With this pregnancy, I have noticed that aside from my experiences with labor, my knowledge and understanding of the natural process of labor have increased immensely. Although I still wouldn't change a thing about the arrival of my daughter and the steps I took to deliver her safely, I still can't help but feel like a small part of me was naive and thrown into an induction without the proper research and understanding of what is truly "medically" necessary for induction. I'm fresh into my second trimester and as I watch some of my friends begin their laboring process and journeys, it's got me proactively thinking about what i'd like out of my own this time around.

The first time I made a birth plan it was over 5 pages long... very unrealistic, very specific, and I'm pretty sure one of my good friends just kind of laughed at the detail I went into. I mean things were so specific and air tight.. you'd think I was conducting an event that actually allowed for such specific plans. I now know that birth is messy. Labor and delivery is unpredictable for many. While it would have been nice for my type a personality to see things go accordingly, that's just not feasible for creating life and bringing these babies earth side. Rather than focusing on the minor details of the labor and delivery process, I want to focus more on the events that I can actually control.

If you hadn't guessed it by the title of this blog, one of those controls I'd like to have would be opting OUT of induction. Ava was "diagnosed" with a potential case of intrauterine growth restriction late in my third trimester. She measured small from (I want to say) 34 or 35 weeks? All of her measurements were small though, which was just an indication that I was going to have a smaller babe. More times than not, IGR babies are healthy, perfect, and there isn't a worry at all. The small percentage of these babies need to be evacuated out of mom's womb earlier in case there is a problem that medical intervention can help out with. Being that I had never heard of IGR, I had a deployed husband, and I just wanted a healthy babe, I agreed to the induction. They wanted to induce me at 39 weeks to make sure that Ava was safe and healthy.

All my OB's used those words time and time again. When you think about doing whatever it takes to have a healthy baby, you don't think about anything but what your "trusted" doctors are telling you. At least, I didn't. Even explaining it to Justin, he was in agreement with doing whatever they said would get our daughter here safely. The end result was that I carried a small baby. My placenta was small, my baby girl was small, BUT she was perfectly healthy and passed every newborn test with flying colors. I hand't really given the induction much thought since we immediately entered cloud 9 with Ava afterward.

Now, I will refuse an induction. I'm not too proud or too stubborn to refuse a medically necessary induction, but small babies are not cause for induction. My husband and I aren't very big people. I'm about 5'3 on good days, and I have an Irish man as my other half. One of the OB's I saw during my pregnancy with Ava mentioned that it can very well be hereditary (the size of our babies). I whole-heartedy believe that will be the case for us. Pitocin, cervadil, and the threatened c-section from my induction really scared the living daylights out of me. Handling a synthetic form of Oxytocin was a lot for my body to handle. The contractions were really hard to breath through, and Ava's heart rate dropped because of how hard my body was working through this induction.

This time around I am putting my faith and trust into this body of mine. I am trusting my body to do exactly what it was designed to do; deliver a healthy baby on THEIR time. God willing all goes well and baby bean stays healthy during this pregnancy, I will not have any intervention, and I will not use any methods to try and expedite this pregnancy. Being the control freak that I am, this pregnancy is just allowing me to let go and really watch the beauty of natural nature in it's best form. So there it is. For all the questions about another induction, what our plans are, and what I'd like to do.. this is it! I want this baby to be in control of their earth side appearance.

How many mamas were advised to get inductions with their babies? How many mamas went into labor naturally and on their own? How many had medically necessary c-sections? Please share ALL of your stories and thoughts with me on this one; either on a social media link, the comments below, or by email!

Happy Monday all!

♥- Leilani

Ancy !

Today went by so fast ! So many positive events occurred and my good vibes have been completely restored. I got a flight date for my husband. I was completely floored. Although I can't share, let me just say I am counting down the days, hours, and even minutes ! I did a little shopping for myself today. I made out like a bandit ! Two pairs of shoes and a homecoming dress all under twenty-six dollars. That never happens ! A friend of mine even bought Miss A an adorable Osh Kosh B'Gosh denim dress. I was out for a total of 6 hours today, by the last hours my feet were ready to give up on me and I was completely exhausted. I've been running around like I'm not 38 weeks 4 days pregnant and as much as I keep saying I need to slow down, I know the arrival of Ava will bring me to a complete halt. Tomorrow is going to be a LONG day. I have to wake up at 6 a.m. I have my very last O.B. appointment at the high risk hospital and from there I will be running around making arrangements for the time I will be in the hospital and unable. I'm hoping Wednesday looks something like this..

