The oh so familiar trigger shot.
TTC Baby #4: 13 Days of Stims
Thursday, June 27, 2019
A fourth and final Howland baby is something Justin and I have been discussing (heavily) since Liam was born.
Thursday, March 9, 2017
Okay.. I don't even know where to start. Let me start by saying that I am literally exhausted with infertility, Tricare, and reproductive endocrinologists. Let me also say that I have had more headaches, tears, and uncertainty in the last week than I have ever experienced in our trying to conceive journeys in the past... It is scary to feel like your body is failing you and I wish I didn't feel that way. My body isn't failing me - it just requires more work than some. Those are the words I repeat to myself on a daily basis it seems. For those of you who are just catching up, let me start from the beginning and fill you in on what's happening. At the end of January, I met with a REI (reproductive endocrinologist - infertility) and had my first consult since we tried to conceive Olivia. It went perfectly - aside from having a thickened uterine lining (no big deal though, I hadn't had a period in almost two years at this point). I immediately started taking progesterone shortly after and things were great.... until my uterine lining wasn't shedding. NO worries they put me on a more aggressive, synthetic form of progesterone to shed my lining - I BLED FOREVER... but still, the lining stayed in tact. It even grew a bit. My options now became taking a SHOT of progesterone to shed the lining (which could still result in having a D & C) OR having a D & C performed where they mechanically remove the lining (sometimes cancerous, most times just a build up of polyps, etc). I opted to have the D & C ...
I then found out my provider wouldn't be able to see me until the end of March (he was going on spring break). I panicked at the thought of potential cancer sitting in my uterus all this time. I asked if I could have the surgery done by another physician in the practice.. I even found gynecologists in my area that could perform a D & C. Being overly eager to find a solution myself - MY "great" REI decided to drop me as a patient (i didn't find this out until the end of last week) and I was stuck with either seeing another physician at the practice or finding a new REI. As luck would have it, the physician i saw last Friday was knowledgable.. but he was also not the right fit for me. He made me nervous, I starting regretting making the switch, and I left feeling not so great about how I went about things.
That's when I decided that if I couldn't go back to the initial REI, I'd find a different practice. It hadn't been more clear to me than in those moments that there were SO many signs that maybe this wasn't our season.. Maybe this wasn't our REI facility... maybe I needed to just take care of me before we revisit actively trying. I have never had a problem with my uterine lining shedding in the past. Never. Because of the thickened lining, I haven't been able to take follicle stimulating shots to try for baby # 3 - so the surgery and the thickened lining is a very big step in our journey.
Dealing with insurance and providers that accept my insurance has been a nightmare. I've even tried to go into a gyno and have them tell me that REI's are the best and they take a more gentle approach with their D & C method.So that is what I am going to do. I'm currently waiting to schedule an appointment with a new fertility office to hopefully establish a great relationship with the next REI. I am going to take a deep breath and learn to be patient. Infertility isn't easy, it isn't quick, and I wish I would have respected the process the first time around. I guess the old saying proves true, "You live and you learn" because that's exactly how I feel.
It feels good being able to share this with all of you guys. I feel like it isn't as heavy. If I lost you in all my jumble I'm going to clear that up right now..
YES we are still making our way to baby # 3, even if it takes more time than we initially though it would
YES I need to have a D & C performed to remove my thickened endometrium lining before I can take fertility medication
YES I got fired (though Justin reminded me that I fired him first) from my initial REI and YES I am scheduling an appointment for a new facility.
Think good thoughts, vibes, and send some prayers up for us! Journey to baby # 3 has already taken some turns we definitely didn't expect, but I'm so, so glad that Justin is here to hold my hand. We are enjoying the beautiful babies we have, respecting the process, and loving each other so much more through our bumps in the road.
♥- Leilani
I then found out my provider wouldn't be able to see me until the end of March (he was going on spring break). I panicked at the thought of potential cancer sitting in my uterus all this time. I asked if I could have the surgery done by another physician in the practice.. I even found gynecologists in my area that could perform a D & C. Being overly eager to find a solution myself - MY "great" REI decided to drop me as a patient (i didn't find this out until the end of last week) and I was stuck with either seeing another physician at the practice or finding a new REI. As luck would have it, the physician i saw last Friday was knowledgable.. but he was also not the right fit for me. He made me nervous, I starting regretting making the switch, and I left feeling not so great about how I went about things.
That's when I decided that if I couldn't go back to the initial REI, I'd find a different practice. It hadn't been more clear to me than in those moments that there were SO many signs that maybe this wasn't our season.. Maybe this wasn't our REI facility... maybe I needed to just take care of me before we revisit actively trying. I have never had a problem with my uterine lining shedding in the past. Never. Because of the thickened lining, I haven't been able to take follicle stimulating shots to try for baby # 3 - so the surgery and the thickened lining is a very big step in our journey.
Dealing with insurance and providers that accept my insurance has been a nightmare. I've even tried to go into a gyno and have them tell me that REI's are the best and they take a more gentle approach with their D & C method.So that is what I am going to do. I'm currently waiting to schedule an appointment with a new fertility office to hopefully establish a great relationship with the next REI. I am going to take a deep breath and learn to be patient. Infertility isn't easy, it isn't quick, and I wish I would have respected the process the first time around. I guess the old saying proves true, "You live and you learn" because that's exactly how I feel.
It feels good being able to share this with all of you guys. I feel like it isn't as heavy. If I lost you in all my jumble I'm going to clear that up right now..
