I Got Fired

Thursday, March 9, 2017
Okay.. I don't even know where to start. Let me start by saying that I am literally exhausted with infertility, Tricare, and reproductive endocrinologists. Let me also say that I have had more headaches, tears, and uncertainty in the last week than I have ever experienced in our trying to conceive journeys in the past... It is scary to feel like your body is failing you and I wish I didn't feel that way. My body isn't failing me - it just requires more work than some. Those are the words I repeat to myself on a daily basis it seems. For those of you who are just catching up, let me start from the beginning and fill you in on what's happening. At the end of January, I met with a REI (reproductive endocrinologist - infertility) and had my first consult since we tried to conceive Olivia. It went perfectly - aside from having a thickened uterine lining (no big deal though, I hadn't had a period in almost two years at this point). I immediately started taking progesterone shortly after and things were great.... until my uterine lining wasn't shedding. NO worries they put me on a more aggressive, synthetic form of progesterone to shed my lining - I BLED FOREVER... but still, the lining stayed in tact. It even grew a bit. My options now became taking a SHOT of progesterone to shed the lining (which could still result in having a D & C) OR having a D & C performed where they mechanically remove the lining (sometimes cancerous, most times just a build up of polyps, etc). I opted to have the D & C ... 

I then found out my provider wouldn't be able to see me until the end of March (he was going on spring break). I panicked at the thought of potential cancer sitting in my uterus all this time. I asked if I could have the surgery done by another physician in the practice.. I even found gynecologists in my area that could perform a D & C. Being overly eager to find a solution myself - MY "great" REI decided to drop me as a patient (i didn't find this out until the end of last week) and I was stuck with either seeing another physician at the practice or finding a new REI. As luck would have it, the physician i saw last Friday was knowledgable.. but he was also not the right fit for me. He made me nervous, I starting regretting making the switch, and I left feeling not so great about how I went about things. 

That's when I decided that if I couldn't go back to the initial REI, I'd find a different practice. It hadn't been more clear to me than in those moments that there were SO many signs that maybe this wasn't our season.. Maybe this wasn't our REI facility... maybe I needed to just take care of me before we revisit actively trying. I have never had a problem with my uterine lining shedding in the past. Never. Because of the thickened lining, I haven't been able to take follicle stimulating shots to try for baby # 3 - so the surgery and the thickened lining is a very big step in our journey. 

Dealing with insurance and providers that accept my insurance has been a nightmare. I've even tried to go into a gyno and have them tell me that REI's are the best and they take a more gentle approach with their D & C method.So that is what I am going to do. I'm currently waiting to schedule an appointment with a new fertility office to hopefully establish a great relationship with the next REI. I am going to take a deep breath and learn to be patient. Infertility isn't easy, it isn't quick, and I wish I would have respected the process the first time around. I guess the old saying proves true, "You live and you learn" because that's exactly how I feel. 

It feels good being able to share this with all of you guys. I feel like it isn't as heavy. If I lost you in all my jumble I'm going to clear that up right now..

YES we are still making our way to baby # 3, even if it takes more time than we initially though it would

YES I need to have a D & C performed to remove my thickened endometrium lining before I can take fertility medication 

YES I got fired (though Justin reminded me that I fired him first) from my initial REI and YES I am scheduling an appointment for a new facility. 

Think good thoughts, vibes, and send some prayers up for us! Journey to baby # 3 has already taken some turns we definitely didn't expect, but I'm so, so glad that Justin is here to hold my hand. We are enjoying the beautiful babies we have, respecting the process, and loving each other so much more through our bumps in the road. 

♥- Leilani

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