1. RELAX RELAX
2. BATH AND SHAVE !
3. Go through hospital bags one last time
4. Drop Cooper off at V's with all of his necessities
5. Call L and D to see what time I come in Wednesday evening
6. Have V drop me off at the hospital
7. Prepare for a night of cervix ripening and movies and skype with Justin
8. compile a phone list of relatives to contact after A arrives
9. TRY to sleep while I anxiously await Thursday morning.

My stomach has so many butterflies floating around right now. Well aside from Ava's frequent kicks and rolls. I'm ready. Motherhood is seriously just hours away from me.

Maniacal Monday

My Morning

I woke up in a really weird place. Actually I fell asleep in a really weird place. Not location, but my thoughts and energy were way off last night. I'm not feeling any less excited about giving birth or Justin's homecoming, but I'm feeling some definite regret for the way I've behaved this deployment. Justin and I have a lot of family members that care a great deal about us. Instead of allowing them to help or be apart of my pregnancy, I kept them at a distance. Trying to prove to myself that I could do everything alone, and while I have managed to not separate at the seams, I realize how many hurt feelings there have been due to my selfishness. I want Ava to know how important family is, I'm not off to a good start. This may be the reason for my less than peppy attitude the last 14 hours. I plan on turning that around.

Ava

On a much happier note, I've got 48 hours until I will be admitted into the Army hospital for induction. I'm still at this surreal phase where no words are really doing me any justice when trying to describe how I feel. This human being, this perfectly innocent little girl, that's been growing inside of me all this time will be making an unforgettable entrance in my life. In doing so she will be filling a void in both Justin's heart and mine. Voids we were unaware existed. I've never experienced a greater blessing in my life, and I am completely honored that the lord has allowed me to carry such a precious gift. 

Recap

This past weekend, I got my car detailed, finally. Twenty dollars well spent.
I had my final set of maternity photos taken by Victoria Simmons. Once again she did a phenomenal job! I become more impressed with her, every shoot. I laid back in some refreshing water. I love the pool but I'm not excited about how dark I'm getting. My skin is so uneven ! Tan lines are NOT flattering for me. I did a final clean up of the house before Ava gets here. Thank goodness I had a friend helping me. Cleaning products like comet, really aren't good for me to be inhaling at this point. I regained my love for Italian food. In my first trimester, I avoided Italian cuisines like the plague ! So it makes me happy that I was able to eat it without the sudden urge to hurl. My husband is a hardcore Italian food lover and I'm sure his first weekend back will consist of something Italian based. I watched safe haven. It's based off of a Nicholas Sparks book. Can I just say this movie was not only entirely predictable, but very boring to watch. I'm glad I didn't pay to see it in theaters ! Not my ideal romantic love story and those are super cliche within themselves! On a really random note, I feel it's necessary to share this bit of musical goodness, considering I've played this song 217 times on my itunes. (kissed you) Goodnight by Gloriana is thee best country song I have listened to in weeks. I can't get enough of it ! I'd suggest giving your ears a delightful listen. Yes, it was a pretty divine weekend for this expectant mama.

Moving Forward

I'm hoping my day turns around. Actually, I know it will. I never allow myself to sulk all that much. I plan on having a mellow Monday. I'm getting ready to head out and have lunch with a fellow Army wife here in a little bit. Excited to see her ! Haven't seen her in over a month, I believe. I may do a little last minute shopping today as well. I'm anticipating not leaving the house for the first couple weeks after my sprout's arrival. I hope all my blog readers have themselves a fantastic day! Also, please excuse my completely anal, type a, organizational posts. This is what I do in my mind before I even start writing. Lately, I've been finding it easier to categorize all that I want to say rather than just free flow writing. I promise, this is not going to be a habit that will occur for much longer. 

38 weeks

THURSDAY

When I woke up this morning, I drew the blinds and allowed the sun to shine on my face. A smile quickly came over me, as I realized today marks the thirty-eighth week of my pregnancy. Soon after, Justin skyped me. It was perfect timing. I was full of smiles this morning and I could tell Justin was having a good day too. He looked so tan and those eyes of his are even more blue than usual. This leads me to believe they are having some nice weather in Afghanistan. Justin's eyes become ever more blue as the summer heat picks up. We went over induction plans this morning. Since we are hoping to have a skype session during my labor, we discussed what times would be better for him. Apparently the 15th is actually a better day for him. Thank goodness I have an O.B. appointment this afternoon, because I will be able to discuss everything induction with my O.B. This will also be great for the ladies that will be accompanying me during my laboring process.