YES we are still making our way to baby # 3, even if it takes more time than we initially though it would
YES I need to have a D & C performed to remove my thickened endometrium lining before I can take fertility medication
YES I got fired (though Justin reminded me that I fired him first) from my initial REI and YES I am scheduling an appointment for a new facility.
Think good thoughts, vibes, and send some prayers up for us! Journey to baby # 3 has already taken some turns we definitely didn't expect, but I'm so, so glad that Justin is here to hold my hand. We are enjoying the beautiful babies we have, respecting the process, and loving each other so much more through our bumps in the road.
♥- Leilani
Tuesday, February 24, 2015
So it looks like some of my fears were let go yesterday morning and I couldn't be more relieved about that! I woke up completely nervous with the stomach knots and all. when I first got to my appointment I wasn't feeling like overly hopeful, but I was still anticipating at least one good follicle. I got my blood drawn first and then they quickly took me back to one of the ultrasound rooms. Waiting for the nurse to come in was the worst. I was almost shaky at that point. We have a very small window for success here because Justin leaves so soon for school. I really think that's why I'm feeling even more anxious about this assisted cycle. I needed my ovaries to get it together now, because later isn't an option. The nurse checked my right ovary first.. this is the easiest ovary to find. There was a distinct, but small follicle growing. It measured about 12.5 (ish) mm. I was pleased that there was a follicle, but disappointed that it wasn't bigger. I held on to hope because I knew that my left one always delivered. The left side is the side I'm pretty sure Ava bug came from... Yeah, it's weird that I know that.
The left side took a good two minutes to try and find. The nurse tech actually went over previous images that my reproductive endocrinologist took just to find it. For all the ladies that have had transvaginal ultrasounds... we are troopers! It honestly felt like she was deep sea diving with the ultrasound wand. SO. MUCH. PRESSURE. When Ruby (the nurse) finally found my left ovary, it was worth the pain. There, in the middle of the screen was a big, juicy, follicle. It measured at 16.5mm and I was ecstatic. The goal with these assisted follistim cycles is to get at least 1-2 mature follicles. While the 12.5er is still small, these follicles grow 2mm per day. That means, in another day that 12.5er will be the same size as the one on my left ovary, and the one on my left ovary will be at 20.5 (ish) and that's the goal size. 20 mm is the magic number. In the next moments so much stress, fear, and emotion were just released. I was so happy and I didn't want to leave without having that big follicle printed out. After the nurse printed a copy for me, I immediately called Justin. I just couldn't believe it. That appointment verified that we really do have a fighting chance with this cycle.
Here's a glance at the budding follicle.. I am so geeked over this potential baby!
♥- Leilani
The left side took a good two minutes to try and find. The nurse tech actually went over previous images that my reproductive endocrinologist took just to find it. For all the ladies that have had transvaginal ultrasounds... we are troopers! It honestly felt like she was deep sea diving with the ultrasound wand. SO. MUCH. PRESSURE. When Ruby (the nurse) finally found my left ovary, it was worth the pain. There, in the middle of the screen was a big, juicy, follicle. It measured at 16.5mm and I was ecstatic. The goal with these assisted follistim cycles is to get at least 1-2 mature follicles. While the 12.5er is still small, these follicles grow 2mm per day. That means, in another day that 12.5er will be the same size as the one on my left ovary, and the one on my left ovary will be at 20.5 (ish) and that's the goal size. 20 mm is the magic number. In the next moments so much stress, fear, and emotion were just released. I was so happy and I didn't want to leave without having that big follicle printed out. After the nurse printed a copy for me, I immediately called Justin. I just couldn't believe it. That appointment verified that we really do have a fighting chance with this cycle.
Here's a glance at the budding follicle.. I am so geeked over this potential baby!
I have another appointment tomorrow to see where my follicles are at and to measure their growth. I'm praying we get to trigger shot this week. My estradiol levels looked really good yesterday. They jumped from 65.5 on Thursday to 114 on Monday. I believe the magic number with that is 200. I wanted to give a quick shout out to some of my prayer warriors! I know you've heard me say this before, but I have such an amazing group of people supporting my family. The messages, the calls, the emails.. you guys, seriously.. It's more than I could have every imagined. I don't think Justin and I would be able to handle this emotional experience as gracefully without all the love we receive. It truly does make a difference in our lives.
I took a video from yesterday's appointment and I plan on taking a video during my appointment tomorrow, so stay tuned for that! Documenting this journey has been everything I have hoped for and more. Fingers crossed we get good news tomorrow and we'll be able to get to work at trying to conceive this second babe of ours.
Happy Tuesday all!
♥- Leilani
Thursday, August 7, 2014
Good afternoon guys! Here's a small update on our fertility journey. As most of you know, I went and saw my reproductive endocrinologist the last week of July, and everything checked out really well during my visit. That follicle that our doc found did indeed release (found that out today), and I know I ovulated last Monday. I actually went out and purchased ovulation tests, and I was able to track down the exact date of ovulation. This was our first time doing this without the help of fertility meds, so it was pretty neat to say the least. I'm not sure if you can actually see the positive lines for ovulation, but I loved being able to keep track of it.
The HCG came back negative (my primary doctor put that in just to check).. I was extremely disappointed until my RE said at this point it is still to early to test. My blood work indicated that I definitely released an egg, and they want me to come back in a week's time to take another HCG draw (there is hope yet)! I have been cramping like crazy since day two after ovulation, and that is usually a good sign for conception (at least for us).
Justin and I are both just extremely anxious at this point. It's getting harder everyday not to talk about something with this "potential baby" that could be on the way. The waiting game is truly the hardest part. Fingers crossed that next week I'll be sharing a positive pregnancy test with you guys!
Happy Thursday all!
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