It's not clickbait. We are trying for another baby.
TTC Baby # 4
Wednesday, April 24, 2019
This week is National Infertility Awareness Week and as most of you know, Justin and I have experienced our own struggles with infertility.
Monday, March 27, 2017
What is the cause of your infertility? This question has been asked SO many times and I feel like now is the time to address it. I've decided to write up a one stop shop for the whys of our infertility. The cause, the treatment specifics, and what has worked for us in conceiving both of our girls. Infertility is the taboo in the room for a lot of people. People don't discuss it nearly enough, people apologize for it too much (which they really shouldn't), and most really aren't educated on the spectrum of infertility causes. My hope is that you walk away understanding my journey a little better and maybe someone you know as well. This blog is specific to me and only includes my personal experience, though there are TONS of resources available to better educate yourself on this topic.
THE CAUSE: I HAVE PCOS
Polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS), also known as polycystic ovarian syndrome, is a common health problem caused by an imbalance of reproductive hormones. The hormonal imbalance creates problems in the ovaries. The ovaries make the egg that is released each month as part of a healthy menstrual cycle. With PCOS, the egg may not develop as it should or it may not be released during ovulation as it should be. PCOS can cause missed or irregular menstrual periods.
THE CAUSE: I HAVE PCOS
Polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS), also known as polycystic ovarian syndrome, is a common health problem caused by an imbalance of reproductive hormones. The hormonal imbalance creates problems in the ovaries. The ovaries make the egg that is released each month as part of a healthy menstrual cycle. With PCOS, the egg may not develop as it should or it may not be released during ovulation as it should be. PCOS can cause missed or irregular menstrual periods.
Irregular periods can lead to:
Infertility (inability to get pregnant). In fact, PCOS is one of the most common causes of female infertility.
Development of cysts (small fluid-filled sacs) in the ovaries
The symptoms don't stop there for me. No, menstruation is literally just scratching the surface. I've also suffered from excessive weight gain, oily skin, and borderline insulin resistance due to PCOS. There is a whole plethora of symptoms that other women may potentially be faced with (this incurable diagnosis impacts the lives of 5-10% of woman in America).
TREATMENT
Now that you know my "why" for the cause of my infertility, let's go over our treatment plan. After conceiving naturally and miscarrying - Justin and I waited two years before trying again. We immediately consulted a reproductive endocrinologist, and they began their rabbit hole of tests to conduct. We were lucky. In our situation, male fertility is not a factor. That just left me. I had a reproductive "work up surgery" where our RE cut me open (laparoscopically - minimally invasive surgery) to make sure my reproductive organs were all in good shape. Everything looked great from the surgery, but it turned out that I had a uterine septum as well. A septum creates a block in blood flow and nutrients to your fetus - often times resulting in miscarrying because the baby cannot survive. That was a big deal for us. We had the reason why we potentially lost our baby.
After the surgery, I had to wait three months to let my uterus heal before we could begin trying. In the mean time, we discussed the best option for us to take. We knew I had PCOS, but we also knew my organs looked great, and at this point we wanted to see if we could still try to conceive with the LEAST amount of medical assistance. We were offered clomid (oral medication to stimulate follicle growth), but I declined. I wanted a more potent alternative since Justin was deploying soon and because we'd only have one month to try for a baby before he left. That lead us to injections of follistim. Follistim is a FSH (follicle stimulating hormone) that stimulates follicles and allows them to develop and mature. We would also need a HCG option to *trigger* a release of the follicle(s) once mature. The RE prescribed novarel (intramuscular injection) to trigger and release my mature follicles.
Infertility (inability to get pregnant). In fact, PCOS is one of the most common causes of female infertility.
Development of cysts (small fluid-filled sacs) in the ovaries
TREATMENT
Now that you know my "why" for the cause of my infertility, let's go over our treatment plan. After conceiving naturally and miscarrying - Justin and I waited two years before trying again. We immediately consulted a reproductive endocrinologist, and they began their rabbit hole of tests to conduct. We were lucky. In our situation, male fertility is not a factor. That just left me. I had a reproductive "work up surgery" where our RE cut me open (laparoscopically - minimally invasive surgery) to make sure my reproductive organs were all in good shape. Everything looked great from the surgery, but it turned out that I had a uterine septum as well. A septum creates a block in blood flow and nutrients to your fetus - often times resulting in miscarrying because the baby cannot survive. That was a big deal for us. We had the reason why we potentially lost our baby.
