Okay, time to rant. I have noticed during my pregnancy with our miracle bean just how many people have an opinion about the sex of our baby, and I've seen others experience the same thing. I really wanted to answer a few questions, and share some of my personal thoughts. So to clear up some of the "concerns" of others, here you go:

You already have a girl, so I bet you really want a boy huh?

A: The short answer is, no. The long answer is, no. We want healthy babies. If that means we are blessed with five healthy girls, then we would be happy and elated just the same.

If you have a boy this time, that means you guys can stop, right?

A: No. Justin and I want a big family, and even if we have a baby from each gender, that doesn't mean we just automatically shut the door on continuing to expand our little family.

If you end up with another girl isn't your husband going to go crazy with so many girls?

A: Never. Justin loves being a daddy, and his love and sanity is not limited by the sex of our children.

I'm not sure when it became okay to make people feel better or worse about creating life.. but it's got to stop. If someone decides to share the most precious news in the world with you, be happy and honored they shared it with you. Little boys and little girls are perfect and wanted in every way in our home. Would I love to be a mother to a little boy? Of course! Would I love to have two princesses to care for? Absolutely! I will never be disappointed with any baby we are blessed with. It's hurtful when people say, "maybe next time" or "you guys can be done now" to the parents-to-be. We have yet to experience it, but I am noticing it on social media, and hearing it being said so much more.

On that note, thank you. Thank you to the handful of people we shared our news with that reacted the way people should, excited and elated! Including our family, friends, and all my readers in this pregnancy has been such an amazing experience for our little family. Before we publicly announce what our little bean will be, I just wanted to give everyone a heads up about how I feel about gender comments.

Happy Wednesday all!

♥- Leilani

Saying NO to induction

With this pregnancy, I have noticed that aside from my experiences with labor, my knowledge and understanding of the natural process of labor have increased immensely. Although I still wouldn't change a thing about the arrival of my daughter and the steps I took to deliver her safely, I still can't help but feel like a small part of me was naive and thrown into an induction without the proper research and understanding of what is truly "medically" necessary for induction. I'm fresh into my second trimester and as I watch some of my friends begin their laboring process and journeys, it's got me proactively thinking about what i'd like out of my own this time around.

The first time I made a birth plan it was over 5 pages long... very unrealistic, very specific, and I'm pretty sure one of my good friends just kind of laughed at the detail I went into. I mean things were so specific and air tight.. you'd think I was conducting an event that actually allowed for such specific plans. I now know that birth is messy. Labor and delivery is unpredictable for many. While it would have been nice for my type a personality to see things go accordingly, that's just not feasible for creating life and bringing these babies earth side. Rather than focusing on the minor details of the labor and delivery process, I want to focus more on the events that I can actually control.

If you hadn't guessed it by the title of this blog, one of those controls I'd like to have would be opting OUT of induction. Ava was "diagnosed" with a potential case of intrauterine growth restriction late in my third trimester. She measured small from (I want to say) 34 or 35 weeks? All of her measurements were small though, which was just an indication that I was going to have a smaller babe. More times than not, IGR babies are healthy, perfect, and there isn't a worry at all. The small percentage of these babies need to be evacuated out of mom's womb earlier in case there is a problem that medical intervention can help out with. Being that I had never heard of IGR, I had a deployed husband, and I just wanted a healthy babe, I agreed to the induction. They wanted to induce me at 39 weeks to make sure that Ava was safe and healthy.

All my OB's used those words time and time again. When you think about doing whatever it takes to have a healthy baby, you don't think about anything but what your "trusted" doctors are telling you. At least, I didn't. Even explaining it to Justin, he was in agreement with doing whatever they said would get our daughter here safely. The end result was that I carried a small baby. My placenta was small, my baby girl was small, BUT she was perfectly healthy and passed every newborn test with flying colors. I hand't really given the induction much thought since we immediately entered cloud 9 with Ava afterward.

