It's Wednesday, July 22nd, 2020, and I have this feeling that I'm pregnant.
Trigger Shot: 4 DAYS PAST OVULATION
Thursday, June 27, 2019
A fourth and final Howland baby is something Justin and I have been discussing (heavily) since Liam was born.
Monday, June 26, 2017
The last nine days have quite possibly been the longest days I've had in quite some time. It was nine days ago that Justin administered the trigger shot. It was nine days ago that I ovulated and released at least one mature follicle. Now, we wait. We wait until one of two things occur. 1) Aunt Flo rears her ugly head and sends us back to the drawing board OR 2) parallel pink lines appear on a home pregnancy test and our prayers and dreams are answered once more. So, here I sit, googling every single baby center response to all the symptoms possible for those nine days past ovulation. I don't know why women do this to themselves. I mean, seriously. We know that the outcome will arrive within the next 14 days... but we still, with hope in our hearts, search for others currently experiencing the same situations as us for support.
I made the mistake of taking pregnancy tests early in the week. I took a test last Friday, which of course it was positive (thank you lingering novarel). I took a test on Saturday and got a lighter test line (I was actually both relieved but also bummed that the line had lightened), and I took on test on Sunday which showed a positive as well (darker than Saturday). I now have found myself in this "testing out the trigger" game with pregnancy tests and it is complete torture. Again, I don't know why we do these things to ourselves. The line sometimes appears to be lighter.. but then when I take another test later in the day - the test is darker. I know the concentration of urine can vary each time you use the restroom... and i do believe that's the first time I've referenced the concentration of urine. See, I told you this two week window is torture.
Even still, I can't help but keep hope alive with every twinge, every cramp, and every potential sign that could lead us to another beautiful baby to love. I keep thinking back on the two week windows I had with both of my girls and I'm not quite sure either of those was nearly as nerve wrecking as this one has been. Perhaps its because we've been mentally prepared for another baby since the beginning of February? Maybe it's because we had a failed cycle in May? Whatever the reason, I'm just praying that this is the month we are able to say that our sweet little family is growing.
♥- Leilani
I made the mistake of taking pregnancy tests early in the week. I took a test last Friday, which of course it was positive (thank you lingering novarel). I took a test on Saturday and got a lighter test line (I was actually both relieved but also bummed that the line had lightened), and I took on test on Sunday which showed a positive as well (darker than Saturday). I now have found myself in this "testing out the trigger" game with pregnancy tests and it is complete torture. Again, I don't know why we do these things to ourselves. The line sometimes appears to be lighter.. but then when I take another test later in the day - the test is darker. I know the concentration of urine can vary each time you use the restroom... and i do believe that's the first time I've referenced the concentration of urine. See, I told you this two week window is torture.
Even still, I can't help but keep hope alive with every twinge, every cramp, and every potential sign that could lead us to another beautiful baby to love. I keep thinking back on the two week windows I had with both of my girls and I'm not quite sure either of those was nearly as nerve wrecking as this one has been. Perhaps its because we've been mentally prepared for another baby since the beginning of February? Maybe it's because we had a failed cycle in May? Whatever the reason, I'm just praying that this is the month we are able to say that our sweet little family is growing.
♥- Leilani
Monday, February 13, 2017
It is completely in my nature to bare my soul with the world (or whoever will listen, let's be real!). As much as I'd like to keep our trying to conceive plans under wraps - something is stirring inside me. Something is telling me to share and not to let the past hinder the future. I remember a familiar season like this... almost like it was yesterday. When we were trying for baby # 2, I vlogged, I blogged, I basically told EVERYONE we had ever known that we were trying for another baby. When we found out the cycle hadn't resulted in a pregnant Leilani, I was devastated. Justin was at school, I was alone with Ava, and everyone flooded us with "I'm sorry it didn't happen this time guys" vibes. It was a hard pill to swallow and I told myself that the next cycle would be a private one - and it was. That was also the cycle we conceived Miss Olivia. With Ava, we just didn't tell anyone because of the miscarriage I had a couple years before her conception.