After the surgery, I had to wait three months to let my uterus heal before we could begin trying. In the mean time, we discussed the best option for us to take. We knew I had PCOS, but we also knew my organs looked great, and at this point we wanted to see if we could still try to conceive with the LEAST amount of medical assistance. We were offered clomid (oral medication to stimulate follicle growth), but I declined. I wanted a more potent alternative since Justin was deploying soon and because we'd only have one month to try for a baby before he left. That lead us to injections of follistim. Follistim is a FSH (follicle stimulating hormone) that stimulates follicles and allows them to develop and mature. We would also need a HCG option to *trigger* a release of the follicle(s) once mature. The RE prescribed novarel (intramuscular injection) to trigger and release my mature follicles.
When it became time to try for baby, we stuck to the previously discussed treatment plan. I took follistim shots for over two weeks when trying to conceive during this cycle. The RE started off with very low doses 50 IU 75 IU because he didn't want my ovaries to over respond and produce multiple follicles. The goal is ONE mature follicle from these injections. The lower doses were not working nearly as quick, so my dose was increased to 100 IU and then 125 IU. The 125 IU was a sweet spot and I was able to produce a mature follicle. I went in for blood work and ultrasounds basically every two days during this period of time. I had growth scans for the follicles and blood work to check my estrogen levels.
Once the follicle reached 19mm I was instructed to take the trigger shot (or you can bring the shot in and have a nurse give you the injection). I started using ovulation tests (per the RE's request) to track exactly when I was ovulating. Once I got a positive ovulation test, we ** BABY DANCED** like crazy! I took a test to confirm when my ovulation window ended - and that put us in a two week window until we could take a pregnancy test.
After two weeks, I took a pregnancy test and it was positive. The RE had me come in twice in a six day period to check my HCG levels. Rising levels indicates conception has occurred.
AVA AND OLIVIA
Both of our babies were conceived with the treatment plan above in regards to medication. We conceived Ava on the first cycle and Olivia on the second cycle (I was given the incorrect trigger shot during the first cycle we tried for baby #2). We are currently trying for baby # 3.
Infertility can be beat in so many cases. Those who suffer from being infertile (like myself) have SO many options to look at. I think it makes it less scary knowing that it doesn't end at you not being able to conceive without assistance. Everyone's fertility journey looks different and everyone has a different story. BREAK THE SILENCE. Mamas and papas do not have to suffer alone. Talk about it, be a support, find your village of others that can relate. I have been a voice and advocate for my personal infertility, but maybe I should remind myself to take my own advice?
I hope this summary gives you a better idea of what Justin and I go through in order to conceive. If you have any other questions, comments, or supportive words - PLEASE continue to email me or write comments below.
Happy Monday!
♥- Leilani
Monday, February 13, 2017
It is completely in my nature to bare my soul with the world (or whoever will listen, let's be real!). As much as I'd like to keep our trying to conceive plans under wraps - something is stirring inside me. Something is telling me to share and not to let the past hinder the future. I remember a familiar season like this... almost like it was yesterday. When we were trying for baby # 2, I vlogged, I blogged, I basically told EVERYONE we had ever known that we were trying for another baby. When we found out the cycle hadn't resulted in a pregnant Leilani, I was devastated. Justin was at school, I was alone with Ava, and everyone flooded us with "I'm sorry it didn't happen this time guys" vibes. It was a hard pill to swallow and I told myself that the next cycle would be a private one - and it was. That was also the cycle we conceived Miss Olivia. With Ava, we just didn't tell anyone because of the miscarriage I had a couple years before her conception.
