I hadn't planned on blogging today... but how I'm feeling is too much to stick in a Facebook post, so here I am. I've been feeling extremely grateful this morning guys. Like I literally spent a good twenty minutes weeping because I am filled with so much joy. There isn't a particular reason for this, in fact we've had a pretty "normal" few weeks here... I got a text from my husband a while ago and all he said was, "I love you baby." I've heard him say that two million times, but for some reason it just got me today. I had been thinking of him at the exact moment he sent it; I couldn't help but feel super synced! I'm sure it wasn't just that, but a mixture of things. I've been spending quite a bit more time with my family and Ava bug has been absolutely loving it! Watching my parents build strong relationships with Ava is really emotional for me. With Justin's constant moving in the military, I never thought we'd ever have an opportunity to do this  the "traditional" way. I have found the significance in having family so close, and trust me when I say I savor every moment.

Then, of course, there's my kid. You ALL know how deep my love runs for my sweet girl. She's just been so in tune with mama lately. When I need to cuddle or a sweet baby kiss.. there she is. When i'm stressing out about homework or some other obligation.. there she is, reminding me that there are sweeter things to consume my thoughts with. Sometimes I feel like my heart is literally going to burst from all the love her and I share. I'm so grateful for Ava bug, and I don't know what I'd do without the love of my daughter.

Friends have also been a big thing I've been grateful for. Those who have know me for 15 years, 10 years, 5 years, 3 years.... you know that since moving back home I've had a bad habit with not following through on plans (especially since I conveniently moved over an hour away from most), and I am so sorry. Thanks for loving me anyways. Thank you for the calls, texts, Facebook messages, and breakfast runs! Thank you for not giving up on your friend that has made major life adjustments through marriage,motherhood, and military. I love you all!

an even BIGGER thanks to those who still care to ask me how I'm doing. Our lives get so busy, busy, busy, and I am guilty of sometimes taking a listening ear for granted... but I will ALWAYS ask you how you are doing, even with the crazy stuff I may have going on. That's the most important quality in friends. Being able to be there for one another. For that, I am eternally grateful for all the friends and family members that offer me their listening ears.

Again, I didn't plan on posting this, but I think the message is a good one for a Monday. Having lots of love, good energy, good vibes, and positive relationships make life so much more worthwhile. I am a very grateful woman indeed! Here's a sweet baby smile to add sun rays to your rainy Washington day (if you are in Washington of course).

Happy Monday all!

♥- Leilani

1st Birthday

Ava's first birthday party was an absolute success! Surprisingly, everything went smoothly, but nothing went according to plan. We ended up having her party at home, and I'm so glad that we did. This unpredictable Washington weather decided to let it rain, then pour, all day today. I would have been crushed if we had everything set up at the lake, just for the rain to keep us covered under the shelter, or worse, heading home. I did go all out for the decorations and food though. Can you believe that there is still a ton of stuff I didn't use? I called amazon this evening and they set up a date for UPS to come out and get the unopened/unused items.

I'm pretty sure that's almost $100.00 back for us, and noone is complaining about that. Ava had a great time today, and really that was all I wanted. This child got more toys than she really needed, and I think she was going crazy trying to play with all of them. After settling in for the night, I realized we actually forgot to bring a toy down for her, and wouldn't you know it's a new tea set? She's going to be completely stoked. Her and Justin still love their tea parties together.

Looking back on this week, there is definitely a lot of things I would do differently. For starters, I wouldn't stress as much as I did. Ava loved what we were doing today. I know, as long as she's content, nothing could go wrong. The amount of stress I had really wasn't okay. Next year, I will definitely be much better about that. The next thing I would change would be decor. I purchased so many things that I didn't even use. Even with getting our money back, it would have been smart to not buy so much in bulk. The last thing I hope to change next year is an actual party date. Less than a week before her original planned party, Justin informed me he had to work on Ava's birthday.

I knew something like this could happen, but I really didn't expect for it to happen to us. I now know that I will never reserve any type of venue with Justin in the military. I would have been even more crushed if he worked on her birthday, AND we lost a good chunk of money on a venue we couldn't use anymore. Despite the changes I would make, I still wouldn't have changed much of anything. Ava had a great time, she laughed and giggled all day, and she received some awesome gifts. I'm so glad that the major holiday season (for the Howlands) are now over.

I'm focusing on planning a family weekend trip this summer. I really want to take my family to Ocean Shores for a weekend. I'd like to fly kites, walk along the beach, and build lots of sand castles with Ava bug. Justin and I are coming up on four years, and I want to do something special for it. Alright guys, that's all I have for tonight. I'm extremely exhausted and this mama needs some sleep. Look out for my *toddler* posts in the near future. I plan on going over the differences Justin and I are facing with a walking toddler!

