On very little notice, I had my dilation and curettage surgery this morning. Everything happened so incredibly fast... and as of this moment I actually still feel a bit shaky, cramp-y, and I still can't allow myself to just be. Let me start from the top though because I'm almost positive there are a lot of readers that are confused right now. From Feb 28th up until two weeks ago, I frantically searched for a new reproductive endocrinologist, OBGYN, etc (read previous post to get caught up to speed as to why I needed to find a new baby doc). Well, I found like five or six? The problem was - everyone was taking Spring break vacation during the time I was actually looking to find a provider to perform the surgery. I patiently waited and actually had a sonogram/consult date set up for the 29th with one of the providers I met a couple weeks ago.

THEN, I found an amazingly reviewed and highly recommended REI center just over 30 minutes away from our house - who also had their earliest appointment on the 29th. I decided to keep both appointments scheduled until I thought about the best route for myself. Out of curiosity early this week, I decided to phone the amazingly reviewed and highly recommended REI center to see how soon after a consult I'd be able to get in for surgery... the nurse told me it'd be a month... or a month and a half. I gasped. That was much longer than my new attitude "easy breezy" wanted to wait. I said goodbye and started to think about what decisions needed to be made moving forward. 

That's when I got a call. Another amazingly reviewed doctor's office gave me a call. They remembered I had called in on the 11th trying to make an appointment - but they had none available until the last week of March as well. I decided to just cut my losses with that provider I hadn't even met and stick with what I had. They were calling with an available appointment on Thursday afternoon. I started to get SO excited at the thought of surgery happening sooner. I then asked what the provider's surgical schedule looked like and that's when I was put on hold for the nurse. The nurse was so incredibly warm, cheerful, and informative.

She apologized and said the soonest they would be able to get me in for my procedure would be the 7th of April. I was elated. A guaranteed surgery at the beginning of next month - I took it without thinking twice. I went in for my appointment yesterday and the wait time was longer than I would have liked... but after talking with the provider, I knew why. This woman was personable. She was kind, had amazing bedside manner, and actually listened to all I had to say. When she found out about my mom passing, she got up and hugged me. I could see the sadness pass over her face. She said,"That's just too young. You are too young not to have your mom." I couldn't have agreed more. 

The empathy, knowledge, and understanding with this provider was SO clear from the start of our appointment. She checked her schedule for surgery (they are only done on Fridays) and she realized she had an opening for tomorrow morning. She offered it to me, letting me know that it was okay if it was too soon. After texting Justin and checking his schedule, I was given the green light.

The authorizations were immediately sent out to our insurance and since this was an in office procedure, it was a lot faster than if I were having the procedure at a hospital. I had my surgery around 8am this morning and I was under IV sedation the entire time. It was so quick, I was out of there just after 9am. I was given pictures of what they found. A build up for sure, some polyps, and remnants of my not-so-vascular uterine septum from five years ago. Everything looked great - fallopian tubes are clear and my uterus is now in good shape! 

I am so thankful everything worked out for us this way. Next stop, injections... not sure when we will start (I want to give my body a chance to have a cycle and heal a bit), but knowing that we no longer have a road block.. I could literally shout it off the roof tops! 

♥- Leilani

Green Light

Today my referral for a reproductive endocrinologist was processed and approved. When I got the email my heart just stopped. My mind instantly went back to Fort Lewis and how much harder it was to get on the journey that brought us to Olivia. Trying to get a referral from Madigan didn't happen and it was a nightmare to deal with. Since they had their own reproductive clinic within the hospital, they didn't refer patients out. They also didn't allow you to seek treatment if you didn't fit the certain stipulations they had. I was crushed. I don't know what we would have done without Seattle Reproductive Medicine. We took the non referral route and tricare definitely hates when you seek specialist care without a referral when you have PRIME. Even with the higher costs, it was worth it. We have a beautiful 11 month old baby girl because of our decision. Seeing the approval today just took me back. It was so incredibly easy for our civilian sector PCM to request it and have it processed within hours. 

Makes me even more thankful for Justin's recruiting gig for the next few years. Civilian care is so, so different from military care. They seem to not only be friendlier, but more attentive, and they take care of your needs when you are there... not after you've gone home, a week has passed, and you've been forced to make a phone call to see what the hold up is. So many positives to this side of the Army, so many! Now that the referral has been taken care of I just need to start scheduling my appointments. It truly doesn't feel like all that long ago that I was starting my fertility appointments for a second round when we conceived Olivia. I'm so nervous about a new facility though. Hopefully it all goes well and we are able to click with a provider that we like. 

This is so incredibly exciting. Justin and I just spent a good chunk of our evening going over all things baby. I can't believe our family could most definitely be expanding in just a couple of months. Ava keeps asking for a baby brother - let's see if she's right on this one! 


♥- Leilani

I'm scared

So, it finally happened. That dreaded feeling I was waiting for throughout this fertility process. That sinking feeling when you think about what you are going to do, or how you are going to feel if your cycle is unsuccessful. I keep telling myself that it'll be okay, I have a "plan b" to keep myself occupied in the next couple months if I'm not pregnant.. truth is, I don't want a plan b. I want a plan a. I never really realized how much I wanted a second baby until I finally loosened up the reigns with my first baby. I never realized how amazing it truly feels to have this supportive papa bear along for this journey that is completely passionate about being a father. I also never really realized how my small jokes about creating a baseball team was semi true. I want a large family. I want more babies. I want this baby. I want my chase for Howl baby # 2 to be successful. That is what I've been calling our experience lately. Chasing. I feel like with this "trying to conceive" journey we are literally running after this next baby. For so many selfless reasons and a bucket full of selfish ones. I look back on this past summer and I don't know where my mind was. I guess it was a good thing we weren't trying for a baby back then (considering), but I'm shocked it really took this long for me to realize that I'd like to be a mama to another sweet child right now.