I have basically told myself that not sharing will result in pregnancy and not to jinx it... but I'm going to give this sharing thing another shot! I'm so stinkin' excited about another Howland babe joining our family. All my dreams as of late show me and this new baby... it feels so real. I've woken up a few times and the reality of our situation quickly takes over.. but still. I love these baby dreams. I've had people in our extended family ask why we want more kids and I think this is the perfect time to share. I think most of my long time readers, friend, and family know that Justin and I are products of "broken homes" in two different ways. My parents divorced, Justin's parents were never married, and we both experienced (many times) how it feels to not know where you belong.
When we discussed children, before actually having children, we decided we wanted this football team of Howland kids. We wanted to create life together, nourish that life, and send them into the world knowing they ALWAYS belonged. Knowing that they were loved, cared for, wanted, prayed for, and so, so accepted. Even now we talk about how close we want to be with our kids. We want to create a tight knit, supportive, and inclusive family for our kids. We know what it feels like to grow up and not have support from family and to be honest and frank - it sucks.
The upbringing we experienced has taught us WHAT NOT to do in life. What not to do with our children and in our marriage. I wouldn't change my life - not even a single bad moment because I know they molded me into the woman I am now. The same with Justin. He is a damn good father, husband, provider, and friend. I don't know that we'd even still be together if he were different. If our lives were different. So there you have it! The goal is to create and raise some wholesome beings. When I'm old and gray - I can only hope that those same kiddos decide to create some life of their own... As premature as these thoughts are - we are going to ROCK the grandparent sector of life. I cannot wait to experience that either. I cannot wait to give my babies' babies everything that our kids didn't have when it comes to extended family.
We are making this HUGE ripple and I cannot tell you how amazing it feels. To wrap this up, we are trying for baby # 3. Yes, actively trying in the mists of starting follicle stimulating medicine - we are doing this! Fingers crossed this first cycle is the ticket but if it isn't, this won't be the last time we try. Good thoughts, vibes, prayers, and optimism are all welcomed you guys! I can't believe I could soon be a mama of three. I love the sound of that.
Just a picture from my appointment this morning. My uterine lining is still SUPER thick, so the goal is to shed it before I start my shots!
♥- Leilani
I have basically told myself that not sharing will result in pregnancy and not to jinx it... but I'm going to give this sharing thing another shot! I'm so stinkin' excited about another Howland babe joining our family. All my dreams as of late show me and this new baby... it feels so real. I've woken up a few times and the reality of our situation quickly takes over.. but still. I love these baby dreams. I've had people in our extended family ask why we want more kids and I think this is the perfect time to share. I think most of my long time readers, friend, and family know that Justin and I are products of "broken homes" in two different ways. My parents divorced, Justin's parents were never married, and we both experienced (many times) how it feels to not know where you belong.
When we discussed children, before actually having children, we decided we wanted this football team of Howland kids. We wanted to create life together, nourish that life, and send them into the world knowing they ALWAYS belonged. Knowing that they were loved, cared for, wanted, prayed for, and so, so accepted. Even now we talk about how close we want to be with our kids. We want to create a tight knit, supportive, and inclusive family for our kids. We know what it feels like to grow up and not have support from family and to be honest and frank - it sucks.
The upbringing we experienced has taught us WHAT NOT to do in life. What not to do with our children and in our marriage. I wouldn't change my life - not even a single bad moment because I know they molded me into the woman I am now. The same with Justin. He is a damn good father, husband, provider, and friend. I don't know that we'd even still be together if he were different. If our lives were different. So there you have it! The goal is to create and raise some wholesome beings. When I'm old and gray - I can only hope that those same kiddos decide to create some life of their own... As premature as these thoughts are - we are going to ROCK the grandparent sector of life. I cannot wait to experience that either. I cannot wait to give my babies' babies everything that our kids didn't have when it comes to extended family.
We are making this HUGE ripple and I cannot tell you how amazing it feels. To wrap this up, we are trying for baby # 3. Yes, actively trying in the mists of starting follicle stimulating medicine - we are doing this! Fingers crossed this first cycle is the ticket but if it isn't, this won't be the last time we try. Good thoughts, vibes, prayers, and optimism are all welcomed you guys! I can't believe I could soon be a mama of three. I love the sound of that.