AFTER HAVING MY O.B. APPOINTMENT 

I am one centimeter dilated and fifty percent effaced. My induction has been scheduled and I will be admitted on the 15th for cervix ripening. Thursday, they will start pitocin and my induction will begin. Hearing that I would be having pitocin really upset me. It wasn't the route I wanted, and I cried when discussing this induction technique with my O.B. He seems to believe that pitocin is the most efficient way to induce labor. With all the research I've done, I wanted to avoid this route. Ultimately, I want Ava here safely. I keep reminding myself that If IUGR  (intra-uterine growth restriction) wasn't an issue for the baby, I would be more adamant about the type of labor plan I want. I am grateful that most of my desired wants are actually things I will be able to do once Ava is actually born. I'm holding on to hope that I'll have that after birth experience with my little girl. So the countdown has begun ! I have six days until I will be admitted and just seven days until this little sprout is expected to arrive. Keep me in your prayers this week ! I'm praying for a smooth delivery for both baby A and I.

TALKING WITH JUSTIN THIS EVENING

I just got off the phone with Justin and brought him up to speed with everything that's going on. I actually found myself getting a little emotional because this will be the first time in my life that I undergo a major event like this, without Justin. This being an even bigger deal because it's our first child. I have never had surgery or even been put under anesthesia until I got married. Having my gall bladder removed and having a laparoscopy work up of my reproductive organs. Each time Justin was there before and after to hold my hand and make sure I was okay. I hadn't taken this into consideration prior to today. I've been so strong and upbeat about everything and I'm hoping that I can pull through and find some strength for Justin and Ava. We both agreed tonight, we will not plan another pregnancy during deployment.

MY PLANS THIS WEEKEND

I plan on being mellow. I am currently getting over a minor cold I picked up last week, so mellow and relaxation are right up my ally right now. Tomorrow I have a BPP and NST being performed like usual. I plan on getting a pedicure, so my toes are all set to go for next week. I'm doing my last set of maternity photos this Saturday and Sunday I plan on staying pool side most of the day. The heat has really picked up here, I'm so thankful to be having a May baby !

22 days

there are no words to describe exactly what I am feeling at this moment. This month I will be meeting Ava. My pregnancy journey is closing in and motherhood is just around the corner. I thought i'd continue to be nervous about having my child tangibly here. For some reason I feel a sense of calmness this morning. Like when she gets here, my mommy gears will be in full drive and I'll know what to do once I see her face and hear her first cries. Deployment is also closing in on us. I cannot wait to have my arms around Justin. I'm ready for relief, joy, and overwhelming happiness to submerge. I don't think I could map into words what the experience over the last 8 months has been like for me. I have more of an appreciation for life and I'm thankful that I can take something so positive away from this. tomorrow I will be 37 weeks pregnant ! A full term baby I'll be having. I had a growth scan done yesterday and miss Ava is sitting at around 5 lbs. Definitely still on the smaller side. So small that the doctors are still opting for an induction. A big chunk of me is saddened by not having a natural labor. I know a lot of women enjoy induction, aside from knowing your baby will be arriving shortly, I don't really see the excitement or naturalness of induction. I know some women are unable to experience natural labor due to medical reasons posing a threat to them or their baby, in which case any type of labor would be acceptable to me. But for me to willingly want an induction is ludicrous. I am one tough cookie. I don't want Ava coming into the world with a drugged up mama. There are some many books and studies available for us to read today. Our country is seriously doing something wrong. I personally think it's due in large part to such a dependency on modern medications and technology. Mothers are becoming lazy and not relying on what their bodies are built to accomplish. Let me end that rant, it's a controversial issue and May is not going to be that type of month.

THINGS I HAVE LEFT TO DO

1. buy more newborn clothes for my small sprout baby
2. buy summer clothes for block leave in New York
3. get the windshield on the car replaced 
4. get tags for the car renewed
5. finish writing up labor plan
6. finish prepping Ava's cloth diapers
7. Do one final and thorough wipe down of the entire house before Ava is ready to come home
8. get my car detailed
9.  finish reading heading home with your newborn, from birth to reality
10. remember to pace myself and take it easy

I feel like these next two weeks are going to go by fairly quickly. I'm excited to write about my labor and delivery experience and hope to get that out as soon as I'm home with my baby girl and have a minute to update my readers :) I hope everyone is prepping for summer ! It's going to be a good one ;) 

Prepping Fluff & Pregnancy Stuff !