Happy Sunday all!

♥- Leilani

Proud

My husband came home from work this evening, and he was so excited about his future college courses. He met with an Army counselor today, and apparently the guy was completely enlightening. Justin was able to discuss his career goals (outside of the Army), and he got his foot in the door with the path he needs to take. Nothing makes me happier than seeing my ambitious man take control of his future. I think it'll be interesting to see what this does for our relationship. We've never been in school at the same time... while being parents...while Justin is in the Army...while attempting to conceive this summer. That's right guys, no pregnancy for this mama. I've got say, I was honestly shocked. I do have to go back in a couple weeks just to double check, but as of right now, no baby bean is in the works just yet.

Ultimately Justin wants to be some sort of teacher (completely different from his cop aspirations). All states are different when it comes to requirements for teachers, so it's imperative that we choose the state we want to live in permanently. This is a much bigger decision than I anticipated. I never thought I'd ever want to live anywhere but Washington, but I could honestly picture us living somewhere outside of the Evergreen state. There's also the matter of which state we'll be in next year. As of right now, Justin says he plans to reenlist. I'd like to be in a state that offers Justin a lot of time to focus on family and school (more than work). Who am I kidding? This is the Army we are talking about. In all seriousness though, I seriously have an eerie feeling that we will end up back in Georgia.

I guess Fort Benning (Georgia) wouldn't be the worst thing to happen to us, but I'd really love to stay away from the Southern states for the rest of my entire life. We talk about Georgia or Colorado at least once a week. The window for reenlistment will be here before we know it, so decisions definitely need to be made. The only true benefit that we'd have from moving back down there would be a "no deployment zone" for our family. I would do whatever it took to make sure Ava bug doesn't have to be without her daddy for months at a time. With how attached she is to both of her parents (at this young age) I would hate for her world to have to undergo such a major change.  We definitely have a lot to sift through this next year. In the meantime,  I'm enjoying my family and friends while I can. Now that I've been away, I know that the genuine people that I love and care for will always be there.

Overall I'm just really proud of my life right now, and even more proud of my husband. He isn't only providing for this family, he's inspiring this family. He's already pursuing a career in the military, and making the choice to go back to school allows him so many other opportunities. Ahh! So much happiness right now. I know we all have someone we're proud of, so give them a smooch, or maybe a compliment! Happy Wednesday all!

- Leilani

Whole Again

Most of you guys know that Justin is home! He surprised us late Saturday evening, and I am so glad to have my honey back. I couldn't help but feel a whirlwind of emotions seeing him hold Ava. He was only gone a couple of weeks (and some change), but it felt like so much longer. I don't think it's fitting to say I was a single parent, but I was definitely doing all of "the work" by myself. I have never had to experience the baby workload without daddy around. Although I got through it just fine, some things were harder. It's during times like this, that I'm reminded what kind of sacrifice goes into being married to a service member. The time apart is definitely the worst part of it all. He's been home over 48 hours now, and it's safe to say things are back to normal. Ava took right to daddy just fine. I don't know why, but I had this complex about her not being familiar with him, when he got back home. Thank goodness, we didn't have any issues like that, but there was always a possibility of something like that happening. Since returning, Justin insists on doing everything for Ava bug. Waking up in the morning, I didn't have to get out of bed, daddy had her. Feeding her breakfast, lunch, snacks, dinner, you name it, daddy did it. He even decided to bath her and get her ready for bed all by himself. Before he left, I was still co-showering, so he didn't really help a whole lot with the bathing process. During the day, he randomly picks her up and gives Bug about a zillion kisses before he leaves a room. I think it's safe to say, he missed his little girl. Last night, I took about a million photos of my two love bug's together. I got this picture of Justin and Ava dancing. Her little toes were on Justin's feet. I just started bawling. I'm just glad we are all together again for a little while. I can't believe we have to do this all over again next month. I'm grateful that Justin will be local, and hopefully home every night.

Ava dancing on daddy's toes.

Happy Tuesday all!

♥- Leilani

Back to REAL Army life

These last couple of months have felt like such a dream with all the time Justin has been able to stay at home. Today, that dream ended, and full blown reality is now a go. Justin called me this afternoon to let me know that he will be heading off to training as soon as he is done with in processing, and shortly after that he'll be heading off to a learning school for his promotion he received this past summer. Now, before I go any further, I want you all to know this is indeed a rant, and I am indeed being a bit selfish. We have gotten extremely comfortable with Justin being home so much, and I hate that it had to come to an end. This is the Army life we live in though. I will say even with our impending separation there are some definite pros for Justin and for his two girls.