Just a picture from my appointment this morning. My uterine lining is still SUPER thick, so the goal is to shed it before I start my shots!
♥- Leilani
Saturday, February 28, 2015
I went in for my second follicle scan Wednesday morning, and everything looked great. My main follicle on my left ovary measured at 19.2mm (ish) and the follicle growing on my right ovary measured at 14mm. My doctor was pleased with where the follicle growth was, and didn't require me to get a blood test (not mad about that at all) to measure my estradiol levels. We also got the okay to take our HCG trigger shot Thursday night and we were over the moon, crazy excited about it. Wednesday night was my last time taking follistim shots for this cycle and that brought on some bitter sweet feelings. These last two weeks have been emotional, exciting, and I'm just ready for March to come around so we can see if we've conceived or not.
* That was initially written on Wednesday, prior to me getting the stomach bug* Thursday morning I woke up with terrible stomach pain and I was completely nauseated and weak. I could barely get out of bed let alone take care of Ava bug, safely. I'm not really sure what has hit me, but it's been a long three days you guys. Thankfully, Justin got off early enough that day to care for me and take care of Ava. I spent most of Thursday, asleep. The rest definitely helped, and I did take my trigger shot Thursday night. It burned a little.. and to be honest, getting a shot was the last thing I wanted to do while feeling so sick.. but I am determined to make this cycle count. I woke up Friday morning around 5:30 a.m. and I could definitely tell I was feeling far better than the day before. I was able to drink and move without serious stomach pain, but I was definitely weak and groggy from not eating at all on Thursday. I tried to drink and eat a little bit at a time and that really seemed to work. A word to the wise, pepto bismol is not your friend.. I know, I know.. this may be effective for some people, but definitely not for me.
Not only are my stools black and gross, but so is my tongue. The chalky, bitter taste is most definitely not worth it. I normally tried to mend things naturally, but I have been utilizing tums quite a bit. I called one of the nurses at the fertility clinic and they informed me that this will not impact our cycle in a negative way. She reminded to stay hydrated, eat bland foods, and to take it easy for the next few days. I tried to eat the dinner Justin cooked Friday night.. that was such a no go! I immediately started having stomach pains again. I could not believe it. Friday and today are our baby dancing days.. you could image how that's been going... To top it off, Ava bug woke up at three in the morning... throwing up! She threw up at least a couple different times in less than two hours. She was burning up and that was my "mama instinct" telling me to take her to the E.R. All the while her demeanor never changed, but when we got there, we were informed that her temperature was 100.6. Definitely in fever range! The good news is, she seems to be doing fine. They gave us zofran for her vomiting spell and instructed us to give tylenol.
**UPDATE** She went over 24 hours with zero puking and now we are convinced she also has the stomach bug like her mama.
♥- Leilani
* That was initially written on Wednesday, prior to me getting the stomach bug* Thursday morning I woke up with terrible stomach pain and I was completely nauseated and weak. I could barely get out of bed let alone take care of Ava bug, safely. I'm not really sure what has hit me, but it's been a long three days you guys. Thankfully, Justin got off early enough that day to care for me and take care of Ava. I spent most of Thursday, asleep. The rest definitely helped, and I did take my trigger shot Thursday night. It burned a little.. and to be honest, getting a shot was the last thing I wanted to do while feeling so sick.. but I am determined to make this cycle count. I woke up Friday morning around 5:30 a.m. and I could definitely tell I was feeling far better than the day before. I was able to drink and move without serious stomach pain, but I was definitely weak and groggy from not eating at all on Thursday. I tried to drink and eat a little bit at a time and that really seemed to work. A word to the wise, pepto bismol is not your friend.. I know, I know.. this may be effective for some people, but definitely not for me.