I have basically told myself that not sharing will result in pregnancy and not to jinx it... but I'm going to give this sharing thing another shot! I'm so stinkin' excited about another Howland babe joining our family. All my dreams as of late show me and this new baby... it feels so real. I've woken up a few times and the reality of our situation quickly takes over.. but still. I love these baby dreams. I've had people in our extended family ask why we want more kids and I think this is the perfect time to share. I think most of my long time readers, friend, and family know that Justin and I are products of "broken homes" in two different ways. My parents divorced, Justin's parents were never married, and we both experienced (many times) how it feels to not know where you belong.
When we discussed children, before actually having children, we decided we wanted this football team of Howland kids. We wanted to create life together, nourish that life, and send them into the world knowing they ALWAYS belonged. Knowing that they were loved, cared for, wanted, prayed for, and so, so accepted. Even now we talk about how close we want to be with our kids. We want to create a tight knit, supportive, and inclusive family for our kids. We know what it feels like to grow up and not have support from family and to be honest and frank - it sucks.
The upbringing we experienced has taught us WHAT NOT to do in life. What not to do with our children and in our marriage. I wouldn't change my life - not even a single bad moment because I know they molded me into the woman I am now. The same with Justin. He is a damn good father, husband, provider, and friend. I don't know that we'd even still be together if he were different. If our lives were different. So there you have it! The goal is to create and raise some wholesome beings. When I'm old and gray - I can only hope that those same kiddos decide to create some life of their own... As premature as these thoughts are - we are going to ROCK the grandparent sector of life. I cannot wait to experience that either. I cannot wait to give my babies' babies everything that our kids didn't have when it comes to extended family.
We are making this HUGE ripple and I cannot tell you how amazing it feels. To wrap this up, we are trying for baby # 3. Yes, actively trying in the mists of starting follicle stimulating medicine - we are doing this! Fingers crossed this first cycle is the ticket but if it isn't, this won't be the last time we try. Good thoughts, vibes, prayers, and optimism are all welcomed you guys! I can't believe I could soon be a mama of three. I love the sound of that.
Just a picture from my appointment this morning. My uterine lining is still SUPER thick, so the goal is to shed it before I start my shots!
♥- Leilani
I have basically told myself that not sharing will result in pregnancy and not to jinx it... but I'm going to give this sharing thing another shot! I'm so stinkin' excited about another Howland babe joining our family. All my dreams as of late show me and this new baby... it feels so real. I've woken up a few times and the reality of our situation quickly takes over.. but still. I love these baby dreams. I've had people in our extended family ask why we want more kids and I think this is the perfect time to share. I think most of my long time readers, friend, and family know that Justin and I are products of "broken homes" in two different ways. My parents divorced, Justin's parents were never married, and we both experienced (many times) how it feels to not know where you belong.
When we discussed children, before actually having children, we decided we wanted this football team of Howland kids. We wanted to create life together, nourish that life, and send them into the world knowing they ALWAYS belonged. Knowing that they were loved, cared for, wanted, prayed for, and so, so accepted. Even now we talk about how close we want to be with our kids. We want to create a tight knit, supportive, and inclusive family for our kids. We know what it feels like to grow up and not have support from family and to be honest and frank - it sucks.
The upbringing we experienced has taught us WHAT NOT to do in life. What not to do with our children and in our marriage. I wouldn't change my life - not even a single bad moment because I know they molded me into the woman I am now. The same with Justin. He is a damn good father, husband, provider, and friend. I don't know that we'd even still be together if he were different. If our lives were different. So there you have it! The goal is to create and raise some wholesome beings. When I'm old and gray - I can only hope that those same kiddos decide to create some life of their own... As premature as these thoughts are - we are going to ROCK the grandparent sector of life. I cannot wait to experience that either. I cannot wait to give my babies' babies everything that our kids didn't have when it comes to extended family.
