. A lot of things from our past experience and this experience are matching up and it's been calming to see how similar this journey has been to our journey with Ava. My baseline appointment is today which just entails blood work and an ultrasound. I'm extremely thankful that Justin is in a company that allows him the time to be actively involved in this trying to conceive business. When we were in Georgia, It was like pulling teeth for him to be present for anything. Granted, they were deploying soon, so I understood.
I think today we are going to pick up another baby girl trying to conceive outfit. We did this prior to having Ava, and that's how I actually announced I was having a baby girl. We still have the baby boy outfit, and I'm thinking this will be a fun way to involve Ava in the process. That has honestly been my main goal these days. Finding ways to introduce the fact that Ava bug could potentially be a big sister soon. I purchased a ton of board books last night and a couple of them are "I'm going to be a big sister" geared books. With the weaning, toddler room sleeping, and incorporating the idea of changes.. I'm hoping it helps us. It's all of these new emotions and changes that I'm trying to figure out how to handle. Prior to Ava, we had no clue about anything. We also didn't have to worry about making our home comfortable for Ava because of the potential arrival of another.
Also, I'm 97% sure we already picked out the names for baby # 2. I have to say this is my favorite pre-conception ritual. This truly is the fun part for Justin and I when discussing adding babies into our lives. I'm also ecstatic that it looks as if he'll be present for my entire pregnancy this time around! While I'm completely grateful that Justin was here for Ava's first milestones, It'll be nice to have him home for the birth and entire pregnancy of the next baby. Having my rock during the most vulnerable time of my life will definitely be needed. I plan on vlogging about our baseline appointment and hopefully giving you guys a tour of the facility we are utilizing to assist with our fertility treatments. It means the world to me that I have a strong reader base and that you guys are sending your good vibes this way! I appreciate all of you and God willing, I'll be able to share the ins and outs of mothering two Howl babes!
** If you have any questions about the route Justin and I will be taking, feel free to comment below or send an email **
Happy Tuesday all!
♥- Leilani
I think today we are going to pick up another baby girl trying to conceive outfit. We did this prior to having Ava, and that's how I actually announced I was having a baby girl. We still have the baby boy outfit, and I'm thinking this will be a fun way to involve Ava in the process. That has honestly been my main goal these days. Finding ways to introduce the fact that Ava bug could potentially be a big sister soon. I purchased a ton of board books last night and a couple of them are "I'm going to be a big sister" geared books. With the weaning, toddler room sleeping, and incorporating the idea of changes.. I'm hoping it helps us. It's all of these new emotions and changes that I'm trying to figure out how to handle. Prior to Ava, we had no clue about anything. We also didn't have to worry about making our home comfortable for Ava because of the potential arrival of another.
Also, I'm 97% sure we already picked out the names for baby # 2. I have to say this is my favorite pre-conception ritual. This truly is the fun part for Justin and I when discussing adding babies into our lives. I'm also ecstatic that it looks as if he'll be present for my entire pregnancy this time around! While I'm completely grateful that Justin was here for Ava's first milestones, It'll be nice to have him home for the birth and entire pregnancy of the next baby. Having my rock during the most vulnerable time of my life will definitely be needed. I plan on vlogging about our baseline appointment and hopefully giving you guys a tour of the facility we are utilizing to assist with our fertility treatments. It means the world to me that I have a strong reader base and that you guys are sending your good vibes this way! I appreciate all of you and God willing, I'll be able to share the ins and outs of mothering two Howl babes!
** If you have any questions about the route Justin and I will be taking, feel free to comment below or send an email **
Happy Tuesday all!
♥- Leilani
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