Not only are my stools black and gross, but so is my tongue. The chalky, bitter taste is most definitely not worth it. I normally tried to mend things naturally, but I have been utilizing tums quite a bit. I called one of the nurses at the fertility clinic and they informed me that this will not impact our cycle in a negative way. She reminded to stay hydrated, eat bland foods, and to take it easy for the next few days. I tried to eat the dinner Justin cooked Friday night.. that was such a no go! I immediately started having stomach pains again. I could not believe it. Friday and today are our baby dancing days.. you could image how that's been going... To top it off, Ava bug woke up at three in the morning... throwing up! She threw up at least a couple different times in less than two hours. She was burning up and that was my "mama instinct" telling me to take her to the E.R. All the while her demeanor never changed, but when we got there, we were informed that her temperature was 100.6. Definitely in fever range! The good news is, she seems to be doing fine. They gave us zofran for her vomiting spell and instructed us to give tylenol.
**UPDATE** She went over 24 hours with zero puking and now we are convinced she also has the stomach bug like her mama.
♥- Leilani
Tuesday, February 24, 2015
So it looks like some of my fears were let go yesterday morning and I couldn't be more relieved about that! I woke up completely nervous with the stomach knots and all. when I first got to my appointment I wasn't feeling like overly hopeful, but I was still anticipating at least one good follicle. I got my blood drawn first and then they quickly took me back to one of the ultrasound rooms. Waiting for the nurse to come in was the worst. I was almost shaky at that point. We have a very small window for success here because Justin leaves so soon for school. I really think that's why I'm feeling even more anxious about this assisted cycle. I needed my ovaries to get it together now, because later isn't an option. The nurse checked my right ovary first.. this is the easiest ovary to find. There was a distinct, but small follicle growing. It measured about 12.5 (ish) mm. I was pleased that there was a follicle, but disappointed that it wasn't bigger. I held on to hope because I knew that my left one always delivered. The left side is the side I'm pretty sure Ava bug came from... Yeah, it's weird that I know that.
The left side took a good two minutes to try and find. The nurse tech actually went over previous images that my reproductive endocrinologist took just to find it. For all the ladies that have had transvaginal ultrasounds... we are troopers! It honestly felt like she was deep sea diving with the ultrasound wand. SO. MUCH. PRESSURE. When Ruby (the nurse) finally found my left ovary, it was worth the pain. There, in the middle of the screen was a big, juicy, follicle. It measured at 16.5mm and I was ecstatic. The goal with these assisted follistim cycles is to get at least 1-2 mature follicles. While the 12.5er is still small, these follicles grow 2mm per day. That means, in another day that 12.5er will be the same size as the one on my left ovary, and the one on my left ovary will be at 20.5 (ish) and that's the goal size. 20 mm is the magic number. In the next moments so much stress, fear, and emotion were just released. I was so happy and I didn't want to leave without having that big follicle printed out. After the nurse printed a copy for me, I immediately called Justin. I just couldn't believe it. That appointment verified that we really do have a fighting chance with this cycle.
Here's a glance at the budding follicle.. I am so geeked over this potential baby!
♥- Leilani
The left side took a good two minutes to try and find. The nurse tech actually went over previous images that my reproductive endocrinologist took just to find it. For all the ladies that have had transvaginal ultrasounds... we are troopers! It honestly felt like she was deep sea diving with the ultrasound wand. SO. MUCH. PRESSURE. When Ruby (the nurse) finally found my left ovary, it was worth the pain. There, in the middle of the screen was a big, juicy, follicle. It measured at 16.5mm and I was ecstatic. The goal with these assisted follistim cycles is to get at least 1-2 mature follicles. While the 12.5er is still small, these follicles grow 2mm per day. That means, in another day that 12.5er will be the same size as the one on my left ovary, and the one on my left ovary will be at 20.5 (ish) and that's the goal size. 20 mm is the magic number. In the next moments so much stress, fear, and emotion were just released. I was so happy and I didn't want to leave without having that big follicle printed out. After the nurse printed a copy for me, I immediately called Justin. I just couldn't believe it. That appointment verified that we really do have a fighting chance with this cycle.
Here's a glance at the budding follicle.. I am so geeked over this potential baby!
I have another appointment tomorrow to see where my follicles are at and to measure their growth. I'm praying we get to trigger shot this week. My estradiol levels looked really good yesterday. They jumped from 65.5 on Thursday to 114 on Monday. I believe the magic number with that is 200. I wanted to give a quick shout out to some of my prayer warriors! I know you've heard me say this before, but I have such an amazing group of people supporting my family. The messages, the calls, the emails.. you guys, seriously.. It's more than I could have every imagined. I don't think Justin and I would be able to handle this emotional experience as gracefully without all the love we receive. It truly does make a difference in our lives.