We are making this HUGE ripple and I cannot tell you how amazing it feels. To wrap this up, we are trying for baby # 3. Yes, actively trying in the mists of starting follicle stimulating medicine - we are doing this! Fingers crossed this first cycle is the ticket but if it isn't, this won't be the last time we try. Good thoughts, vibes, prayers, and optimism are all welcomed you guys! I can't believe I could soon be a mama of three. I love the sound of that.
Just a picture from my appointment this morning. My uterine lining is still SUPER thick, so the goal is to shed it before I start my shots!
♥- Leilani
Saturday, April 2, 2016
Did I give some of you a heart attack? Relax! I couldn't help myself. No, I am not yet pregnant with Howland baby # 3... but it has been talked about, prayed on, and discussed more times then you would think.. (especially since our sweet Livy bean is just 10 weeks old). Justin and I have always been on the same page with kiddos..for the most part. I think after we had Ava bug, my husband would literally discuss the possibility of FIVE little Howland babes running around. While I assure you that won't be the case, we both really want to expand our family a little more... and we are going to start a lot earlier than we did the last time. A part of me was going to keep this on the hush until the impending months of TTC came about.. but after everything we've been going through lately, good news is necessary. That good news would be: We are going to be trying for another Howland bebe in less than a year. Yes, you read that correctly. We are going to try a closer age gap with Livy girl and a potential sibling.
I honestly couldn't be more excited about our decision. With Justin recruiting for the next three years, the timing is just perfect... and let's be real, is the timing ever really perfect when discussing adding little beans to the mix? Not really. But for us, everything is screaming, "GO FOR IT!" Watching our girls bond in these last few weeks have been everything to us. Adjusting to a new life in our home has been such a learning curve... one that we want to have again... and again.. I literally have been losing sleep thinking about this little babe that is just pillow talk at this point. Will we have another girl? Will we have our first son? Will there be more than one? So many questions. I do think it's kind of neat that not one of our kids will be born in the same state. Which is kind of like a living map of where we've been. Ava bug is our Georgia peach, Olivia is our Pacific Northwest babe, and a third would be a Texas addition.
I don't think I'll be sharing an extensive TTC journey like I tried to do when we were trying for Olivia, but I would like to keep my readers included in some way. We do have a good chunk of time before this is underway, but I really wanted to get these good vibes out there. In the meantime, I am still adjusting to life with two. Even on the harder days, I'm loving every single minute of motherhood. With Justin away at school, my days literally zoom right on by with both girls. We are laughing, playing, and growing so much in daddy's absence. I remember being so nervous about parenting with two by myself for six weeks... Now that we have our routine and we are comfortable, things couldn't be better. I live to watch my girls together, and I can't wait for to reference a Howland trio!
Here's a little throwback of my pregnant belly with both Ava and Olivia. I absolutely loved being pregnant with these girls! Can't believe this time next year, I could very well be pregnant with another.
Happy Sunday all!
♥- Leilani
I honestly couldn't be more excited about our decision. With Justin recruiting for the next three years, the timing is just perfect... and let's be real, is the timing ever really perfect when discussing adding little beans to the mix? Not really. But for us, everything is screaming, "GO FOR IT!" Watching our girls bond in these last few weeks have been everything to us. Adjusting to a new life in our home has been such a learning curve... one that we want to have again... and again.. I literally have been losing sleep thinking about this little babe that is just pillow talk at this point. Will we have another girl? Will we have our first son? Will there be more than one? So many questions. I do think it's kind of neat that not one of our kids will be born in the same state. Which is kind of like a living map of where we've been. Ava bug is our Georgia peach, Olivia is our Pacific Northwest babe, and a third would be a Texas addition.