Today I got my rock in green motley crew detergent in the mail. I was nervous because I keep forgetting I have to use an HE efficient detergent with my HE washer and dryer. Sure enough on the front of the bag there's the little "he" symbol. I am so excited about this detergent because I can use it on Ava's baby clothes as well as her cloth diapers. It is dye free, It contains no fillers, no enzymes, or optical brighteners. All of the information is actually listed right on the front of the bag, which is helpful when you are looking for a certain type of detergent !

I plan to update everyone on my cloth diapering routine once I start exclusively cloth diapering Ava when we get home from the hospital. I know it was really tough for me to find other cloth diapering moms with HE top loaders, So I'm hoping I can be a helping hand for moms that have been trying to find a routine that will accommodate their cloth diaper needs.

Tonight I am going to prep my GMD orange edge prefolds, 

my thirsty covers, and a variety of different pocket diapers. 

On a pregnancy update, Ava's monitoring continues to stay great and she continues to be healthy. I'll be 35 weeks on Thursday and she is still head down, which makes me relieved. There is always time for her to go into a breech position, and I would LOVE it if nothing else posed as a threat to the "ideal" labor I am dreaming of LOL. 

Today I packed Ava's hospital bag and my hospital bag, so we are good to go there. Oh ! I also have an induction date ! May 16th. I will be 39 weeks. They still want her to come out a little early just to be overly cautious of my smaller growing sprout.

My frustrations Lately

I've been having some doubts about the middle name Madeline. I think I'm going to go with Leilani. Justin and I KEEP discussing this ! We wanted to give her a strong name. I think Ava Leilani is strong. We keep going back and forth, So I'm thinking only time will tell so it's a good thing we've got 4 weeks to decide !

Driving an hour to and from Savannah twice a week for Ava monitoring, but still getting the option to deliver at the Army hospital ! Today I had to wait 2 hours for my appointment due to them being short staffed. Normally, I wouldn't complain, but who wants to drive an hour and then wait 2 hours and then drive an hour to get back home?  I can understand that this high risk clinic has more efficient equipment for monitoring, but I'm going to contact Tricare and see if there is any type of reimbursement they are able to give for all the mileage and gas ( a friend of mine mentioned this to me today, It couldn't hurt to try)

I've noticed my tolerance level and annoyance level are at an all time high. It doesn't take much for someone to irritate me or for me to get upset. That's actually out of character for me. Hopefully once Ava gets here and pregnancy is a mere memory on the journey to meeting my miracle baby, my emotions won't be raging as much as they are now.

STOP, BREATH, RELAX

Today was such a LONG day. I woke up very early this morning to drive an hour and some traffic to have my growth scan done for Ava. She is measuring at 3 lbs 15 ounces. That's one ounce shy of 4 lbs. She dropped from the 11th percentile, to the 5th percentile. Good news is all of her vital organs, blood flow to the placenta and umbilical cord look perfectly healthy, thank god. She is measuring small on every part of her body, which means she is proportionate, which again is very healthy. That being said, this was still a lot to take in. It's a high risk hospital that I'm being seen at and they classify lack of fetal growth as intrauterine growth restriction. They now want me to be seen twice a week for the rest of my pregnancy for growth scans and non stress tests. I am also facing an induction before my due date. This information was overwhelming at first. It's a lot to process when you have a doctor telling you something is posing as a threat to your baby's health. I am praying my baby girl is just going to be smaller and healthy. No health problems have surfaced and I am so very, very thankful for that. Now that i'm home for the day and I've showered and I'm calm, I feel better about what's going to happen. My mind set is: GET AVA HERE SAFELY.


                                                 

 That's what I'm going to be telling myself these next few weeks. My laboring plan is out the window and I'm okay with that. The one thing I learned today is that plans are tentative, no matter how "set in stone" they are. You really do have to be open minded to every situation you face. Even things that don't necessarily pertain to parenting. You think being married to a soldier would have prepared me for this unexpected change, but as it turns out babies are even more unpredictable than the Army. Tonight I'm going to sing to my sweet girl and just cradle my belly. I think getting some sleep will do me wonders right now !