Now, I will refuse an induction. I'm not too proud or too stubborn to refuse a medically necessary induction, but small babies are not cause for induction. My husband and I aren't very big people. I'm about 5'3 on good days, and I have an Irish man as my other half. One of the OB's I saw during my pregnancy with Ava mentioned that it can very well be hereditary (the size of our babies). I whole-heartedy believe that will be the case for us. Pitocin, cervadil, and the threatened c-section from my induction really scared the living daylights out of me. Handling a synthetic form of Oxytocin was a lot for my body to handle. The contractions were really hard to breath through, and Ava's heart rate dropped because of how hard my body was working through this induction.

This time around I am putting my faith and trust into this body of mine. I am trusting my body to do exactly what it was designed to do; deliver a healthy baby on THEIR time. God willing all goes well and baby bean stays healthy during this pregnancy, I will not have any intervention, and I will not use any methods to try and expedite this pregnancy. Being the control freak that I am, this pregnancy is just allowing me to let go and really watch the beauty of natural nature in it's best form. So there it is. For all the questions about another induction, what our plans are, and what I'd like to do.. this is it! I want this baby to be in control of their earth side appearance.

How many mamas were advised to get inductions with their babies? How many mamas went into labor naturally and on their own? How many had medically necessary c-sections? Please share ALL of your stories and thoughts with me on this one; either on a social media link, the comments below, or by email!

Happy Monday all!

♥- Leilani

From soldier, to civilian

Yes, you read that correctly. I know this transition isn't happening overnight, but I am 99.9% positive that my husband is getting out of the Army after his current contract. We've got less than two years until that happens, and I am honestly excited. This topic has been such a huge one for us lately, mainly because we've been here before. Justin was all set to attend ACAP classes the last time he thought he wanted to get out... then overnight (while in the field), he changed his mind. I'm trying to be supportive, but I have to keep an open mind.

I'm trying not to get overly excited about this, because Justin could very well change his mind again. I got to talk to him for quite a bit last night, and he brought up Howl baby # 2. Because he'll be spending quite a bit of time away from us in the coming months, we are trying to plan the "perfect" time for conception. Talking about another baby right now has made it feel even more real. I'm nervous about it (only for the fertility route we are taking). What if we have multiples? What if it takes us months (we don't have together) to conceive? What if it takes the first time, and Justin deploys during my pregnancy? There is definitely a lot of uncertainty here. One thing is for sure, I'm glad I have my family by my side this time around.

I'm so thankful for the friends and family I have. I really am. Yesterday I got to spend much needed time with a good friend of mine I've known since high school. As soon as she walked through my front door, it was like a burst of fresh air. I missed her so much. Ava took to Aria right away as well. It was so sweet. She actually reached out for her.. which if you knew how much my daughter loved being in her mama's arms, you would be shocked. She let Aria play with her, and give her kisses. It was like Ava had met her before. I can't begin to express how much it means to me that my bug will grow up around the people I love most. Justin's in the field right now, and i don't even feel lonely.

I don't feel like I need to him to hurry on back. Don't get me wrong, I miss my snuggle bears, but In his absence I have found myself filling my days with friends, family, and constructive projects. The time is flying by, and I feel like he just left yesterday. We have talked every single day since he left, so that definitely is an added bonus. If we were still in Georgia, the amount of talking time would either be non existent, or slim to none. He's definitely still busy, but we chat throughout the day, and have lengthy chats at night.

Yesterday, I had a really emotional mommy moment. A random couple stopped me in Fred Meyer, and said that Ava's smile had made their day. I looked down at my innocent little nine month old, and I just started crying. Someone so small continues to make the biggest impacts in my life. It was refreshing to hear perfect strangers have kind of the same thing occur. I hope Ava continues to be a "ripple" in the lives of others. I am reminded (daily) that somehow there is more room in my heart to love my daughter more than I did the day before. I am so lucky to be her mama, and I am so grateful for the pure joy she brings Justin and I.

On that note, I am off. In daddy's absence, I have been having tea parties with my little love bug. Enjoy your Sunday all! P.S. I'm going to be 23 in five days!

 ♥- Leilani