I don't think I'll be sharing an extensive TTC journey like I tried to do when we were trying for Olivia, but I would like to keep my readers included in some way. We do have a good chunk of time before this is underway, but I really wanted to get these good vibes out there. In the meantime, I am still adjusting to life with two. Even on the harder days, I'm loving every single minute of motherhood. With Justin away at school, my days literally zoom right on by with both girls. We are laughing, playing, and growing so much in daddy's absence. I remember being so nervous about parenting with two by myself for six weeks... Now that we have our routine and we are comfortable, things couldn't be better. I live to watch my girls together, and I can't wait for to reference a Howland trio!
Here's a little throwback of my pregnant belly with both Ava and Olivia. I absolutely loved being pregnant with these girls! Can't believe this time next year, I could very well be pregnant with another.
Happy Sunday all!
♥- Leilani
Friday, July 11, 2014
This past week has honestly been, perfect. Rekindling with Justin has been wonderful, and we are finally dipping back into our old routine. I feel like I can finally breath again now that everything in my world is normal. I'm a little sad that our "stay-cation" will soon be over, but block leave is a little more than three weeks away, and I can't wait to explore the coast of Washington/Oregon with my sweet little family.
Here lately Justin and I have been talking about a "Justin Jr." when we discuss the people in our family. It's always a funny, but serious conversation, seeing as how we only have one child, and her name is definitely Ava. We've been looking at houses for sale in this area and we catch ourselves talking about Ava's room and little Justin Jr.'s room. It's actually pretty cute, and it has me all excited about trying to conceive baby number two. I don't know what is in the air, but everyone I know is either expecting a baby, or going through severe baby fever. So many signs have been popping up for us in the last few months, and as you all know the finals steps for trying are soon approaching.
I love this part of baby talk. It's seriously without a doubt one of my favorite topics of conversation. Justin will sit and watch water birth videos with me, doula videos, and discuss different laboring methods. He is so invested, and I am sincerely tickled by his interest. Last night we went over our fears about adding another addition "so soon" and we also discussed the aspects that have us more thane excited for another baby. Discussions like this allow me to reminisce on the talks we had before Ava came into our lives. I sometimes cannot believe that was almost two years ago.
This next week we are making an effort to sift through all the baby stuff that is currently taking up space in this house. We are donating the things we no longer need, selling the items that are in great condition, and reorganizing all that we plan to keep. I'm really glad we kept all of the bigger items gender neutral (just in case). Somehow I feel like we won't be spending nearly as much with this next baby. That is definitely an added bonus that I'm perfectly okay with.
For all my readers that have toddlers and infants at home, what has been your biggest difficulties? What are some of the things you love about having two small ones at home? Comment below or shoot me an email.
Happy Friday all!
♥- Leilani
Here lately Justin and I have been talking about a "Justin Jr." when we discuss the people in our family. It's always a funny, but serious conversation, seeing as how we only have one child, and her name is definitely Ava. We've been looking at houses for sale in this area and we catch ourselves talking about Ava's room and little Justin Jr.'s room. It's actually pretty cute, and it has me all excited about trying to conceive baby number two. I don't know what is in the air, but everyone I know is either expecting a baby, or going through severe baby fever. So many signs have been popping up for us in the last few months, and as you all know the finals steps for trying are soon approaching.
I love this part of baby talk. It's seriously without a doubt one of my favorite topics of conversation. Justin will sit and watch water birth videos with me, doula videos, and discuss different laboring methods. He is so invested, and I am sincerely tickled by his interest. Last night we went over our fears about adding another addition "so soon" and we also discussed the aspects that have us more thane excited for another baby. Discussions like this allow me to reminisce on the talks we had before Ava came into our lives. I sometimes cannot believe that was almost two years ago.
This next week we are making an effort to sift through all the baby stuff that is currently taking up space in this house. We are donating the things we no longer need, selling the items that are in great condition, and reorganizing all that we plan to keep. I'm really glad we kept all of the bigger items gender neutral (just in case). Somehow I feel like we won't be spending nearly as much with this next baby. That is definitely an added bonus that I'm perfectly okay with.