Justin and I started reading parenting books again.. we started talking about birthing plans again, and we started trying to figure out what kind of birth we'd like to try with this next one... All of this talk is fun, naive, and scary. Scary because we truly don't know if these next few months will allow for this type of talk. We don't know if picking out names is necessary or looking at cute baby clothes. The unknown is such a scary feeling and I'm trying my hardest not to succumb to all of the things we don't know. I have found the silver linings in our journey and I hold them dear to me at all times. They remind me that not everything associated with fertility is uncertain. I feel happiness knowing that the medication is working this time and I've got my fingers crossed that tomorrow's ultrasound will show growing follicles that are ready to be released sometime in the next week. I remember going to that ultrasound when we were trying for Ava bug.. so many follicles. So many potential children.. It's both weird and fascinating to be able to experience that. You are literally looking at your future kids.

I'm not sure if I shared this with you guys, but we opted NOT to sign that little paper that says if you have multiples you'd like to have a "selective choice" surgery. Basically, you'd be getting rid of some of the fertilized eggs. Five kids, four kids, two? Whatever happens, we are ready. We knew what this process could potentially bring us, and we are ready. I am so ready. For the past two weeks this has been the bulk of the discussion in this home. Heck, even Ava has caught on which is why she's been toting her baby around EVERYWHERE lately. I wanted to write this out mainly for me, but also for others. Especially if you are trying to conceive right now. Some of these moments leave us in a dark place. Sometimes they leave us feeling extremely sad or overwhelmed. My message to you would be to hold on. Find support and don't be afraid to admit when you're scared. These situations aren't easy and talking about it can sometimes make it a little easier to bare.

That being said, good thoughts, good vibes, and prayers are all welcomed for our family right now. I'm praying so hard that our journey to this next baby starts from this cycle!

Happy Sunday all!

♥- Leilani

Test after Test

Good afternoon guys! Here's a small update on our fertility journey. As most of you know, I went and saw my reproductive endocrinologist the last week of July, and everything checked out really well during my visit. That follicle that our doc found did indeed release (found that out today), and I know I ovulated last Monday. I actually went out and purchased ovulation tests, and I was able to track down the exact date of ovulation. This was our first time doing this without the help of fertility meds, so it was pretty neat to say the least. I'm not sure if you can actually see the positive lines for ovulation, but I loved being able to keep track of it.

Since my positive ovulation test, I have attempted to take four pregnancy tests. I knew all of them would be negative (too soon to test), but a part of me has been so ancy about taking pregnancy tests. I took one clear blue test that actually came in the ovulation pack, and I've taken three generic tests, that required a cup to catch the urine. I took those all this past weekend, and yesterday I went in for an HCG blood test at our laboratory on post. During my appointment with the RE this morning, all of my labs came back normal (they'd ordered routine tests... thyroid, hormone levels, etc).

The HCG came back negative (my primary doctor put that in just to check).. I was extremely disappointed until my RE said at this point it is still to early to test. My blood work indicated that I definitely released an egg, and they want me to come back in a week's time to take another HCG draw (there is hope yet)! I have been cramping like crazy since day two after ovulation, and that is usually a good sign for conception (at least for us).

Justin and I are both just extremely anxious at this point. It's getting harder everyday not to talk about something with this "potential baby" that could be on the way. The waiting game is truly the hardest part. Fingers crossed that next week I'll be sharing a positive pregnancy test with you guys!

Happy Thursday all!

♥- Leilani

Infertility Clinic

Alright guys, this is going to be the shortest blog post in blog post history. My appointment today went really well. I love the endocrinologist I saw, and the RE nurses were seriously so sweet. I initially planned on making a video for you guys, but things went by so quickly, time just didn't allow for that.  I still wanted to give you guys some kind of update, so here it is.

After checking in for my appointment, I was given a bunch of paperwork to fill out (no surprise here), and was almost immediately called back to see my doctor. The waiting room was seriously empty, and I loved that I didn't have to wait at all. After getting back there, the doc asked some really basic questions, and then he did a transvaginal ultrasound to check things out.

Everything looks great, and we found something we weren't expecting to see. It looks like I produced a mature follicle all on my own, and if the doc is right... I'll be ovulating this weekend, and we all know what that means! He seemed extremely optimistic all while staring at my 13 mm follicle. He kept saying things like, I wouldn't be surprised if you were pregnant here in the next couple weeks... come back in for Monday for testing... just things that aren't so much trying to get us pregnant, but to check to see if we did this on our own!

If this little follicle doesn't grow to be another babe for us, then we'll be on track to start up fertility meds a little over two weeks from today. Justin had to get checked out today as well, and as soon as we get the labs back from that, we'll know that both of us are tip top! All in all the facility is wonderful, the staff is awesome, and if this is the route we have to take, I'm already super excited! This is all I have for now!

Happy Friday all!

♥- Leilani