Pros for Ava bug and I

• Family and friends are near by to keep us company
• I am completely familiar with the area I live in 
• There are more than enough activities nearby that are baby geared to keep Ava growing and busy

Pros for Justin

• He enjoys gunnery 
• he doesn't have to worry about me needing help
• he doesn't have to worry about me being alone in a foreign state
• This is a good way to get to know the soldier's in his unit

So we've definitely got some great positives to this situation. I'm pretty excited to see what the families in this unit are like. I wasn't going to dabble with the FRG this time around, but I'd like to (at the very least) stay in the loop about training dates and company events. Apparently this FRG is nothing like the normal. Women don't try to wear their husband's rank, and the gossip is shunned, not encouraged.  That's always a plus in my book. Previous experiences have caused me to approach with caution, so I really don't have expectations.

A few bonus points for Justin would be the facility his unit is located in. Fairly new, upstairs/downstairs, TA50 lockers, showers, and a small workout area. When I heard that his Army gear wouldn't be taking up the garage, our room, or the cars anymore, I was elated. I think it's great that he'll have what he needs on hand at the company all the time. The second thing I loved was the shower and gym right there at the company. Since Justin can't come home for lunch anyways, he won't have to go far to get a workout in or get washed off.  Aside from spending time apart this installation seems 100000000 times better than the last one. Hopefully, a month in, he'll feel the same way.

Well I'm off all. Hopefully while Justin is away, I'll find something productive to do. For now, I'm spending each minute I can with my lover and our bug. Happy Tuesday all!

 
♥- Leilani

Washington Bound (almost)

I can't believe I am writing this, but everything has managed to work itself out. Justin signed his 4187, and will be receiving his orders for Fort Lewis, WA. within a few days. I am so, so happy that human resources with the Army was so accommodating and helpful with our unique situation. Justin doesn't have to sign into this installation, but he is permissively (temporarily) signed in (so glad he isn't using up his leave days). He's kind of just in limbo right now. We submitted all the necessary paperwork to close out our DITY from Georgia to Texas and we will be receiving the rest of those funds in just a few weeks. For anyone thinking of doing a DITY move, it is so worth it. I still stick by this, only because we had a headache free experience. With Washington being over 2,000 miles way from us, it looks like we may be doing JPPSO. I'm a bit nervous about this because of all the horror stories I've heard. When we left Washington for Georgia three years ago, we utilized JPPSO... but that was also before we built up our home, and actually had things we'd be upset about losing or breaking. I think it still might be a toss up.. Justin and I have a lot to talk about. It looks like we'll only be in Texas for another month or so, before we end up leaving. There are a few things we'd like to see while we are here, and I'm hoping we get to check out some of the sites. I definitely want to explore Austin. Apparently it's the only "blue" in a "red" state. I've only heard good things, and I've got some family down that way. Christmas has been on my brain a lot today. With my mom not coming, I'm going to have to find a way to make the holiday super special. I know we are taking Ava to see Santa this weekend! So stoked for that! It'll be her first time taking pictures with Santa, and the second time for Justin and I. It's funny because I remember Justin telling me, that he was never taking pictures with Santa again, unless it was for our kids. Crazy to think he said that only 3 years ago. We have been ordering Christmas movies like crazy, since abc family's 25 days of Christmas has been disappointing. I'm sure they run the same movies every year, it just seems like they are skipping a lot of classics.

 I'm excited about this collection! It has the Frosty originals, Rudolph, and a few more. Seven movies are included, and we haven't even made it through two yet. I can't wait to snuggle up to the fire, hot cocoa, and shiny Christmas tree lights, while we watch this. I love our Christmas traditions, and it has been an absolute blessing to have my husband home during my favorite time of year. I'm hoping since we actually own these movies, that we will bust them out each and every year, and hopefully Ava bug will be able to enjoy them as much as Justin and I do. Thinking about all that is Christmas has caused me to have a heavy heart....

Above all of the wonderful things going on right now, I'm just so thankful that my family is together. Even though I don't have a deployed soldier anymore, that doesn't mean that another family doesn't. Thinking back to how I felt last year without Justin... I would never want someone to ever have to experience that. It's lonely and scary, and emotional. So if you are reading this, thank a service member! They dedicate themselves 365 days a year, and without them, our freedoms wouldn't be what they are.