I took a video from yesterday's appointment and I plan on taking a video during my appointment tomorrow, so stay tuned for that! Documenting this journey has been everything I have hoped for and more. Fingers crossed we get good news tomorrow and we'll be able to get to work at trying to conceive this second babe of ours.
Happy Tuesday all!
♥- Leilani
Thursday, February 19, 2015
So, I went in for my second blood draw to check my estrogen levels this morning... Good news! My levels are steadily increasing and our reproductive endocrinologist is keeping me at my current dose to prevent over stimulation. My next appointment is Monday, and I am going in for an ultrasound and blood work to check my estrogen levels yet again. I've had two blood draws since I started taking the follistim drug, and Monday will be my first actual ultrasound where I get to see my potential babies AKA follicles. I couldn't be more excited or more nervous. Justin leaves pretty soon, so this is truly crunch time for us. In preparation of being able to take my trigger shot (HCG) I am purchasing an ovulation kit and pregnancy tests.
I keep thinking back on these very events when we were trying to conceive Ava bug, and I can't help but smile and have these extreme butterflies. Infertility is scary at times, but keeping your head high and your attitude positive makes a world of difference. I am currently on stimulation day nine and I have to say this last week has flown by so quickly. I have appreciated my husband and our daughter for their patience and kindness this past week. I have been nothing short of emotional since I started my medication and sometimes that's not easy to deal with. I've been cramping a lot more since they increased my follistim dosage on Monday, but other than that and the tiredness I haven't had any major side effects.
I am completely blown away by how great our reproductive clinic is as well as the pharmacy that they utilize for medication. Customer service has been amazing and I couldn't be more blessed to have such a sufficient staff taking care of us this time around. Not that our previous reproductive center was awful, I'm just bias when it comes to care in the Pacific Northwest. Justin and I came to a conclusion on potential names for baby Howland # 2... those names are:
♥- Leilani
I keep thinking back on these very events when we were trying to conceive Ava bug, and I can't help but smile and have these extreme butterflies. Infertility is scary at times, but keeping your head high and your attitude positive makes a world of difference. I am currently on stimulation day nine and I have to say this last week has flown by so quickly. I have appreciated my husband and our daughter for their patience and kindness this past week. I have been nothing short of emotional since I started my medication and sometimes that's not easy to deal with. I've been cramping a lot more since they increased my follistim dosage on Monday, but other than that and the tiredness I haven't had any major side effects.
I am completely blown away by how great our reproductive clinic is as well as the pharmacy that they utilize for medication. Customer service has been amazing and I couldn't be more blessed to have such a sufficient staff taking care of us this time around. Not that our previous reproductive center was awful, I'm just bias when it comes to care in the Pacific Northwest. Justin and I came to a conclusion on potential names for baby Howland # 2... those names are:
It took us a while to secure names, but these names both feel so right. We were originally going to go with Delilah.. but we'd hate for people to inevitably give her the nickname of Lilah when that wouldn't be her name. Justin was also really stuck on a junior for awhile, but that was short lived. Even though we don't know if this cycle will take or not, it's been so fun to do the baby shopping, names, etc with Justin. This is exactly what we did prior to conceiving Ava bug and it was all worth it.
Staying connected with my husband has proven to be the most important aspect of this entire journey. I'm not quite sure I'd have the encouragement I needed to kick infertility's butt if not for him. So here's the shout out that is much deserved. Justin, you are without a doubt an absolute rock star and I love you to pieces. The daily injections, the nightly foot rubs, and the constant irrational tears from me that you have to deal with.. seriously, I struck gold with you my love!
So, there it is guys. I'm so grateful for all of those who are following our journey. My readers mean so much to me, and the support you give is just incredible. That being said, baby dust our way is definitely welcomed! Stay tuned for a video of our ultrasound next Monday, and an update on where we go after Monday.
Happy Thursday all!
♥- Leilani
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