For all my readers that have toddlers and infants at home, what has been your biggest difficulties? What are some of the things you love about having two small ones at home? Comment below or shoot me an email.
Happy Friday all!
♥- Leilani
Sunday, June 1, 2014
Can you believe we are already in the month of June? I'm seriously so stoked for this summer! All I can think about are days on the lake, countless baseball games, and tons of fun traveling the West coast with my sweet little family. This weekend was definitely one for the books. Washington decided to finally give us more than just a day or two of amazing weather, so you know we were taking full advantage. We ended up going to a park literally just minutes away from our house. The park is actually sitting on a lake, so aside from the playgrounds and trails, we had a pretty awesome view. There aren't too many things more precious than picnicking in the sun, and watching our little one in complete fascination with her surroundings.
Cooper also had a blast today. He ran out into the lake (first time in a body of water.. thank you gators in Georgia) and he just went to town on the water! The labrador in him came out, and he just loved swimming around. Justin and I decided that every weekend, we are going to take our kids out to enjoy the lush evergreens of Washington. There are literally a million things to do with your pets in tow, and I know Cooper loves being included. I'm almost positive that I'm booking a weekend getaway at Ocean Shores this summer...best part? We get to bring our pooch with us! I'm ready for huge red kites, sand in my toes, and waves for days.
Did I mention that a certain Mr. Howland asked if I was ready to try for a baby this July? I wasn't shocked (he has baby fever pretty bad), and I'm definitely on board! Ava has her one year check up this week, so it looks like I'll be making an appointment for myself as well. The last time we went through this process, I wasn't blogging as traditionally as I do now. From start to finish I plan on making vlogs about our fertility process, ultrasounds, and more. I don't know what it is with us and baby number two. Seeing how perfect Ava is, and how great parenthood has been, definitely is a huge factor. Justin keeps bringing up mini vans, and more little ones.. I have a feeling we'll end up having a much bigger family than we initially planned. The best part of this entire conversation? Knowing that we are ready. Our marriage is in a very healthy place, and so are our parenting abilities. Stability in our lives is such an important factor in why we are okay with this decision.
When I say stability, I don't necessarily mean income. Of course that's important too, but having a healthy relationship is vital as well. I know that our family is healthy and ready to add another little addition. I was a little nervous about what our loved ones would say. Baby # 2 already? Leilani, you're only 23 years old!? What about school? Surprisingly, all we've received is excitement and joy! Having the support of family and friends is important to me, and I'm glad we have that. Being back home in Washington will also add to the excitement of this journey. Knowing that I'll have family and friends visiting after I deliver, being able to (hopefully) hold our new baby with Justin and Ava beside me... Man, I'm getting all choked up just thinking about it.
Look at this picture.. Can you believe it's very possible that I'll soon be taking photos of two Howl babies during bedtime stories with daddy? I can hardly wait.
Happy Sunday all!
♥- Leilani
Cooper also had a blast today. He ran out into the lake (first time in a body of water.. thank you gators in Georgia) and he just went to town on the water! The labrador in him came out, and he just loved swimming around. Justin and I decided that every weekend, we are going to take our kids out to enjoy the lush evergreens of Washington. There are literally a million things to do with your pets in tow, and I know Cooper loves being included. I'm almost positive that I'm booking a weekend getaway at Ocean Shores this summer...best part? We get to bring our pooch with us! I'm ready for huge red kites, sand in my toes, and waves for days.
Did I mention that a certain Mr. Howland asked if I was ready to try for a baby this July? I wasn't shocked (he has baby fever pretty bad), and I'm definitely on board! Ava has her one year check up this week, so it looks like I'll be making an appointment for myself as well. The last time we went through this process, I wasn't blogging as traditionally as I do now. From start to finish I plan on making vlogs about our fertility process, ultrasounds, and more. I don't know what it is with us and baby number two. Seeing how perfect Ava is, and how great parenthood has been, definitely is a huge factor. Justin keeps bringing up mini vans, and more little ones.. I have a feeling we'll end up having a much bigger family than we initially planned. The best part of this entire conversation? Knowing that we are ready. Our marriage is in a very healthy place, and so are our parenting abilities. Stability in our lives is such an important factor in why we are okay with this decision.