Alright all, it looks like I'm off. It's Friday, and we still have a lot to do in preparation for Christmas. I think i'm going to scout out a ham a bit early this year. I am thinking of making my own glaze, maybe "wow" my husband a bit. It's weird to think that come next year Princess A will actually be able to enjoy her mama's cooking. Still wrapping my head around the fact that I shall soon have a crawling, babbling, seven month old baby. I hope everyone has a safe, and festive weekend! 

 ♥- Leilani

My Veteran and our daughter

BEFORE I POST ANYTHING.. I want to say, thank you. I am so thankful for our military members and the freedoms they allow us. I am completely humbled to be apart of the military community, and I will remain forever grateful for the sacrifices they have made. I want to give a special thanks to my husband; five years and two combat tours later, he's still just as proud to be serving such a great nation.

I realized due to the long weekend, I have been slacking on the daily thank yous. Here they are!

Day 9 - I am thankful I know how to love, and accept love in return.
Day 10 - I am thankful for my marriage. I have never been so selfless in my life.
Day 11-  I am thankful for my pup, Cooper. He has taught me how to get dirty, and like it (sometimes)

This weekend has been a busy one! Between cleaning this house out, and getting Ava adjusted to new changes, I have barely had a moment of free time. I made a video of the past 5 (almost six) months of Ava's life. I wanted to share that with all of you, I hope it warms your heart, as much as it does mine.

If you watched it, you'll see Ava took no time warming up to her highchair, bowls, or spoons. We also gave her one tablespoon of deluded apple juice this evening. She seems to be very comfortable with her sippy cup, and within minutes, she was sipping juice down. It was such a wonderful feeling, seeing my daughter pass this milestone. I'm excited for this week! I get to pick out Ava's first foods, shop for Thanksgiving, and make Bug her Thanksgiving tutu! We made a trip to Carter's today, and purchased some "my first" Thanksgiving accessories. 

This year will be the VERY first time I make every dish myself. I complied a Thanksgiving menu, and I'm hoping all the soldiers we are having over, LOVE my cooking! 

Hopefully tomorrow we hear some good news about where the compassionate reassignment is; we are beyond ready to know the outcome. I really can't believe we are almost halfway through November. the time is moving so very fast. In the spirit of being proactive, I have been looking up ideas for Ava's first Birthday. We know we want a Ballerina theme, so I just kind of pinterested from there. We are wanting to do cake pops, a smash cake, and a decorative cake for all of our family and friends! (if we are in Washington) I found a company in Puyallup, i really love. Here is a few pictures from their work. 

Wanna Cupcake does great work! I'm really hoping we end up at Fort Lewis. Alright, this post was longer than I expected. I'm off for now! I hope everyone enjoyed their Veteran's day! Happy Monday all!

 ♥- Leilani

Day 5 & 6

I totally spaced on writing this yesterday, but this post will reflect day five and day six of things I am thankful for. I am thankful for the depth the lord gave me. I am also thankful for our service members. There are so many hard moments in our lives, very few are comfortable with sharing, even with a trusted friend, let alone writing them on a very public blog. I am grateful that I can share my pain, my happiness, my frustrations, my insecurities, myself. I am not ashamed to talk about my marriage, my parenting, or the things that make me an imperfect human being. There is always more to people than what they are willing to share. I'm glad I know this, and I'm glad I like to connect on deeper levels. Because of my depth, I have made life long friends, I have made connections with so many beautiful people.  There is more to me than what appears on the surface. I love that. I'm not a generic person. I thank the lord for that each and every day.

Our servicemen without a doubt are my heroes. They know their lives are at risk, but they do it anyway. What is more heroic than that? Each and everyday, I am reminded why I live in a country that allows me to be free. I am reminded, because of the soldier I married. I don't want to be all cheesy and cliche, but being able to see first hand what the families go through, and the soldier, gives you a different perspective. I am so proud and humbled to say that I have a military family. I am so proud and humbled to be apart of something so much bigger than myself. I am thankful every single moment of every day for what our military does.

November, I really love you. I shouldn't have to have reminders to be thankful, or reminders to be a better person, but I'm glad I have them. I don't want to ever be a selfish person. I don't want to be a materialistic, driven person. Reminders like thankful November, keep me grounded. I know I'll have my moments, but, I just want to be a good person. I want to always care about others, and I want to teach my daughter to care for others. It's so important to me. This post is getting sentimental, haha! I'll end things there. I've had a very emotional day, and I'm glad for it.

I'm going to wrap this up, Ava is calling for her mama! I will have to update you all soon. Good things are happening for my family!