When I say stability, I don't necessarily mean income. Of course that's important too, but having a healthy relationship is vital as well. I know that our family is healthy and ready to add another little addition. I was a little nervous about what our loved ones would say. Baby # 2 already? Leilani, you're only 23 years old!? What about school? Surprisingly, all we've received is excitement and joy! Having the support of family and friends is important to me, and I'm glad we have that. Being back home in Washington will also add to the excitement of this journey. Knowing that I'll have family and friends visiting after I deliver, being able to (hopefully) hold our new baby with Justin and Ava beside me... Man, I'm getting all choked up just thinking about it.
Look at this picture.. Can you believe it's very possible that I'll soon be taking photos of two Howl babies during bedtime stories with daddy? I can hardly wait.
Happy Sunday all!
♥- Leilani
Tuesday, May 13, 2014
Today was such a wonderful day. Washington was full of sunshine and perfect views of Mt. Rainier; needless to say I was tickled by the weather. I finished our last minute shopping for Ava's photo session tomorrow, and I'm pretty pleased with how all of the props turned out. I ended up having lunch with a couple of the wives from Justin's new company, and I'm happy to report that it was a lovely time. Both ladies were incredibly sweet, and we shared some laughter as well. I'm pretty excited about being involved with the FRG (family readiness group) for this company. I'm hoping I'll be able to get more of the families here involved in some fun social events.
I've also started working on Ava's six-twelve month compilation video. I started crying last night going through all of the pictures. Guys, my little girl is going to be one year old. I say this in almost every blog post, but I just cannot believe it. I also noticed that Justin is in far more pictures than I am. I know a good chunk of the time it's because I'm the one taking the photos. I came to the conclusion that this next year is going to be different. I don't want to look back and not have a good amount of photos of Ava bug and I. During tomorrow's photo session, we are doing nursing photos, but I also want to do a few fun ones too. We have the best laughs and so much fun, I'm really hoping Chloe can capture that essence for us.
My sister is coming to Ava's shoot with us, so who knows, she may just get one of all three of us! I almost forgot to mention my latest product review. Innobaby has given me a couple of their products to test out. One of them is their stainless bus tray, and the other is their stainless snack boxes. Ava hasn't quite transitioned to feeding herself during every meal, but we will soon be at that stage. I plan on giving them a try tomorrow, and getting a vlog or blog out on our experience. I've heard really good things about this company, and I'm delighted that I get to work with them.
On another note, I'm fairly positive I am suffering from sever baby fever. I thought that tandem nursing wasn't for our family, but I'm really starting to reconsider it. After my last pregnancy scare, I was a bit bummed out when the results were negative. With Ava getting older (and a bit more independent), I don't think she'd be nursing nearly as much. I'm really not ready to let that go, but my whole heart is on board for another child. I talk to Justin about this often, and he is ready as well. I know you guys are probably too ancy about seeing an "I'm pregnant" post, but don't you worry, I have a feeling that'll be sooner than you think. I love talking about wanting to conceive, it's one of my favorite parts of the process. You know what really doesn't help with baby fever? When I get on Pinterest and I see a bunch of images like this:
Tandem nursing may not be for everyone, but I really would like to give it a try. If any issues should arise I know I'd stop, but I'm excited that I'm not fearful of nursing during a pregnancy anymore. Alright guys, I'm off! Tons of homework to do, and I need beauty rest for tomorrow. Make sure to check back here tomorrow night, I'm posting cake smash photos (If I get previews)!
Happy Tuesday all!
♥- Leilani
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